Nic76 Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Hi everyone we used to be on here years ago before we made our move to oz then life got busy.... So I have re- registered after forgetting passwords etc. Anyhow this is an awesome site helped us so much 7 years ago. We have been living in nsw for the past seven years and made a fantastic life here for us and our 3 kids who are now 9,16,18 and working full time, 16 year old is in year 11 but as part of her 11/12 is attending an acute care nursing course at the local hospital she is hoping for a good atar score next year for uni to become an RN. We have never been back to the UK and apart from family do not miss a thing, we have a planned trip in June but unfortunately my mum got very sick in January so I had to make a mad dash back in February I spent a week with mum who sadly at 56 passed away. Now before this my heart and home was here in oz, but now I feel so torn my little family and life is here but my heart is there. Due to the airline not helping to change my ticket without 600 pounds I had no choice but to bury mum four days later and fly home straight after. Grieving has been hard as this happened to anyone else if so did you end up going back to the uk? Or did it get easier? Nic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigmac Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 I'm really sorry to hear about your mum. It must be extremely difficult being so far away from your family when something so tragic happens. You need to take the time to grieve & not make any big decisions regarding you & your family until you've had this time. I know I don't know you but my thoughts are with you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Nic just speaking in general terms the first year after the loss of someone you love is always the hardest. The pain never goes away but the rawness does fade. It's not unusual to start questioning all sorts of things while you are working through the shock and grief. My only real advice is not to make any life changing decisions during this period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 What you are facing is not about Australia or the UK - it is about grieving. Remove the grief you feel, and you will be as happy as ever in Australia. Keep the grief, and you will be unhappy in both the UK and Australia. What you need is a process to help you move through grief, and within that process there is absolutely no need to complicate life by moving country, which will - at least in my experience - actually make things more difficult. Managing grief might best be worked through with your GP +/- counsellor +/- medication - are you sleeping enough? But you might also be able to take the time to put together an appreciation of what your mother has brought into this world, and celebrating that with thankfulness for her life. That often helps - focus on the beauty, not the loss. It might also help if this process is worked through with the intent of strengthening your family relationships - I am sure they are fine as they are, but this might be a useful time to work on making them even better, perhaps as tribute to yourself (your mother taught you well) and your mother, who would smile on you with pleasure at the improvements you are making. (Sorry - I do not know you, but perhaps this is the beginning of a guide?) Does it get easier or better? Most definitely it does. (Ask me how I know ... nah, no need, you can guess) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nic76 Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 Thank you some really helpful stuff guys I really appreciate it. I'm currently having grief counciling and everyone says with time it gets easier!! We are still making our original planned trip back this year I have four sister and a new niece and nephew due before we arrive there. This trip will be an emotional one but a trip I'm thankful for. Thank you all Nic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 I agree with the others, this is about grief but sometimes grieving and living through the time can give you a different perspective on your life's priorities and that's ok. If you decide that isolation of your little unit isn't what you want for the foreseeable future and a move is on the cards then that's ok too. I do think that the older we get the more drawn we are to our "mob" wherever they may be even though when younger we didn't give a toss. I am am really sorry for your loss and hope that you and your counsellor are able to work through what has happened for you and that you come out of the other side with a sense of peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karenbfam Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Nic i can sympathise with you totally. I lost my mum nearly 12 years ago. She was only 58 and her illness was short and sudden. I can tell you it was the worse thing to ever happen to me, much worse than my horrible divorce after 21 years of marriage! All I can tell you is the first year is the worse and it does get easier, only because I think you learn to remember the good times and not concentrate on the end (if that makes sense!). It still hurts like mad and I miss my mum every day but life does go on. Don't make any rash decisions. Enjoy your holiday, continue to grieve and look at the wonderful legacy, your family that your mum has left. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louisella Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Thank you some really helpful stuff guys I really appreciate it. I'm currently having grief counciling and everyone says with time it gets easier!! We are still making our original planned trip back this year I have four sister and a new niece and nephew due before we arrive there. This trip will be an emotional one but a trip I'm thankful for. Thank you all Nic So sad about your loss. As Freckleface has said, the first year is difficult as you have a lot of milestones ("this time last year...") and it's important to let yourself grieve. I think that grief would be the same whether you were in Oz or the UK is just that I imagine you also have the added element of missing family on top. I know it is a cliche but time does help however the grieving process will be different for everyone so don't beat yourself up if it still feels raw when for others it has eased, it will get better though. Be kind to yourself and use this time to remember the time you had with your mother, cry and laugh when you need to (again, don't worry if it this happens at random times, grief is a bugger like that) take care xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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