koalakids Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 While on his morning walk, Prime Minister Gordon Brown falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency dept at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the PM. "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity." "But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies Brown. "I'm sorry .. But we have our rules," Peter interjects. And, with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ...all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it is Harold Wilson and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped him out over the years --- John Smith, Michael Foot, Jim Callaghan, etc. The whole of the Labour Party leaders were there .. Everyone laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed. They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Brown with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, Gord!" "Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Brown, dejectedly. "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!" Brown takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labour Party pulled with the European Constitution and the Education, Immigration, Tough on Crime promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Brown steps on the elevator and heads upward. When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Brown is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special! "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Harold Wilson never prepared me for this!" The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity." With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Brown reflects for a minute ... Then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends." So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The Devil comes over to Brown and puts an arm around his shoulder." I don't understand," stammers a shocked Brown, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!" The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scardycat Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 :biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh: If only!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBrammies Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Brilliant like it made me laugh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NTH SHARMAN Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Made me laugh out loud :biglaugh: Thanks!! Tracey x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest afiyafifi Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 That was brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 LMAO ,thats made my day eddie :biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MACDONALDO67 Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Never a truer word spoken in jest. I have voted for them for the past 22 years. Thought that when Blair got in that this was it, a better life, hope, vision. No, more stealth taxes, a war in Iraq, influx of people coming for the free health, National Insurance entitlements, Pension, Political correctness, blah de blah. IRA replaced by Muslim extremists probably because of Iraq and a youth intent of knife and gun carrying on a similar scale to the good old USofA that if you do fall victim to a gang you might not get up off the floor. Asbo's here count as certificates for the thugs wall and now early release of prisoners because the jails are full but the Government tells us crime is going down ??? It's my kids that I'm frightened for now. I now know how my mum and dad used to think and feel when I was a kid and out on the town well it's worse now. I know have to think about my kids future now and it isn't in Britain. (That's Britain because we lost the word "Great" somewhere over the last 20 years) Nice joke but I'm never voting for them again. We've lost our borders that thousands of men and women and children contributed their lives for 1939-1945 and other conflicts. Anyway, off my soap box now, rant over, deep breaths in 123, out 456. :arghh: Just wish that we had Gladiators in charge instead of the "White Mice" crew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wendyc74 Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 that was great-pretty much sums it up aswell x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BushTUCKERmaN Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Hahahaha! I hate this government... That has made my day! I can't wait to get out of this hell hole called England! *laughs* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest maxxangel Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Oh I wish! That would be poetic justice.:smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest FamFive Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 [ATTACH]440[/ATTACH] Ellie,LeeNFam :wubclub::cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koalakids Posted February 2, 2008 Author Share Posted February 2, 2008 Never a truer word spoken in jest. I have voted for them for the past 22 years. Thought that when Blair got in that this was it, a better life, hope, vision. No, more stealth taxes, a war in Iraq, influx of people coming for the free health, National Insurance entitlements, Pension, Political correctness, blah de blah. IRA replaced by Muslim extremists probably because of Iraq and a youth intent of knife and gun carrying on a similar scale to the good old USofA that if you do fall victim to a gang you might not get up off the floor. Asbo's here count as certificates for the thugs wall and now early release of prisoners because the jails are full but the Government tells us crime is going down ??? It's my kids that I'm frightened for now. I now know how my mum and dad used to think and feel when I was a kid and out on the town well it's worse now. I know have to think about my kids future now and it isn't in Britain. (That's Britain because we lost the word "Great" somewhere over the last 20 years) Nice joke but I'm never voting for them again. We've lost our borders that thousands of men and women and children contributed their lives for 1939-1945 and other conflicts. Anyway, off my soap box now, rant over, deep breaths in 123, out 456. :arghh: Just wish that we had Gladiators in charge instead of the "White Mice" crew. Absolutely spot on Mac and in the well known words of Private Fraser (Dad's Army) 'We're doomed, I say. Doomed' Like you said, we have all been badly let down by this government and in as much as politics are boring, they determine how we live our lives and to what standard of life we live. The rot has well and truly set in and as most of us on this site well know, there is no coming back from this. I've given up reading newspapers because it's so depressing and reads like a horror story. We have become accustomed to bad news in this country and that's not good. It saddens me sometimes to feel we have no alternative but to emigrate to Oz. We know it in our hearts that it is for the best, not only for us but also for our girls. I think we have all been taken for mugs by this government that professes to have our good interests at heart but really the majority are a bunch of crooks in suits looking after and feathering their own nests! You only have to look at Blair and his subsequent money making machine that rattles on since he left as PM. I don't see him affected by the bad decisions he has made in the past. I wish you and everyone on this site the best of luck in getting to a country that won't be perfect but hopefully one that will reward hard work and people who 'pull their weight'. The fact that the sun-shines, will of course be a big bonus. Steve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MACDONALDO67 Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 Absolutely spot on Mac and in the well known words of Private Fraser (Dad's Army) 'We're doomed, I say. Doomed' Like you said, we have all been badly let down by this government and in as much as politics are boring, they determine how we live our lives and to what standard of life we live. The rot has well and truly set in and as most of us on this site well know, there is no coming back from this. I've given up reading newspapers because it's so depressing and reads like a horror story. We have become accustomed to bad news in this country and that's not good. It saddens me sometimes to feel we have no alternative but to emigrate to Oz. We know it in our hearts that it is for the best, not only for us but also for our girls. I think we have all been taken for mugs by this government that professes to have our good interests at heart but really the majority are a bunch of crooks in suits looking after and feathering their own nests! You only have to look at Blair and his subsequent money making machine that rattles on since he left as PM. I don't see him affected by the bad decisions he has made in the past. I wish you and everyone on this site the best of luck in getting to a country that won't be perfect but hopefully one that will reward hard work and people who 'pull their weight'. The fact that the sun-shines, will of course be a big bonus. Steve. Thing is Steve your application looks like it's going through great, no problems. I already know that when I try for an application I'm going to come up short on points in my current career. At least your escaping to pastures new and good luck to you, I wish you and everyone else so close to completion all the best, happy for you all. :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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