Moving back to the UK dilemma

[Northwind]

Hi,

 

Over the past 6 months i have constantly read all posts from many people and their different experiences on this topic. It is only now that i have finally decided that i would share my experience and try to gain some further insight from people in similar situations or even views of people that may be able to provide some insight. Now i fully understand everybody's situation is different, no one can tell you what is the right or wrong thing to do with regards to your own personal situation and at the end of the day the decision will ultimately lie with myself and my family but for some reason it still feels better to share it.

 

I emigrated to Perth 11 years ago at the age of 18 with my parents and two brothers. My family settled in straight away, made lots and lots of friends and if you were to meet them now you would assume they were Australian and had never been anywhere else, let alone be from the UK. My parents have never even gone back to the UK to visit because of 2 reasons, no desire to and the fact our family have always been more than willing to come to Perth and make a holiday of it. I on the other hand, struggled. and even to this day have never really settled. It was a tough age to move, even though i totally accepted it and wanted to make the move with my family. I went to university to meet friends as i was to old to go to school. Dumb right, get a massive uni debt because i wanted to meet people?? I was young and naïve. However, i did meet lots of people, got a fairly good degree (sports science) which has somehow lead to the job i do now as product specialist. I know, couldn't be further apart from each other. However, i talked myself into the job and have done ok. Moving on.

 

4 years ago, after numerous visits back to the UK i decided i wanted to see all of Australia, booked myself on a trip from Sydney to Cairns and upped and went. Had a great time, met a beautiful girl who is now my wife. She was from England ( i didn't intentionally go out to meet an English girl) and was from a town 10 minutes up the road from where i was from. Weird hey? I went back to uk to be with her, lasted 3 months and missed the family, so came back. After lots of money sorting visas she joined me in Perth a few months later. 2 years later we got married and we now have a son (First generation Australian).

 

My wife has always made such an effort here and loved living here. settled in (or i thought she had) and made a real go of it. However, since she had our son she has been very homesick (misses her mum and dad, friends etc) and has been pining to return home. She gave up her life there to come here and now she is missing it terribly. She has no family here and not many 'very good' friends which she has in abundance at home. She has made lots of effort to meet people, joined lots of mums groups and does stuff everyday with our son. The only thing preventing me upping and going back is my family which is made all the harder by the fact they have their first grand child now who they adore and it would break my heart to take him away from their lives. My wife however does not have that relationship with them and wants to return.

 

Perth is great place, ok it can be a bit dull but its what you make of it and it would be a great place to bring kids up. I am in a right predicament. I worry that we would take our son away from a fairly good life here, i worry about work as i only have about 3-4 years experience in what i do here and i worry about my family here. Yes i have family at home and i have always wanted to return but now the question has been asked and the situation is real im having doubts?

 

Has anybody remotely been in this situation? I Know we would have a good life in the UK, lots of friends, extended family for me and direct family for my wife. Money wouldn't be an issue moving and we would have a deposit for a place over there as we have always been sensible with money and saved hard.

 

Sorry for the long story but setting the scene is important. I hope someone can share their views. Ultimately i know i have to return for my wife as she has made the decision she needs to go. Even after months of me trying to take her rose tinted glasses off and laying down all the pros and cons. I guess its just me thats unsure. Like i said, i always would have gone but now the time is here to make a decision im finding it hard because i know how much money my family spent to get us here for a 'better' life all them years ago. and the fact we are a very close family which i think occurs when you move somewhere and only have each other for a period of time. Im 29 now, have my own family and am in a bit of a predicament!

 

Thanks :-)

 

wow! I wasn't sure if I was reading a post from my partner then! Your story is pretty much identical to mine!

 

we are both from the uk, I lived in a town 10 minutes from where he was from in the uk. He is 30 years old, I am 25. How old is your wife? He was here in oz first and we got together over here. Now have a baby boy. How old is your boy by the way?

I have been thinking of moving back due to family and friends missing out on our boy and him missing out on those family connections. I am also eligible for citizenship next March! My boy and partner both already have (well partner is applying).

 

it has been really good to read the mans side of the situation. My partner doesn't want to go back at all as he relates it to being a miserable depressing place, although I have tried to explain he is older now and has a child so the uk would not be the same for him as it once was when he was single without a child. Although he doesn't want to move back I know if it came to it then he would do so.

 

i have already been back for 2 months when baby was 6 months and I am heading back in July for another 4 week visit. (Have spent so much over the last 3 years on flights visiting the uk!)

 

i have learnt from this forum that my best bet is to wait and get my citizenship too. I now feel more settled and comfortable that I have a plan. I would hate for my child to move here to oz later on in life and I can't follow if I want to. I have also learnt that maybe moving and trying a different place in oz might be good for us too. I am in Mackay and my sister is in Perth and a few other friends who followed shortly after I came to oz. I have heard it is a nice place and great for children.. Would you agree?

 

i totally get what your partner means about the family and not making friends the same as back in the uk... No offence to Australians and I have some good Australian friends but I have found myself that they are harder to click with than English people and it's difficult to build those good bonds.

 

best of luck to you and I wonder where this time next year we will all be!! Will be interesting to keep tabs and check later on down the line. Feel free to inbox me anytime or your partner if she wants to talk to somebody who understands!

[vinnie3004]

wow! I wasn't sure if I was reading a post from my partner then! Your story is pretty much identical to mine!

 

we are both from the uk, I lived in a town 10 minutes from where he was from in the uk. He is 30 years old, I am 25. How old is your wife? He was here in oz first and we got together over here. Now have a baby boy. How old is your boy by the way?

I have been thinking of moving back due to family and friends missing out on our boy and him missing out on those family connections. I am also eligible for citizenship next March! My boy and partner both already have (well partner is applying).

 

it has been really good to read the mans side of the situation. My partner doesn't want to go back at all as he relates it to being a miserable depressing place, although I have tried to explain he is older now and has a child so the uk would not be the same for him as it once was when he was single without a child. Although he doesn't want to move back I know if it came to it then he would do so.

 

i have already been back for 2 months when baby was 6 months and I am heading back in July for another 4 week visit. (Have spent so much over the last 3 years on flights visiting the uk!)

 

i have learnt from this forum that my best bet is to wait and get my citizenship too. I now feel more settled and comfortable that I have a plan. I would hate for my child to move here to oz later on in life and I can't follow if I want to. I have also learnt that maybe moving and trying a different place in oz might be good for us too. I am in Mackay and my sister is in Perth and a few other friends who followed shortly after I came to oz. I have heard it is a nice place and great for children.. Would you agree?

 

i totally get what your partner means about the family and not making friends the same as back in the uk... No offence to Australians and I have some good Australian friends but I have found myself that they are harder to click with than English people and it's difficult to build those good bonds.

 

best of luck to you and I wonder where this time next year we will all be!! Will be interesting to keep tabs and check later on down the line. Feel free to inbox me anytime or your partner if she wants to talk to somebody who understands!

 

Wow that is pretty similar. My wife is 35 and i am 29. My son is doing great, 10 months old now and he has developed the most adorable personality. Its great fun having him around but it makes it harder trying to work out what is best to do as he is our priority now and i want him to have a decent upbringing. I know he will get that here but i also know he will get that in England, just different.

 

Yeh its definitely wise to get your citizenship. It will make it easier if your plans ever change down the track. Perth is a good place to bring up kids but Perth is also a reasonably new city and for me i find still find it very underdeveloped and isolated. I just returned from the gold coast (business trip) and the difference to the eastern states is very clear to see. I also realised again just how isolated we are over here. 5.5 hours on the plane returning from Brisbane with a whole lots of nothing in the middle! crazy!

 

I do love it over east, i find it a very different Australia to Perth. Its almost like they are 2 completely different countries. If we were to stay in Australia we would definitely relocate over east.

 

Keep me updated with how you go and what you end up doing. It must be hard if your partner is reluctant to go. I have never been reluctant to go, i just worry about my family here and the sadness it will cause them now we have our son. But i do have to live my life and im sure they and i will move on. Its not like i will never see them again!

[Marisawright]

I do love it over east, i find it a very different Australia to Perth. Its almost like they are 2 completely different countries.

 

I think you are absolutely right. I lived in Sydney - I see people posting about Perth on these forums and whether it's a positive or negative post, it never bears any relation to my experience of Australia.

[AJ]

 

I think you are absolutely right. I lived in Sydney - I see people posting about Perth on these forums and whether it's a positive or negative post, it never bears any relation to my experience of Australia.

I LIVE in Perth and some of the posts bear no resemblance to my experience either!

[costa123]

Similar story here too! Met my husband over here 6 years ago and we lived about 2km from each other back home! We now have a baby boy who is 16 months old. Since having him I unfortunately suffered with PND and started to miss my family and back home enormously. Problem was that my husband said he never wanted to move back to UK for similar reasons to yours, although like you said I know things would hopefully be different if we went back now. Anyway, we did two trips to the UK last year and have decided we both want to head back. Both our families are over there and it's just too hard being so far away and not having any help, plus I would love my son to grow up being close to them. Also, we both want another child but it was such a struggle first time around that neither of us want to go through that again and with me being so depressed - so we have decided to head back in around a year, although we have no idea where to live in the UK yet! Luckily we've all got dual citizenship already. I just hope that when we move back my husband isn't unhappy and doesn't resent me for "making" him move back...

 

wow! I wasn't sure if I was reading a post from my partner then! Your story is pretty much identical to mine!

 

we are both from the uk, I lived in a town 10 minutes from where he was from in the uk. He is 30 years old, I am 25. How old is your wife? He was here in oz first and we got together over here. Now have a baby boy. How old is your boy by the way?

I have been thinking of moving back due to family and friends missing out on our boy and him missing out on those family connections. I am also eligible for citizenship next March! My boy and partner both already have (well partner is applying).

 

it has been really good to read the mans side of the situation. My partner doesn't want to go back at all as he relates it to being a miserable depressing place, although I have tried to explain he is older now and has a child so the uk would not be the same for him as it once was when he was single without a child. Although he doesn't want to move back I know if it came to it then he would do so.

 

i have already been back for 2 months when baby was 6 months and I am heading back in July for another 4 week visit. (Have spent so much over the last 3 years on flights visiting the uk!)

 

i have learnt from this forum that my best bet is to wait and get my citizenship too. I now feel more settled and comfortable that I have a plan. I would hate for my child to move here to oz later on in life and I can't follow if I want to. I have also learnt that maybe moving and trying a different place in oz might be good for us too. I am in Mackay and my sister is in Perth and a few other friends who followed shortly after I came to oz. I have heard it is a nice place and great for children.. Would you agree?

 

i totally get what your partner means about the family and not making friends the same as back in the uk... No offence to Australians and I have some good Australian friends but I have found myself that they are harder to click with than English people and it's difficult to build those good bonds.

 

best of luck to you and I wonder where this time next year we will all be!! Will be interesting to keep tabs and check later on down the line. Feel free to inbox me anytime or your partner if she wants to talk to somebody who understands!

[bencrom81]

Similar story here too! Met my husband over here 6 years ago and we lived about 2km from each other back home! We now have a baby boy who is 16 months old. Since having him I unfortunately suffered with PND and started to miss my family and back home enormously. Problem was that my husband said he never wanted to move back to UK for similar reasons to yours, although like you said I know things would hopefully be different if we went back now. Anyway, we did two trips to the UK last year and have decided we both want to head back. Both our families are over there and it's just too hard being so far away and not having any help, plus I would love my son to grow up being close to them. Also, we both want another child but it was such a struggle first time around that neither of us want to go through that again and with me being so depressed - so we have decided to head back in around a year, although we have no idea where to live in the UK yet! Luckily we've all got dual citizenship already. I just hope that when we move back my husband isn't unhappy and doesn't resent me for "making" him move back...

 

think it sounds the best move for you. hopefully you feel better now you have a plan/date on the horizon. certainly helped me when I was in two minds about going home for good. go easy on yourself!

[newjez]

Wow that is pretty similar. My wife is 35 and i am 29. My son is doing great, 10 months old now and he has developed the most adorable personality. Its great fun having him around but it makes it harder trying to work out what is best to do as he is our priority now and i want him to have a decent upbringing. I know he will get that here but i also know he will get that in England, just different.

 

Yeh its definitely wise to get your citizenship. It will make it easier if your plans ever change down the track. Perth is a good place to bring up kids but Perth is also a reasonably new city and for me i find still find it very underdeveloped and isolated. I just returned from the gold coast (business trip) and the difference to the eastern states is very clear to see. I also realised again just how isolated we are over here. 5.5 hours on the plane returning from Brisbane with a whole lots of nothing in the middle! crazy!

 

I do love it over east, i find it a very different Australia to Perth. Its almost like they are 2 completely different countries. If we were to stay in Australia we would definitely relocate over east.

 

Keep me updated with how you go and what you end up doing. It must be hard if your partner is reluctant to go. I have never been reluctant to go, i just worry about my family here and the sadness it will cause them now we have our son. But i do have to live my life and im sure they and i will move on. Its not like i will never see them again!

 

I am also in a mixed marriage. I do regret my wife didn't take citizenship as it complicates things.

 

It's good to take the time now to decide where you want to live before your child is school aged.

 

Is it easy for you to get work in the UK? My son is interested in product design, and I think it should be, but I don't know what the wages are like. Surprised there is much work in Perth for this field. Thought the eastern states would have more opportunities.

 

Enjoy England. It is a wonderful country, as is Australia. Hopefully you will settle down and won't become a nomad.