Guest littlesarah Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I don't wish to be unduly argumentative, Gloucestershire Girl, but I disagree completely with your assertions about a "woman's place". The decisions that have to be made, and the compromises that may result have to take into account the feelings and outcomes of both/all parties. When you choose to marry &/or have a family with someone from the other side of the world, the potential for a conflict over where to live is enormous; and to assign a set of attitudes to the people involved based on their biology seems to me to ignore the fact that each of us is different. I feel for anyone who is in the middle of the dilemmas I've read about here. I've been through so much whilst husband (Aussie) was waiting for me to get ready to come here (not because I didn't want to, because of family issues that kept me in the UK) that I feel I can see both sides really well. But it's not something that can be solved by claiming your sex has needs that the other cannot possibly share - that's just not fair! Like I said - not wanting to offend or upset anyone, but I'm just not convinced by that argument. Best wishes, all. Sarah x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 I guess these posts show that it is the friends and family life you have that are more important than anything for a sense of belonging. When I go to the UK a depression comes over me and I can't wait to get back to the warmth and sunshine over here. We emigrated many years ago and have lived here longer than in the UK so we have put down roots and have children and grandchildren all born here. They are the future for us but it has been a long road and I do remember the strangeness when we first came in the 1970s. I used to see other young mums with their mums helping and feel so envious because I had no help. It does pass though, this feeling and one day you feel a sense of belonging ( takes some longer than others!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted January 29, 2010 Share Posted January 29, 2010 Hi Caroline. No matter what is said and done there are always going to be several issues concerning migration that will affect the vast majority of people who even contemplate such a move. Unfortunately I would like to say things would be different, but they are not. Firstly, a lot of migrants seem to forget the so-called 'peripheral' issues. We can very often become blinkered in our outlook. Australia is a wholly different country, that sounds like a fairly obvious statement to make, but let me try and clarify it somewhat. Whilst we can all worry about such issues as housing, careers, schooling etc, the peripheral issues are often overlooked. No matter what we say and do, homesickness, the aussie attitude, etc, will at some point impact upon us all. This unfortunately is part of the 'package' of migration. To say it is otherwise is foolhardy. At the end of the day it is down to each one of us to try and assimilate into Australia the best way we can. Some of us will make it, some of us will not. But what has to be remembered is this. Australia to some will seem a wholly wonderful country, apparently there is little to complain about. Whilst others will for all intense and purposes look upon Australia as a living nightmare. Nothing that is said and done by anybody will make you change your mind. So I guess what I am trying to say is simply this. That you have got to do what is right for you. This will often involve heartache, pain and conflict, but the decision to return to the UK has to be made for your long-term happiness. All you can do is talk to all those involved in the situation, and hopefully come to a measured and educated decision. At times this will not happen. Children, family, and friends will all have an opinion. But at the end of the day your long-term happiness is of paramount importance. All to easy to say in theory I know, the reality is often much more difficult. But what I will say is this. No matter what you WILL get through this. At times it will seem as though there is no end to your heartache and suffering, but I can assure you that at some point you will come through the other side and be able to move on. All the words I have written are going to seem very hollow to you at the moment, but believe me I have lived and breathed every emotion you are going through with a few differences. Whichever path your life takes, I wish you all the best and am sure that you will be happy once again. It will take time and patience, but you WILL get there. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodfan Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Hi Caroline. No matter what is said and done there are always going to be several issues concerning migration that will affect the vast majority of people who even contemplate such a move. Unfortunately I would like to say things would be different, but they are not. Firstly, a lot of migrants seem to forget the so-called 'peripheral' issues. We can very often become blinkered in our outlook. Australia is a wholly different country, that sounds like a fairly obvious statement to make, but let me try and clarify it somewhat. Whilst we can all worry about such issues as housing, careers, schooling etc, the peripheral issues are often overlooked. No matter what we say and do, homesickness, the aussie attitude, etc, will at some point impact upon us all. This unfortunately is part of the 'package' of migration. To say it is otherwise is foolhardy. At the end of the day it is down to each one of us to try and assimilate into Australia the best way we can. Some of us will make it, some of us will not. But what has to be remembered is this. Australia to some will seem a wholly wonderful country, apparently there is little to complain about. Whilst others will for all intense and purposes look upon Australia as a living nightmare. Nothing that is said and done by anybody will make you change your mind. So I guess what I am trying to say is simply this. That you have got to do what is right for you. This will often involve heartache, pain and conflict, but the decision to return to the UK has to be made for your long-term happiness. All you can do is talk to all those involved in the situation, and hopefully come to a measured and educated decision. At times this will not happen. Children, family, and friends will all have an opinion. But at the end of the day your long-term happiness is of paramount importance. All to easy to say in theory I know, the reality is often much more difficult. But what I will say is this. No matter what you WILL get through this. At times it will seem as though there is no end to your heartache and suffering, but I can assure you that at some point you will come through the other side and be able to move on. All the words I have written are going to seem very hollow to you at the moment, but believe me I have lived and breathed every emotion you are going through with a few differences. Whichever path your life takes, I wish you all the best and am sure that you will be happy once again. It will take time and patience, but you WILL get there. Take care. Thank you! So well said! and has given me added motivation to get back home some how? been in OZ 5yrs now even ping-ponged during that time and still not settled, hitting 50 and so time in running out...dread the thought of never belonging here! there will be heartache again as I face leaving my son and maybe OH here, who still prefer's to stay and does not feel the Uk can offer much at the moment in term's of job situation, but at the same time feel I have tried and tried living here because of the mistake I made coming in the first place, but just cannot!! can I ask how you managed to go home? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Hi Rodfan. No of course I don't mind you asking. It is a very, very, long story, so I will keep it as concise as possible whilst still giving you the relevant points. Because of my relationship with Australia I have lost, (separated & divorced) two wives, though we are all still very good friends, (now). I also lost my relationship with my two young girls for many, many, years. At times it was a living nightmare, but I can assure you that I have come through the other side and am now enjoying life to its fullest yet again. As I said in my previous post, migration is an extremely personal issue, one's own expectations and experiences are very rarely comparable to anybody else's. You sound adamant that you want to return, no matter what. All I can say is this. Do not spend another day in Australia if you are truly unhappy, it's not worth it. To wake up each and everyday with the gut wrenching sickness in the very pit of your stomach is a feeling that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I would be lying to you if I said it was going to be easy. You have a husband, and son who do not sound very keen on going back to the UK. In the very worse case scenario you WILL still have a relationship with them. It may take some weeks, or even years, but you will still love them as any wife and mother would. But for your own sanity I would implore you to make the decision that is right for you. You sound as if you have given it your very best shot. If you are still not settled after all this time then maybe it is time to call it a day. You will feel heartbreak, failure and abject misery for some time. But I PROMISE you that in the not too distant future you will wake up and realise it was the correct decision, for YOU. I hoped I have helped in some small measure. I realise that this post could be looked upon as being rather negative. But read between the lines and it is full of positives. I can assure you that you will be OK. Just make sure that you look after yourself and you will get through all this. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodfan Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Hi, Once again a Big Thank you! I shall refer to this message whenever I have doubt's. I swing daily from I just want to go home and thought's of "why can't I just like it here, not the worse place in the world to live" but then my heart tell's me go home. I am really hoping I can get something sorted out this year. It is very encourageing to hear you have been through this experience and come out happy the other side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 Hi Rodfan. I know exactly what you mean. The answer is in your last post. You say that at times you say 'I want to go home', and the next day you ask yourself, 'Why can't I just like it here'? Think about that for a second. If you seriously have to ask yourself 'Why can't I just like it here' then there is only one answer. If you have not been able to find anything that TRULY makes you happy in Australia then the answer is that in all probability nothing ever will. If there is always a nagging feeling that you want to be elsewhere I know what I would do. Hopefully you have a support network, I hate that term, rather family and friends, who will be there for you when you eventually come to a conclusion about your future. Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat, about anything. Take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodfan Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Hi, Have sent you a PM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodfan Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 P.S. Have just been reading your web page..boy do I wish this advice had been available before we emigrated. Recommend a read of this to anyone considering such a life changing move. Too late I am afraid for us..my advice through experience now..RESEARCH as much as you can. DO NOT SELL YOUR HOUSE. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE HOW MUCH YOU WILL MISS FRIENDS, FAMILY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Hi Rodfan I have sent you a PM. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Ropey HOFF Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Hi everyone, i have looked at this thread several times and each time i was going to post an answer, but i felt i might say something a little insensitive, which is the last thing i want to do, the thread starter is obviously in a difficult type of personal turmoil and i have every sympathy for her. My reply is this, how do i convince my British wife to move to Australia. This isn't meant to be flippent or crass, but we are struggling to emigrate and the pressure is immense and in a way it is similar to this thread apart from she wants to return home to the uk. Anyway i don't want to compare or trivialise whats going on, but my answer is this, i won't put any pressure on my wife to emigrate and all i will do is explain it as clearly as i can and hopefully she will make a well informed decision, if it means staying in the UK then thats it, but i think--- and here it is---- that you have to respect each individuals decision, even if it isn't the same as your own. Sorry but i don't think this will help, but best of luck. jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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