Wishful Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Afternoon all. HAPPY EASTER I have been in Australia 25 years long story but have re-married and would like to look at spending extended time in UK/living there for a time when my kids finish school ( their dad is an Aussie and they are in regular contact with him ), they are 14.5 and 12.5 at the moment. The thought of been buried here terrifies me and I long for UK but I dont know If I could leave kids here either ( if they didn't want to come ):arghh: Has anyone moved back home and left older kids/young adults here: Did it work? Any advice,comments would be so so appreciated ! Thank you :notworthy: Wishful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Well, I have one kid on one side of the world (came to UK on a gap year and not returned) and the other in Aus with his partner and our two grandkids. So when (if!!!) I do have to return to Aus at some point there will always be one kid where I am not. It isnt always a piece of cake but, then, you can be just as distant if they live somewhere else in Australia or even just down the road if they get into their own lives with a vengeance! With the one who came to UK and we were still in Aus, we made a point of ensuring that we were in UK for him for his milestone events - he didnt seem to mind and we had some fabulous holidays together (not so many now that he is married) and our relationship, if anything, got closer even though we dont talk every day. I guess I just got to a stage where I figured that they have their lives and I have mine and we will be as mutually supportive of each other as we can be with the restrictions we have placed upon us and I am pleased that both boys, independently, recently have congratulated us as parents for their upbringing so that they can be independent and self sufficient adults. I'm keeping fingers crossed for you that yours will want to be where you are!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 Well, I have one kid on one side of the world (came to UK on a gap year and not returned) and the other in Aus with his partner and our two grandkids. So when (if!!!) I do have to return to Aus at some point there will always be one kid where I am not. It isnt always a piece of cake but, then, you can be just as distant if they live somewhere else in Australia or even just down the road if they get into their own lives with a vengeance! With the one who came to UK and we were still in Aus, we made a point of ensuring that we were in UK for him for his milestone events - he didnt seem to mind and we had some fabulous holidays together (not so many now that he is married) and our relationship, if anything, got closer even though we dont talk every day. I guess I just got to a stage where I figured that they have their lives and I have mine and we will be as mutually supportive of each other as we can be with the restrictions we have placed upon us and I am pleased that both boys, independently, recently have congratulated us as parents for their upbringing so that they can be independent and self sufficient adults. I'm keeping fingers crossed for you that yours will want to be where you are!!!! Hi Quoll did you recently move back I seem to remember you been here with hubby who didnt want to go back ( or do I have the wrong person). Thank you for your story it helps a lot x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macalec Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Dear wishful i am in same boat i long to go back been here 47 years never settled but hubby wont go back and leaving my kids is so hard but i too feel i want spend my days in my homeland so it looks like big decisions have to be made i feel for you but sometimes we have to do something for ourselves life is to short good luck sweetie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 Dear wishful i am in same boat i long to go back been here 47 years never settled but hubby wont go back and leaving my kids is so hard but i too feel i want spend my days in my homeland so it looks like big decisions have to be made i feel for you but sometimes we have to do something for ourselves life is to short good luck sweetie Hey Macalec, I like Australia sometimes I even kinda love it. Im not unhappy I live in a lovely area. BUT I do not want to spend all my life here. My hubby loves it here and has a job he loves but in 5-6 years when kids are finished school I have to go back for a time . They have British passports and so it is my hope that they will come with me to check it out at least. 47 years is a long time hey ... did you come here single and meet hubby here , are you kids english or Aussie ? Nice to talk to someone who understands Wishful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Hi Quoll did you recently move back I seem to remember you been here with hubby who didnt want to go back ( or do I have the wrong person).Thank you for your story it helps a lot x Yes, came on holiday 1 September for DS1's wedding and the wheels fell off the parental wagon so I didnt bother to go back to Aus. DH had already returned when things went pear shaped but he packed up, sent some stuff and came back to be with me in November. He's had a month back in Aus to tidy things up (we still have our house and pretty much all our stuff there) and he is really enjoying himself here - he's well into the vegie garden and is very happy with the gym and cycling everywhere. We'll be here until the olds no longer need us - at 88 that could be short or long, we dont know! I am hoping they both become centenarians!!! Loving every minute of being back, even though being carers for elderly parents in their own home is far from ideal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Dear wishful i am in same boat i long to go back been here 47 years never settled but hubby wont go back and leaving my kids is so hard but i too feel i want spend my days in my homeland so it looks like big decisions have to be made i feel for you but sometimes we have to do something for ourselves life is to short good luck sweetie WOW, 47 years, makes my 32.5 look like a long holiday!!! Maybe your DH will work out (as mine did) that being with me was the most important thing in his life - he always said he would never live in UK ever again (he's Aussie) but he is here now and seems to be having a really good time - even though our situation is far from ideal we are getting along even better together than we did before ... and I thought we were getting along pretty well back then too!!! You never know what is around the corner so I hope things work out well for you too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
macalec Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Hi came here a week after I married was only 19 I never settled been back for holidays Had two kids here dont get me wrong i am not knocking Aus i just have never felt that i belong here My marrage is suffering because we are always arguing about it My kids told me i should go they know how unhappy i am its just the thought of leaving them and going it alone but i dont want to die here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 7, 2012 Share Posted April 7, 2012 Hi came here a week after I married was only 19 I never settled been back for holidays Had two kids here dont get me wrong i am not knocking Aus i just have never felt that i belong here My marrage is suffering because we are always arguing about it My kids told me i should go they know how unhappy i am its just the thought of leaving them and going it alone but i dont want to die here I hear you!!!! If it is just the kids then go and do your own thing. If it is the DH as well, then you are in a pickle - perhaps you could suggest counselling so that you could come to a compromise position which at least shows that HE is giving something rather than you having to give all. Even a 6/6 arrangement might go some way to helping you feel a bit more connected to the place you long to be. After all that while, it would be a shame to give up on a marriage unless it is really poison - break ups can be so expensive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted April 7, 2012 Author Share Posted April 7, 2012 Macalec, If this helps my Dad brought us here 25 years ago , I cam kicking and screaming at 17. He has suffered depression ever since , he says he cannot go back due to kids and grandkids but my brother and I ( from the bottom of our hearts) want him to go my mum would go as well and that would be hard but we would be fine and I owuldknow that he would be happy he doesnot like it here and like me feels like he does not belong. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LojaChica Posted April 8, 2012 Share Posted April 8, 2012 Its hard BUT somehow, someway you get through it! My Story! Came to Oz with 4 Children (Girls) & DH...... One went back to Southern UK after 3 months (now 22) ! One went back to Northern UK after 18 months (now 26)! I'm now leaving after 4 years taking my youngest (10) back to Spain with me and my other one (19) is staying here!!! Gosh it's going to be hard BUT in a way I started all this by moving in the first place so I have to respect their decisions and live with the consequences and all that that brings! Incidentally..................this seems to be the norm for our Family as I have a Brother who moved out to OZ 25 years ago so in a way our Family has always been split somehow which is one of the reasons I came in the first place so that my elderly Mum could enjoy some time with her Children in the same country but now I'm leaving my Mum too!!! Aaarrrgh confused.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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