Guest Chic Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Not sure where to start really, we've been in Darwin now for 2 months and already I want to go home. We have a lovely rented house, husband has a good job (although a 3 year contract), there's loads to do and see but I've seen enough, I want to go home. I haven't even discussed this with my husband yet, not sure how he would feel with my revelation but I do know that he isn't exactly enjoying his job at the moment. Not sure what I was expecting when we started thinking about moving over here but wish I had thought about it a little more. I feel so homesick (even though I've not lived in the UK for over 5 years, we lived in Europe), do you think it's normal to feel like this? Only over the past day or so I've been thinking about my mum and dad growing old and me not being there for them and that they are missing their 3 little grandchildren growing up, I'm feeling really selfish now about moving here, and yes I did think about this before we actually moved but the reality has now sunk in. I also can't believe the state of people's skin in Australia (mostly the older generation) because of the sun damage and I do not want to look like that or my kids. The things I'm missing or going to miss is having a cold christmas, kids playing out without the risk of skin damage or being bitten by something dangerous, light summer nights, shopping, pub lunches, the NHS (yes I know you may laugh), european holidays.......all in all I'm missing the UK. Like I say my husband is tied to a 3 year contract so I'm stuck here and god knows how I'm ever going to get through the next 3 years, just feel like I'm sinking and want to abandon ship. Has anyone else been in the same boat? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proview220 Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 i understand how you must feel, but maybe you have not given it enough time just yet i here 2 yrs is the min to settle ? its easy for me to say this as im still in th euk waiting for my visa. good luck all the best Proview Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Not sure where to start really, we've been in Darwin now for 2 months and already I want to go home. We have a lovely rented house, husband has a good job (although a 3 year contract), there's loads to do and see but I've seen enough, I want to go home. I haven't even discussed this with my husband yet, not sure how he would feel with my revelation but I do know that he isn't exactly enjoying his job at the moment. Not sure what I was expecting when we started thinking about moving over here but wish I had thought about it a little more. I feel so homesick (even though I've not lived in the UK for over 5 years, we lived in Europe), do you think it's normal to feel like this? Only over the past day or so I've been thinking about my mum and dad growing old and me not being there for them and that they are missing their 3 little grandchildren growing up, I'm feeling really selfish now about moving here, and yes I did think about this before we actually moved but the reality has now sunk in. I also can't believe the state of people's skin in Australia (mostly the older generation) because of the sun damage and I do not want to look like that or my kids. The things I'm missing or going to miss is having a cold christmas, kids playing out without the risk of skin damage or being bitten by something dangerous, light summer nights, shopping, pub lunches, the NHS (yes I know you may laugh), european holidays.......all in all I'm missing the UK. Like I say my husband is tied to a 3 year contract so I'm stuck here and god knows how I'm ever going to get through the next 3 years, just feel like I'm sinking and want to abandon ship. Has anyone else been in the same boat? Hi, Chic, I would have thought the most sensible thing would be is to discuss this problem with your husband. Bottling up these feelings will eventually lead to all sorts of complications health wise and as a partnership you owe it to both yourself and your OH to talk things through imo. Where I am in the north like yourself, it is exceptionally hot like Darwin and I agree the climate is particularly harsh. Yesterday it was registering 47 under my patio, and I fully appreciate where you are coming from. Skin wise, I take on board your comments, I even hang my washing out in the evenings to avoid the sun, and take all the precautions when I am out there. Do you have any friends in Darwin? I know Gollywobbler assisted a British teacher out to Darwin way just recently? I see you have just arrived Chic and at eight weeks you are so new into the journey, the trials, tribulations and stress of emigrating are still very raw and I can appreciate how you feel. Luckily your husband is employed and I am sure if he knew the extent of your misery between the pair of you, you could perhaps work out a visit back home next year which might help in the wrench in leaving home. If you would like a chat, please feel free to pm me, I am at home and I can call you, no worries. :hug: Susie xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest elaina Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 hi, i know just how you are feeling!!!!!!!! i felt the same way, we are going home in 5 wks will have been here 5mths then, but thats long enough for me. i couldn't give it the 2yrs min, i'd go insane!!!! just know i shouldn't be here, its not the place for me. wrestled with my feelings for a couple of wks before i said anything to make sure it wasn't just home sickness. spoke to kids first to see what they really thought and they felt the same as me, then o/h and he didn't take much convincing!! i hope you manage to sort things out. elaina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 :hug: It does seem that the sooner you go back the more likely you are to pingpong because the "I should have tried harder" thoughts begin to niggle at you, especially if one of you isnt totally sold on the idea of moving on again. The 2 year thing is a bit of a furphy - it used to be 2 years to get citizenship to have a belt and braces approach but now that is 4 years. Personally I think you KNOW if you belong quite soon and there is nothing magical about the 2 years. Darwin is a different kind of a place and it is quite different to other parts of the country however the issues you have raised as being foremost in your mind are true no matter where in Australia you may be living. Yes, indeed, you do have to be very selfish and self contained to be a successful migrant - for all that people here laud skype as a mode of communication, I defy anyone to have a skype cuddle! You do need to talk to your OH, he may be having similar feelings but not wanting to upset you. Are you stuck there for 3 years with a penalty to pay if you break a contract? If that is the case then break your stay down into manageable chunks, give yourself trips home (if you can afford it) and try and find something to occupy your time - going out to work tends to dull the pain and also increase your social network. If you cant find work then think of volunteering or doing a course. If you do have the capacity to move on without penalty then think about that - where would you like to be? - there is nothing to say that you have to like it here, many of us dont but circumstances prevent us leaving - ever. At the end of the day though, if you have to stick it out for 3 years, that's 36 months and you have done 2 of them already, that's only 34 months or 156 weeks and you have done 8 at least so that brings it down to 146 - easy peasy, you can do that. Just reframe this as a long holiday adventure and begin to make plans to move on about half way through and you will be fine! More :hug: it's a crap feeling to be living with! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest31881 Posted December 7, 2009 Share Posted December 7, 2009 Hi Chic, The feeling of homesickness and missing all things that make up the Uk is perfectly normal. I think you need to have a chat with your husband and the kids to see how they feel. they may be feeling just as you are. Australia is not the perfect place for everyone, what one person likes about Australia another will hate. You sound very unhappy and I beleive its time for a family chat to see if it really is the place for you and your family. There is no disgrace in finding that the move to Australia is not the right thing for your particular family. I love it here and I am very happy and normally i would suggest giving it at least 12 months here to see how things go, fetch family out for visit and stuff like that, but being honest the tone of your posting sounds to me as if your worries and fears cannot be put to one side for 12 months, so hold that family conferance and see what the family decide. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest caterham Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Hi Chic, I've been here 18 months, and I'm returning to the UK in January. I fully understand how you feel, everyone told me the same, that I must give at least two years. After 18 months, I still feel exactly the same, and yes I have got used to a lot of things, but that doesn't mean I like them. After two years you will get used to anything, but being used to something isn't quite the answer. As everyone else has said, you must talk to your husband, asap. Being alone with all the negative thoughts you're having right now isn't good. Don't see yourself as a failure, you have had a massive change in your life, that is so difficult to prepare for. Three years isn't such a long time, if you know that you can return at the end of it. If you definitely want to return to the UK, and your husband agrees, your stay here wont feel half as bad. It's the thought of never returning that frightens you the most. I must also say, that lots of things have changed in the UK in the past 5 years. I would go and spend some time there before making a final decision. Wishing you lots of happiness Take care John back off to sunny Manchester!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bob Tonnor Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Not sure where to start really, we've been in Darwin now for 2 months and already I want to go home. We have a lovely rented house, husband has a good job (although a 3 year contract), there's loads to do and see but I've seen enough, I want to go home. I haven't even discussed this with my husband yet, not sure how he would feel with my revelation but I do know that he isn't exactly enjoying his job at the moment. Not sure what I was expecting when we started thinking about moving over here but wish I had thought about it a little more. I feel so homesick (even though I've not lived in the UK for over 5 years, we lived in Europe), do you think it's normal to feel like this? Only over the past day or so I've been thinking about my mum and dad growing old and me not being there for them and that they are missing their 3 little grandchildren growing up, I'm feeling really selfish now about moving here, and yes I did think about this before we actually moved but the reality has now sunk in. I also can't believe the state of people's skin in Australia (mostly the older generation) because of the sun damage and I do not want to look like that or my kids. The things I'm missing or going to miss is having a cold christmas, kids playing out without the risk of skin damage or being bitten by something dangerous, light summer nights, shopping, pub lunches, the NHS (yes I know you may laugh), european holidays.......all in all I'm missing the UK. Like I say my husband is tied to a 3 year contract so I'm stuck here and god knows how I'm ever going to get through the next 3 years, just feel like I'm sinking and want to abandon ship. Has anyone else been in the same boat? Hi Chic Yep i know what you mean, i have been there a few times myself. I do reckon that you have probably picked yourself the most extreme part of Australia to move to weather wise, i used to live in Darwin and i loved the place, especially now coming into the wet. What i think you should try and do is to open up all of the possible communication services availible to you to keep in touch with back home. I now have VOIP, SKYPE and have kitted my oldies out with the same, it makes it easier to keep in touch, being able to see your relatives and them see you may just make you realise that you have made a mistake, i dont know but i found it made it easier for my family and me. As for the weather....just follow the slip slop slap and cover up advice and i reckon you should be fine. After 13 years i still get homesick, but when i do go back to the UK i realise why i left, but thats just me. Speak to you family and maybe tough it out for a year or so and if its not for you at least you know, theres certainly no shame in trying. Good luck and i sincerely hope it all works out for you. Bob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Chic when I moved from Australia to UK I suffered with terrible spells of homesickness I don't have children but I too thought about my family all the way across the planet and how weird it was to not be able to visit them whenever I wanted. I missed shop assistants packing your groceries for you at the supermarket. I missed friendly people who would talk to strangers and I missed being able to have a bbq outside pretty much year round! Now that I am home I have spent the last year absolutely miserable because I now feel homesick for London and Tesco and the tube and my old job and the list goes on and on. It cuts both ways. It took me almost 12 months abroad to finally be 100% happy outside of my own country and all the familiar comforts of home. As for the state of older Australian skin... You need to keep in mind that they didn't have any education about what they were doing to the ozone layer and what the long term effects of constant unprotected UV exposure can be. I'm approaching 30 and before I even started school I knew the importance of sunscreen and a hat. The younger generation of Aussies have been educated and it's now up to us to decide how to care for our skin. Personally I'm probably more pale than the whole of Scotland put together! I'd rather enjoy the beach and sun in moderation and live a healthy long life without looking like an old brown shoe LOL I disliked the UK when I returned to live there as well and took a while to get used to it. No packing groceries what a drag. Anyway when we eventually moved here I then did not like it here either and wanted to be in the UK. Its the familiar things that are missing. To the op I think UK to Darwin if you have never been there must be the biggest change shock actually, anywhere in the far north of Australia is difficult with the heat, isolation etc. Hence the largest cities are in the south of the continent. Good luck hope you can sort it out and be happy here or somewhere else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chic Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Thank you all so much for your responses and yes you are right I do need to discuss this with my husband, the kids don't have much of a say as they are all under 4 anyway which I suppose makes it a little easier. My husband's contract is fixed for 3 years so I suppose I will know nearer the time whether I feel any more settled. However, I truly know that I do not want to grow old in this country, home is where the heart is and that's where I want to be. So 34 months left.....and counting!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sykestykes Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Ah Chic you poor thing :hug: Although two months is not a very long time, you have lived outside of the UK and away from "familiar" things before, so maybe your feelings are true, rather than just homesickness. I say this because you presumably felt a little homesick when you moved to Europe initially, but if your feelings are not the same as then, I really think you have to tell your OH how you are feeling. Did you have the little ones when you moved to Europe? If not, it may be the pull of grandparents that is particularly strong for you now the littlies are growing older. You know you have to be here for the next three years at least, unless there's some way you can buy your way out of your OH's contract. Try to use that time constructively - to think of it as an extended holiday, if that's the only thing that keep you going - and plan your return carefully if you really cannot bear it any longer. If you search my posts since I've been in Oz, you'll see that I too suffered from the most unwelcome, unexpected, horrible "people sickness" (because it's only people I've missed, not things or places). Another :hug: for you from me in the meantime. Sue xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bernicem80 Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Hey Chic Sorry to hear that you have been feeling so down. It is so hard when you get here and life is so different that it is a struggle to get through the first few months. We have been here since Oct 08 - and I missed my family and friends terribly in the first 5months. I too was really upset and there were times when I wondered if we had made the right decision. It does get easier with time, you still miss them, but its just easier to deal with. But as others have said on here, if you have been away from the UK before for long periods and this time you feel different then maybe Aus isn't for you. You really need to speak to your family and talk it through - no doubt feel better just by doing that. And if u do have to stay for the 3 yrs - just treat it as an adventure and try and make the best of it. Whatever you decide, I hope all goes well. Sounds like there are a lot of people on here to offer support or a shoulder to cry on - so hopefully this will help too. Sending all the best. :cute: Regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest YorkshireLad Posted December 8, 2009 Share Posted December 8, 2009 Hi Chic,it seems Oz is not for you,just like it was definitely not for me.As far as giving it more time to see if you will get used to it--don't.Why should you--people can get used to prison too,does not make it a good place to be.--I know that's an extreme example but it holds true.----Have a talk with your family,they may or probably feel the same way you do.---One thing,please do not let anything like an employment contract get in the way of you returning to the UK as soon as possible.Break the contract,nothing wrong with that.What is more important you and your families well being or a bloomin' 'contract'? In other words do not let ANYTHING stop you from returning to the UK as soon as possible. And the same advice goes for anyone in a similiar situation as yours.--A sidenote:I also much prefer the NHS to Australias medical system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest treesea Posted December 10, 2009 Share Posted December 10, 2009 Hi Chic,it seems Oz is not for you,just like it was definitely not for me.As far as giving it more time to see if you will get used to it--don't.Why should you--people can get used to prison too,does not make it a good place to be.--I know that's an extreme example but it holds true.----Have a talk with your family,they may or probably feel the same way you do.---One thing,please do not let anything like an employment contract get in the way of you returning to the UK as soon as possible.Break the contract,nothing wrong with that.What is more important you and your families well being or a bloomin' 'contract'? In other words do not let ANYTHING stop you from returning to the UK as soon as possible. And the same advice goes for anyone in a similiar situation as yours.--A sidenote:I also much prefer the NHS to Australias medical system. Well said, I couldn't agree more. Putting one's life on hold, for the sake of a three year employment contract, is not a good way to go, imho. Hats off to you Chic, for being able to cope at all, with three young children in a place like Darwin. I lived in Darwin for a little while when I was growing up. It was one of the scariest places I have ever lived when it comes to weather. And isn't at all like the rest of Australia. If your OH isn't too impressed with the reality of his job, it's possibly because the employer has sold him on all the upsides of the job but not the downsides. When you're sitting overseas, trying to assess a job offer, a lot of the time the downsides just aren't obvious. Employers exploit this lack of knowledge. Especially when they are located in remote, weather-unfriendly parts of the globe where the citizens of that country don't apply for those sorts of jobs - hence the need to recruit overseas. If you asked your average Melbourne/Sydney based Australian if they would consider moving to Darwin to work, they'd probably say no, even if they had never been there. If you get somewhere and you don't like it, leave. You don't have to stay. There's no employment contract that can force you to. As to paying the employer any kind of penalty payment, I would be surprised if such a payment would stack up in court. That's their risk, and, if you leave, their loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MSTO Posted December 11, 2009 Share Posted December 11, 2009 Not sure where to start really, we've been in Darwin now for 2 months and already I want to go home. We have a lovely rented house, husband has a good job (although a 3 year contract), there's loads to do and see but I've seen enough, I want to go home. I haven't even discussed this with my husband yet, not sure how he would feel with my revelation but I do know that he isn't exactly enjoying his job at the moment. Not sure what I was expecting when we started thinking about moving over here but wish I had thought about it a little more. I feel so homesick (even though I've not lived in the UK for over 5 years, we lived in Europe), do you think it's normal to feel like this? Only over the past day or so I've been thinking about my mum and dad growing old and me not being there for them and that they are missing their 3 little grandchildren growing up, I'm feeling really selfish now about moving here, and yes I did think about this before we actually moved but the reality has now sunk in. I also can't believe the state of people's skin in Australia (mostly the older generation) because of the sun damage and I do not want to look like that or my kids. The things I'm missing or going to miss is having a cold christmas, kids playing out without the risk of skin damage or being bitten by something dangerous, light summer nights, shopping, pub lunches, the NHS (yes I know you may laugh), european holidays.......all in all I'm missing the UK. Like I say my husband is tied to a 3 year contract so I'm stuck here and god knows how I'm ever going to get through the next 3 years, just feel like I'm sinking and want to abandon ship. Has anyone else been in the same boat? Hi Chic :hug:it is really hard when you dont want to be in Oz because it is so far away from what you really want. If you dont feel happy, you dont feel happy, nothing wrong in that....I came out here 5 years ago and never really felt 100% comfortable with why we were here, but I do like Australia but not enough for it to be my long term home...since coming here I have had 2 boys and feel enough is enough I want to be home with my family and my boys having a loving family around them......You just have to do what is right for you and your family and if returning to the UK is what you want good on you, you have come tried it and it makes a bigger person to say it is not for them.... 3 years may seem a long time...but my 5 years has flown by....at least maybe have a trip home in between....personally I htink if you feel like this now you will always have that niggling feeling about what if....lots of people grow to love Australia but I think alot of people who get this feeling early on cannot shake it...well that is from my experience. :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmylou23 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Hi! I've been living on the Gold Coast for the last 18months and I feel exactly the same as you....It took me three months to bring the subject up with my husband who has always wanted to move out here since travelling round in 1994. It wasn't until I had been here a year that the reality of the move sunk in and it was no longer a holiday. I miss the weather, light nights, my family, friends, pubs and yes like you...the NHS. The Australian health service is a joke and even the private sector isn't much better (I'm a nurse). We're planning to go home for a visit in April and then we'll make up our minds...but I can't shake the feeling the whole move to Australia isn't for me. I do like Australia it's an amazing country and I've made some good friends but that old saying...home is where the heart is and unfortunately my home will always be England. Hope this helps you realise that you aren't the only one going through this and it is hard, but there are good things about Australia and we have to try to make the most of our time here. Life's too short. Luv Mxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 Hi! I've been living on the Gold Coast for the last 18months and I feel exactly the same as you....It took me three months to bring the subject up with my husband who has always wanted to move out here since travelling round in 1994. It wasn't until I had been here a year that the reality of the move sunk in and it was no longer a holiday. I miss the weather, light nights, my family, friends, pubs and yes like you...the NHS. The Australian health service is a joke and even the private sector isn't much better (I'm a nurse). We're planning to go home for a visit in April and then we'll make up our minds...but I can't shake the feeling the whole move to Australia isn't for me. I do like Australia it's an amazing country and I've made some good friends but that old saying...home is where the heart is and unfortunately my home will always be England. Hope this helps you realise that you aren't the only one going through this and it is hard, but there are good things about Australia and we have to try to make the most of our time here. Life's too short. Luv Mxxx Sorry to hear you haven't settled, let's hope that your holiday in April helps you both decide what to do next, in the meantime have a wonderful Christmas. Kate:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Proview220 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 On another subject how do you find upper coomera? I quite fancy Oxenford, Coomera, Jimboomba Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmylou23 Posted December 15, 2009 Share Posted December 15, 2009 On another subject how do you find upper coomera? I quite fancy Oxenford, Coomera, Jimboomba Jimbooma is a good hour's drive from the coast, it's hot and dry out there. Upper Coomera, Oxenford and Coomera are all comparable, it just depends where abouts you live. We live in the more established part of Upper Coomera and it's nice, quiet and family orientated, however some places round here can be a bit seedy, Coomera itself more so. Oxenford is OK. Coomera Springs is lovely but a bit pricey. The only problem is having to drive to a decent pub, so one of us always remains drink free...... unless you can afford a huge taxi fair home. Mxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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