That's it, im going home(minus husband)

[Guest]

What more can i say... apart from ive made up my mind and i'm going back to the land of the living. I have got so many mixed emotions, some iv never experied befofe. Iv been here nearly 6 months, spent 18 months, time, stress, stress again money, research, got family here who supported us before and after we got here to get our PR visa, sold everything, house and everthing we ever owned, did our heartbreaking goodbyes....and came here for the better life. Loved it for the first 2 months...then reality set in.....now never been so miserable all my life, cannot see how it's improved mine or my kids life, education ****e, shops ****,banks ****e, socialising ****e, aussies and sense of humour ****e, culture ****e, no history,....my god the list is just endless, if i carried on, you would fall asleep. started hinting to oh i wasn't happy after a few months, which he conveniently ignored thinking time would be a great healer, i dragged it out and it's got worse, the depresseion i'm spirralling into is unbeleivable, i have never been so bloody miserable in all my life, as i realised i actually had a fantasic life in England and also lived in a fantasic country with the best Education system and health care in the world. I;m going back home for good in the next week or so(depending on shipping and flights i get) minus oh who has refued point blank to go back and is prepared to kiss our marriage and life goodbye for oz. Don't come here thinking the streets are paved with gold, cos no matter what antone tells you or how much research you do, it's just 24 carot gold bo**ox!

 

Oh Meme, what a terrible time you are having & I am so sorry to here it. I have been through depression and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. At a time like that you need your OH more than anyone & it sounds like he is being completely unsupportive.

 

That isn't untypical of men, if they can't fix it they ignore it. My OH is the driver behind our move to Oz and anytime I mention anything even remotely negative about it he won't discuss it. It doesn't mean we're better off without them though.

 

I don't think anyone of here can know what's best for you, we don't know you but do you have someone you could talk to? Someone who doesn't have a vested interest in either you going back to the UK or staying in Oz?

 

Have you been to see a doctor or a counsellor? If you are depressed then it is not a good time to be making life changing decisions. One of the symptoms of depression is generalising from one aspect of your life that isn't good to believing isn't good. I was prone to saying at the time, I don't have post-natel depression I have crap marriage depression & after 6 weeks off sick I handed my notice in at work.

 

Two years later I ended up working for the same manager at the same company & my marriage is still going strong but that took anti-depressants and three different counsellors to achieve.

 

You mention you have kids and you owe it to them to make sure you are making a rational decision and not a decision based on the faulty thoughts that depression causes.

 

Please get some help and if you make the same decision then with a clear conscience you can say you tried everything to make it work.

 

Big, big hugs.

 

Jules x

[Guest the_zings]

Meme, I totally understand how you feel. As you know I am going through the exact same feelings. But I am lucky enough to have a husband who has agreed to go back to UK. I hate all the same things about Oz that you hate and it really is hard to deal with. I really feel for you not having the support of you husband - that really is sad but you have to do what is best for you and your own sanity. I'm actually quite envious that you are going home so much sooner than me!!!

 

Keep in touch and if you ever want to ramble on and get it off your chest please do pm me. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

[Guest YellowGecko]

So sorry you're going back so soon, meme, especially under such circumstances. As we all know, Oz isn't for everybody and if your mind's 100% made up and there's no room for change, then I think you're doing the right thing.. hope you are! Good luck with it all.

:smile:

 

Jo x

[Guest JoanneHattersley]

ok i am going to say to say a few things which i expect i am not going to get any good replies. But you saying your husband is prepared to kiss your marriage goodbye but arnt you doing the same thing? if your preapred to leave your husband then you are just the same kissing your marriage goodbye. have you tried changing your job to see if you can make friends somewhere else? Or is your marriage that is the factor here your marriage isnt strong enough to cope through this move? If you see yourself happy without him in the uk then ok i understand. but if you move back and your just going to be unhappy without him then why are you coming home? I personally would come home for a few months just to see. there must have been reasons for you moving over to oz or why would you have gone? I totally understand that homesickness is a killer, as i have been through the same. but once i got home belive me it took one week and i had seen everyone and after that no one bothered. i am ready to move again and am prepared for the heart ache and homesickess . I just think its your marriage here that isnt working then carry one, if its the homesickness then try and vist uk a few times and get your friends and family to visit you this will help abit abit wiith that. the first couple of years will be hard in oz, as always its the things you cant have that you miss. but just think, maybe the things that you miss arnt really that important?! I always think about the things i will miss eg boots, m&s, boots, sainsburys, cheaper clothers etc . but think about the things you will miss if you move back to the uk. ive read this email back and thought a few times about posting this, but i ask you this have you really gave it a good go? Dont hate me please!

 

Homesickness is a killer! Been here nearly 4 years and STILL go thru it!

 

Look at what you have, look at what you want...then let OH do the same and see if you can find some common ground. Can you not move interstate to see if that is better?

[Guest YellowGecko]

Homesickness is a killer!

 

Uhuh. I often cried due to it and Oz has felt like another planet at times.. so far away from home.

 

I just hope meme isn't speaking and acting in haste. We all say things we don't mean in the heat of the moment. It is kind of sad to be throwing away a marriage like that.

 

Jo x

[ali]

You said you liked it for the first 2 months - what was it you liked? have you stopped doing the things you were enjoying then? Look at each of your points and look at options to see if you can resolve them: Education - what is it you're unhappy with? Will a change of school benefit your children? Shops - Living in any foreign country will mean you don't get the same shops as the UK, I suspect this is something you miss rather than the reason you want to return. History - Although a relatively new country - Australia does have a history - it's a rather bloody one of invasion/settlement by the Europeans, visit aborigional cultural centres and historical sites. In all honesty, as a family, we love our history, but in reality we probably did something about it once a year when we were on holiday ... NHS yes it's great .. but I've had to wait in A&E in the UK with my then 6 year old son for 5 hours to be treated and admitted and then wait 18 months for a routine operation. We left the UK before my daughter could action the referral that was made regarding her braces (12 - 18 months), here she had her braces fitted within a month of the referral.

 

You do sound depressed and antidepressants or councelling may be of benefit. It sounds like you've given hubby an ultimatum .. which rarely work out as one of the parties always remain unhappy and feeling as if they have given in.... but then breeds resentment and eats at the relationship. Try relationship councelling or even family therapy if the children are old enough as this is obviously going to effect you as a whole unit if you do decide to split up. Are you letting the way you feel cloud how you are seeing things? (Depression often does that). I would suggest, asking your GP for treatment, starting thereapy and then make your decisions.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

Meme

I am so so sorry to read your post, it sounds like your going through hell at the moment. Where abouts do you live, do you have any friends and support? I am sure there would be someone on here who can give you a shoulder to lean on at such a difficult time.

 

Australia isn't for everyone, however, please remember that most of us want to move to Australia for a different way of life. If it was the same as the UK then why would people want to come here!! People are wanting to escape what the UK has to offer, so please people don't come to Australia expecting it to be like the UK we DONT want it to be like the UK!!!!

[Guest HappyBunny]

Michelle

People post on here to get opinions on what they are thinking of doing or are doing and i agree that meme does need support but by that do you think we should all reply and go there there sweetie you're doing the right thing throwing away your marriage, childrens family security and probably a dream she had of living in Oz, i think not, it is a huge decision she is making and i'm sure not one she's taking lightly surely not one i would like to have to make but at the same time her post does come accross as she's angry at her husband and would therfore be making her decision for the wrong reason..........i may be completely wrong but i am not going to just agree with someone when i don't agree with what they are saying in fear of upsetting them or other posters

I wish meme all the best in her decisions x

 

Well said. Let's face it we're not all professional counsellors and are just offering our opinion. I cannot tell from one post whether Meme is clinically depressed or just having a down day. The one thing we can do is look at the situation as an outsider and offer a bit of perspective and support.

[Petals]

I am very sorry it has ended this way for you but one of you is going to be unhappy here and one of you would be unhappy over there. No answer to that. :sad:

[Guest meme]

" and iam amazed at the amount of people who make the emigration to australia decision after watching a tv programme, or because of a feeling.

With no knowlege of another country, other than the edited highlights of a tv programe, and without going to the country concerned, how can any one make a decision regarding there family's future."

Don't think i spent 18months of money, stress and time, sold our house and everything we owned and dragged ourselves to the other side of the world cos i watched a "tv programme" or had a "feeling"...i don't think so!! in fact i am amazed people can suggest it!!

 

As for everyone else, thanks for your thoughts and opinions, they have helped, a lot of you have given some good advise. Thanks.

[jenki]

Meme

I know how you feel. I've been here the same amount of time as you and don't feel settled at all.

I hope whatever happens for you that you are happy.

I think as a parent you're useless to the kids if you're miserable!!! The most important thing is that you are happy, then you can give the kids your all!

I'm sure you didn't just come here on a "feeling" or from watching a "tv programme". I didn't either and I too did loads of research. It's not until you're here that you really know what it's like, however much research you've done!

Like they say "it suits some and not others". The world would be a dull place if we all liked the same thing.

Someone said in one of the posts that at least from this experience you've learnt what you have/had at home and how lucky you are.

I wish you lots of luck.

Keep in touch.

[Guest MelW]

Threads like this really un nerve me, people can be quite hurtfull, 'Running Home to Mummy' etc, I am currently living in Brisbane, 11 months on, I don't hate Australia by a long shot, but nor is it for me, I never came over with high expectations, and I did take every day as it comes, we did loads of research, may be to much, the bottom line is, maybe this journey is not for everyone, I think when we do a move like this, we all have different 'dreams' we want to achieve, and the journey is notgoing to be the same for everyone. Meme I feel for you at the moment, and I am most sure you are not on your own. In regards to anyone reading this who is still in the process, as stated, everyone is different, people find it easier than others etc, I have no regrets of doing the move, even though I think we will end up back in the UK, but who knows, I would never leave my OH, but on saying that, if I was so desperately unhappy, I know he would come home. Meme keep your chin up.

[Guest Aldo]

" and iam amazed at the amount of people who make the emigration to australia decision after watching a tv programme, or because of a feeling.

With no knowlege of another country, other than the edited highlights of a tv programe, and without going to the country concerned, how can any one make a decision regarding there family's future."

 

Don't think i spent 18months of money, stress and time, sold our house and everything we owned and dragged ourselves to the other side of the world cos i watched a "tv programme" or had a "feeling"...i don't think so!! in fact i am amazed people can suggest it!!

 

As for everyone else, thanks for your thoughts and opinions, they have helped, a lot of you have given some good advise. Thanks.

 

meme, you will find the majority of people here have great sympathy for your predicament and wish you the best for you and your family. Unfortunately you committed the ultimate sin that was to give your honest opinion and criticise Australia. To some this would equate to telling a man he has a small penis! (maybe he does?)

[Guest __TJ__]

meme, im sorry you feel so upset, coudl your marriage prblems be projected because of your hatred of the country? if you took it as two seperate issues, ok you say you have had enough and the ozzies wont fint in your idea of OZ, i am not there yet so cant comment but have you found any brits in your area? i personally dont reccommend making friends with only birts, cos that is the path to the dark side ( trying to have britain over there) but one or two freinds may make your life totally different there.

re the marriage, if he is committed to oz and you are not, then it is down to his feelings for you, if he knows you are truly leaving, no matter what, and oz is more important to him, sadly ti sounds like the time is up for that one.

{{{{big hugs********

lost of people post on this thread about "thats your opinion" well yeah, this is a forum and meme has voiced her opinion. i do it all the time, i hate gordons UK, he has taken a country on its knees and crushed it. my opinion. i think that posts like this do help people think about things, dh and i have discussed it - what would we do if one of us loved it and the other hated it, its food for thought - in our case id crawl over broken glass to stay with my hubby, and he said he'd do the same so i think we will be alright no matter what but you never know.

the point is that people can think on it before they are in the situation.

good luck memem whatever you decide.

[Bod]

meme, you will find the majority of people here have great sympathy for your predicament and wish you the best for you and your family. Unfortunately you committed the ultimate sin that was to give your honest opinion and criticise Australia. To some this would equate to telling a man he has a small penis! (maybe he does?)

 

 

Maybe he is one

 

Thats a straight talking nothern one of course.

[Guest Gollywobbler]

Hi All

 

Meme has now started a new thread, which is here:

 

http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/moving-back-uk/44757-theres-hope-we-have-plan-b-its-netter-than-plan.html

 

In the circumstances, I think this thread has served its purpose so I will now close it.

 

Best wishes

 

Gill