eammon Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 We got our visa's in May and should have our house on the market next week (fingers crossed) I've had our 14 year old in tears because she's now saying she's going to miss her best friend. We sounded out both our girls before we started the process and they were soooooooooo excited. I'm thinking its just that we're finally going on the market and it's kinda hit home that its happening (hopefully depending on house sale!!) and it's just jitters. She keeps thinking she might not like school over there, might not make friends..... I'm trying to convince her she will of course make new friends and can still stay in touch with friends over here (Facebook, Skype, WebCam) and we're all nervous about starting a new life, but hopefully it will be such a good one. Any ideas or if anyone can share how they reassured their young ones pleeeeeeeease Denise x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest33730 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Oh my - i feel for you, I've just had one of my 17 yr old twins inform us that they are not coming with us when we go next year. As yours is 14 staying is not really an option so it must be even harder. Keep talking it through - "asking questions like Aside from not going, how can we make it easier on you?" If you feel that her best friend is the main issue what about offering to work out a way that the friend can visit sometime in the 1st year - I bet her best friend would help sway her if that was an option. I don't suppose that all really helps that much - maybe someone who has already done it can help here more than me. I just wanted to empathize with you!!! Daniel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eammon Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 Oh my - i feel for you, I've just had one of my 17 yr old twins inform us that they are not coming with us when we go next year. As yours is 14 staying is not really an option so it must be even harder. Keep talking it through - "asking questions like Aside from not going, how can we make it easier on you?" If you feel that her best friend is the main issue what about offering to work out a way that the friend can visit sometime in the 1st year - I bet her best friend would help sway her if that was an option. I don't suppose that all really helps that much - maybe someone who has already done it can help here more than me. I just wanted to empathize with you!!! Daniel Thanks Daniel - that must be really tough one of your 17 year olds telling you they're not coming. She's still really upset and I've explained that perhaps her friend can come across to visit but not sure how realistic it is for a 14 year old to fly across to visit on their own. I asked her what she wanted us to do and she said stay here which wasn't the answer I was expecting really. I expected her to say she wanted to go, but she's really worried. I've told her we're all apprehensive about the move and it's a big step for us all, but I know she will make friends once she's there and she will settle. I think it's hard for her because when she moved to secondary school she went to a different school to most of her friends and it took her a good year to make a couple of close friendships. Hopefully she will come round again soon and perhaps this is only a natural reaction given her age, but I fear a lot more tears before then and can't imagine what she is going to be like at the airport. Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest33730 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Hopefully she will come round again soon and perhaps this is only a natural reaction given her age, but I fear a lot more tears before then and can't imagine what she is going to be like at the airport. Denise I wonder if it's worth putting a post on here looking for people her age out where you are going. Better still if you could persuade her to do it, she could then maybe have some contacts out there - This site seems pretty good for that. In my case we have friends in Adelaide already and the boys have been out four times already plus they are a little older and male!! (by that I mean friendships are often not quite as close as girls) so it wasn't going to be quite so hard - unfortunately now we have to work through the grief process of not having one of our kids with us and not being able to get to them quickly if there are issues etc. - Ah well I still wouldn't change any of this - I know from experience that somehow it all works out in the end!! Daniel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest brooksey Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Our son was 14 when he came over. He is on the plane back home as i type to see his mates back in Sheffield. We're hoping the cold and wet make him realise how good it is over here. I don't know what will happen if he is desperate to move back for good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eammon Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 I wonder if it's worth putting a post on here looking for people her age out where you are going. Better still if you could persuade her to do it, she could then maybe have some contacts out there - This site seems pretty good for that. In my case we have friends in Adelaide already and the boys have been out four times already plus they are a little older and male!! (by that I mean friendships are often not quite as close as girls) so it wasn't going to be quite so hard - unfortunately now we have to work through the grief process of not having one of our kids with us and not being able to get to them quickly if there are issues etc. - Ah well I still wouldn't change any of this - I know from experience that somehow it all works out in the end!! Daniel Hi Daniel - thanks for that, I will try to get her to do that, it's a good idea. Good luck with your move and hope it's not too hard leaving one of your twins behind, Is it option they might come out later? Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 IF it were me, Id be playing the brutal honesty card. If it were me, I`d be saying.....yes its going to be hard. Yes you`re going to miss your mates, yes you`re going to miss so and so too! But guess what.........so is Mum and dad! BUT this is what we are going to do about it.......now any more ideas? How else can we help each other Just my random ideas! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eammon Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 Our son was 14 when he came over. He is on the plane back home as i type to see his mates back in Sheffield. We're hoping the cold and wet make him realise how good it is over here. I don't know what will happen if he is desperate to move back for good. Hiya - do I take it from your post that your son hasn't settled? How long have you been across in Oz. I was busy showing Kerry pictures of blue skies, sandy beaches, lovely sea last night in the hope she'd look outside and see how dreary and wet it is here!!!! Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eammon Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 IF it were me, Id be playing the brutal honesty card. If it were me, I`d be saying.....yes its going to be hard. Yes you`re going to miss your mates, yes you`re going to miss so and so too! But guess what.........so is Mum and dad! BUT this is what we are going to do about it.......now any more ideas? How else can we help each other Hi Joanne - thanks for that. If she doesn't perk up, I think it is going to come to that, because it is happening. Yesterday, I felt really bad, because I kept thinking I was causing her to be sad, but we're doing this because we think it's gonna offer us all a better lifestyle. Denise x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest33730 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Hi Daniel - thanks for that, I will try to get her to do that, it's a good idea. Good luck with your move and hope it's not too hard leaving one of your twins behind, Is it option they might come out later? Denise Thanks Denise, He may come out to visit but the plan was that both the boys would come out for their gap year before starting Uni in Scotland (where it's free) the following year so we thought we were going to have that year as a family unit but now we have lost that - It was going to happen anyway but at least we were going to have some time together first. My wife is devasted - she was very sick last year and was looking forward to having the time back that she had lost, she will get over it but it's hard - On the otherhand if he isn't going to come out with us then the place he wants to go to is fantastic - lots of our friends are there so at least we know he will be safe - not quite the same but at least its something!! Daniel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Thats the thing, realising that the move is not revolving around them but around the whole family. Sometimes tough love is what it takes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest brooksey Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Sorry, forgot to mention . We have been here just over a year. He realy misses his mates. He has mates here but whenever he has a fallout he wants to go back. The thing is i remember him having the same problems back in Sheffield but he has selective memory when it comes to this. It is a bad age to drag them away from mates but i try to explain how you change mates all the time wherever you live. Don't get me wrong, i miss my mates in Sheffield too. BUT people get married, move away for work etc (or at thier age girlfriends/boyfriends and college) and life goes on. I'll let you know in a couple of weeks how it pans out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I go along with the tough love route. At 14 she doesnt have a choice and to be talking and talking about it and making promises which you may not be able to keep is counterproductive and maintains her hope that she does have some say in the matter - she doesnt. Simplest thing is to say we are going, sorry you dont like that so you have a choice - you can come and be as miserable as sin until you are old enough to make your own choices or you can come and make the best of it. Now, what are YOU going to do to make this move successful for you? If she starts on again then just come back with a "sorry you feel that way, now which of your strategies have you tried?". She will, most likely, love it when she gets here but, equally, she may not and you may have to be prepared for her choice to return to UK at some point. She wont have the option of university in UK unless she does extraordinarily well in year 12 here and you are prepared to fork out for international student fees so if you are getting a feeling of immense unhappiness when she is at beginning A level age then consider her options carefully. It may not be the best thing for her life in the long run but at the moment you are living your lives and she is a kid who has to go along for the ride. :hug: to you all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eammon Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 I go along with the tough love route. At 14 she doesnt have a choice and to be talking and talking about it and making promises which you may not be able to keep is counterproductive and maintains her hope that she does have some say in the matter - she doesnt. Simplest thing is to say we are going, sorry you dont like that so you have a choice - you can come and be as miserable as sin until you are old enough to make your own choices or you can come and make the best of it. Now, what are YOU going to do to make this move successful for you? If she starts on again then just come back with a "sorry you feel that way, now which of your strategies have you tried?". She will, most likely, love it when she gets here but, equally, she may not and you may have to be prepared for her choice to return to UK at some point. She wont have the option of university in UK unless she does extraordinarily well in year 12 here and you are prepared to fork out for international student fees so if you are getting a feeling of immense unhappiness when she is at beginning A level age then consider her options carefully. It may not be the best thing for her life in the long run but at the moment you are living your lives and she is a kid who has to go along for the ride. :hug: to you all! Thanks for that - everything is so true what you have said. You're right, she is only 14 and we have made this decision. I have been thinking about what happens if she doesn't settle and wants to come home when she is old enough to make her own decisions and went into a bit of a panic mode, but there is no point in worrying about that now. I guess I need to take one step at a time and worry about the things that are happening now and not a few years down the line. Who knows she might be the one that settles the easiest out of us all! Thanks again Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eammon Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 Sorry, forgot to mention . We have been here just over a year. He realy misses his mates. He has mates here but whenever he has a fallout he wants to go back. The thing is i remember him having the same problems back in Sheffield but he has selective memory when it comes to this. It is a bad age to drag them away from mates but i try to explain how you change mates all the time wherever you live. Don't get me wrong, i miss my mates in Sheffield too. BUT people get married, move away for work etc (or at thier age girlfriends/boyfriends and college) and life goes on. I'll let you know in a couple of weeks how it pans out. I know what you mean - they have such selective memories and selective hearing. Please do let us know how it goes. I've tried to explain that in a few years time, she'd probably be losing touch with her mates here anyway going onto to different 6th form, uni's, jobs, etc but it's to no avail at the minute. Denise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisa Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Hi I know how you feel. I have a 12 year old son, soon to be 13, and we are due to fly to Brisbane on 5th January. Initially he was quite excited but now he has decided he does not like change!!! - he is only 12 - and will miss his friends - so does not want to go and has decided that he will not be able to make friends in oz -oh happy days!!!! Lisa x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest thebeatties Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Denise Know what its like, we went out for a reccie in April with our 4 daughters. arranged for them all to go to a local school for the day to see how they would fit in. It all worked great and they are all looking forward to it hopefully next year. the beatties Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 My daughter was a little younger when we arrived, (now 14) and had the same worries. What I can tell you is that after 3 years she is still in touch with all the friends who were special to her. They still have a relationship (albeit a longer distance one), but they chat, send birthday cards etc. She's also made some good friends here in Aus too and settled really well once she started at school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eammon Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 My daughter was a little younger when we arrived, (now 14) and had the same worries. What I can tell you is that after 3 years she is still in touch with all the friends who were special to her. They still have a relationship (albeit a longer distance one), but they chat, send birthday cards etc. She's also made some good friends here in Aus too and settled really well once she started at school. Thanks Ali - I will show Kerry your post.... it might re-assure her. We didn't have any tears yesterday..... but she didn't want to talk or discuss Australia either, so not sure if it's a good or bad sign. She spent the whole day with her friend yesterday, so I was kind of dreading last night thinking it would make her think more about leaving her, but she was ok. Let's see what the day brings. I've got the Estate Agent coming in a few hours to take pictures of the house, so that might bring it home again to her. On the other hand it is grey, dreary and pouring with rain so she might just ask him how quickly can he sell the house :rolleyes: Denise x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest brooksey Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Jimmy is never off facebook to his mates in Sheffield . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest flipflop Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Tell her if she does not like it she is legally entited to go back to the UK when she reaches 18, this will probably make her feel better and I bet she will love it when she gets there...little white lies are sometimes allowed, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest brooksey Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Jimmy landed in the rain in Manchester 4 hours ago. He got to his nans in Sheffield in the rain and has gone football training with his old team in the rain. Mind you the clouds appeared here an hour ago. Thundered and lightning for 20 mins but never rained. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 so pleased he arrived safe and sound, hope he enjoys his holiday ss x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eammon Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 Jimmy landed in the rain in Manchester 4 hours ago. He got to his nans in Sheffield in the rain and has gone football training with his old team in the rain. Mind you the clouds appeared here an hour ago. Thundered and lightning for 20 mins but never rained. Just don't tell him it cloudy and stuff over there..... it really is dreary here today.... it's gonna be so muddy and cold at football training. Hope he comes back convinced Oz is for him and the UK is okay to go and visit. Keep us informed. Denise x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest brooksey Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Unfortunately he's come back saying that he wants to move back to Sheffield. Mind you he's in the pool now so lets hope in a few days he settles back here ok. Problem is it brightend up after he got to Sheffield in the rain. His mates were off school and it was bonfire night. Bad timing for us to send him back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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