millymarie

Absolutely. I think I speak for most independent, forward thinking women that I would eventually leave a situation where my husband did not make similar sacrifices for me as I have done so for him.

So sorry to hear you're struggling with this. It really resonated with me and was one of if not the reason that I returned home, or had no choice but to return home. Never before have I woken up with such a feeling of doom and panic. It was not a peaceful or healthy way to live and in the end I did not recognise the shadow if my former self. The panic and anxiety got so bad I became very scared that I was losing my mind. I hope you can get something from the doctor as I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I have been on a very low dose fluoxetine for 6 months having tried all sorts of other awful antidepressants with horrible side effects and it has really calmed my nervous system without any side effects whatsoever. Please don't struggle with it for as long as I did as anxiety compounds. Personally, I feel that if you're a sensitive person you are more than likely to pick up on 'vibes'. I found out at my citizenship ceremony that where I lived was pretty much a massacre site. I definitely felt all wrong there and had no real reason to feel such terror. X

Get yourself home hun - the car finance thing is very clear. The credit cards, well you can pay those from home. What does it matter whether you pay those from aus or uk! - at least pay them off from somewhere where you will be happy!! I've been living in Aus on and off since 2005 - it's changed Leanne. If you are in a highly skilled, highly paid profession great. But for most people who are having to make do with this ' casual ' work thing in dribs and drabs and aren't doctors, engineers, computer programmers etc it is now incredibly tough to make a go of it in Australia - unless you were there in those early years when the exchange rate and cost of living was in your favour. Why bankrupt yourself trying to pay off two lumps of metal that are security for the loans anyway - just hand them back! There's no problem, really. Im in the UK, I still use my Aus credit card and pay it each month in the usual way, there's no problem with that! Its got to be paid anyway so Id much rather pay it from somewhere I am happy!! I can't see what is keeping you 'stuck' other than anxiety which stems from moral dilemma. You don't need to stay to pay down those vehicles Leanne, really you don't! In this situation that moral dilemma is completely irrational. Nothing bad is going to happen if you choose to give the vehicles back and get on a plane. Reclaim your life! X

I've always found it much easier to rent in Australia than UK with regards to jumping through hoops. For tenants with no rental history a mortgage statement and employment references would be the norm - in Aus or UK. Without employment references you may be asked to pay 6 months upfront - same as in UK. However Ive never been asked to do this in Australia - a bank statement has always been sufficient. UK renting is a nightmare in this respect and they will insist you pay the six months even if you can prove you have a million in the bank. Crazy. Something to bear in mind if you end up returning to the UK. Always allow this contingency! Good luck with your move.

I remember your posts cartertucker. Good to hear all is well. I ditto that. Life has been 100mph since we got back but I would rather be busy busy than feel disconnected and half dead! X

Very difficult as you are obviously getting excited - but you have to be aware that your husband will struggle for work as a carpenter in Caloundra and on the sunshine coast generally. We lived in Caloundra for well over a year trying to make it happen. Exactly same position as you - we ran a very successful carpentry business here in the UK. We tried everything in Caloundra, local employment nothing - even the local tradesmen are struggling, so we spent a fair bit of money on advertising (I have a marketing background myself) and really went to town on marketing, networking, building up contacts, but to absolutely no avail. We had one small fencing repair job in 8 weeks which was about $200 and the type of work that was really well below my partner's skill level. Youre probably aware of how expensive Australia is. We have lived all over Australia and really did not have the energy to try Melbourne so we have returned home. Business appears busy for us again - thank goodness but I could have done without the stress and expense to be honest. I cannot stress highly enough that it would be extremely risky to give up a successful business for a downturn area such as the Sunshine Coast. It is also a very localised ageing demographic area, so invariably the little work that is there generally speaking goes to the locals. Sorry if that has disappointed you, but if you have a successful business here, why not take a month out and trial it if you like before giving it all up. Going all that way to find there is no work is so very very expensive not to mention emotionally draining and stressful - I wouldnt wish it on anyone. There are lots of posts on here re the work struggles on the Sunshine Coast, particularly for trades, so maybe have a look around the forum also X

It's very difficult being so caught up in a situation to think clearly. Try and remove yourself from the situation and think about what you would advise your best friend to do if she explained this situation to you. When you have a mortgage, the bank take a charge over your home to protect their interests in the event that you are in the awful situation of defaulting on the loan. The same procedure applies to car finance. The loan company have a charge over the vehicles to protect their interests in the event that you are in the awful situation of defaulting on the loan. What I am saying is no dumping vehicles at airports is even required. You just simply cancel your direct debits and walk into the bank/loan companies offices and pop your keys on the desk. " I'm very sorry but I cannot afford these loans - here are the keys." And you walk out. And you forget about it and move on. Simple as that. This is your mental health you are talking about and I think it seems crazy to most that you would contjnue to struggle and jeopardise your mental health to continue paying loans that are secured anyway! if you were in the terrible predicament of not being able to afford your mortgage you would eventually have to hand the keys back, so what is the difference - really?? If strangers that have never met you and are not in your situation are going to take the moral high ground then that is their problem - not yours. Any mental health doctor would give you the same advice. Your mental health comes first. Too bad what anyone else thinks. Staying and being so unhappy so you can go home with a 'clean slate' is just nonsense - this is your LIFE!! These are not unsecured loans we are talking about here - the loan companies interests are PROTECTED. And really you will going back to a clean slate anyway whether you hand the vehicles back or not! Now find your flight money and go home. When you're the other side of the world feeling anxious and depressed this can feel as scary and overwhelming as staying. Trust me the minute you get on that plane you will feel like a new person. Find a short let on gumtree for 6 weeks or so if you dont have family to stay with. It takes the pressure off and certainly made my return much more do-able. Now I ask you again - what would you advise your distraught best friend to do who you love dearly if she were in the same situation?? You have GOT to be your own best friend here. X

From my experience yes you can. Just give both passports to border control and explain the British one has just recently expired. They cannot legally deny entry as he would be entitled to a holiday visa anyway on his Aus passport. My partner entered UK on his Aus passport when his UK one expired when we last went back to the UK to live - border control didn't like it but as I said to the woman with the bright orange face on the desk (!), they could not legally deny entry and a British citizen does not legally need to possess a UK passport to prove UK citizenship. She sighed and let him through without much cafuffle and we later applied for the new UK passport after we got back. No dramas.

if its any consolation, your rent in Perth would have doubled since 2009 and a mechanics wage certainly wouldn't have - unless of course you fancy the inhospitable conditions of working with your head down a mine! It sucks that you're in debt, but you probably would be in Australia too - it is much more expensive than the UK now.

Your bank cards will work overseas so long as you notify your banks. They normally need to make a note of your travel dates and where you are travelling to.

I always used the Bangla Klamboe box mosquito net when I lived in the north. Think I ordered online from the Wellington Surplus store. Used by the UN in africa and with a finer mesh than the ones I found here! Nothing gets through it. The triangle nets from big w are dreadful.

Very strange that you are reflecting so deeply on moving back to the uk and how unfair this was to your family yet you appear to demonstrate absolutely no reflection on how fair your actions are now. Why is it you care so deeply about your actions then, but don't appear to care about your actions now??

It may not be the end of the world for your wife to come back, however, you seem to be totally disregarding her feelings, which is so evident with so many of your me me me I I I statements. You really need to STOP thinking about yourself and think about your family and how they might be feeling at the moment with you having 'done one.' If you don't have this level of empathy for others' feelings, get some help with it - if not for your family's sake, then for your own sake. Someone said well what should he do, be stuck in the UK miserable? No of course you shouldn't. However, you can't have it all ways. You either need to make the conscious decision to leave your family and start a new life alone accepting that they do not want to be here, or if you love them and want to be with them then return to the UK. Your wife clearly feels as strongly about not wanting to live in Australia as you do about not wanting to live in the UK. However, she is not the one who has left the family.

But YOU didn't. You and your wife made that decision together presumably because she wanted to go home also. Illogical to suggest that you were responsible for you all leaving Australia!! She has her own free will and it does sound as though that is something you are overlooking at the moment. Once you have accepted that she too left Australia because she was not completely happy here, then you will move forward by either returning to the uk to be with your family or moving on with your life. I'm surprised that you consider selling some bricks a moment of madness yet you have left your family to come and live here!!! Some would say that's as mad as a box of frogs!! If anyone should be saying "I can't f****** believe he would do that", it is surely your wife!!

It only seems illogical because you are not accepting that australia is not where they want to be. Once you have truly accepted that it won't feel so non-sensical. It may well be that your family see you choosing to live in Australia on your own over choosing to stay together as a family is equally illogical. I know if it were me I would most certainly be asking myself some serious questions about my partner if he were to put a country and material gain over my happiness and freedom of choice. I think you need to spend some time looking at this situation from a woman's emotional perspective to be honest rather than reflecting on material wealth. People before places - ALWAYS. Something helpful to consider is this... if you were advising a good friend in the same situation who had left his family in the UK, what would your advice be to him? More importantly what might you think of him as a man? Your obligation is to put your family's happiness first. If they will still have you that is!!! I think there a lot of people here that really want to say you need to man up and suck it up brother!!