mygirlies Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I have no idea why but for the last few days all I can think about is possibly making the move home. Playing over and over in my head. Although I have always felt slightly 'off' here in Australia... Ive chugged along. Trying to find my place here. But I feel like the road here might be ending. I have been here 3 years, and in that time I just haven't been able to fit in. I don't feel like I belong here... Maybe because of my personal experience...or being that my values are completely different to those I have met, but to me Australia is simply pretentious. Its all about status, who can do what for whom, who has the better x and y... Their patriotism is embarrassing. Considering they have a National Sorry Day... which noone seems to know about. I havent meet people who want to learn about cultures, history... whether it be from beyond their country or even in it! I have endured bullying of magnitude, felt unwelcomed here. But more than anything there is no depth here. I don't feel it from people. Friends... Well, how can I describe such beings... So far I have been used, people palm their kids onto me, take my things, have little regard for me and my values. There take the piss sense of humour isn't admired by me. And they basically spit you out when they have what they needed from you. This I think is really getting me down...more than the stinking hot weather, or any other issues I may have here. I have moved 6 times in 3 years (different states too). And each time its the same thing. Over and over again. Completely taken for granted. I hate that I can not openly have a conversation about life in general, have discussions, debates, for the fear of people tearing me down. Everyone has an opinion! And everyone is extremely self justified and defensive! So.... going home.... I am going to try one last time. I will move to another region this year (I may as well stick it out to get my citizenship) and see if I can find some kind of belonging. But I have decided if that doesn't feel right I am just going to leave. Why waste any more time feeling the way I do. I have no idea where in the UK I would go, or even what it is like there at the moment. But one thing I do no is people have depth, the are very humbling, compassionate and well I would feel like I belong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 After 32 years I still never got the feeling of belonging! Different values, interests, behaviours, needs. I lived as an alien quite happily for 10-15 years but I always knew that I didn't belong no matter how much my hard hearted head told my poor old heart that Australia is "home" it never ever was. Good luck, maybe you'll find a niche which has escaped many of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Where are you living hun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 I do hope you find what you are looking for. It's hard not to belong - never felt it here in 8 years. One thing about the UK is that you can belong even without the people factor. I find the landscape, the seasons, the history, media all of great comfort. When you decide to stop fighting stuff and go with the flow, life becomes more comfortable. It would be nice to be somewhere with a feeling of permanence - you can never be sure in Oz when the work is going to dry up, when you need to move due to a landlord's whim. Whilst change can be fun and quite liberating it does get trying after a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Hi,I think you need to be more assertive hon.You mentioned people palming their kids off onto you?Yes I agree welcome kids into your home for your childs sake,but you need to set boundaries.My daughter once had a sleepover with a particular "friend".The original plans were for the friend to be dropped off at our place around 4pm and to be collected at 2pm the next day. Firstly the parents changed the drop off time to 1pm,which I accepted.The following day the Mum then rang me to ask if they could collect said child after tea,around 7.30pm as they're plans had changed.(More like they just wanted more free time to themselves).At first I replied that actually we ourselves had plans that afternoon,and could they perhaps stick with the original collect time and if not ask a family member to collect their child?Nope neither option was good for them.Unfortunately after that episode I declined any further sleepover dates.Some people really do take the p***! If people cant stick with original times,thats bad luck for them I'm afraid. You sound lonely hon and that's not a good feeling.I think people have already suggested on other threads for you to join clubs or whatever,and I am not sure if you've already tried joining some but that could be an option for you. We're now living in a time when people would rather talk to eachother via texts or FB and that's pretty sad actually.I used to live in a small town,and found people very friendly but maybe that was just the town I was living in,I don't know. I think you're making a wise move by gaining citizenship before leaving.You just don't know what will happen in the future and keeping your options open is always a good thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melbpom Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 Dear mygirlies, I'm a carer too and without going in to detail I know what you mean about 24/7 but there are supports out there. Your local council should be able to provide in home respite care so that go can go out, even if it's only shopping, but you might want to spend the time doing a course. I did one at tafe and met some lovely women, most immigrants like myself just trying to establish themselves. There are also programs that offer facility based respite. If you are in Melbourne, pm me and I'll tell you about the excellent service I use. I also think that for those of us who keep dropping back in here the issue of Aus or Uk isn't quite resolved. I feel reluctant to advise anyone to stay or go,but I sense that you may already have made the decision to go. If so have a plan, maybe stay where you are now, wait for citizenship, and investigate what's available to support you and your child now. For the record I find it incredibly hard to ask for help but the more I do the easier it gets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mygirlies Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 Thank you so much everyone! Sorry Ive not been on in a while. Thank you all for your encouraging words. I definitely need to change the way I deal with 'friends' and peoples attitudes. I am working on this. I am currently trying to decided where I shall go at the end of the year. I have no idea. I had one region in mind but I am struggling with this heat already :-/ I am becoming slightly obsessed with English moving to the country type programs. Oh how it looks like heaven! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melbpom Posted March 9, 2015 Share Posted March 9, 2015 I too have an obsession with "Moving to the country", "Secret location" and "Homes under the Hammer". I'm not sure what that says about where my heart is. Or maybe the only other choices are sport and reality TV. Anyway an Uncle and a cousin came over for a visit last month and they were telling me there's a program in the UK called "Wanted Down under". Apparently it's about would be migrants being given the full story and then making a more informed decision whether to move or not. I'm hoping they show it on TV here because I think the video repeats are geo blocked and I'd love to see what each family decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mygirlies Posted March 9, 2015 Author Share Posted March 9, 2015 I too have an obsession with "Moving to the country", "Secret location" and "Homes under the Hammer". I'm not sure what that says about where my heart is. Or maybe the only other choices are sport and reality TV.Anyway an Uncle and a cousin came over for a visit last month and they were telling me there's a program in the UK called "Wanted Down under". Apparently it's about would be migrants being given the full story and then making a more informed decision whether to move or not. I'm hoping they show it on TV here because I think the video repeats are geo blocked and I'd love to see what each family decide. Melbpom, I have seen that down under programme. I truly think that moving to 'tropical paradise' as some people see it is a fantasy. And fantasies are not forever. I know for me... it sounded like luxury and a happily ever after dream. But within months I new it was anything but that! I agree with some of those who say maybe we did not appreciate what we had in the UK. I love the 'escape to the country' programme. The beautiful hills, the beautiful properties. The culture, heritage, the scenery, the mooring dew on the grass, the seasons, the birds... even the snow. I miss it so much! I find it all so pretentious here. And nothing of really value (that isn't materialistic). I have such different values to typical aussies and we just dont get along. Not that I haven't tried. The man reason people move (according to statistics) is the sunshine. I am over this sunshine, well and truly. I need 'fresh' air. Crisp clean air. Not stuffy hard to breath humidity with artificial cold air from the aircon. I am so over it! I just seem to detest more and more and even though I am usually a positive person I am finding myself bitter to this country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fizzybangs Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 I have no idea why but for the last few days all I can think about is possibly making the move home. Playing over and over in my head. Although I have always felt slightly 'off' here in Australia... Ive chugged along. Trying to find my place here. But I feel like the road here might be ending. I have been here 3 years, and in that time I just haven't been able to fit in. I don't feel like I belong here... Maybe because of my personal experience...or being that my values are completely different to those I have met, but to me Australia is simply pretentious. Its all about status, who can do what for whom, who has the better x and y... Their patriotism is embarrassing. Considering they have a National Sorry Day... which noone seems to know about. I havent meet people who want to learn about cultures, history... whether it be from beyond their country or even in it! I have endured bullying of magnitude, felt unwelcomed here. But more than anything there is no depth here. I don't feel it from people. Friends... Well, how can I describe such beings... So far I have been used, people palm their kids onto me, take my things, have little regard for me and my values. There take the piss sense of humour isn't admired by me. And they basically spit you out when they have what they needed from you. This I think is really getting me down...more than the stinking hot weather, or any other issues I may have here. I have moved 6 times in 3 years (different states too). And each time its the same thing. Over and over again. Completely taken for granted. I hate that I can not openly have a conversation about life in general, have discussions, debates, for the fear of people tearing me down. Everyone has an opinion! And everyone is extremely self justified and defensive! So.... going home.... I am going to try one last time. I will move to another region this year (I may as well stick it out to get my citizenship) and see if I can find some kind of belonging. But I have decided if that doesn't feel right I am just going to leave. Why waste any more time feeling the way I do. I have no idea where in the UK I would go, or even what it is like there at the moment. But one thing I do no is people have depth, the are very humbling, compassionate and well I would feel like I belong. I have been here since 1981, with a nine month plus a one year trip back. I have rarely read such a great post. You have hit the nail on the head with everything. It is not going to change, in fact it has got a lot worse since I arrived. We are going home for good soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mygirlies Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 I have been here since 1981, with a nine month plus a one year trip back. I have rarely read such a great post. You have hit the nail on the head with everything. It is not going to change, in fact it has got a lot worse since I arrived. We are going home for good soon! Thanks Fizzybangs, its surprising just how many have experienced the same and whom are not blinded by the pretence. I know I will make it home. If not soon, but one day. My daughters nan (whom we do not have contact with) was like yourself. Lived here for 15 years. Never made friends, ended up hating it and went back. I see the same predicament for me. I too fear it is only going to get worse. Its a real slap in the face. And also a difficult situation because many do not believe me when I convey my issues. But thus this is Australia and I have learnt so much about myself because of this journey. So I guess at least something has come out of it.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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