bennyboy Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Hi everyone, I know this thread is one that comes up alot, but any further advice would be much appreciated! My 20 yr old daughter does not want to come, she has just told me that she may be moving in with her boyfriend(who we don't like) at his nan's house. That's fair enough if that's what she wants, but I know it won't last and you can't tell her, stubborn as hell! BUT, if she does the move with him and it doesn't work out in months to come, she will have no one to turn to, especially if it's end of next year when we plan to migrate! My 22 yr ol son now doesn't want to come, but he is saving for a flat with a mate for next year. He is more than happy for us to go and says not to worry about him. He has had a flat before and after splitting from girlfriend had to move back home, so he knows what it's like to have your own place and he wants his independence again. I'm ok with that and as they are both Ozzie citizens, they can come over whenever they like in the future. THANK GOD THEY ARE CITIZENS! (BY DESCENT). They both say they are just not ready yet for such a move, because of there jobs, friends etc...... I had really hoped that we could all go as a family unit but i cannot get it out of my head about leaving them and it's starting to make me have serious doubts. Who would do what and how would they overcome such a dilema???? I know they are adults but i think deep down, my daughter especially, still relies on me and i know she doesn't want us to go. Is she just doing this because it's cushty for her living at home still? She pays rent and is carefull with her money, but moving out would mean more money to part with (WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!!). My head is spinning and i just don't know what to do for the best!!:cry::arghh::unsure: Any advice would be much appreciated, THANK YOU!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 At that age you just have to let them get on with it I reckon. They lose nothing in all this and realistically, would you be chasing your kids around the world if they chose to go elsewhere or expect them to be chasing you if you make other choices about where you want to be. You get used to having adult kids on the other side of the world, it's not too difficult, you just have to get on with your life and take what opportunities come your way and hope that they will do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Agree with Quoll, kids will do whatever takes their fancy, at the minute your daughter has a cushy number and wants it to stay that way. However things can change overnight. You have to think of a time when its just thee and me, comes to us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I agree with the others. You have to le them get on with life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynne1266 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I have 21yr old twin daughters, they aren't coming either.....I've put off the move for the last 2yrs cos one after another they fell pregnant. Now its time to think of me my husband and my 2 younger children, my girls have their own lives now and I have to accept that and help them when they need it and help them come and vist whenever possible. I will miss them terribly as well as my grandson's but they have their family now. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Exile Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Hi everyone, I know this thread is one that comes up alot, but any further advice would be much appreciated! My 20 yr old daughter does not want to come, she has just told me that she may be moving in with her boyfriend(who we don't like) at his nan's house. That's fair enough if that's what she wants, but I know it won't last and you can't tell her, stubborn as hell! BUT, if she does the move with him and it doesn't work out in months to come, she will have no one to turn to, especially if it's end of next year when we plan to migrate! My 22 yr ol son now doesn't want to come, but he is saving for a flat with a mate for next year. He is more than happy for us to go and says not to worry about him. He has had a flat before and after splitting from girlfriend had to move back home, so he knows what it's like to have your own place and he wants his independence again. I'm ok with that and as they are both Ozzie citizens, they can come over whenever they like in the future. THANK GOD THEY ARE CITIZENS! (BY DESCENT). They both say they are just not ready yet for such a move, because of there jobs, friends etc...... I had really hoped that we could all go as a family unit but i cannot get it out of my head about leaving them and it's starting to make me have serious doubts. Who would do what and how would they overcome such a dilema???? I know they are adults but i think deep down, my daughter especially, still relies on me and i know she doesn't want us to go. Is she just doing this because it's cushty for her living at home still? She pays rent and is carefull with her money, but moving out would mean more money to part with (WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!!). My head is spinning and i just don't know what to do for the best!!:cry::arghh::unsure: Any advice would be much appreciated, THANK YOU!! I'm not speaking from the experience of a parent (as I am not one), but from the experience as someone who has been 20 with parents To be honest I probably wouldnt want to move overseas at that age to begin a new life. As a 20 year old, whilst I would respect the wishes of my parents, I wouldn't necessarily want to be dragged to another country as part of their adventure. I'd have my own path to follow. It would be a different story if I was 10, but not as an "adult" (I put that in inverted commas because although biologically I was an adult, my maturity levels were still pretty low!). I understand your frustratuion but I think its time to let them be grown ups. Skype is a wonderful thing. Its free to talk and see your family and its only ever 24 hours away, but you cant expect them to drop everything and just move to the other side of the world to fit into your plans. I think you should reevaluate your plans and work out if the move back to Australia without the children is what you had in mind, or whether the family unit is more important to you than location. Ultimately though, its their choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RockDr Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 At 18 I went to NZ for a year, at 23 I moved to Switzerland for three and a half years, and am now in Australia. Needless to say my parents haven't been following me around. I do talk to them just as regularly from here as I did from Switzerland or from the UK when I was at uni. You have to live your own life now, and have to accept that the kids will be living their own lives and may or may not follow you. At least they have the option of doing so, if/when they want to. If you stay behind because of the kids, in a year or two they won't think twice if they want to move elsewhere, and you'll be left regretting the fact that you stayed behind for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Farley Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 As others have said in the thread, they are old enough to live their own lives now, let them decide, they are adults. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chris H 58 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I can understand how hard it is and how you feel, but the fact they are OZ Citizens must give some comfort knowing that you are not leaving them behind and going to a country that they cant get in! I left my 18 year old behind in NZ, he was at Uni and didnt want to move to OZ until he had finished his degree. It was hard, but he was moving to the south island anyway, we lived on the North Island, so its really not much different to being here in Australia without him. He is now 22 and we speak often on skype, email, facebook etc..so I dont really feel as though we are missing him. The world is a much smaller place now due to internet. It makes life easier. My friend here is from USA and all her family are back in USA, daughters, grand daughters etc...she skypes them all the time and makes the odd trip back when she can afford to. Sometimes its all about 'letting go' and yes as mums we find that hard to do..:-) But they will be fine. Go ahead with your plans. Dont let adult kids make you change your plans. Good Luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bennyboy Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Ah, thank you to all who have posted comments about my eldest 2 not coming to Oz with us. It really is a comfort to read them all and it seems that you are all pretty much saying the same. I often think if we don't do it because i can't let go of them and they go off and do there own thing, then i will still be in UK and really regreting not going, especially if my o/h partner visa ran out. So thank you and i appreciate your comments immensely!:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest treesea Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 If it's any consolation, we are in the UK and every now and then my OH talks about moving back to Australia and both my children have made it clear (they're Australians by birth) they won't be coming with us if we go any time soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.