Guest KerryCraig Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 In a dilema of what to do!! We got our Perm visa last year have been out and validated last Oct, all 5 of us so not cheap! Our 14 year old daughter has always been adament that she doesnt want to go, she is doing so well at school aswell im scared of upsetting the apple cart!! our 20 year old doesnt either but as tough as it will be he has his own life now and we would just hope he would change his mind! So when we got back we said we would stay as not sure if we have the strenghth to fight with kids...... teenager daughters not the best think they know everything..... We live in Cornwall and have a caravan park have a nice life but from moving down from the Midlands 5 years ago we do miss our friends and get lonely...... Now to top it our best friends got their visa 2 months ago and are leaving tomorrow so you can imagine all the emotions running now........ we also have some fantastic close friends in Oz, prob more than we do here in the Uk...... first problem is selling the caravan park as has been on the market with no sale for a year so we have took it off, not the easiest thing to sell in this climate..... second is our 14 year old daughter and third is me....... can i put up with the tears, agro and fight of dragging stubban daughter along and leaving family here arghhhhh......... On the positive side My hubbie wants to go tomoz and our 11 year old son would go also!!! Were missing our best friends even before they have left.......:no: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Ropey HOFF Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 We have two teenagers who don't want to go either, but ................. teenagers think they know everything about life and they know nothing. Obviously you don't want to make them miserable, but ............ you just might have to, thats what being a parent is all about making tough decisions. I hope it works out for you and you know there are more opportunities in Australia for your kids, we just can't see any future here for our kids and if we stay they will go to university, but that means very little if theres no decent jobs to go into. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 If your daughter doesnt want to go right now, is there a chance you could leave her to board with relatives or even the parents of friends so she could finish her education in UK? She will be just starting her GCSEs now and so would be keeping her options open a bit longer. If you arent prepared to do that then you are the adults in this and make the decisions so she will just have to grin and bear it. She really has until she is 16 to make the move to Aus and not be disadvantaged educationally but, sadly, the converse it not true, once you get off the GCSE/A level merry go round it is hard to go back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nicolahigham Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I am also planning to go have a 13 year olddaughter who thankfully does want to go and a 7 year old and husband who are willing. I am scared to leave fmaily and friends but when i think about my children future in the UK I think this would be a good move. We would need to sell 3 houses so again would be a struggle and we have a good life. Think sometimes the change is too scary for kids xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KerryCraig Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Totally agree with all of you about there being more opportunities in Oz for the kids an us!! Have come to the conclusion that i have to be strong and parent like........... and tell them its going to happen, we as adults need some happiness and friends around us and its just not happening here and the last thing we want to do is move back to the Midlands, all our bestest friends are over the other side of the pond so hopefully that would make the move alot easier! for all of us. All we can do is try! and hopefully things will settle and we will all be happy thats all we want in life!! Good luck to all you guys as well with traumatic teenagers!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Ropey HOFF Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Best of luck with what you do and if it doesn't work out you can always come back, the uk is still a great country and it won't be in financial difficulties for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest NeilEB Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Difficult one - the 14 year old is the problem. Girls especially can be very sensitive around that age, especially where their friends are concerned. Also, it's a big risk, upsetting her school life if she is settled and doing well, particularly with her GCSE's coming up. As you have already validated, is it possible to wait till she has finished her GCSE's then make the move? At the end of the day you are the parents, but by the age of 14 kids do have feelings and opinions that need to be taken into account. It is their life too, and the number one job of any parent is to do the best for your children. Whilst in your opinion, the 'best' is moving to Oz, what happens if it doesn't work out? Personally, your daughter is at a really delicate age, and I'm not sure I'd be willing to take the risk. Ultimately though, it's something you as a family need to discuss rationally and calmly. As Qoull said, if she is able to stay in the UK to finish her education (at least school), that would be an option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mandi1971 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 My 15 year old is the same so we made a deal with her. She comes with us to validate her visa and have a long 'holiday' with us if we are granted our visas. After that, shes gonna return to the UK, finish her GCSE's, then come back over to OZ and spend a year with us. I cant say im happy at all about being out there without her for any length of time, but i think finishing school is the 'sensible' thing to do and im hoping once she has been on holiday with us then spends a year with us, that she will fall in love with OZ and decide to stay. :err: Its really hard to take the kids away at this age as they have good friends and are at a crucial time at school etc, but from past experience (living in canada for 6 months) they do adapt pretty quickly and make new friends if you give them a helping hand by signing them up for clubs etc. I think if she had a few years left at school i wouldnt have given her the option, but being in her last year, i had to put her needs first. Plus i know she wont last long without me spoiling her lol :wink: I hope you make the right decision for all of you and wish you lots of luck x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KerryCraig Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Hi Mandi, Think that's what we have decided to do, will get her to finish her schooling which will only be 18-24 months till exams then suggest we all have a year out ( gap year) and as you say once there and settled hopefully she will decide to stay as there is no way i could go without her, its bad enough leaving the older one at home Thanks for all the responses so far!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mandi1971 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Hi Mandi, Think that's what we have decided to do, will get her to finish her schooling which will only be 18-24 months till exams then suggest we all have a year out ( gap year) and as you say once there and settled hopefully she will decide to stay as there is no way i could go without her, its bad enough leaving the older one at home Thanks for all the responses so far!! Ah i know how hard it is for you coz part of you wants to go now and the other part wants you to stay for your kids. I really feel for you. My 20 year old is up and down about coming too, but we decided that we cant live our lives around the kids. This is our last chance to make the move as OH is 45 this year where as they have all there lives ahead of them. Chloe does her exams next year which is why i agreed to wait but had she been any younger id have taken her with me as i truly believe id be giving her a better chance in life and that when she was older she could decide where she wanted to be, and still have options to change her mind again. Like i said before, they adapt really well, it was me that was home sick last time we moved, the kids loved it, i hardly saw them :wideeyed: Just do what you feel is right hun Take care x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 It might be useful to remember that the school leaving age in Australia is 17 so a 16 year old coming here on a permanent resident visa would be obliged to be in full time education - so be careful with the "gap year" concept. Also, it would be better for someone coming here to have A levels or equivalents as most Aus employers are going to be after "year 12" achievements and GCSEs dont equate to that. With A levels then they can go pretty much anywhere with recognized equivalence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest buttercupv Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I would hate to be in your position, as much as I am all for taking young peoples views into consideration, at 14 yes you have a settled group of friends and socialising again would be emotionally difficult, but in a couple of years time their friends will all change again, and maybe she would regret not having the opportunity. At 14 if she is bright she could easily settle into a new school for exams. It is all about quality of life for the family, making a balanced decision. Could you allow the older children to live with relatives until they have finished their qualifications? As for your business, the economy in the UK is in a mess. I left my job to do occupational training and gain a degree, but it has gotten me nowhere here. Over there there is everything I could possibly want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KerryCraig Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 It might be useful to remember that the school leaving age in Australia is 17 so a 16 year old coming here on a permanent resident visa would be obliged to be in full time education - so be careful with the "gap year" concept. Also, it would be better for someone coming here to have A levels or equivalents as most Aus employers are going to be after "year 12" achievements and GCSEs dont equate to that. With A levels then they can go pretty much anywhere with recognized equivalence. Thanks Quoll, didnt realise that!! so your saying that Chloe at 16 would have to do another year at school over there, even though she would have finished all her GCSE's here!! she is planning to go to college then Uni hopefully!! she is a very bright girl top sets and said to get A* but i think her being bright makes her have an answer to everything thats mentioned!!!:arghh: The plan was to try and get her into college over there and hopefully settle she is a very friendly girl but has no self confidence in herself ( which doesnt help!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SusieOR Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 She is fighting change as most 15 years old tend to do...!!! Teenagers can be soooo stubborn... but what you have to think about is, it could be the best thing that ever happens to her & she will thank you for that in a year or 2!!! Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Thanks Quoll, didnt realise that!! so your saying that Chloe at 16 would have to do another year at school over there, even though she would have finished all her GCSE's here!! she is planning to go to college then Uni hopefully!! she is a very bright girl top sets and said to get A* but i think her being bright makes her have an answer to everything thats mentioned!!!:arghh:The plan was to try and get her into college over there and hopefully settle she is a very friendly girl but has no self confidence in herself ( which doesnt help!!) No, she would have to do another two years here to get her year 12 certificate (most likely in a high school) and then be eligible for university. If she can manage to get A levels in UK then she would be able to bring them over quite easily to get into an Aus university if that is what she wanted. At 16 she would be one of the older ones starting year 11 but it is best to do the full year 11/12 course if that is what she wants to do. Of course, if she does the WA year 12 cert, that wont travel as well back to UK if she decides that she would rather do uni in UK (not to mention the 3 year residence rule which determines if you pay international fees or not) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mandi1971 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 wow so where does that leave my 16 year old (Chloe)? Shes staying behind to sit her GCSE's before coming to OZ and she had no plans at all to go to school over there, that was her main reason for not wanting to go in the first place. Theres no way i could leave her another 2 years to sit A levels aswell :cry: 3-4 months was gonna be hard enough. I guess theres a lot of things i need to look into before we make any decisions Mandi x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KerryCraig Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 wow so where does that leave my 16 year old (Chloe)? Shes staying behind to sit her GCSE's before coming to OZ and she had no plans at all to go to school over there, that was her main reason for not wanting to go in the first place.Theres no way i could leave her another 2 years to sit A levels aswell :cry: 3-4 months was gonna be hard enough. I guess theres a lot of things i need to look into before we make any decisions Mandi x Not good news is it!!! seems madness! Will have to look further into this and find out a plan ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 wow so where does that leave my 16 year old (Chloe)? Shes staying behind to sit her GCSE's before coming to OZ and she had no plans at all to go to school over there, that was her main reason for not wanting to go in the first place.Theres no way i could leave her another 2 years to sit A levels aswell :cry: 3-4 months was gonna be hard enough. I guess theres a lot of things i need to look into before we make any decisions Mandi x She will find that without year 12 (or equivalent) she is really going to be behind the 8 ball employment wise for anything other than really menial tasks. She could be in a combination school/vocational training until she is 17 if she can find a training course/employer who would take her on. Her GCSEs will mean very little here and, really, the expectation is that all kids will get their year 12 certs. They start year 11 as they are just about to turn 16 or have just turned 16. If she wants to go to uni then she would be best to do the final two years - remember that Aus is not the same system so if she was prepared to go to college to do A levels then she would just be doing years 11 & 12 in school. AFAIK ACT is the only state with a college system although maybe Tas does too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mandi1971 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I explained all this to my daughter, who was mortified haha. I think shes hoping to get a job once she was there and ive now explained that she wont have the relevant grades to do this. It would make more sense for her to come with us and do years 11 and 12 and forget her GCSES,s but we worry incase she hates OZ and has missed the chance to do them. What a mess, back to the drawing board :rolleyes: Mandi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KerryCraig Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I explained all this to my daughter, who was mortified haha. I think shes hoping to get a job once she was there and ive now explained that she wont have the relevant grades to do this.It would make more sense for her to come with us and do years 11 and 12 and forget her GCSES,s but we worry incase she hates OZ and has missed the chance to do them. What a mess, back to the drawing board :rolleyes: Mandi Ive yet to explain to Chloe!!!! not looking forward to it! Thats exactly what we thought but what if she hates Oz and ends up coming back without GSSE's not sure if any what the Oz qualifications will stand for here..... we visited a school last year when we validated so i am going to email them now for some advice ( it never rains but pours:() If i get any advice back i will let you know!! Kerry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jmahood Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Your daughter is 14 years old, it is your responsibility as a parent to make important decisions such as where you live, etc for her. When we were watching Wanted Down Under recently, my husband and I were amazed as to how many parents were putting the emphasis on their children to be making adult decisions for them. Whether the child is 5, 10, or 14 it's always difficult because they are moving for what they know - their security. But, children adapt. Australia has so much to offer a family and I am sure you'll have bitter regrets if you don't at least try it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jmahood Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Your daughter is 14 years old, it is your responsibility as a parent to make important decisions such as where you live, etc for her. When we were watching Wanted Down Under recently, my husband and I were amazed as to how many parents were putting the emphasis on their children to be making adult decisions for them. Whether the child is 5, 10, or 14 it's always difficult because they are moving for what they know - their security. But, children adapt. Australia has so much to offer a family and I am sure you'll have bitter regrets if you don't at least try it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THORPES Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I have a son who is also 14. He really wanted to come to live in Australia and never had any doubts. Well we have been here 7 months and he hates it. He is very outgoing and makes friends easily. He has made some friends but he doesnt connect with them. They dont get him and vice versa. He doesnt like the schools and basically thinks the majority of pupils are bogans. I think the schools over here are rubbish. His language is terrible since we have been here. He says everyone swears and I have heard it first hand. We have decided to go back to UK. I feel so guilty because he has missed year 10. He will have about 1 month left in UK before the end of term. IMO I wouldnt be risking my childs future if they didnt want to go in the first place. It's ok people saying "well your the parent", all well and good but if it all goes wrong, its not fair. Not all children adapt and they shouldnt have too. Good luck Jill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jmahood Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 but Jill you're making a life changing decision to return after only 7 months. Do children not swear in the UK? You say it's not fair on the children, but you're assuming that it will all go wrong for them. Yes children should adapt and not adults (parents) adapting to the demands of the children. As children become adults they have to adapt the what life throws at them, we, as seasoned adults have to adapt: jobs, homes, illness, finances etc. Maybe, you should try relocating to another area in Australia before returning to the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 on walking toward the plane at heathrow my 17yr old stopped and said 'what are we doing?' i shuffled him on and he now doing so well there, he married and has a 2 year old daughter, he still likes to visit uk but i think he knows in his heart his home is now perth, he was at the right age to adjust, teens will adapt fairly easily once there, if you never went, trust me, you will never be the same here again wondering what if! and its not as if the uk door is closed behind you when you leave. go to your grave mega rich and safe, or poor and had a blast, whats the difference?. remember, it may be the best decision you ever made for yourselves and the kids. see yo in oz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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