Should I stay or should I go

[hubbert0403]

We have been here for almost 4 years now and I am still suffering home sickness and depression, my husband has settled in really well has a god job we live in a beautiful house we have far more than we would have in the UK, except we have no family here and no friends. I have just given up work due to health issues and wanted time to recuperate and I just feel lonelier than ever. I have struggled with my emotions about staying or going for a long time but lately it is at the forefront.

 

My husband is understanding and suggests I go home for a few months at a time, but then I think what's the point in that I will have to come back and be as lonely again and what kind of marriage would that end up.

 

 

At present I have no reasons for staying here, yet my husband has everything.....has anyone else been in this situation and if so what did you do about it?

[Marisawright]

@minniemoo - yes, LOTS of people have been in your situation. The most common reason why migrants pack up and go home is just what you're feeling - no matter how good life is, some people simply can't be happy without their family and friends close by.

 

There are two kinds of people - those who need to be near family and those who don't. I'm lucky, I do love my family but I've never felt the need to be in their pockets - we see each other every couple of years and that's fine by me - and that's why I've been able to live in Australia for 30 years without a qualm. Whereas I know other people who are lost if they don't speak to their mum once a week, and they are the ones who get back on the plane and go home. And you can't change your nature. Unfortunately I think it's unlikely you'll ever stop missing your family because that's the kind of person you are.

 

You've been in Australia long enough to get your citizenship so I suggest you concentrate on getting that done first. Once you've got your citizenship then you'll be free to go back to the UK for as long as you like, without worrying about losing your right to return. Then you may have a better chance of persuading your husband to try going back to the UK for a few years, because he knows he can always come back.

 

I also think you should ask your doctor to refer you for counselling - even if you don't think it will help, it might make your husband realise how badly this is affecting your health.

Edited August 22, 2016 by Marisawright

[Quoll]

Ditto re the counselling - there are tips and tricks to get you through each and every day but it's hard work. A good CBT or ACT therapist should give you some good ideas.

 

I'm making the assumption here that he is saying he won't leave but he's OK for you to go back when you need it. In the first instance that might be the thing to try then you will get a good feel for what might be your least worst option - some of us go through life living their least worst option unfortunately. You may well decide that he is the man you want to grow old beside no matter where that may be but, equally, you may decide that living an alien life just isn't worth it.

 

Going back for an extended period will give you time to see if those family and friends really are as important as you think they are. Some folk have been lucky and walked back into their old social circle, others have found that the hole their leaving left in others' lives had healed over with scar tissue so you won't know until you try it. It was never the family and friends for me, I'm a selfish old cow really but it was the "belonging" I craved and being back has made all the difference to my mental health.

 

Good luck!

[starlight7]

It also occurred to me if you have recently been unwell and are off work that wouldn't help because if you were in the uk you would have family and friends to sympathise. You may feel a bit better when your health improves- all of us feel pretty crap when we are ill and this affects mind as well as body. Good luck in your decisions.