stuartpreece

Well, yes and no. At the risk of getting in between you guys, ‘materialistic’ is still a consideration. That includes things like an acceptable standard of living for (to both of us) as well as the ability to travel back to Aus as often as we have to the UK. And all that’s a stretch for most people, us included. I suspect you may be pushing it harder to make your point wattsy (and you most certainly have enlightened my thinking there and for that I thank you) but totally disregarding the ‘material’ may actually lead to even more problems down the track. And who needs that?!

.. this is a classic ‘head’ Vs ‘heart’ statement!! Not having a go or value judging wattsy, quite the opposite. As a more often ‘head’ thinker, it’s handy for me to maybe think with some more ‘heart’ through all this. And FYI, I am a very caring and loving husband and father but as a husband and father, I’m often required to be more ‘head’ than ‘heart’, especially when scraping together the money for UK flights every year!

And again, thanks guys. All your stories and advice have had an impact. I can’t tell you which way we’ll go but for now, the mental deadlock I was in has eased and we even managed to have an almost calm conversation about it last night! Plenty to do and more angles to look at (more than I had first thought until I posted here) but you’ve all helped me (and us) get things moving. Which is better.

Thanks again all. Maybe we need to talk about a longer trip over. Maybe having a 3rd party involved may help too. Being a ‘head’ person, and the son of a pom, by making it clear Aus is our home from day one (and having her agree) was my way to head this off. Well, it didn’t work and the game has changed and I guess I have some choices to make too. Certainly most heart wrenching choices to make (either way) and I genuinely appreciate all your input.

Why would you say that? Is this a common thing in homesick people in your experience? And yes, there is other issues at play. But maybe it’s chicken and egg. She has very low self esteem, always has and of course, way worse at the moment.

Well, big thanks for all your input (and love to hear more). Especially thinker78. You’re all most kind. In terms of seeing things in B&W, by mine and (usually) my wife’s take the ‘head’ decision is to stay and continue to build on this already great life for us and now our son. The ‘heart’ decision from my wife’s point of view is what dominates everything in our life now. At personal expense to us we have had a foot in both countries already. Regular trips and even x2 weddings! I’ve thought of a short term (e.g. 2 year) sabbatical to the UK but at some point we need to make a commitment to either or. I don’t want to be going through this again in 2 years, and especially don’t want my son to be as well. So many of the recent years have felt like ‘limbo’ and we’re both desperate now for some stability and certainty. Not to ever erase UK or Aus from our lives but ACTUALLY be in the place we are – for now this is Australia. Again, this isn’t just about the material things in life but to cash in what we have for what would likely be much less, and to likely reverse the feelings she has about UK onto me if we were in the UK seems like a foolish decision. Yes she gains her more regular family contact but at what expense? The ‘what’s best’ for our son chat is a very hard one. For my wife it is being closer to her family but that means being away from mine and missing out on the myriad of opportunities that Aus can provide over UK. At this point, I’m struggling to see how my sons future would be better in the UK than Aus (UK family aside) .. but I’m very receptive to listen! Would someone hurry up and invent super cheap, super-fast plane travel?!

Resentment is an interesting angle and one I’m experiencing. I’m Australian and my UK wife has grown to resent me greatly for her staying in Australia. I’ve certainly never held a gun to her head and she has chosen to stay with me and our young and growing family in Aus but as far as she is concerned, it’s my fault she is here (and homesick for the UK).

Hi all. I’m a newbie and not sure if this is the correct place for this so please let me know if I need to move this post? I’m hoping for some advice (or maybe similar stories?) of how I can provide support to my partner and get our lives back on track. I’m an Australian bloke married to the love of my life. She’s English and we met in Australia. She has been here 8 years (married 2) now and we now have a 1 year old son (born in Oz). For years (before our son was born) she went through periods of being homesick. Some periods more intense than others. But for one reason or another she never moved back, usually citing our relationship as the main reason she chose not to. We have recently moved states, partly for lifestyle reasons and partly to be closer to my parents (and the child care benefits that comes with that) and now we’re in the midst of a very, very intense period of homesickness. Life in general (by hers and my admission) is great. We have good jobs, a growing group of new friends, a great lifestyle and all the things we wanted. Every day is a struggle though for her and it has gotten to the point where moving to England is the only thing that she says will bring happiness. It’s heartbreaking seeing her go through this, especially when the rest of our lives are so good. I made it very clear from the day we met that the UK is not where I want to live and she understood this. We have travelled to the UK together 5 times (the last trip lasting 3 months) and we’re booked to return at Xmas. I made a solid commitment to her that we would travel to the UK whenever possible and support her family coming out here but now, this doesn’t seem enough. I’ve thought about just doing it and living in the UK. I know I wouldn’t like it (I’ve been 10 times) and from reading a lot of posts on here, I suspect my wife wouldn’t either after a period of time. We’ve worked hard to have what we do (including the ability to travel to the UK almost yearly) so throwing this away is a very scary prospect. From people we know in the UK it is tough there. To have anything like we have here would take years and years to achieve, if at all (e.g. clichés like sun, surf and a house bigger than our shed). I don’t for one second begrudge my wife’s pull towards family and have done a lot to ensure they’re are a big part of our lives. I understand there is more to life than material things but comparing our situation in Aus V’s UK, we would be going so far backwards (including not having the opportunity to travel to Aus near as much as we can the other way) and in a lot of ways, staying backwards. Very, very tough and often heartbreaking situation (especially when now faced with losing my beloved wife AND my son) so any words from anyone in a similar spot would be much appreciated.