deelydog Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Hi all, My OH has landed a great job in Perth leaving in May. I am a full time working mum of 2 boy 6, girl 4, and this move would enable me to give up work. Its a 4 year contract with relocation package etc. Great oportunity...but I am feeling so sad as I have ust told my 75yr ole dad and he is trying so hard to e encouraging. I also have a very close sister whom is devasted. I knew this bit wouldnt be easy, but underestimated how awful this would make everyone feel...can anyone offer any advice? Many thx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Hi Deely. No matter what ANYONE says the devastation and heartache the move to Australia causes those that love and care for us is wholly underestimated at times, especially when spoken of in terms of parents. 'Most' of us have loving parents who have been with us through thick and thin. And to some degree the pangs of 'guilt' we feel is less that the 'Kick In The Teeth' we feel we are giving them. It is pointless me saying 'Look, you are doing this for you and your family' (though true, this will not help at the moment.) Your dad sounds a real diamond, in the fact that he is encouraging, or at least seems to be, though the thoughts running through his head maybe wholly different, is indeed worth and no less than you would expect from a loving and caring Dad. I would also be lying if I said, 'Oh come on, its get easier', it certainly changes, but better I don't know. All you can do at this point in time Deely is talk, listen and be there for him when he needs reassuring or a shoulder to cry on. I am sure from what you say f your dad that though he will miss you greatly he will also look upon you with huge pride, as a 'grown up' who has made the decision for THIER family. And as far as missing his grandchildren go Deely, of course he will, because as I said he is a loving and compassionate bloke. But ALL you can do is do what is best for you at this time, WHILST acknowledging the fact that your move will impact on others around you. What must be remembered is that you are NOT selfish, etc. You have just come to the conclusion at the present time that for you and your family this is a great opportunity, and like a lot of things in life, great opportunities also bring with them 'collateral' damage, only problem is that the collateral damage is other peoples emotions in this case. This post could be read as somewhat sad, but in reality Deely it is honest, and that is all. Just remember that whilst the move to the other side of the world is a chance few of us are afforded it does bring certain issues to light. And the biggest (and most definitely in my opinion is often the overlooked impact on those that are to some degree on the periphery of our decision) Reassure you dad that Australia is ONLY 24 hours away. I know that sounds a lot, but in the grand scheme of things it isn't. Discuss possible visits etc, and give firm dates if at all possible, this will give you ALL something to aim for and look forward to. There are plenty of other ways of keeping in touch, phone, email and of course Skype. If your dad isn't familiar with Skype then teach and show him, I spent many, many hours with my mum and dad to show them the uses, and believe me, a face to face discussion (even through computer) can do wonders for EVERYBODY involved. But I will finish with this, house, the job market, healthcare, etc, are VERY important when we decide to leave the UK, but the most important thing at times is to realise what out move will do to others. I dare say t=you already know this Deely, but talk to people, laugh, cry, scream etc, but talk to them if at all possible why you have made the decision, that way most 'normally' understand and you WILL all come through this stronger and more loving. Good luck my friend, it is BLOODY hard, but you will get there. Cheers Tony.:wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Well said Tony xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BrightonBoys Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Dont care what anyone says that leeming bloke talks sense!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest37336 Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Dont care what anyone says that leeming bloke talks sense!! :notworthy::notworthy::notworthy::biglaugh::embarrassed::wubclub: That's what I've been telling everyone for years Brighton.:biglaugh::biglaugh::biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deelydog Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Hi Deely. No matter what ANYONE says the devastation and heartache the move to Australia causes those that love and care for us is wholly underestimated at times, especially when spoken of in terms of parents. 'Most' of us have loving parents who have been with us through thick and thin. And to some degree the pangs of 'guilt' we feel is less that the 'Kick In The Teeth' we feel we are giving them. It is pointless me saying 'Look, you are doing this for you and your family' (though true, this will not help at the moment.) Your dad sounds a real diamond, in the fact that he is encouraging, or at least seems to be, though the thoughts running through his head maybe wholly different, is indeed worth and no less than you would expect from a loving and caring Dad. I would also be lying if I said, 'Oh come on, its get easier', it certainly changes, but better I don't know. All you can do at this point in time Deely is talk, listen and be there for him when he needs reassuring or a shoulder to cry on. I am sure from what you say f your dad that though he will miss you greatly he will also look upon you with huge pride, as a 'grown up' who has made the decision for THIER family. And as far as missing his grandchildren go Deely, of course he will, because as I said he is a loving and compassionate bloke. But ALL you can do is do what is best for you at this time, WHILST acknowledging the fact that your move will impact on others around you. What must be remembered is that you are NOT selfish, etc. You have just come to the conclusion at the present time that for you and your family this is a great opportunity, and like a lot of things in life, great opportunities also bring with them 'collateral' damage, only problem is that the collateral damage is other peoples emotions in this case. This post could be read as somewhat sad, but in reality Deely it is honest, and that is all. Just remember that whilst the move to the other side of the world is a chance few of us are afforded it does bring certain issues to light. And the biggest (and most definitely in my opinion is often the overlooked impact on those that are to some degree on the periphery of our decision) Reassure you dad that Australia is ONLY 24 hours away. I know that sounds a lot, but in the grand scheme of things it isn't. Discuss possible visits etc, and give firm dates if at all possible, this will give you ALL something to aim for and look forward to. There are plenty of other ways of keeping in touch, phone, email and of course Skype. If your dad isn't familiar with Skype then teach and show him, I spent many, many hours with my mum and dad to show them the uses, and believe me, a face to face discussion (even through computer) can do wonders for EVERYBODY involved. But I will finish with this, house, the job market, healthcare, etc, are VERY important when we decide to leave the UK, but the most important thing at times is to realise what out move will do to others. I dare say t=you already know this Deely, but talk to people, laugh, cry, scream etc, but talk to them if at all possible why you have made the decision, that way most 'normally' understand and you WILL all come through this stronger and more loving. Good luck my friend, it is BLOODY hard, but you will get there. Cheers Tony.:wink: Tony, you are so right and yes he really is a diamond. He has suprised me no end....and he can already use skype and is planning his trip out there, but as you say nothing anyone says will help the emotions all my family inc me are experiencing. I dont know if I am doing the right thing by going or not, but if I can manage to get through the next 12 weeks without turning into a blubbering wreck then I really would like to give oz a go.... but would be nice to have some good quality time with my kiddies before they are too old. No doubt i shall be on here more in the coming weeks, but in the meantime thankyou so much for taking the time to reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Think of it as a 4 year thing - not a forever thing, much easier to cope with. Build in a yearly trip home if you can, financially, to keep in touch or maybe your dad can come out for visits and you can help him fund them. It sounds like a good opportunity and you will need to be very self sufficient and a fair bit selfish for it to work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alex4 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 what a great post and great advice- i dare say most of us planing this move feel exactly like this...the hardest thing is saying our goodbyes, but thinking of it as a short term move makes it easier on everyone involved... where are you up to with yourmove deeleydog? I see you're in manchester too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tonymac Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Well said!! I have a lady who works for me who's mother is 85, deaf as a post, partially sighted and two years ago was on deaths door with pneumonia. She spent nov-march of the last two years staying with her Other son in Australia, with assisted passage. She loves it !! Get your dad on a plane for an extended visit, the sun'll do him good ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SunshineSmile Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Very reassuring thread guys, I too am a huge fan of Skype. I already live away from my parents and now Im going to be further away whaen we move to Tassie in 2 days :swoon:. My Mum has never been a phone person and we struggle for conversation sometimes.. not any more. I cant shut her up on Skype and herself and Dad squabble over whose turn it is to speak next whilst Mum runs out to her bedroom to bring in some new top she bought, and do I think it will go with these shoes? To the OP.. words are cheap, but try not to feel selfish.. I wonder did you consider that this might be a chance for him to experience a new adventure (planning his trip to see you).. if you suddenly said now that you werent going, would he maybe say "Oh, and I was so looking forward to coming to see you" :biglaugh: Unfortunetly and sadly for me my Mum will never be able to visit me due to bad health, she wont be allowed to fly that far.. however we are already planning our next shopping trip when I come home (we are famous for our "shop till you drop" expeditions, despite Mum being in a wheel chair when we go out!) Hope you are feeling better after reading all the posts.. we really are all in the same boat :hug: ps.. forgot to add that my parents live in Manchester too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cricketbackinengland Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Deely, for those that get left behind, it is like a bereavement to start off with. Everyone involved, including you will go through a certain amount of separation anxiety and grieving because it involves loss and separation from people you love and who love you. It's not an event that anyone ever really prepares for or reckons on dealing with until the day you're almost ready to leave. Then it is a case of being strong for everyone then you're the one that's a blubbering wreck as you leave. If you can accept that these feelings are all part and parcel of moving countries, you will be able to cope much better and so will your dad. Not easy but being kind and just accepting that a certain amount of pain is all part of the plan does help. Personally I'd deal with everything on a practical level and not get too bogged down with the emotional side of things until you're a couple of days off going. I found that playing everything down helped everyone cope better. I also refused to say goodbye to anyone preferring to use the words, 'see you later, I'll ring tonight' or something like that but definitely avoid saying goodbye. Helps everyone to stay strong. Then once you've gone, hate to say it hon, but everyone just seems to get on with their own lives. Within a few short weeks of being in Oz, you'll be the one hurting because no one will miss you that much. They'll have accepted things and got on with their own world. It's just managing the bit before you've actually gone that hurts. PS When you're a seasoned traveller, it will be too easy!:-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest shusselmann Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Hi Deely. No matter what ANYONE says the devastation and heartache the move to Australia causes those that love and care for us is wholly underestimated at times, especially when spoken of in terms of parents. 'Most' of us have loving parents who have been with us through thick and thin. And to some degree the pangs of 'guilt' we feel is less that the 'Kick In The Teeth' we feel we are giving them. It is pointless me saying 'Look, you are doing this for you and your family' (though true, this will not help at the moment.) Your dad sounds a real diamond, in the fact that he is encouraging, or at least seems to be, though the thoughts running through his head maybe wholly different, is indeed worth and no less than you would expect from a loving and caring Dad. I would also be lying if I said, 'Oh come on, its get easier', it certainly changes, but better I don't know. All you can do at this point in time Deely is talk, listen and be there for him when he needs reassuring or a shoulder to cry on. I am sure from what you say f your dad that though he will miss you greatly he will also look upon you with huge pride, as a 'grown up' who has made the decision for THIER family. And as far as missing his grandchildren go Deely, of course he will, because as I said he is a loving and compassionate bloke. But ALL you can do is do what is best for you at this time, WHILST acknowledging the fact that your move will impact on others around you. What must be remembered is that you are NOT selfish, etc. You have just come to the conclusion at the present time that for you and your family this is a great opportunity, and like a lot of things in life, great opportunities also bring with them 'collateral' damage, only problem is that the collateral damage is other peoples emotions in this case. This post could be read as somewhat sad, but in reality Deely it is honest, and that is all. Just remember that whilst the move to the other side of the world is a chance few of us are afforded it does bring certain issues to light. And the biggest (and most definitely in my opinion is often the overlooked impact on those that are to some degree on the periphery of our decision) Reassure you dad that Australia is ONLY 24 hours away. I know that sounds a lot, but in the grand scheme of things it isn't. Discuss possible visits etc, and give firm dates if at all possible, this will give you ALL something to aim for and look forward to. There are plenty of other ways of keeping in touch, phone, email and of course Skype. If your dad isn't familiar with Skype then teach and show him, I spent many, many hours with my mum and dad to show them the uses, and believe me, a face to face discussion (even through computer) can do wonders for EVERYBODY involved. But I will finish with this, house, the job market, healthcare, etc, are VERY important when we decide to leave the UK, but the most important thing at times is to realise what out move will do to others. I dare say t=you already know this Deely, but talk to people, laugh, cry, scream etc, but talk to them if at all possible why you have made the decision, that way most 'normally' understand and you WILL all come through this stronger and more loving. Good luck my friend, it is BLOODY hard, but you will get there. Cheers Tony.:wink: Didn’t expect to be sobbing into my lunch but you’ve summed up the situation very well... We’ve been in Sydney for just over a year and leaving my parents in the UK is the most difficult thing about the move. On a daily basis I feel guilty about being so far away, whilst they deal with ill-health and wish they could see more of the grandchildren. Skype is a wonderful thing; if we talk often they don’t seem so far away. Although my youngest son was only a baby when we left the UK, when my parents came to see us in Dec he instantly knew them and went to them, thanks to Skype. Now they’ve made their first visit to see us, the distance is a little easier. It feels like they’re more part of our world and, in a way, they’ve endorsed the move by seeing and understanding why we want to live here. Perhaps they were just being supportive, but they’ve said that if they had the opportunity to move over here when they were our age, they would have done it. Deely, I bet your family are also proud of you for having the courage to make the move and do what’s best for you. I also agree with other comments here, don’t see your move as final, and concentrate on the different stages. We said we’d try two years and see how it goes, one year in I think we’ll probably stay longer than two years but I’m also not saying I’ll never move back to the UK. I’m sure you’ll love living in Australia and hope you start to feel better about the move v soon :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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