Moving back....making sure

[mickinqld]

I’d just like to start by thanking many of the members of PIO that have provided their own stories and experiences that have helped me in knowing that I’m not going stark staring mad and that my negative experiences of Australia are valid, commonplace and shared. I hope by posting this as my contribution to others who may benefit from it in some small, similar way.

 

Australia I do find, on a practical level, is a very ‘easy’ place to live with open space, few crowds and all the benefits of a first world country.

 

However, my experiences of the Australians, their culture and society have been overwhelmingly negative. I won’t dwell on the specific details here as many of you have previously described these failings in better literary ways than I possibly could, and also I find it too depressing to go over them again.

 

I could dwell on aspects of Australian life which have been highlighted by others on here, such as excessive heat, prices and lack of choice in some areas, but to be honest these are mere annoyances to me when compared with the failings of the society and culture.

 

I can honestly say that my partner and myself overwhelmingly only get on with and mix with other people from the UK and other foreign countries. There are of course some great Australians I have met and am proud to know but sadly these people are very much in the minority and probably more telling than any other fact, when I have discussed my opinions of the weaknesses of this country, these people will almost without qualification agree with me, and themselves feel trapped in their own country or feel that there is something ‘missing’ here. This is particularly telling when these people have actually visited and experienced other countries and know for themselves that there are alternatives.

 

Workplaces here have been negative, backstabbing, manipulative etc and are again IMO, representative of the bullying and dishonest culture which thrives here.

 

Australians pubs are not only dreary and completely lacking of atmosphere, but they are only representative of the people who frequent them. Many Australians can’t have a drink without becoming argumentative and violent and have witnessed how many view a good punch up or beating as their entertainment for the night or even the highlight of their week as the other aspects of their lives are so bland and empty.

 

I am in one way lucky in that my partner is Australian (having met and lived in London for 5 years) and therefore my move over here 13 years ago was relatively painless and inexpensive on a defacto based visa. Because she was effectively returning home, we also had her family as a support base – both emotionally and for initial accommodation etc.

I must say, even though the move to Australia was in support of my partners desire to move home and I had no burning desire to emigrate, I was initially excited at the differences here and escaping the envisaged problems of the UK. The initial excitement of course diminishes and the reality of living requirements becomes the norm. At first the things I was annoyed at in Australia society and culture were just that, annoyances, but over the years they became far more deep seated and the black dog reared his ugly head at certain times. I managed to overcome this for periods as I am a naturally positive and optimistic person, but earlier this year after a great trip back to the UK, something clicked on my return big time and it stayed well and truly. Being constantly exposed to the problems here that caused this situation meant there wasn’t a break from it and hence no opportunity to bounce back.

However, now I wish/need to return back to the UK and as with so many ‘mixed’ relationships, she wants to stay in Australia. I can understand her position however I cannot do the same at present and so we will see how I go in the UK and difficult decisions lie ahead for us one way or another.

 

I’m going back to the UK next week for a sanity break and if I can break out of this depressive cycle (which I predict is a yes, though I’ll be keeping open minded in fairness to my partner), I’ll be carrying out a lot of research and making plans for a more permanent move back. One of the saving graces of being in Australia for myself is having made some good property and work decisions and so am able financially to do this (13 years ago it was about 3 dollars to the pound also!). I can only imagine what it must be like to be ‘trapped’ here, saving for that return back that unfortunately you read about with so many people on here that have put all their financial eggs in the move over.

 

I will probably always have ties to Australia as my partner is from here. The more temporarily and flexible situation we have is property here but that can be sold off or rented out if needed.

 

None of us are experts at these situations that get thrust upon us and all the constructive suggestions in the world aren’t too many…..maybe I’m missing a glaring alternative!?

 

Best of luck to anyone in a similar boat as I know there are many on here and feel your pain.

[legoman]

Good honest post from the heart but you are doing something about it positively. trying the UK and see what you feel like after a while.

those here who love / dislike Oz will have opinions and those who have never yet left the UK will no doubt have theirs, all mean well but we are all individuals and have our own perspectives on life.Good Luck with it all,hope all works out best for everyone involved

[Quoll]

Bloody mixed marriages huh! I gave my Aussie DH 32 yrs of my life in Aus and I concur with you totally! I developed severe exogenous depression which magically lifted as soon as I set foot in UK! However, why, you may ask, did I stick it for so long - simples! Life there with him was better than life here without him and for the longest time I survived on the least worst option. Then life threw us a curve ball and I didn't return from my last UK holiday. The DH up sticks and moved here too. He is as happy as Larry and so am I. I've said I will return when my olds kick the bucket and hoping for a good few years yet. I belong, my health and fitness is 1000% better than ever it was in Aus. I am utterly happy for the first time in years!

 

I hope you can work out a compromise which suits you both!

[Guest]

Is your partner going back with you?

[mickinqld]

Thankyou again for your understanding responses.

 

Yes legoman, many people fit in here fantastically…I envy them and best of luck to them.

 

In my case I can honestly say I gave it my all for 13 years but could not ‘fit in’ in a way that I could enjoy and thrive in. To me, it would be a lot easier if you were more willing to adapt to the Australian psych but to me that would mean sacrificing my core values which are non- negotiable. Again, each to their own.

 

Quoll , you lasted 32 years in that particular situation……I genuinely salute you and don’t know how you did it. Many people on here state they hate it after a month! We all of course have to compromise in life in one way or another, but as I said before, each of own core values and needs are things that should be preserved.

 

LR – My partner isn’t going back for this trip back. I’m leaving my return date open-ended for now and it makes practical sense for her to remain here and look after house, animals and her work! Although I need to go back for this break for my own sanity, I’ve also deliberately chosen to make it the ‘worse case’ scenario for a return – my partner wont be there and the weather will undoubtedly be cold, wet and dark. The thinking being, if I still REALLY love the idea of the UK again, it wont be because the sun was out or it was a holiday type environment.

[legoman]

understand exactly how you feel, my dilemma was no mortgage easy life in Uk or forever owe in Perth and be with sons and grandkids. 1 son returning to uk so with me I'll plod along happy in either but a bit of me missing whatever country I am not in. Having said that I know guys in Perth desperate to go home to UK yet trapped in Perth by family. Its something those in the UK who have not arrived in Oz cannot understand no matter how much research they have done, we all have to try it to see for ourselves. 13 years is deffo long enough to see if its for you. Hope all works out how you want it to. keep us updated on UK visit

[mickinqld]

thanks legoman.

 

You just made me think about how this living on the other side of the world thing can be so all-consuming of your life....its constantly there in the background and everything you do has to take this into account with regard to family, friends, time and finances.

 

I have a good friend who moved to rural Ireland from London and can be back 'home' in 3 hours door to door. I think that far ahead if I want to travel and get a decent pizza.......and theres a good chance the pizza will cost more than his plane ticket I think.

 

To be honest, in hindsight, I knew I preferred the UK after about 2 years but made the effort to keep the missus happy. I would say its only in the last 18 months that things have got really bad.

[Jacaranda]

You're very lucky to have options!Hope the forthcoming trip gives you the clarity you need!:wink:

[mickinqld]

I know Melza. Very difficult options, but still options. As I touched upon before, my heart goes out to the people on here who are, or feel, completely trapped due to circumstances outside of their control.

[Aunt Agatha]

I'm sorry you're going through this mickinqld, it must be really hard to contemplate leaving your partner (temporarily or otherwise). You asked for possible solutions to your issues and I wondered if moving to a different part of Australia may help? I have friends who have moved to Melbourne (after living in Brisbane) who have found it to be more "forward-thinking" (for want of a better word). They find the general vibe matches their own values and politics better and they say there is much more to enjoy culturally speaking. I have visited myself and certainly found the bars and café culture really lively and with a real identity.

[mickinqld]

Hi AA, and thanks for your suggestion. I have spent some time living in Melbourne also and I do understand your thoughts about the place. But I think its a different flavour of the same food if that makes sense. I cant help comparing any place ive lived/visited here to the good places back 'home' and I come back to the feeling that theres an underlying difference that sets the places miles apart.

 

Youre right, It will be tough without my partner for a period but I hope things are clearer for both of us because of this and the way forward becomes easier.

 

Thanks again AA.

[Aunt Agatha]

No worries, I thought you'd say that TBH and I completely understand. I'm moving back to the UK myself and am most looking forward to the cultural, ideological and humour differences. That and the food!

[bitman]

@mickinqld,

 

I'm at the moment in some kind of situation that my wife is back in the UK for over 2 months now and being happier as when over here. I can only echo your feelings over here. I'm only still here to sort out shipping back to the UK etc.

 

We are using Skype & Viber to keep in contact what happens at funny times due the time zone differences.

It will be toff for you but I'm sure you can manage it. And cold? yes it's winter in the UK but for some sun shine Easy Jet to south Europe is an easy option

 

Anyway good luck and keep us in the loop.

[mickinqld]

hi bitman, im back in the uk now and getting some stuff sorted out in advance of a move back hopefully. missing the missus but the enthusiasm, relaxation and laughs are already coming back in droves.....as expected.