Renewing British passports while in Oz - and difficult ex-husband

[Que Sera Sera]

Yep, I agree with Tulip1, do not involve your children in your battles, very much frowned upon by the family courts & do not denigrate (or allow others to do so) your ex in front of your children. The other party is still their parent and your children have their DNA in them (whether you like it or not).

 

Again, I agree with Tulip1, having a teenager mind a 9 year old for a few hours is no harm. Concentrate on your time with your kids and stop stressing about his time with his kids (I deliberately said his as they are his too). You can't control that and unless there is a major issue, you won't win it.

 

When you did your split, did you get consent orders (ie from the court) in place? Does it cover conditions for international travel and who holds the passports?

 

50:50 is not a right, there is no such thing as father's rights or mother's rights for that matter. There are children's rights and children have a right to a relationship with both parents. Courts are encouraged to start at 50:50 where possible and deviate based on practicalities and best interests of the children. Given the ages of your children he probably would have gotten 50:50 or close to it through the courts.

 

You haven't answered the ? of why you want the passports. Are you planning a trip? Have you written to your ex, saying that you'd like to do X trip with the children and ask him for his consent to bring the children overseas for that trip. Have you proposed make-up time for him if you are going to eat into his time? Have you suggested skype calls for the kids with their Dad while they are away?

 

What exactly are you looking for the family court to do? The court will probably ask the above questions of you.

 

I suggest you take a look at mensline.org,au and the forum on there. Although it is a men's support group, it will give you a better response from people who have more experience of the family courts than the PIO audience. It will also help you understand Dad's perspective. I try to approach these issues by removing the gender from the equation (ie Parent 1 and Parent 2 rather mother and father).

 

I did see a case where a judge lambasted Parent 1 for not signing a passport application to enable a teenager to go on a family holiday with Parent 2 and relations (grandparents, cousins etc). The judge ordered the mother to sign the application there and then in court. The teenager had a fractured relationship with Parent 1 already and barely spoke to them. By denying him this holiday, it was not going to help the repair the relationship.

 

Finally, child support has nothing to do with your issue and you need to separate it. The CSA will take appropriate action to recover owned child support if your raise it with them (including garnishing salary and taking money from his bank account if needed)

 

Happy to take this offline if you like and try and help you negotiate a satisfactory solution for you

 

 

 

No where did I say involve the kids in disputes. But asking for a legal document to be scanned and emailed is not involving them. If the kid is old enough to babysit then they are old enough to have this conversation with their Father, they will already know what's going on and honesty and openness is not the same as involving children in disputes. I have personal experience in this and my now grown up children all appreciated honesty.

[Tulip1]

I cannot think in any way it would be a positive thing. The kids have suffered with their parents separating. This is hard enough when it's amicable and they see their parents are still 'friendly'. It's harder when they know their parents don't like each other and they will know as they're not stupid. So yes to a point they will already know what's going on but they don't need reminders and help with it. The only way the children would know the mum wants the passports and the dad won't give them to her is if she's told them or he's told them. That is involving them in unnessary 'wars' between the adults. I'm all for open and honest but kids don't need to know their parents are bitching about passports. The passports are not time critical, leave it be for now and focus on what is important. Collie said some really good things in his post. I have never heard the terms parent 1 and 2 rather than mum and dad and it sounds fairer to me. He also said that the lady who posted needs to only think about the time she has the children and not get caught up on the time the dad has them. Probably very hard to do but is what should be done. I wish the poster well, it's a difficult time I know

[Collie]

Sorry LovelyWA, Tulip1 is on the money. Asking a child (no matter the age) to ask the other parent about something that the parents are in dispute about is "involving" them.

I'm glad it worked out in your case (or perhaps your children haven't told you that they felt they were put in the middle or just moved on with it) but it is not recommended.

 

All the mediation/Relationships Australia and family courts service guidelines advice not to do this. Have your discussion with the other parent away from the children, in writing or mediation if needed.

 

Anyway, my advice to the OP stands.

[Sulac]

Gosh, I didn't expect so many responses and so many trains of thought and advice.

 

It has been therapeutic to read through them.

 

I think we just need to get to the family court to open up dialogue, as you can't get anywhere without any communication and he has been stonewalling for a year (yes a year). Now I have lodged papers hopefully we can move forward.

 

It's been quite emotionally and mentally exhausting, so maybe the passport issue will wait. I wanted to take them on holiday to Bali, and yes rest assured the husband is aware of the request to take them on hols and hasn't responded.. It's the least of my worries.......

 

 

Thanks once again.

[Collie]

Good luck Sulac.

 

It sounds like you need clear unambiguous consent orders, particularly around overseas travel.

 

It's not unreasonable to want to take the kids on holidays. Not sure if Indonesia is a signatory to the Hague convention, if not you may want to have a back up destination in mind.

 

Don't waste money on lawyers, it is not difficult to self represent in the family court, just stay focussed on the kids and don't get drawn into a "he said she said" debate.