Making the decision

[Stayorgo]

A few months ago I posted about making the decision. Well we did make the decision and decided we would submit an expression of interest. My husband had the info filled out online I just had to check it. We told our parents who were upset (mine particularly) but they understood our reasons.

It was a Sunday evening in August and I had plans to check the EOI once the ironing was done....then my sister phoned....

My sister had just found out she has a rare cancer. We're very close (although I hadn't yet told her about Australia plans that conversation was planned for 2 weeks later when i saw her (we live a few hours away)!) And I could no longer consider moving at this time. I'm devastated about her diagnosis and the impact it has on our dream (selfish I know but it's changed what we wanted for our own family). 

The question now is what should we do?? Has anyone else moved whilst a family member so unwell? 4 months later her treatment is not even half way through and it could be the end of 2018 before it is (and that's assuming it's working).

Long term we don't know what will happen. It could be years and this will still be hanging over us. I don't want to abandon our plans and dreams. We could wait but I know both our occupations have previously been Flagged for removal off the list and our points are currently already dropped from our maximum that they were in August (now at 75).if we wait a few years to see what happens we may lose the opportunity if our occupation is removed. 

Would love thoughts and advice from.others who have moved when a family member unwell or have dealt with a family illness in the UK whilst living in Australia. Or those who didn't make the move due to similar circumstances. 

[DukeNinja]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like a tough position to be in.

When you get invited to apply for your visa, remember that you do have a whole year from the date of the medicals/PCC from which to make your activation visit. After that, you have 5 years within which you then have to make the move. So you do have some breathing space, if that puts a different perspective on things.

Also, once you submit your application, it doesn't matter if your occupation gets taken out of the list.

Edited December 31, 2017 by DukeNinja

[Stayorgo]

I know we have 5 years. My dh was keen to move within the year of a being granted so that we could apply for citizenship before needing a RRV. But I do know we would have the 5 years. 

How long do IELTS results last? He did it last March.I know his skills assessment lasts 3years but I wasn't sure on the English test. He doesn't fancy sitting it again!! 

Our plans had been to move August 2018....booked a holiday to Australia instead now to lessen the blow. 

[calNgary]

Sorry to hear about your sister.

In relation to the visa if you qualify now i would be tempted to still apply, as the above post says you don't have to submitt the application immediately and even when its granted your given a bit of time to actually move. It would be sad to miss the opportunity and say in 3 years time really wish you could move and no longer qulaify for one reason or another, none of us know what the future holds.

Cal x

[DukeNinja]

IELTS is valid for 3 years, however, you'll all have to do it again, come citizenship application time.

[JonnoA]

Sorry to hear about your sister.  

Not the same at all, but I moved here after learning my uncle had cancer (we are very close as he’s been like a father to me) - that being said I’ve seen him 4 times since I moved 5 years ago and he and my Aunt are considering a once in a lifetime holiday this year they’ve wanted to do for years.  He still has the dreaded C but is currently stable.

The fact is, whilst we are far away geographically, depending on where you are you can be in your front door within 26 hours - I actually came back for 2weeks to look after my mother when she had an operation and it really isn’t that far, more so in your head.  

Skype is also a wonderful thing that means you can be in touch daily at a reasonable hour to you both.  

 

Of course, family comes first,  don’t have to choose between one and the other in my experience.

[Stayorgo]

Thanks Jonno. I know its not that far when it's only a day away, I've had a few week long holidays to australia and its not felt too far. I don't want to hold back my life and regret it further down the line. But feel so guilty and selfish for thinking about myself and my family. 

Glad to hear your uncle is stable. Had you already started the process to move when.you found out? 

[Peach]

To be a successful migrant you have to be a bit selfish and focus on your immediate family.   Your goals, hopes and aims should be focused on them.  Say you put your plans on hold and miss the window of opportunity only for your sister to decide to move to Canada?

[themaccas]

Hi we moved to Aus 5 years ago, my father in law who we were all very close to wasn’t in the best of health, a year later he was diagnosed terminal cancer and a few months later he died, to compound that my mother became ill with leukaemia then when she was in remission she was diagnosed with end stage ovarian cancer and died a year after my father in law. Those first three years here in Aus rested is beyond anything we had experienced, they were both in their late 60’s so we didn’t expect them to go so soon. Now my sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer in the U.K. but we are making contact work with phone calls and emails. I would advise having $2k buffer in a savings account to go towards emergency flight back home. Also decide who would go back in the event of an emergency, we were pretty lean and only one of us went back at any one time. I didn’t go back for mums funeral as I was only back in Aus when she died two weeks later, she was palliative at that stage but I know when I said goodbye to her that would be it. The time spent with family alive is by far the most important. You have to live your life at the end of the day. Despite everything, we had a window of time to get out here like you do and we took it. We are so pleased we did, we have no regrets. You make things work!
Sorry if that was all a bit morbid and your sister sounds like she is responding to treatment which is great. My sister is too and I find myself making extra effort with contact being so far away.

[Stayorgo]

Peach you are totally right, we have to focus on us. Whilst my sis won’t be moving anywhere I know that I wouldn’t be the first thing on her mind in a decision about her family. I desperately don’t want to miss the opportunity and would kick myself if we did. We’ve already taken our 7 year old over a few times and I’m also worried that if we didn’t move then she would do when she’s older as she loves it there (if we didn’t move we would still repeatedly holiday there so her love for the place would grow)...so would rather we all went now!! 

 

Themaccas thanks for for your reply and sharing the tough times.  I hope your sister is doing well. The big C is rubbish. 6 months ago we thought that by moving now hopefully our parents would still be young enough to visit lots (only in late 50s/early 60s), and never ever thought C would strike my younger sister. Guess you never know what might happen or when it’ll happen so should just do the things you want and make the most of life!! 

Now to convince my husband we should apply now...he’s keen to make the move but the big step will be pressing submit on our (his) EOI which is all ready to go!! He’s flying over to Oz for work next week which should cement his thoughts. 

[Stayorgo]

So we've now lodged our EOI....eek!! Decided to just go for it. 

75 points as an accountant....hopefully won't be waiting too long! 

[bluetvrs1]

My mother had terminal cancer diagnosed during our migration application process. She died two weeks after we arrived in Australia. She was 60.

We'd discussed it and she didn't want to hold us back and I think that would be the case for most. I know I'd never hold back my children in those circumstances. 

From a positive angle, I remember her from the last time I saw her, beautiful, fully articulate and outwardly healthy. Not.....well you know.

That was over ten years ago and although I think about it I don't have regrets. This would of course be different for each individual...only you know yourself. As for selfish, well my (at the time) teenage kids hated us for dragging them half way across the world. Swore they'd return to the UK at the first opportunity. They've flourished here and last year the 24YO took me aside and said 'Dad, you were right". There's a first time for everything :-)

[SteveandKirsty]

We were going through the process when my mother in law (Kirsty's mum) and my father had a brain haemorrhage and heart attack within six weeks of each other.  Thankfully both did survive and are now pretty much back to full health, as much as they can be in their late 60's and early 70's but them being ill did put plans on the back burner (note 2015 is 'missing' from our timeline) even if we did continue with them. I know it is a different situation to yours, but my point is that you should progress with your own plans, is your own life and future and it is good to read that you appear to be doing just that.

Edited January 2, 2018 by SteveandKirsty