Tulip Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Hello lovelies. Well, I think our plans have just been demolished. As some of you may know, I was...beside myself with the idea of moving to Aus. I loved it there last year and found everything about its culture and people enticing and adventurous. Mark, my fiance, is Aussie and so I could get a spousal visa if we do decide to move. We're planning (or, planning to plan) to move after Christmas next year, as we're getting married next August and we wanted to stay for one last Christmas with the family. At the moment I'm still looking for a job and training to be a dog groomer, and so we aren't able to move out of home just yet. Mark has a stable, good job that pays well, but he also has a job waiting for him in Aus if need be. So, if all went to plan, we could be able to move if we wanted to! Haha. HAHAHA. Nice try, Bethy. But you know things are not that simple. Enter; Freddy and Maisy. Freddy was bought three years ago when I was severely depressed, and my doctor suggested a dog. Freddy, and Mark, put me back together again, and he is like my child. Though my mother bought him, he is known as my dog and will be moving out with me when we move out. Everyone loves him because he's very well-behaved; when I was depressed I literally poured everything into him, and thus, with a solid year spent at home every day with him, he's incredibly well trained. So when Freddy was about one and a half, my mother suggested we get another so we could become breeders. This was her condition, and being upset that Mark had just left England and gone back to Aus, I leapt upon it. Within a week I had found Maisy, and we brought her home a few weeks later. Maisy isn't as well behaved as Freddy, but we all like her, she's very cheeky but hey ho. I adore her. Now she's two and about to have her first litter, from which, if there's a puppy good enough, my mother would like me to keep one so she can breed from it later on. Maisy is, also, known as my baby girl. Both dogs are moving out with me and are known as mine. However. As much as I would like to keep one, being that we're planning to emigrate, and don't have a car, I wouldn't be able to show the pup, which is a big hobby of mine. If I can't show the pup, I don't really see much point in keeping one as I could just get another show pup in Aus if I wanted to and not put the poor thing through a long flight and quarantine. So, as you may have gathered; my dogs = my babies. I cannot leave them behind. Last night, I stupidly broached the subject very nonchalantly of emigrating in a few years to Aus and mentioned that my mother could keep a pup or two of Maisy's before we go so that she can breed from them and keep them as the family dogs, and that I would take the dogs with me. Well, all poo hit the fan, and she said 'Well you're not taking my dogs.' which is pretty laughable, because I do absoloutely everything for them, including walking, feeding, training, grooming (this saves her a lot of money too!), etc., etc. Everything. I think she's really just offended that I assumed, and that she wouldn't have control; we have a strained relationship as it is, and I find her very suffocating. This is another reason I would like to emigrate. Que floods of tears outside in the garden as Mark held me and promised me we would not leave without them. We're scaling down the wedding to a different venue, everything we can, so that I can offer to pay for both the dogs (£2,000) or more and even breed Maisy in Aus so she would still get litter money. As you can imagine, I'm completely gutted at the prospect of leaving them behind, as I simply cannot do that, and would instead have to stay here. I'm sure that all of you that are living in the UK and are Aussie, or vise versa, can imagine the cabin fever this entails. I feel like Australia is where I belong, and England is becoming more and more of a place that I feel encroached upon by both family and culture that I don't like. Overall, I'm just very upset and could use some support. I just don't know what I can do now and would love some suggestions. I would leave the dogs if they could have a happy life here, but I know they would just end up crated all the time, never walked, and not treated as well as I treat them. Would love any advice, thank you guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn22 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Well not always having the best of relationships with my mother, we get on now but live 7 miles apart & can go for weeks/months without seeing or speaking, no reason other than we have our own lives. I left home at 16 LOL. Anyway, I'd take the male dog esp & bugger off & leave her to it, but then again I cant stand to put up with ****e & prefer to walk away. Can she PROVE the dog isnt yours ? (by the way I totally get your feelings, I am like that with my dogs too) I dont think however breeding litters of pups or offering to do so when you get them to oz for personal & financial gain is necessarily the best way to go about things when so many thousands of dogs are killed every day due to lack of homes or having had homes & folk then disregarding them.. cross breeds & pedigrees... theres no discrimentation when it comes to what type of animals end up in rescues. Hope you're mother calms down & it was just the shock of hearing your plans that made her go off on one.. nowt worse than familys though. Lynn x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I completely agree about the breeding aspect for financial gain; because I'm in the driving seat, I plan the litters and make sure that both sire and Maisy are eye tested, healthy, and that we ONLY breed to sires that will better the breed, not deminish it. I'm trying to make the best of a situation that would only be happening anyway; at least this way, I'm making sure that the puppies we bring into the world are healthy, conform to the breed standard as closely as possible, are excellent in temper, and are always able to be returned to me should something go wrong. As for just leaving with one, I couldn't do that, that's like Sophie's Choice. I would hate to just take them and leave, as it would be immoral...I couldn't do that. I'm hoping you're right and that she'll come round to it like she came round to them moving out with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn22 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I'm guessing she wont accept the price she paid for the dogs (so like your buying them from her ) Also if she has allowed them to move out of her house & live with you in your house wouldnt they been seen as your in the eyes of the law ? Such a difficult situation for you to be in, I wouldnt go without my 4 legged babies either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I think in the eyes of the law they would be seen as hers as she purchased them. As for accepting the price of the dogs, I'm just praying she does! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peach Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I'd call her bluff and carry on your plans as normal.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 If my mum was that mean it would spur me on to go, how can you put up with manipulation, it never stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 It's difficult to deal with, especially as we're living at home in a small bungalow at the moment. I'm just praying that once we've moved out, she'll realise she doesn't really want the dogs and will take our offer up. Waiting game now. Just a horrible one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest juliemtaylor Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I would continue with your plans and get costs etc re the dogs too. In my experience family really do react either one way or the other to any changes, especially one as big as this. Her own insecurities will be brought to the fore as she will be the one left on her own and keeping the dogs threat is her emotional blackmail. You need to leave her with the idea and carry on gathering info as I am not sure how long the visa will take anyway... Good luck, Julie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 Thanks Julie. I've just realised that's exactly what it is, she knows I won't leave without them, so perhaps holding them hostage is her way of having control over the situation and keeping me here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Tulip, as you breed/show these dogs I presume they are registered with the KC, if so who is the registered owner? If it is you and there is no separate contract to state otherwise then you would be legally allowed to take them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 Unfortunately she's the registered owner, as she paid for them. If I pay for them and she accepts that, then she wouldn't backstab and trip us at the last minute. They cost £750 each, and we're going to offer to pay £1,000 for each of them. One thing I certainly won't be doing now is keeping a puppy to show so that she can breed it, no way am I falling into that trap again. I would happily spay Maisy (Freddy is neutered) and might be able to before we go to Aus if we end up being able to keep them without any breeding contract in place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn22 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Hope she goes for it !! I agree she's using them to control you. I too would be more determined than ever to go lol. Can you show neutered dogs with kc ? Obviously neutering them will be best from their health point of view. You're mum sounds a bit mean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tulip Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 You can't show neutered dogs or bitches (well, you could, but they wouldn't be placed) because they can't contribute to the breeding program. I think she's just very proud... she can be harsh, but it was the way she was brought up. We're two very different people, but very alike too; my grandmother told me once that when you dislike someone, it's because you see what you dislike in yourself in them. I think this hits the nail on the head with my mother and I's relationship to be frank! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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