Jemvin Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 I am after some advice as to what to do. I live in Australia with my partner and 2 year old. We have a good job , house and life here but I miss my family dearly and I suffered extreme post natal anxiety and depression when my son was born. I have always said that if we was to have another child we would move back for the support that I would need. I don't know how to go about this. We will be eligible for a visa under savings. But do we try to have a baby here and then look at moving to the U.K. Or do we move and then try ( previous fertility issues ) It's so overwhelming. Any tips or experiences from anyone I would love to hear ... thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted November 15, 2017 Share Posted November 15, 2017 Cant include advice on the fertility side, but other than that I think it is purely personal. I cant see any difference in moving now or once you have another baby other than if you intend to make the move, why wait. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted November 15, 2017 Author Share Posted November 15, 2017 Thanks , waiting for my citizenship first , which could take up to 14 months Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pixie77 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I'd start trying now if you've had issues, get citizenship and see where you're up to. We moved back in July with our 3&1 year old- family support has made a big difference! Goodluck x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Novembernorain Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 6 hours ago, Pixie77 said: I'd start trying now if you've had issues, get citizenship and see where you're up to. We moved back in July with our 3&1 year old- family support has made a big difference! Goodluck x @Pixie77 how are the kids going? Coping with the cold? We are moving with a 1 and 4 yo - I'm worried sick! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 11 hours ago, Pixie77 said: I'd start trying now if you've had issues, get citizenship and see where you're up to. We moved back in July with our 3&1 year old- family support has made a big difference! Goodluck x Thanks. If you could Have would you have rather given birth in the uk? or did you find that knowing you were going to move back when bub was little that it made it easier mentally even though you were in aus ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Does your partner need a spouse visa for the UK? Or does he hold UK citizenship already? If not, that is probably going to be the stumbling block and until you know you can secure the visa then I'd not be trying for another baby, not if you want to be back in the UK to have it. The other issue though is you are waiting on your Aus citizenship it seems and could be in for a long wait. Its not ideal whichever way you look at it really. I don't know what your fertility issues are but the NHS is pretty decent in most areas. However, where you live, it may vary in terms of what is available to you for your issues. In some areas, IVF is capped for example and after that you have to pay. Or if past a certain age its not offered, or if you already have a child or something like that. Giving birth on the NHS is a bit of a lottery. There are midwife shortages although some areas have better coverage than others. Some have good experiences, others not. There are consultant led units, midwife led units and home birth options. I didn't want to give birth in a hospital so opted for a home birth and had amazing midwife care. I lived in an area that had a very high rate of home births and had a midwife team in the community. TBH I tend to hold with if you really want another baby, you want one and you tend to go all out to make it happen if its in your power to. In your ideal world you'd be back in the UK but often that ideal world doesn't exist. So you have to just go with what you have and make the best of it. PND and anxiety are crippling and hard work. If you have some kind of support here and access to decent medical help etc then you could just go with it. You could suffer it back in the UK also and even with family to help and be around it would still probably be a really crappy time and hard going. There is no way of knowing or predicting. It will be what it will be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 13 hours ago, Pixie77 said: I'd start trying now if you've had issues, get citizenship and see where you're up to. We moved back in July with our 3&1 year old- family support has made a big difference! Goodluck x Thanks. If you could Have would you have rather given birth in the uk? or did you find that knowing you were going to move back when bub was little that it made it easier mentally even though you were in aus ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 1 hour ago, snifter said: Does your partner need a spouse visa for the UK? Or does he hold UK citizenship already? If not, that is probably going to be the stumbling block and until you know you can secure the visa then I'd not be trying for another baby, not if you want to be back in the UK to have it. The other issue though is you are waiting on your Aus citizenship it seems and could be in for a long wait. Its not ideal whichever way you look at it really. I don't know what your fertility issues are but the NHS is pretty decent in most areas. However, where you live, it may vary in terms of what is available to you for your issues. In some areas, IVF is capped for example and after that you have to pay. Or if past a certain age its not offered, or if you already have a child or something like that. Giving birth on the NHS is a bit of a lottery. There are midwife shortages although some areas have better coverage than others. Some have good experiences, others not. There are consultant led units, midwife led units and home birth options. I didn't want to give birth in a hospital so opted for a home birth and had amazing midwife care. I lived in an area that had a very high rate of home births and had a midwife team in the community. TBH I tend to hold with if you really want another baby, you want one and you tend to go all out to make it happen if its in your power to. In your ideal world you'd be back in the UK but often that ideal world doesn't exist. So you have to just go with what you have and make the best of it. PND and anxiety are crippling and hard work. If you have some kind of support here and access to decent medical help etc then you could just go with it. You could suffer it back in the UK also and even with family to help and be around it would still probably be a really crappy time and hard going. There is no way of knowing or predicting. It will be what it will be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jemvin Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 Thanks for the info. My partner will need a visa. We are eligible with what savings we have. I thought we shouldn't apply yet as I was under the impression he then had a small time frame to enter the uk? So I thought I need to get my citizenship done first ? as for baby stuff goes I am only just starting to feel like maybe I could have another but I am still scared. I seeked some treatment to conceive but it was not ivf. So hopefully we wouldn't have to go down theta road... though you never know hey .... Also unfortunately ended up having a emergency csection so a home birth is out of the question for me. I do know what you mean about how I could still suffer in the uk. I just felt like as soon as I had my parents come and stay I felt like I was better. My mum has said she would come if I have another i am just naturally a idecisive and a real worrier about everything. I wanted to experience having a baby with my family and friends around but I have to think that maybe an ideal world isn't always that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest263228 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 On 15/11/2017 at 10:38, Jemvin said: I am after some advice as to what to do. I live in Australia with my partner and 2 year old. We have a good job , house and life here but I miss my family dearly and I suffered extreme post natal anxiety and depression when my son was born. I have always said that if we was to have another child we would move back for the support that I would need. I don't know how to go about this. We will be eligible for a visa under savings. But do we try to have a baby here and then look at moving to the U.K. Or do we move and then try ( previous fertility issues ) It's so overwhelming. Any tips or experiences from anyone I would love to hear ... thanks The only advise I would offer, would be to sort out the country the want to be living in before giving birth again. It would likely have been easier before the first, but you are where you are. I really fail to understand any thoughts of further complications, if in the mind frame you claim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Its not. TBH much of life isn't an ideal world but we do ok usually and make do if we have to You most likely will only have a short time frame to make use of the visa so sit on it awhile If your Mum has offered to come over again, then take her up on it. Especially if she can be here for before the baby arrives or very soon after. It could take weeks, months or years to get pregnant again, you don't know. If you don't feel ready yet though, don't rush yourself in to it. That would probably do more harm than good. When you feel ready, you'll know and most likely the worries that you have about getting pregnant again, you'll be ready to push past those if you really want to make it happen. Make sure you really are in a good space for it all. As you also admit to being a worrier and indecisive, I'd perhaps seek some help and talk to someone and see if there is anything you could do to help yourself in that department Mindfulness can be really helpful to read and learn about and to try putting into practice. It helps you learn the skills to not let things overwhelm you and to recognise when you are starting to struggle. It sounds like you had issues with anxiety if having your parents close by helped ease things noticeably. Anxiety after having a baby is a whole other thing to PND. And being a first time Mum can of course accentuate every single worry and then some. Be kind to yourself. Don't be afraid to seek out some help or advice and see if there are ways to help you cope better if you get pregnant again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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