motherof2 Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Hubby and I will be setting the visa ball in motion this month (hopefully). All of our friends and family we've told have reacted very positivley to our news, and most wish they could have the dangly male gentials to do it to! My trauma is how the parents will react. My only sister is in Melbourne and I totally blame her for this situation, having gone out there this year for a holiday. The big problem is that my Mum hates flying. I'm already going through the guilt trip of taking her only grand children away from them. How did you cope breaking the news? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nathan & Mandie Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Hi Sue Know exactly how you feel. There is only me and my hubby and two grandchildren here in the UK for my parents, my brother already deserted to Germany years ago. Trying to get them to come over on an aged parents visa after we have gone. They sound keen but they have just both turned 70 are feeling too old to go!! They have been to Australia themselves and fully understand our reasons and support us. I know they will definitely visit but just want them with us permanently. Mandie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bshootz Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 Hi ,have told my dad that we,hubby and two boys,8 and 5,are planning to migrate to Aus hopefully begining of next year and his reaction was of great jelousy, he said that if he had his time again and tha b***s he would do it,saying that he could get cheap holidays, no mention of 'taking his grandchildren away'and wishing us all the best and go for it girl, what have you got to lose, my mum .on the other hand is adifferent kettle of fish all together,havent got the guts to tell her yet about our plans coz she wont speak to me again, and will lay the guilt trip on me about not seeing her grandsons again and how could you, etc, etc. I know i will have to tell her but not until my skills assessment has come through, dont want to go thruogh all that grief if i fail at the first hurdle. Hubbys parents, on the other hand have been brilliant, no problems there. Becky x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 I worried about my dad as our going will leave him totally on his own and he dotes on our two children. Whilst obviously sad, he's been brilliant telling us it's the right thing to do. He's already started an Australia fund for his ticket, but it will be very emotional when we say goodbye. We don't have as much contact with hubbies parents, so not as difficult to leave them behind. Ali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest IanL Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 I originally came on a WH so when I told my Mum I was going abroad to work, she thought I meant a month in France grape picking or something. Told her it was Oz, she promptly dropped her cup of tea and said (holding back the tears) 'what about your washing?' My Dad (who already knew) replied with 'perhaps he can send it over' :lol: :lol: ahhh living it home at 22yrs old, was life any better? 8) BTW I learnt how to do my own washing once I was here (and shopping, ironing, budgeting as well :wink: ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fatpom Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 You might be surprised at the responses? We didn't tell anyone until we got the visa's - it could take up to three years at that time even if you were sucessful (the quotas were much smaller). So we had lots of time to speculate on the various responses. We got it totally wrong. Whatever the reaction (& we had some pretty dramatic ones) it's your decision not theirs, my advice is don't present as an open forum for the decision process. Why? because the detractors will use all the ammo they've got to bring about a change of mind. They won't be operating on the rational level (understanably) & they may pull some pretty nasty tricks until acceptance rolls in. In short go into conflict management mode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stephanielouise981 Posted September 3, 2006 Share Posted September 3, 2006 Hi, We had a generally good response from everyone - not one person questioned our motives as they coud see why we were doing it. However as it got closer to the leaving date there was a lot of emotiona; blackmail from parents. We too were taking away their only grandchild - which I still feel guilty for. There is just no getting away from the fact that it's going to be one of the worst (and best) days of your life, the day you leave the UK to come to Australia. Just grit your teeth and you'll be over here soon enough. Steph xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wannabeanaussie Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 My mum is a widow and we have the only grandchild on both sides. The in laws seemed OK but a bit emotional but my mum hit the roof and has alternatly been positive and also extremely negatiive about it all. She is coming round slowly and now realises that we are going whatever - we have bad days but she is generally looking forward to coming to visit us when we get there. Any negative reactions are just a sign of how much they care for you. Whatever they will come round and get used to the idea. Keep positive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest choobs Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Hubby and I will be setting the visa ball in motion this month (hopefully). All of our friends and family we've told have reacted very positivley to our news, and most wish they could have the dangly male gentials to do it to! My trauma is how the parents will react. My only sister is in Melbourne and I totally blame her for this situation, having gone out there this year for a holiday. The big problem is that my Mum hates flying. I'm already going through the guilt trip of taking her only grand children away from them. How did you cope breaking the news? Evening I'm not sure if you've seen the drama unfolding about my folks, but it's a bit of a rollercoaster. One thing that's come out of the plan to move is that I've spoken to my family more in the past few weeks than I have in the previous ten years - we're all getting along much better (although I'm sure a bit of that is the possibility of a cheap holiday destination ;-)). My Dad was initially quite a tough nut to crack and kept making comments about never seeing us again (he has a bad back and has decided he can't fly). Still, we've all been working on him and he's now at the stage where he's willing to consider a visit :*) So - it may be a bit rough, but they'll hopefully come round once they realise you're determined and you're doing it for good reasons. Good luck! Choobs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest austibeach Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Well we are looking at it from a slightly different angle, as we are the parents. Our daughter is living in Australia and is due to give birth to our first grandchild next February. We encouraged her for years to go, as she had been returning there for many years and obviously loved the place. We have been there a few times and have stayed there for two six month spells. Therefore, as we approach retirement we are hoping to join her. All the guilt trip is understandable, as is any pleading by parents for you not to go, but in the end you all have to live your own life to the best you can. If that ultimately means being parted from friends and family, then it is quite simply the price to be paid. I know the cost of flying to Oz can be quite difficult for some people to get together, but that aside it's just a case of being only a day away........you can be here today and there in 24 hrs. , so no need to feel quite so detached. In my opinion the decision needs to be made for the good of the adults in question and their children........not those being left in the U.K. Eric. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pesky Varmit Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 We are all in the same boat and for most of us it wasn't easy to tell our parents we're going to the other side of the world. At the end of the day, we have to do what is right for our family. I agree with austibeach.... it's only a day away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gollywobbler Posted September 24, 2006 Share Posted September 24, 2006 HI all What we did with my parents after my sister migrated (yonks ago now) was to encourage them to go out to Perth for a visit once my sister had finished going all round Oz as part of a shearing team (though not a shearer herself, I hasten to add! She was the team's wool classer.) They stayed for a year and adored it. Dad died a year after they returned, so we are particularly glad that he had that year out in Oz. Since Dad died, Mum has spent at least part of every year in Oz and sometimes the whole year. We tried to get a Parent visa for her in 1993 but it was refused because although I live in the UK and my only sibling lives in Oz, Mum also has a step-daughter in the UK. Back then Oz Law treated the 3 of us equally for the purposes of Parent-migration, which prevented Mum from migrating. However the way that Oz Law treats the step-child changed in 2003, paving the way for Mum to migrate at last. Her only grandchildren are in Oz and she dotes on them. So I would say "Never say never." Family situations can change and so can Australian Law. Someone on this thread said her Mum hates flying. I am told that the airlines (or someone) do very good 1/2 day sessions which work brilliantly for vast numbers of people each year. Do you think it might be possible to persuade her to do one of those? Singaore Airlines, in particular, are fantastically good with passengers who are nervous or are vulnerable in some other way (such as age or disability.) Also, the subclass 676 tourist visa that Austibeach mentioned can be used for stays of up to 12 unbroken months in Oz subject to certain conditions. These suggestions won't work for every family, but they might help to reassure some, I hope. Cheers Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lindt Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 Hi We've been in the same situation, scared stiff what the parents would say and how they would react. At first hubbys parents thought it was a great idea for us as 'your'e only young' they said, little did we know they were really very unyhappy, only found out by other members of family who came up for a visit. :shock: Well this was like being hit by a tonne of bricks, so upset didnt know how to approach this, spoke to sister in law and she was taken back as well. At the end of the day, i know its really upseting for them but we have the needs of our family to care of, its not as if we wouldnt see them again. WE've had the guilt trip as well, we'll never see you again and akk that. The trouble with us is that they have never flown before, never been out of the country, only go on coach trips. We even offered to pay for a flight to Ireland or Spain, still not happened. Everytime we spoke about Australia, cut short and changed subject. Father-in-law was even convinced we wouldnt sell the house, but we're still waiting as the house has only been up for sale for 4wks. Keeping our fingers crossed. We have even told them we would buy a computer so we can keep in touch, with a webcam as well. Well we're trying anyway. Kept them informed with our progress and told them, about r plans to spend our last Christmas with them as we usually do, then hopefully off to Oz in the New Year. Kids are really excited, we didnt need this hangin over our heads and family fallouts. I think another reason for being upset, was in April this year their other grandaughter has just gone over to New Zealand, chance of a life time, got offered a great job opportunity, so she went, they are still convinced she's coming back, but her contract has just been extended for another year, so hopefully we will pay her a visit as well. Anyway, things have slowly come round and they seem to be asking us more questions, and even the kids feel they can talk about Oz now. So here's looking for a great christmas and looking forward to the leavers party. LindT The Taylor Family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Davidgolf Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 HI ALL I AM IN A BIT OF A DIFFRENT POSTIN AS IN THAT MY PARENTS AND 2 BROTHERS AND ALL MY MUMS FAMILY MOVED TO OZ YEARS AGO BUT DIFFRENT THINGS KEPT US HERE, BUT WE WENT OVER AGAIN LAST XMAS AND ME MY HUSBAND AND THREE KIDS ALL MADE UP OUR MINDS THAT WE HAVE WASTED TOO MANY YEARS MESSING ABOUT AND WE ARE NOW WAITING FOR OUR PC AND MECS.BUT MY HUSBAND HAS A MUM AND DAD AND BROTHER OVER HERE WHO WE ARE VERY CLOSE TO DAVID MY HUSBAND HAS NOT TOLD HIS FAMILY THAT WE ARE GOING YET AS HE WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE WERE EXCEPTED AND AS WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT ITS ONLY THE MEDCIALS AND PC NOW, I FEEL THAT WE MUST TELL THEM SO WE HAVE DECIDED THAT WE ARE DOING AFTER XMAS. HAS ANYBODY GOT ANY IDEA OF HOW TO BROKE IT GENTAL OR JUST TO SAY IT, I KNOW THAT MY MOTHER IN LAW IS GOING TO BE SO HEART BROKEN. I GET SO UPSET JUST THINKING OF TELLING THEM. ON THE OTHER HAND MY FAMILY ARE SO EXCITED ABOUT US GETTING OVER THERE,IS THERE ANYBODY IN THE SAME BOAT BECAUSE ONE DAY I AM SO UP AND OTHER I AM SO DOWN. SHARON Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Hi Sharon, Tell them before xmas or it'll ruin xmas dinner, if you do it before you'll be free to enjoy yourselves, talk about the move and your relatives visiting. Although we got our visa in July, we've decided to have xmas here (we fly Jan 6th), it's given people plenty of time to get round to the idea, they can see we're excited about the move and it's also given our eldest child whose 11 time to come to terms with it, she's got a pen-pal whose going to live near by and is actually looking forward to it, where 6 months ago she still felt she was leaving her whole life behind. I'd do it soon, you're only going to rumminate on it until you do and they'll be able to see you're worried about something. Good luck Ali Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest amiboverd Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 HI There, Well lets just say that the only way i now talk to my mum is through mediation!! This may be a slight exaggeration ( not much though). Same situation, we are taking only grandchildren away ( 3 girls) and am seen pretty much as the anti-christ. We are - " selfish" , "thinking of just yourselves" and constantly being told that she couldnt be that selfish etc etc... Generally people have been ok, saying that they will miss us (well the kids really , not kidding myself that we will be missed" and they wish they had the guts to do it. Its just a couple of the family that are reacting this way. When it comes down to it you need to do whats best for you. We go at the end of May and cannot wait, although we canot talk about it or get excited in front of most of the family! Sorry its not a positive reply, im new to the forum and its good to find others going through the same as me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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