101redroses Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 Hi everyone, first all of thanks for listening to me, it just feels good to get this out of my head... I first arrived in Oz back in 1993 and loved it, really loved it from day one. The distance from the UK never really bothered me, in my mind it was just a day away. Fast forward 21 years, technology has certainly advanced from the fax but now I feel so isolated here, how ironic.. In past 21 years I have embraced Australia completely, have wonderful friends who come from all part of the globe and I thought I really was at home here. I have 3 children who love their Australian life but at the same time are very proud of their English/Irish roots. My husband is also from England but we met here and he has lived here for most of 30 years. Anyway what changed? I think my unsettled feelings are now coming from what I call my breast cancer hangover.. I was successfully treated for breast cancer 2 years ago and all things considered I had the best possible outcome if you are going to get one from this wretched disease. But blimey it has left some emotional baggage.... I now worry about things I never worried about before.. What if I died or my husband - how would he or i cope on our own? Yes we have friends but it is just not the same as family. When I was having surgery 2 years ago, again I had support here (wonderful support) but the phone calls, FB messages and flowers from the UK was treasured so much more. More recently we have been getting life back on track and I've just returned from a month's holiday in the UK. I went over with the kids and it felt great, it was 5 years since our last trip and I laughed like I hadn't laughed in years. My kids were blown away with how much extended family they actually have as we are a small unit here. My eldest daughter who is 15 yrs loved the vibe of London and decided she wants to go to Uni in England. We are also huge LFC fans and we went to a match (TG they won) and it was in their words "the best experience of their life hearing you never walk alone." Gosh I feel teary thinking about it now. Anyway I'm back from a fabulous trip, the weather was also sensational in both England and Ireland and I am concerned I am seeing things through rose coloured glasses (which I have a tendency to do - it is my greatest strength and weakness). I would dearly love to take the family on an adventure to the UK but the hurdles and risks seem huge. They have such a great life here and what if their pre-menopausal mother is messing it up??? I also need to add in that my parents although in good health are in their late 70's and I feel the responsibility of that is left on my brother who has never made me feel guilty for living on the other side of the world. So I would love to know how other long term Pommies have adapted to life back in the UK and if you have taken children back too. My kids are 15 years, 10 years and 5 years. I have always worked and would need to find work quickly as funds are limited (another story) and I would like to know if Australian work experience is valued/respected by UK employers. Thanks for listening to me and I appreciate your comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the bottler Posted November 5, 2014 Share Posted November 5, 2014 I am afraid I cannot help you but there are people on here who can ... I agree it helps to get it out of your head and down in writing ... Good Luck in what ever you decide to do ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foolboy Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I've lived in australia since 1978 and whilst I've never hated it I've always considered England to be my proper home. I've had to live with a chronic illness for quite a few years now and after my second operation earlier this year I'm reconsidering whether Australia is the place I want to live. Illness changes the way you think about your life and its a good time to sit down and decide what you want out of life. Illness teaches you that life needs to be lived and the material things in life don't really mean that much for me Australia is all about the things and not so much about the people who you care about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 We moved to Aus in 1978 and never returned from our UK holiday in 2011. This past 3 years have been nothing short of amazing for me. I've lost 50kg because I can, and do, get out and walk all the time in the perfect weather. I laugh a lot! I hadn't laughed so much in years! I have friends - new ones who will stand the test of time and who, as far as I can see, are friends because we get along and want nothing out of me nor I from them. One of my boys has made England home - like us he came for a holiday - 12 yrs ago and now can't even be bothered to go to Aus on holiday - he has a wife, child and house and has no intention of leaving a career that he loves. I do feel a bit sorry for the son left behind. He has a wife and two kids and I really think he is lonely and missing "his" people- he's on Skype regularly and is even looking forward to my flying visit this weekend (a whole fortnight but at least I'm not vomiting at the thought) We do live in the SE and though we are camping in my parents house, caring for a couple of nonagenarians, one of whom has spiteful dementia, this has been beyond awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 I must be pre-menstrual 'cos I'm bloody crying reading your post. My OH is a scouser - we had 'You'll never walk alone' played at our wedding and our son's christening I'm back in the UK after 5 years in Perth but that's a very different experience to yours, it never quite felt like home, my son was born in Scotland and considers himself a Scot first, a Scouser second and an Aussie way down the line. If your daughter is 15 it is tricky time to plan a move but unless you do it very soon she could only go to uni in England as an international student (£££££'s) I find most employers are fascinated by my time in Australia but of course I had reasonably recent UK experience behind it and a lot will depend on your profession - mine (IT) was very transferrable in both directions. It's not cheap to move though and that could seriously colour your experience if you are struggling when you get here - we were much worse off in Australia and it doesn't help the 'feel good' factor. If your daughter didn't have the UK in mind for uni, I'd be tempted to advise let her finish her high school education in Australia and then all take a sabbatical (holding jobs open if you can) and have a UK adventure - either you'll love it and want to stay or you'll realise the specs were truly rose-tinted and return to your life in Australia with gratitude for what you have there. I certainly don't regret going to Australia because I now appreciate the UK a whole lot more. Problem is she would struggle to take GCSE's now and I'm guessing if you decided to move today she'd still be 16 before you made it. There are options, I used to work in the 16+ education sector so happy to discuss what some of those options could be. Any chance of getting her into an IB school in Australia right now? That'll test how keen she is to go to uni in the UK!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Just thought I'd add that the first time the thought that I wanted to go home was why I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis…actually what I thought was 'I want my mam' and I'm no spring chicken, my mam is 81! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 When we visit the Uk people are pleased to see us and we them, however when we are there for some time they get on with their lives and we have to get on with ours. Only me but health is not a thing I would return to the UK for help with. Some people take to the UK like a duck to water but they seem to be the people who have always found fault with Aus and not really liked their lifestyle and felt their lives were on hold. Others go back are disappointed by the fact that family and friends loved them when they were on holiday but no time for them on a full time basis. Really would not burn bridges unless trial living period. We spent 3 months in UK in 2010 and only stayed with family for a couple of weeks. Was very ready to come back to Aus after that time. My family has experienced extreme health problems and I have now lost my husband but I still would not consider returning to the UK to live. My children are Australian and they love it here and never have any desire to live in the UK. So here we are and I am proud because we have been successful migrants and we are contributing to the tapestry of Australia and if all migrants went home there would be no Australia, mind you the Aborigines might like that lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3FatCats Posted November 6, 2014 Share Posted November 6, 2014 Your post made me :cry: too, YNWA.... I only stayed 3 years in Oz and returned to the UK. Prior to that I had lived in Europe for 16 years and again returned to the UK. Both returns were wonderful in different ways, I have not regretted either. I guess in your situation with kids involved it is a bit more complicated, but if you feel the pull....what I would say is be very sensible about your finances, pensions, super etc and leave yourself an option either end if possible. We change, thank goodness, in our lives and there is nothing wrong with wanting this change after all you have been through. Good luck with your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101redroses Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I am afraid I cannot help you but there are people on here who can ... I agree it helps to get it out of your head and down in writing ... Good Luck in what ever you decide to do ... Thank you for your kind words Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101redroses Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I agree, I have a different perspective on life now. When my surgeon told me I was basically cured of breast cancer I felt that not even a lotto win could feel as good as I felt in that moment. I was walking on sunshine and then you get thinking about what is really important to you.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101redroses Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 I must be pre-menstrual 'cos I'm bloody crying reading your post. My OH is a scouser - we had 'You'll never walk alone' played at our wedding and our son's christening I'm back in the UK after 5 years in Perth but that's a very different experience to yours, it never quite felt like home, my son was born in Scotland and considers himself a Scot first, a Scouser second and an Aussie way down the line. If your daughter is 15 it is tricky time to plan a move but unless you do it very soon she could only go to uni in England as an international student (£££££'s) I find most employers are fascinated by my time in Australia but of course I had reasonably recent UK experience behind it and a lot will depend on your profession - mine (IT) was very transferrable in both directions. It's not cheap to move though and that could seriously colour your experience if you are struggling when you get here - we were much worse off in Australia and it doesn't help the 'feel good' factor. If your daughter didn't have the UK in mind for uni, I'd be tempted to advise let her finish her high school education in Australia and then all take a sabbatical (holding jobs open if you can) and have a UK adventure - either you'll love it and want to stay or you'll realise the specs were truly rose-tinted and return to your life in Australia with gratitude for what you have there. I certainly don't regret going to Australia because I now appreciate the UK a whole lot more. Problem is she would struggle to take GCSE's now and I'm guessing if you decided to move today she'd still be 16 before you made it. There are options, I used to work in the 16+ education sector so happy to discuss what some of those options could be. Any chance of getting her into an IB school in Australia right now? That'll test how keen she is to go to uni in the UK!! haha - sounds like we have a similar sense of humour as well as being married to scousers!!! i agree my teenager is the tricky one but at the same time she is great girl and I'm sure that in the 3 years we would have to live there to prevent international fees for Uni we could work out a plan so she meets the educational requirements. My problem with waiting till she finishes high school is my parents. Now this thought is in my mind I would struggle if something happened to them and I had waited here until the time "seemed right". Again there is another "hangover" for me - my husband's mum died 2 years too (2012 was not our best year :-) ) and it was a reminder that time will not wait for you. However, today is a stunning day in Sydney and I'm telling myself I am insane... The internal torture will no doubt continue for a while. Happy Friday to you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101redroses Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 When we visit the Uk people are pleased to see us and we them, however when we are there for some time they get on with their lives and we have to get on with ours. Only me but health is not a thing I would return to the UK for help with. Some people take to the UK like a duck to water but they seem to be the people who have always found fault with Aus and not really liked their lifestyle and felt their lives were on hold. Others go back are disappointed by the fact that family and friends loved them when they were on holiday but no time for them on a full time basis. Really would not burn bridges unless trial living period. We spent 3 months in UK in 2010 and only stayed with family for a couple of weeks. Was very ready to come back to Aus after that time. My family has experienced extreme health problems and I have now lost my husband but I still would not consider returning to the UK to live. My children are Australian and they love it here and never have any desire to live in the UK. So here we are and I am proud because we have been successful migrants and we are contributing to the tapestry of Australia and if all migrants went home there would be no Australia, mind you the Aborigines might like that lol Thank you for your honest and realistic thoughts. it sounds like you and your family have a wonderful life here but no doubt faced challenges and loss along the way as we all do. I totally get what you are saying - well the brain does as the heart is a bit too emotional at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101redroses Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 Your post made me :cry: too, YNWA.... I only stayed 3 years in Oz and returned to the UK. Prior to that I had lived in Europe for 16 years and again returned to the UK. Both returns were wonderful in different ways, I have not regretted either. I guess in your situation with kids involved it is a bit more complicated, but if you feel the pull....what I would say is be very sensible about your finances, pensions, super etc and leave yourself an option either end if possible. We change, thank goodness, in our lives and there is nothing wrong with wanting this change after all you have been through. Good luck with your journey. Good advice, thank you and I'm glad you are happy back in the UK. YNWA x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101redroses Posted November 7, 2014 Author Share Posted November 7, 2014 We moved to Aus in 1978 and never returned from our UK holiday in 2011. This past 3 years have been nothing short of amazing for me. I've lost 50kg because I can, and do, get out and walk all the time in the perfect weather. I laugh a lot! I hadn't laughed so much in years! I have friends - new ones who will stand the test of time and who, as far as I can see, are friends because we get along and want nothing out of me nor I from them. One of my boys has made England home - like us he came for a holiday - 12 yrs ago and now can't even be bothered to go to Aus on holiday - he has a wife, child and house and has no intention of leaving a career that he loves. I do feel a bit sorry for the son left behind. He has a wife and two kids and I really think he is lonely and missing "his" people- he's on Skype regularly and is even looking forward to my flying visit this weekend (a whole fortnight but at least I'm not vomiting at the thought) We do live in the SE and though we are camping in my parents house, caring for a couple of nonagenarians, one of whom has spiteful dementia, this has been beyond awesome! Loved your story, very inspiring... It reminded me of a quote i read today - Live every moment, Laugh every day, Love beyond words ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toussaint Posted November 12, 2014 Share Posted November 12, 2014 [.....material things in life don't really mean that much for me Australia is all about the things and not so much about the people who you care about. I think your last line encapsulates everything about my experience , the things I miss in Australia are all material, other than that I found my six years there a spiritual vacuum. We were wealthier than had ever been but life was empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fizzybangs Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Go with your heart. It always wins in the end! Forget 'being sensible' and do what you know you want to do. We only have one life so live it to the full. I was like a previous responder for 30 years and couldn't wait to get back to Australia but now, having trialled living in the UK for a year after the urge became just too strong to return, I know I had been masking my true feelings using my head for all those years. I honestly felt really happy here in Oz and coped with my brother dying suddenly in the UK, missing at least 15 Weddings of immediate family, not seeing my nephews and nieces growing up nor their children when they married. I just got on with 'my life' in Oz. When during trip back I really realised what I had missed, when I did not recognise half the people at a family reunion they gave us, when I realised I was just 'that ghost on the wall who lives down under' the overwhelming regret almost crippled me. Truth is is that we could not have afforded to move back. Now we can and will be there for good soon. Good luck with your decision. The UK is a wonderful country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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