Australian version of Godwin's Law

[cjscjs]

The New Australian version of Godwin’s Law

 

This organ is a personal release valve for me to vent my spleen at the unusual, the alien and the plain ridiculousness of life in Australia for a middle-aged Englishman with a good tailor and reasonable sense of apostrophe placement.

It’s very useful in that regard; I get to express opinions on here I would otherwise have to internalise. That some of you appreciate these and, in the main, share many of the views I have, helps to maintain my sanity.

In public, I tone down some of the more controversial themes because, as I quickly learned on arrival, Australians are not as thick-skinned and robust as their preferred public image would portray.

A hint of this is apparent in the well-known expression, “whinging Pom”. Rather than questioning why someone with experience gained elsewhere might be suggesting something is sub-optimal, the locals prefer to label this as frivolous whining.

Of course, this conclusion can’t be drawn for Antipodeans living in London who complain bitterly about the weather because that’s obviously different; a bad weather experience somehow being the fault of the English….. rather than a poor choice of clothing by the visitors.

Nonetheless, in my real life dealings with Australians, I’ve realised that I can bring them to a tipping point quite easily and that, at this monent, we reach the Australian immigration version of Godwin’s Law, that is, when the phrase, “well, if you don’t like it here, why don’t you go home, maaaate?” is offerred as a well-thought out and articulated argument.

I’m having great sport along these lines with a relatively new colleague who I managed to goad to the WDYGHM (why don’t you go home, maaaate?) point twice in December.

Both involved some alcohol. The first was when I was describing my many children in response to a question from someone else. She has only the one child, conceived by IVF (as she explains, unprompted, to strangers at every opportunity). Apparently, I had somehow offended her with my fertility. Ponder that as a concept for a moment.

The second was because I’d suggested that politics in New South Wales seemed somewhat venal to the eyes of a recent immigrant.

So imagine my delight in hitting the WDYGHM jackpot only a day and a half into the working year and without recourse to alcohol!

It would seem that reminding her that not only was “Advance Australia Fair” a bit of a shite anthem compared to other countries and only superceded “God Save The Queen” in the 1980s but the unofficial anthem, “Waltzing Mathilda” was about a thief’s suicide and therefore was a bit strange as a national tune.

“Why don’t you go home, maaaate?”

Because I AM home. How’d ya like them apples?

 

 

 

One Response

 

 

 

Tim Newman says:

 

Ah yes:

Somebody called me a Whinging Pom when I complained that the internet in the hotel cost A$27.50 for 24hrs (which was capped, and they take care not to advertise the rate on their website), again when I pointed out that supermarket wine is 4 times the price it is in Paris, and once more for not showing sufficient enthusiasm for the notion that Melbourne is a fantastic city. Now if the Aussies are happy being fleeced at every point and turn and genuinely think that everyone should fall in love with their cities then fair enough. But an Aussie complaining about London’s parking charges, the cost of petrol, and declaring Manchester to fall somewhat short of fantastic wouldn’t find himself accused by Brits of being…well, anything. They’d probably agree.

Indeed, the Whinging Pom epithet thing seems have turned into a parody of Australians more than a criticism of Brits. This post – which was quite obviously a joke – was seized upon in the comments by a semi-literate Australian whose first remark was that he and his countrymen would be happy to see me on the boat back home. Can you see the French saying that? Or the Germans? Me neither.

(Incidentally, one day somebody will write a book on how a nation made up almost entirely of immigrants managed within a few generations to create a society where “f... off back on the boat you came in on” was considered acceptable mainstream opinion. In the UK it’s thankfully confined to knuckle-dragging skinheads wearing swastikas.)

[janlo]

Oh yes, they are very precious :wink:

[Celt Down Under]

I just wasted a minute of my life.

[Peach]

No sure which is sadder, the guy that writes it or the fact you think it is good enough to copy and paste.

[Marisawright]

 

This organ is a personal release valve for me to vent my spleen at the unusual, the alien and the plain ridiculousness of life in Australia for a middle-aged Englishman with a good tailor and reasonable sense of apostrophe placement.

 

 

As a couple with a similar attitude to apostrophes, you sound like the kind of person to whom I need to speak. We are retiring back to the UK, but I have no wish to return to the far frozen north of Scotland where I grew up. However I'm aware there are many areas of England, too, where apostrophes run wild and culture is sadly lacking. Where would you suggest would be a good place to settle to ensure our sanity?