koalakids Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 WHO,S THE BOSS.as they were uhndressing for bed the husband,a big burly man tossed his trousers to his new wife,he said,here put these on. she puts them on and the waist was twice the size of her body i cnt wear your trousers she said. thats right said the husband and dont ever for get it. i,m the man who wears the trousers n this house. 2nd Part of This Jokes goes like this : The wife then takes of her knickers and says to her husband " put these on!" The husband then says " I can't get into your knickers!"......and the wife says " and if you don't change that attitude you won't do ever again!" :v_SPIN: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 2nd Part of This Jokes goes like this : The wife then takes of her knickers and says to her husband " put these on!" The husband then says " I can't get into your knickers!"......and the wife says " and if you don't change that attitude you won't do ever again!" :v_SPIN: LMAO...good one to bring up the 100 posts Koala.:spinny: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 Just 'bumping' this in readiness for Monday.......... sorry.............seems a shame to not leave something..!:unsure: Body design 1. Men are more muscular, have bigger brains - by about 5 ounces - (which they use) are firmer to the touch, and smell a lot better. They don't need perfume to disguise anything! 2. Men's most essential equipment is kept conveniently outside the body in the fresh air. Women's urinary devices are far too short and have no directional ability so that everything squirts everywhere thus necessitating the perfume mentioned above. If you ever walk through an office full of women in the late afternoon you will find a distinct smell of urine will assault your nostrils! 3. Men's bodies contain 80% less fat than women's so they don't need elastic devices to keep huge chunks of their anatomy in certain positions. It also means you can actually see their muscles which makes them much more attractive to look at. Men's bodies also retain more water than women's which is why they don't get drunk on half a pint of beer. 4. Men are equipped with a magical component which can create human beings. Men are, essentially, creators, and women nurture the things that men create. A female journalist described this association at a basic level when she said 'Women have learned to press buttons on machines created by men.' The basic foetuses of human beings are female. It is only after being given a generous portion of the magical hormone testosterone that a miracle happens and the foetus, happily, changes into a boy baby. This is a refined version of the previous foetus and the process can be looked at as a mongrel being magically changed into a thoroughbred. 5. This superior foetus will be born a boy, to the joy of its parents, and will have certain distinct advantages over the female of the species, namely: * not having 'off days' every month so can always be relied on to behave rationally * will not be totally devoid of any initiative, so will be able to make up his mind * will be able to read maps thus enabling him not to get lost even on the shortest car journey * will be able to really concentrate on a job thus producing excellent results * will be able to drink more alcohol without getting hopelessly drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 Oh Oh, Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 mm monday is getting closer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted July 7, 2007 Share Posted July 7, 2007 Oh Oh, Mr KP Nut. Don't worry my friend....what can they do? shoot me? Saying that.....Lou = Homicidal axe weilding murderer :unsure: Does anyone know where the bloody delete button is on my keyboard??? :no: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 IT'S MONDAYYYYY!!! YIPPPEEEE GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NOW. Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 What the difference between a woman, And a terrorist. You can negotiate with a terrorist. Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Everytime i walk into a bar, i can hear my ol mum's voice echoing the wise word's of, "Dont pick that up you dont know where she's been". --------------------------------------- A blonde goe's to the doctor an say's "i have a problem, everytime i sneeze i have an orgasm" The doctor replie's "Oh really what are you taking for it" The blonde replied "black peppar" ------------------------------------- I married my wife for her look's but not the one's she'll be giving me later after reading these. -------------------------------------- To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot an love him a little, To be happ with a woman you have to love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. --------------------------------------- No really i love being married, i think it just great that i have found that special person that i can annoy for the rest of my life, however short it may be. Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Woman goes into the pet shop to find something different for her hubby's birthday, and on explaining to the shopkeeper he say's, "I think iv'e got just the thing", "it's a frog that has the ability to give tremendous oral sex". The woman is stunned, but because her husband like's that type of sex, and she is not so good at the giving, she buys it brings it home and presents it to the hubby and explains it's special value. The hubby being sceptical accepts the frog and promises to give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to bed and happily falls asleep knowing that she wont be bothered my her husband that night. A few hours later the woman is woken by the banging and clattering coming from the kitchen. Once there she is shocked to see her hubby with the frog pulling out pot's and pans and scouring over cook book's, she ask's "What an earths going on" To which the husband replie's, "Well if i can teach this frog to cook your out of here" Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Girl goes to the doc's for a check up, as she take's her blouse off, the doc notice's a big O on her chest. " how did you get that big O on you chest", he ask's her " My boyfriend goes to oxford uni, an he never take's his top off even when we make love", she replied. A 2nd girl come's to the doc's for a check up an when she takes her blouse off, the doc notice's a big C on her chest. " How did you get that big C on your chest ", he ask's her " Oh my boyfriend goes to cambridge uni an he never takes his top off even when we make love ", she replie's A 3rd girl come's to the doc's for a check an when she take's her top off she has a big W on her chest. " Have a boyfriend that goes to winchester uni have you ", he ask's " No but my girlfriend goes to Manchester uni ", was her reply..... Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 A guy with a black eye boards his plane heading for USA and sit's in his seat, he immediately notice's that the guy sitting next to him also has a black eye. He say's to him, "hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eye's, mind if i ask how you got your's?". "Well it just happens it was a tongue twisting accident, sort of, see, i was at the ticket desk, and this gorgeous red head with great BIG BOOB'S the biggest i'd ever seen was there, an instead of askin for a ticket to Pittsburgh, i said, i'd like a picket to Tittsburgh, and she socked me one". The 1st guy replied, "yeah mine was a bit of a twister too, it was at breakfast, i meant to say to my wife, could you pour me a bowl of corn flake's please, but instead i said, you ruined my life you crazy cow". Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 A woman was in the jewellers an breaks wind whilst bending over looking at a beautiful diamond ring, she look's round, embaressed, and see's the salesman standing behind her. Totally professional, he say's " good day madam, how may i be of service?". Hoping he did'nt hear her little indiscretiion she ask's, " sir, how much is this lovely ring?" He answer's, " Madam if you farted looking at it if i tell you the price you will almost certainly s**t yourself when i tell you the price!!!!!!!" Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Hey guy's i know it was a bit daft but i'm thinking that we're still probably gonna be here for the next one so i put a share into a race horse, on condition i could name it, gonna have a couple of little races B4 we put it up for Ascot. About six out of the ten who bought it will be there mainly cos we all want to hear all the women scream it in to the finish. Mr KP Nut. Oh sorry forgot to say it's name is My face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 An in the immortal words of Lazy Cow, Blah, Blah, Blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Come On My face Get it Come on My Face All the women shouting, Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Did ya hear about the woman who went to see her doc complaining of a discharge, he told her to strip off, then he gave her an internal examination an asked, " how doe's that feel ?????" " Very nice " she replied " but the discharge is in my EAR " Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Macd Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 I think the girls are just biding their time letting you hang yourselves a little bit more, whats that old saying "small things................" By the way OH found them very funny, needless to say he's not playing out this weekend even though its his birthday. Tracey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 no need to name the 3 old ladies with the big snake,we know who they are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 I was wondering which end was the head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KP Nuts Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Yesterday, scientist's in the USA revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pint's of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and could'nt drive. Mr KP Nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scarletfever Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Glad to see you guys have kept our end up...in a way of speaking of course!:embarrassed: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 Wrinkly A ninety year old man living in a rest home was granted a weekend pass. He stopped in his favourite bar, sat at the end and ordered a drink. He noticed a 70 year old woman at the other end of the bar, and told the bar tender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As the evening progressed the man joined the lady and they went to her apartment where they got stinky and wrinkly. 4 days later the old man noticed that he had developed a drip and headed to the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. The old man said sure! The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived. Sure, why? asked the old man. Well you'd better get over there replied the doctor You're about to come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Working to fish Posted July 9, 2007 Share Posted July 9, 2007 My wifes' panties 2 co-workers are leaving the office. "I can't wait to get home" says one of them. "As soon as i walk in the door i'm going to rip my wifes pantes right off". "I know the feeling" the other one says. "I've been working so much lately sometimes it feels like im not even married any longer". "No, i'm serious" says the first, "They're killing me." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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