Love Oz but miss family

[kookaburras]

Hi everyone, I am really missing my family in the UK at the moment and starting to wonder whether I should go home for a while or whether it will pass eventually... does anyone have any advice?

 

My story is we have been here for 3 years (my partner and I) and enjoying Oz very much. Life here is beautiful and we love our home and the environment and spectacular weather. We both have secure, well paying jobs - we both moved for fantastic employment opportunities - I am PR while he is still on a 457. However, I am really homesick and he is also getting itchy feet to try somewhere new. His parents are also on his back asking "when are you coming home".

 

Every day I think about going home and I'm even starting to have bad dreams about a family member getting sick or dying and I never get to say goodbye. Dramatic I know!! While I realise it's just thoughts and silly dreams ,and I try to distract myself, it's always in the back of my mind what we're missing out on back in the UK in terms of family life.

 

We don't have any children and although we both have some extended family here, our parents, grandparents, siblings, nephews and nieces are back home.

 

I still own a property in my hometown and am only renting here in Oz so it would not be very expensive for us to move back. We could find jobs relatively quickly, although for likely much less pay than in Oz.

 

We take trips home 1-2 times a year to alleviate the homesickness but if anything that just makes me miss my family even more.

 

Any advice would be appreciate as I am completely 50/50 at the moment whether to stay or go! :frown:

[Petals]

Only you can decide. One thing I would do is make sure you get citizenship before returning as not having a crystal ball who knows what you will feel like after being home for a while. That way you are not keeping all your eggs in the one basket.

[Guest]

I don't think you should be going anywhere until you have citizenship, unlike a lot of us that return you sound like you love everything about Australia and there is a strong possibility that once the excitement of seeing family wears off you may want to return. Is there anyway your partner can get PR, I don't really understand why he hasn't already if you have.

 

I must admit it is hard for me to understand missing family so much. I don't have a large family so there was only my parents to miss and I think it is right for children to grow up and lead their own lives, as do my parents, and I expect my son to do the same. You have to live your best life for you, however and wherever that is.

 

I honestly don't think going back every 1-2 years is doing you any good, if you're anything like me as soon as the tickets are booked you're planning for the trip and then for a while afterwards you're debriefing so almost all the time the UK is a pre-occupation. It is almost like you don't want to commit to Australia and whilst you have a foot in both you will never settle. Trouble is if you move back you may pine for Australia - it's the curse of the migrant.

 

You have to rationally look at what your priorities are, what it is that makes you happy and decide which country is the best fit. You then have to accept the things about that country that aren't perfect (whether that is your family aren't there or the weather sucks or whatever) and comit to it. Not dissimilar to choosing a partner really

[Rupert]

I am also puzzled why you are PR but your partner on a 457 visa, like others I tend to think you might as well do another year or so to get citizenship, but get him PR and then a year after that he gets citizenship too. It will keep your options open for later.

 

Once done though and if you still feel the same way after that time (which could be up to a couple of years factoring in getting PR first), then make your decision at that point. Remember there is nothing wrong with missing your family, it isn't something you shouldn't do, it isn't something you should have to get over, being in Australia should not be an endurance test. Going back once or twice a year is quite a lot, but if you need to do it then that is up to you.

 

I tend to think that people who are very close to their families should think hard about emigrating in the first place, emigration is not for everyone and I think it requires a good degree of independence from family.

[Petals]

I agree that missing family is hard, but if your family is like mine then they wanted us to get the best life possible whether we lived around the corner or thousands of miles away. Just because we live across the sea and enjoy our life does not mean we do not love our family.

 

If no-one had migrated we would all be living in a cave somewhere wearing not much I guess.

[missmouse]

I'm with you! My husband and I have been here in Perth for three years, and are currently expecting our first baby. We've decided to move back to England to my lovely city of Bristol in March next year and I can't wait! I have my PR - my husband is from here so he's sorted. But I won't get my citizenship because I just need to go. I've always known I was never going to live here permanently though, so maybe it's different for me. I do love Perth, but I'm desperate to be near my family and just to be home. It's a beach life here (which I love), but I find it a little boring and isolated and I am so excited about returning to the UK and starting our life there. I'm very lucky that my husband is fine with it - we met there and lived in Bristol for a couple of years before coming to Perth, so he knows what he's in for. All I'd say to you is that if this is a niggle for you every day, then how will you feel in another year, and then another five, ten etc. If you decide to stay and get your residency, which is great for giving you options down the line, then just make sure you have visits home until then. And remember, nothing is right, wrong, or definite - you can always move home to the UK, or come back to Australia. You just have to do whatever will make you the most happy.

[Petals]

I'm with you! My husband and I have been here in Perth for three years, and are currently expecting our first baby. We've decided to move back to England to my lovely city of Bristol in March next year and I can't wait! I have my PR - my husband is from here so he's sorted. But I won't get my citizenship because I just need to go. I've always known I was never going to live here permanently though, so maybe it's different for me. I do love Perth, but I'm desperate to be near my family and just to be home. It's a beach life here (which I love), but I find it a little boring and isolated and I am so excited about returning to the UK and starting our life there. I'm very lucky that my husband is fine with it - we met there and lived in Bristol for a couple of years before coming to Perth, so he knows what he's in for. All I'd say to you is that if this is a niggle for you every day, then how will you feel in another year, and then another five, ten etc. If you decide to stay and get your residency, which is great for giving you options down the line, then just make sure you have visits home until then. And remember, nothing is right, wrong, or definite - you can always move home to the UK, or come back to Australia. You just have to do whatever will make you the most happy.

 

Sad for your oh family that they will not get to be with their grandchild much though

[missmouse]

Sad for your oh family that they will not get to be with their grandchild much though

 

I know... t's just the way that one family have to miss out. And it does suck... but what can you do? They moved away from their family (in NZ) so they at least have an understanding about it. But it doesn't make it any easier, I know. His parents are here in Perth, and his brother lives over East. We will definitely miss them all.

[Quoll]

Only you can work that one out! It was a hell of a lot easier back in the pre Skype/FB/Twitter days when airmail letters took a week and phone calls were £1 a minute! Being on the other side of the world doesn't mean you love your family any the less but it is easier when out of sight is out of mind and you are not constantly picking at the scab of the life left behind! It's going to be about weighing up your priorities - if your future looks better in Aus then work on that. If your extended family is more important then work on that.

 

I do caution about returning for other people though - so many have returned for family and friends only to find that family and friends have closed over the hole left in their lives by your departure and there is often now no space for you on your return - you have to look at as a move on to a new place and work on your social connectivity. It's much easier when you know that Aus doesn't float your boat!

 

Do you get used to births, deaths and marriages on the other side of the world? - sure you do but IMHO your heart hardens up every time it happens otherwise you'd go under. If you can put with that you'll be OK

 

in your situation I'd probably set a decision date - go on as normal until DD then decide if you're happy with the status quo or not. Having a date does make the immediate future easier. When you get to DD then decide whether to stay or go. If you decide to stay then make the next DD and don't get bogged down chasing your tail thinking about it in the meantime. Alternatively - start looking for jobs in UK and applying for ones that you would "kill" to get - if you get one then you have a real concrete choice.

 

good luck - it's your life, make of it what you want!

[Guest]

Only you can work that one out! It was a hell of a lot easier back in the pre Skype/FB/Twitter days when airmail letters took a week and phone calls were £1 a minute!

 

Have to agree with Quoll on this. The days of pre internet made migrating a very different thing and you really didn't have the distraction of what you had left constantly as no inbox to email, text messages, FB and all that meaning contact is there instantly. Its the way it is now but it can be very distracting from just getting on and living life and can make missing people in some ways harder than if you just waited for a letter each week or month which you sat down and savoured, enjoyed, replied to and then were done till the next one. However, it has its plus points but I do believe in moderation for it and would always try to detach from it somewhat to ensure I could focus properly on life in my chosen country.

 

OP , only you can decide but I do tend to agree a lot with what has been said. Get your citizenship and your OH PR if he can (and citizenship also if able). This gives you options should you return to the UK and then a year or two later decide actually, the family thing was an itch that you've scratched and you want to head back to Aus.

 

You love Aus, you are not wanting to return because you dislike it or are unhappy, so there may well be a big pull for you to it should you return to the UK. Family means a lot yes, but it can't put food on the table or mean you are going to find yourself enjoying living back in the UK, although I hope you would be happy with the big picture overall.

 

I tend to think that sometimes the old absence makes the heart grow fonder thing plays a big part for many migrants and for some moving back isn't always what they were hoping for as that holiday mode wears off quickly and people are back to their lives, maybe not seeing much of them or being around or not really being that supportive (if that is what they were looking for) or whatever else. For others, perhaps those who have tight knit families or live close together or some such, it is what they were hoping.

 

I don't live near any of my family and I rather like it. It means most of my time is given to my family and life (hubby, son, my work and home) which is my priority in life, and then the time I do see them is quality time. A weekend a month, day trips and a week in the school hols and the like. We all enjoy it and it works for us. Even when I lived nearer my parents I was the same. But I realise others are not and want or need more contact and interaction with their parents and families than I do mine. Moving to Aus I don't find daunting in the least as it means I am back to seeing my parents for holidays once every year or two, depending on which way the trip goes. Or we might meet in the middle or in Europe somewhere and enjoy a proper holiday together for a week or two. Sure I'll miss them but it won't be reason enough for me to return to the UK to live as I'd never relocate to be near enough to see them daily or weekly.

 

I think perhaps you need to set a timeframe and stick to it and then in the meantime just get on with living in Aus, enjoy it and know that on X date, you'll be off. If thats a year away, then don't take another trip back to the UK perhaps. I do agree with whoever it was said above that regular trips back once or twice a year would be more unsettling. You are not giving yourself a chance to do a bit longer to see if things pass, to work through the missing people and if you can or do end up coping with going longer without seeing them. Of course, its not an endurance test but keep on back and forth, I think my heart would be pulled also as you are always on the plan for a trip, the excitement, the trip, then the comedown and then back to planning another trip. There is no just living life and seeing how you go, its always in back to UK mode in some way. I think the longest I went without seeing my family was just over 2 years. I went back for a 2 week holiday then and distinctly recall I wasn't keen to go but felt I should make the effort and go see everyone. It wasn't the UK I wanted to be in, but was time to catch up with people so I went. Before the first week was out I was wanting to leave and return 'home' and trying to see if I could change my flight so I could leave a few days early. I think to migrate you really need to be prepared to move both feet over, not leave one dipped in the UK, one in Aus. Otherwise you'll always be wondering and stuck as to where you want to be.

[kookaburras]

Thank you everyone for your replies, I really appreciate you taking the time.

 

Agreed, it would be better to be safe than sorry and get citizenship before moving back, who knows we may hate it after a few months of miserable weather! My partner and I are on different visas because we were originally sponsored by our respective employers on 457s and I decided to get PR on a 189 for better job security. Bf wants to remain on 457 visa because this will allow us to have our moving costs covered if we ever move back to the UK (it's written into his contract) and allow him to withdraw his super if he leaves.

 

It's funny, I was never that close to my family, went away to uni twice and hardly ever went home, lived abroad in asia for a few years during my 20s, but the past year it has crept up on me how much I want to see them on a more regular basis. Maybe it's just all of us getting older. We are not an emotional family and I never tell them I miss them. It's actually quite stoic at the airport when we leave, dropped off, "see you soon" and on the plane. The suggestions from Lady and snifter not to go home so often has given me something to think about. Quoll, I think DD will be this time in 6 months, and I'll try to stop thinking about moving back as a possibility until then.

 

One thing that niggles is if I/we do take citizenship, I understand that we have to pledge that we intend to live in Australia on a permanent and ongoing basis. Oz has been very good to both of us and while I feel like we would want to return in the future, I have nothing to prove that we will do so (immediate family ties, property etc). Wouldn't feel very patriotic hopping on a plane as soon as certificate is in hand... :dull:

 

Thank you all again for your support and understanding.

[fizzybangs]

Thank you everyone for your replies, I really appreciate you taking the time.

 

Agreed, it would be better to be safe than sorry and get citizenship before moving back, who knows we may hate it after a few months of miserable weather! My partner and I are on different visas because we were originally sponsored by our respective employers on 457s and I decided to get PR on a 189 for better job security. Bf wants to remain on 457 visa because this will allow us to have our moving costs covered if we ever move back to the UK (it's written into his contract) and allow him to withdraw his super if he leaves.

 

It's funny, I was never that close to my family, went away to uni twice and hardly ever went home, lived abroad in asia for a few years during my 20s, but the past year it has crept up on me how much I want to see them on a more regular basis. Maybe it's just all of us getting older. We are not an emotional family and I never tell them I miss them. It's actually quite stoic at the airport when we leave, dropped off, "see you soon" and on the plane. The suggestions from Lady and snifter not to go home so often has given me something to think about. Quoll, I think DD will be this time in 6 months, and I'll try to stop thinking about moving back as a possibility until then.

 

One thing that niggles is if I/we do take citizenship, I understand that we have to pledge that we intend to live in Australia on a permanent and ongoing basis. Oz has been very good to both of us and while I feel like we would want to return in the future, I have nothing to prove that we will do so (immediate family ties, property etc). Wouldn't feel very patriotic hopping on a plane as soon as certificate is in hand... :dull:

 

Thank you all again for your support and understanding.

 

I think you've had some wonderful advice but there is one thing not mentioned. You are in fact 'living the dream' that so many emigrate for and don't achieve. However, now that you have achieved this goal I think you are starting to look at the more meaningful things in life - perhaps as you have matured or perhaps because you have attained your dream. I was in Oz 31 years before I got to that point! I was too busy to even have the time to reflect. It is not a bad thing to be introspective for a while as long as you reach a decision because you cannot live being torn apart by what if, whichever country you live in. If you have fulfilled your dream but still find something lacking then perhaps it is time to look elsewhere? Only you can decide what is truly, deeply important to you. If you are wondering if to go back now then what on earth will you be like if you have children who aren't going to know their uncles, aunties, cousins and grandchildren. I agree, get your Aussie citizenship and stop worrying about the oath you take because if you return to the UK it doesn't mean that you don't still support Australia and all it stands for, nor does it mean that you don't still love it - I should know! It just means that you have to do what is best for yourself at whatever point you are in life. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[jen85]

Hi everyone, I am really missing my family in the UK at the moment and starting to wonder whether I should go home for a while or whether it will pass eventually... does anyone have any advice?

 

My story is we have been here for 3 years (my partner and I) and enjoying Oz very much. Life here is beautiful and we love our home and the environment and spectacular weather. We both have secure, well paying jobs - we both moved for fantastic employment opportunities - I am PR while he is still on a 457. However, I am really homesick and he is also getting itchy feet to try somewhere new. His parents are also on his back asking "when are you coming home".

 

Every day I think about going home and I'm even starting to have bad dreams about a family member getting sick or dying and I never get to say goodbye. Dramatic I know!! While I realise it's just thoughts and silly dreams ,and I try to distract myself, it's always in the back of my mind what we're missing out on back in the UK in terms of family life.

 

We don't have any children and although we both have some extended family here, our parents, grandparents, siblings, nephews and nieces are back home.

 

I still own a property in my hometown and am only renting here in Oz so it would not be very expensive for us to move back. We could find jobs relatively quickly, although for likely much less pay than in Oz.

 

We take trips home 1-2 times a year to alleviate the homesickness but if anything that just makes me miss my family even more.

 

Any advice would be appreciate as I am completely 50/50 at the moment whether to stay or go! :frown:

 

Tough Decision! And the dreams are certainly not silly these feelings are obviously weighing on your subconscious mind alot. If you have been here 3 years then I would say you are probably over the initial homesickness however the feelings may never go away and when you do unfortunately lose a family member it is even harder I know. If you both feel as though your ready to return and have "done" Aus maybe it is time. Only you two can decide, good luck!

[IrishExpat]

Hi everyone, I am really missing my family in the UK at the moment and starting to wonder whether I should go home for a while or whether it will pass eventually... does anyone have any advice?

 

My story is we have been here for 3 years (my partner and I) and enjoying Oz very much. Life here is beautiful and we love our home and the environment and spectacular weather. We both have secure, well paying jobs - we both moved for fantastic employment opportunities - I am PR while he is still on a 457. However, I am really homesick and he is also getting itchy feet to try somewhere new. His parents are also on his back asking "when are you coming home".

 

Every day I think about going home and I'm even starting to have bad dreams about a family member getting sick or dying and I never get to say goodbye. Dramatic I know!! While I realise it's just thoughts and silly dreams ,and I try to distract myself, it's always in the back of my mind what we're missing out on back in the UK in terms of family life.

 

We don't have any children and although we both have some extended family here, our parents, grandparents, siblings, nephews and nieces are back home.

 

I still own a property in my hometown and am only renting here in Oz so it would not be very expensive for us to move back. We could find jobs relatively quickly, although for likely much less pay than in Oz.

 

We take trips home 1-2 times a year to alleviate the homesickness but if anything that just makes me miss my family even more.

 

Any advice would be appreciate as I am completely 50/50 at the moment whether to stay or go! :frown:

 

Only you can really make a good decision on this one. I'll give you my personal opinion though.

 

I would stay. I would try to save money away so you can visit your family in the UK once a year. As for moving I would stay in OZ. I posted in some previous threads I was willing to leave Northern Ireland (do to the conflict) even if that meant I had to see my family less often. I have been really enjoying life here. I love the weather, the women are beautiful, Melbourne is amazing, the people are nice, I have a secure and decent paying job, plus I have a nice house in the burbs (20 mins away from the City Center). That is great but there is one big thing. Now in Aussie, I can walk down the street without having to worried about being killed. My mom was killed (because she was catholic) as a result of the conflict and I had been caught up in a number of bomb attacks.

 

I have a house in Belfast I bought two years ago (since I the conflict is getting better). I visit it about two weeks out of the year. It is nice to go back and visit Belfast, but I would never even think about permanently moving back.

 

I'm an Irish-Autralian now. I don't want to go back, but if you really want to and you have nothing to loose, I say go for it!

[sally04]

It's really tough. the homesickness is a normal feeling and thoughts about what is going on in the UK can send you a bit crazy when you're half way around the world!

 

Personally i would urge people to get Citizenship if they can. I would like to think that people who migrate to Aus do so because they are drawn to the positives of the country. Having Citizenship enables you to return to Aus in future years if you want to. We feel Australian and recently voted and have friends in Aus who we keep in touch with, so in no way feel we have betrayed the country by leaving.

 

We have recently returned to the UK after 6 yrs in Melbourne. We did it because we have a 3 yr old and we wanted her to have the benefits of an extended family. Living in Melbourne was amazing, but like many i had the urge to go home, to be somewhere familiar, to have family support, to go out with my friends etc.. Returning home has been great for our daughter without doubt. However, if it was just the two of us i think we would have come back to Melbourne by now. i would never have thought this at the time we moved back as my emotions and mind was set on coming back to England. It's really hard to explain to someone who is not in the situation just how these thoughts can consume you!

 

It has taken for us to come back to England to reflect on how fantastic Melbourne is. Like i say with our daughter its been the right decision. But if we were a couple, both working, no ties etc.. then we would just keep coming back for holidays!