Hello

[Lola4]

Hi, I've just joined this site after reading it on and off for years! I grew up in OZ after my family emigrated back in the 70's. I fit into the Ping pong pom category really well having moved back and forth 7 times!! We now live in Canberra, which my husband really doesn't like. We have two teenage daughters who enjoy the Australian life style.

So far we have lived in Sydney (3yrs) Perth (18 mths) and Canberra (5yrs) with 18mths in between back in the UK. I've read many peoples similar stories and it's sort of comforting to know others are torn between living in different places in OZ and the UK.

My dilemma is that my husband has never really settled in Canberra and is talking about moving back to Perth or back to the UK. We have a house in Perth, which we put on the market only a month ago, so we sort of need to make a decision soon. Also we haven't asked our daughters what they think yet!

Anyone in the same boat at the moment? We did really like Perth but it was always very Hot!

Any way thanks for listening, glad I finally joined you all

[Guest]

Hi Lola and welcome to PIO,

 

My background is we migrated as a family to Perth in 2008, stayed 5 years and moved back to the UK last year. Perth is definitely very Hot!

 

What strikes me from your brief biography is you have never stayed any place all that long - you must have barely unpacked all your boxes in some places! To be honest I have been fairly similar in life, the longest I have lived anywhere is 7 years and I was always searching for the 'next big thing' that would tick all the boxes and lead to ever lasting happiness

 

What I learnt from my journey to Perth and back is that such a place does not exist - life is just life and it is substantially the same wherever you are. Yes, there are factors that will make one place suit you more than another but actually you just have to decide on one and make the best of it. If you cannot settle anywhere for long I would perhaps look inside rather than at the location. You say your husband hasn't settled in Canberra, did he settle elsewhere? Who has instigated the moves on the whole?

 

Having gained some insight into the true source of happiness I am now back in the UK and have never been so happy in life, something I don't think i would have achieved without migrating so no regrets at all.

 

I think each of you should write down a list of what it is you want from where you live & do it separately - the problem may lie in you wanting different things so wherever you are it's not perfect as a family. Perhaps divide the list into 'must haves' and 'nice to haves' or order in terms of importance. Then look at each of your options and see which is the closest match for you all. It means there will be some give and take.

 

I am wondering how old you were when you emigrated in the '70s and whether you have some unresolved issues from then. I do think there are those that long to move back to the UK so their children can have the kind of childhood they had, the problem being that UK no longer exists! I wonder if you are looking for either a UK or an Australia that only exists in your mind and yet you keep on searching.

 

I don't know how old your daughters are, or how they have coped with all these moves, I would guess you have two very resilient young women now but their education needs to come into the mix, a move back to the UK if they are between 14-18 is probably not recommended (it can be done if it has to be but exam wise would be tricky for them) so their needs should be considered too.

 

For now I would take your house in Perth off the market just in case!

[Lola4]

Hi Lady Rainicorn, thanks for your reply. I was 4 months old when we first moved to Australia. The first few moves back and forth was due to my parents divorcing. The last ones back and forth were down to my husband and I. The moves in between were down to my husbands job. Your right about our girls they have coped very well it has made us a close family. Our eldest is in yr 11 and youngest is in yr 9. I would happily stay where we are but my husband doesn't want to. I'll try your idea of writing it all down, we did have a long talk about it today though. Where were you in Perth? Do you have children, how did they cope?

Thanks for your advice

[Guest]

Hi Lady Rainicorn, thanks for your reply. I was 4 months old when we first moved to Australia. The first few moves back and forth was due to my parents divorcing. The last ones back and forth were down to my husband and I. The moves in between were down to my husbands job. Your right about our girls they have coped very well it has made us a close family. Our eldest is in yr 11 and youngest is in yr 9. I would happily stay where we are but my husband doesn't want to. I'll try your idea of writing it all down, we did have a long talk about it today though. Where were you in Perth? Do you have children, how did they cope?

Thanks for your advice

 

We stayed in Hamilton Hill, very close to Fremantle - strange to say but I loved in there, just didn't love Perth and the Australian lifestyle in general. I'm sure that is different for you if you were 4 months old when you moved!

 

I have one son who is 11 now. We moved out when he was 5 - he was strongly against the move (for no real reason that I could see other than fear of the unknown), he never considered himself Australian or call Australia 'home' even when we were happy and going through the honeymoon period. He even booed Australian in the olympic games - all just for effect I'm sure ('you brought me here against my will and I refuse to like it'). I do think he was actually happy day to day and when we talked about spending a year in the UK to decide for sure where we wanted to be he was against that pleading 'I don't care where we live but can we just live in one place and stay there' - we took head of that and were certain deep down the UK was where we wanted to be so took the chance and moved back permanently, thankfully this has worked out well (so far!)

 

He settled back as if he had not been away and even school, which was our biggest worry, has been a breeze. Funnily enough just in the last week though he has had a bit of 'homesickness' for Australia - it didn't entirely come out of the blue, bizarrely it turns out his class teacher this year used to teach at his school in Fremantle and I think it has triggered memories. We won't be going back though!!

 

It sounds like your daughters are at the age where a 'final' move would be okay so I would be looking at moving now to a 'forever home'......you can always change the plan later

 

Your husband needs to be really clear what it is about Canberra he doesn't like and whether what he aspires to he will really find in Perth or the UK. If work has moved you before, you do need to consider where is going to offer the best work opportunities too so that you can stay put.

 

The good thing is you and your husband are talking about it, if anything this whole thing has brought us closer but you see so many people being torn apart.

 

You might be better off asking for your post to be moved to 'Moving back to the UK' or post another one. I know the UK is only one option but you will get more people in similar cicumstances reading and responding there - it's good to get lots of different perspectives, not just from someone who returned to the UK and loves it

[Guest]

Sorry just re-read your post and realise I thought your children were age 11 and 9 - yr 11 is a different matter, I am not entirely ofay with the Australian education system but they leave in year 12 I believe?? I would think she needs to finish education where she is otherwise it may have a detrimental effect on her results.

 

University in the UK isn't really going to be an option unless you can cough up for international fees so if she is that way inclined you will need to think about where she applies and where you would move back to the UK without her.

 

If you stay now for your elder daughter then you are pretty much committing to stay until your younger daughter leaves school too as the last two years are critical in both the UK and Australia.

[Lola4]

We are planning on staying in Canberra till the end of next year for our eldest to finish year 12 and youngest to finish year 10. My husband and I have talked about it a lot over the last few days and have decided to take the house off the market and rent it out for a year. Still haven't spoken to the girls about it yet though. They have been looking forward to going back to UK although I know our youngest would rather stay here.

We have been worried about Uni and the commuting for her if we were to go back. It would certainly be easier and less expensive to move back into our old house in Perth. Now we need to talk to the girls!

Thanks Lady Rainicorn for your input.

[jasepom]

Seems like a move back to Perth is the easy option. Or stay in Canberra. Do your children really want to go back to UK ?

 

By the way I moved back to UK and hated every moment of it. But unfortunately, I had soled my house and everything to go back. Was a nightmare for me. Hate that to happen to you. As the saying goes "if it aint broke don't fix it".

[Pumpkin]

Seems like a move back to Perth is the easy option. Or stay in Canberra. Do your children really want to go back to UK ?

 

By the way I moved back to UK and hated every moment of it. But unfortunately, I had soled my house and everything to go back. Was a nightmare for me. Hate that to happen to you. As the saying goes "if it aint broke don't fix it".

 

Erm well it is broke ... there is an unhappy husband in the mix.

[Lola4]

Luckily the girls are pretty adaptable, we have moved many times due to my husbands job and they have settled well. This has to be the last move though, staying in Canberra isn't an option though as my husband doesn't like it, for many reasons and wants to move to Perth where he has friends.

[jasepom]

If you've got a house in Perth then that seems like a pretty safre bet to me. The UK is a lot further away if it doesnt work out and you have to come back.

[Parley]

Luckily the girls are pretty adaptable, we have moved many times due to my husbands job and they have settled well. This has to be the last move though, staying in Canberra isn't an option though as my husband doesn't like it, for many reasons and wants to move to Perth where he has friends.

 

Sounds like you have answered your own question.

[Pumpkin]

Erm well it is broke ... there is an unhappy husband in the mix.

 

To the moderator edit. I did not make any personal comments about another person's opinion. I merely suggested that what is right for that individual is not necessarily right for everyone else.

[Paul1Perth]

We live in Perth and if your family and hubby liked Perth I can see why he doesn't like Canberra. It's my least favourite place I've been to in Aus. I suppose you could get a snow ski in and that would be the only thing going for it.

 

If I was you I would be running by your daughters what they thought of Perth. If they liked it, your hubby likes it, and you already have a house it could be a good move. Sure it gets hot but I find the Perth dry heat a lot more comfortable than the humidity of the Eastern states and definitely more comfortable the somewhere like Darwin or Townsville.

 

All the best.