Norco13 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 HI there, my first post so bear with me I'll try to keep this short. I hail from Scotland, moved to Oz in Feb 2001, after a few years living here, obtained my residency.....as a backpacker, license to kill!!...freedom. Travelled around Asia en route home for a 'visit', spent a year living in a one bedroom house with my extremely patient mum, left again for a 6 month 'working trip' to India following a job offer. This, having just booked my flight back to Oz via a 3 month detour to South America! Months aren't really counted in months, it's more seasons. Officially I was there for the first half of the season, this ended up the second half also, which culminated in four seasons.......two years later, noooo money to show, (india literally fed me and paid for my roof). I returned to the UK..........financially broken, but perhaps also a little bit 'enlightened' (think everyone who's been to India is supposed to say that) but also feeling very broken in spirit, the UK seemed a little scary after hiding in India denying growing up ( no youngster btw, I think I was bout 36). The story can go on and on but in 2008 I returned to Oz (Melbourne) and managed to enter one month before my 5 year permanent resident re-entry expiry date, phew. Since then i've left the country four times, twice to the UK, once to India and once to Fiji. I'm writing this down because in my mind I feel so deprived that i've never had the opportunity to leave here since last arriving, writing the dates and numbers down makes me give myself a shake. Anyhooo......I was so trying not to be long winded but i'm a fast typer! recently things haven't been going that well for me. I'm single, no kids and the friends I have, or rather have had have tended to drift: marriage, kids, etc etc. Now i'm sure this is the same problem for single people wherever they are in the world but it feels harder when there is literally not one person you can think of to pick up the phone to on a Sat night and say, 'do you fancy going to the cinema'?! I absolutely loooooovvvvveee my job. Unfortunately, as I work for a University doing research, we're reliant on grants, the job isn't guarantee. My present project is due to finish in Feb although we've been told it may carry on until May 14. My Mum at home is a busy little mongrel. She gets things done, but from the last time I was home, I noticed her ailing. She's 73 now and as i'm the only child as Dad died when I was 15 months I feel I have a responsibility. My Mum has always been so proud of me for getting an established degree and job........but for some reason she actually seems more proud of me living in Australia (praps she's trying to tell me something, ha!). Deep down over the past few years, i've always thought about that dreaded phone call, and that dreaded long flight home. LIfe and death are inevitable I know but I guess the older people get, the more we think of it. My Aunt who has always supported me living here has now thrown me a curve ball. She's suggested supporting me financially for the first six months i'm home until I find a job and meanwhile finding somewhere for me to stay near Mum. I'm sorry to take up so much of your time but i'm so confused and would appreciate any and all advice. I think i'm happy here, most of the time, but it's true, I have few friends. I make the most of 70% of my free time by playing violin, tapping, playing badminton and riding my pushbike.....also walking and running, I don't lie around. The sun and the outdoors lifestyle of everyone else here pushes me out the door. But then there's the other side: the never saying thank you to the tram drivers, the fake 'how's your day going' in shops,,,, so many times i've wanted to reply: my days **** my budgies just died! There's a certain harshness and brusqueness of people, esp tough females, while males can just be plain rude..............BUT HONESTLY, AM I LOOKING FOR EXCUSES..............these people exist in every part of the civilised and not so civilised world. Australia has brought me lots of smiles, i'm just lost at what to do. I've a phone call from home on Sat 9th from my Aunt expecting me to give an indication of my decision. Apologise again for long email. All advice greatly accepted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Get your citizenship and have an adventure. Your mum may crack on for a good few years yet or she may not. I certainly know the angst of being an only child on the other side of the world from aging parents and when the wheels fell off the parental wagon I just didn't return from the holiday I was on and I am so glad I did. Of course it is brilliant that your old/s didn't guilt you - mine didn't either and certainly neither had the slightest expectation we would be there to support them - but they are glad we have. There's nothing that says this has to be forever - sounds like you don't have a better offer at the moment and it could be a nice interlude - just get citizenship first then you can come and go at will! Good luck - angsting over your olds is tricky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xxlornaxx Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Im a bit confused lol where do u think you will be happiest? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30085 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 Tried to see if you had it already but didn't spot it ..... get your Citizenship, then move back if you decide to. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patsmb Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 As an only child who packed up after 20 odd years in Oz to go back and look after me Mam ( I am from the north east so say it that way ) I personally would make sure I had citizenship then be up and away Your Mum could have many happy years yet but sharing those years will leave you happy with your decision I am sure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norco13 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Thanks for your replies. No, I don't have my Citizenship...because I left for a few years before returning, I think I only officially qualified to apply from last year......another year later, still haven't done it but it's way up on my list, thanks for the reminder all. xxlornmaxx: where would I be happier? V difficult question. I'd be happier knowing that my Mum was happy and never felt alone. I've been away from home since I was 18, i'm now nearing 42. For selfish reasons, I'd choose Oz, it's a bit of heart, v's head, v's conscience ..........that old Catholic guilt thing sneaking in again!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 If you have citizenship then you have options. Do that before doing anything else. Don't be silly and leave without it as if you do want to return in future years you may find the door to a RRV or whatever else it is is closed to you. If you feel you'll be happy being near your mother, go for it. But consider that you also need a life, friends and so on, not just her. If you feel you'd prefer Aus over the UK but its family drawing you then be honest and realistic about it and don't set the UK bar too high. The UK might not be what you will enjoy or settle in to no matter how good it is to be near your mother. It might be great. But you might still prefer Aus when all is said and done. Also consider how your mother might feel thinking you were returning because of her. Oddly, if she is proud of you making a life for yourself overseas, how might she feel if you return because of her? Has she indicated she'd like you closer or is it you that is feeling you want to be? I think you could have a nice life in the UK but it depends on if you find a job you like, that pays enough to support you etc. Its great to have your aunts offer but that could go pear shaped, so keep in mind its probably better to move out and stand on your own two feet as soon as you are able. I'd also ensure you save some money so you have savings to get you started back in Aus (if and when you go). You plan to be in the UK indefinitely so make sure you have something to fall back on. Who knows, you might meet someone or love being in the UK so much you can't see yourself returning to Aus but we all know life can change in the blink of an eye so give yourself options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norco13 Posted November 5, 2013 Author Share Posted November 5, 2013 Thank you very much for your reply Snifter. I'd love to elaborate more but i'm already late for work. You have given me much food for thought. today on my ride to work I will have your words ringing through my ears instead of my headphones blasting the same old same old. I'll be back and thanks peeps for letting me join. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 It sounds like your Aunt is worried about your Mum, and your Mum probably doesn't want to let you know about her problems as she imagines you're having a great life in Australia and she doesn't want you to worry about her. Parents can have a tendency to hide things from their kids if they don't want them to worry. My mum had her gall bladder out earlier this year and only told me about it after her operation! We were in an awful situation earlier this year, phone call in the middle of the night to let us know my partners father had a severe stroke and was in hospital. Speaking to a lot of our expat friends this is their worst nightmare. We went back for a 3 week visit and spent some time with him, then we came back to Oz. Leaving him in the hospital was probably the hardest thing my OH has ever done, as he knew he would probably never see his Dad again. He passed away a few months later from a secondary stroke a few days before he was due to leave hospital. That event, and the fact that we're now expecting a child, has changed our priorities and we've decided we don't want to be on the other side of the world to get another phone call like that again. Australia has been good to us but the situation is now that the gains are no longer outweighing the sacrifices in terms of being nearer family and other things we love. It sounds like you like living in Australia, but don't love it. Most of your satisfaction here possibly comes from your job, which may not be there forever. Can you get a similar job in the UK? Doesn't have to be that close to your Mum, but close enough to visit on weekends etc. You've still got to have your own life and be able to do the things you want to do. I think a lot of people who have spent a long time travelling probably find it hard to properly settle anywhere, but if you see a stint in the UK as a further adventure then no-one is really losing out, and many people (you and your mum) stand to gain a lot. But yeah, sit down this weekend and get your citizenship forms filled in. Then you can tell your Aunt that you are considering coming back but want to get your citizenship first - I am sure she would understand that. It kind of sounds like you're ready for your next adventure anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Norco13 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Share Posted November 6, 2013 Thank you four corners and all for your wise advice......i'm repeating myself here but thanks also for the welcome. I've just had to renew my UK passport. Received it in the mail a couple of weeks ago. Now need to renew my Oz residency visa to match the pair. After that, full plans ahead for Citizenship application. I'm way late for work but here I go again waffling...... Just one last question (for now), I have a car on finance. For ages I thought it would be fully paid out in Aug 14, after reviewing the papers last night, realised doesn't finish til Aug 15. Has anyone made a move in either direction still with car finance? What happens, do we just find out how much money is owing and pay them? Is the car then sellable? Do we just hand the car back? Oh, one last question! Super...think i've bout 5 lost accounts over the years which I do intend chasing up and joining all together. Is it transferrable, anyone any experience of taking super back to UK? Okay, way late for work now, may as well give myself the day off........this researching malarky feels like a full time job!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wakeboard1980 Posted November 6, 2013 Share Posted November 6, 2013 Sell the car and pay the finance out with the money you get. super will stay in Aus until you reach retirement age. Find it all so you know share it is but as you have pr you can't take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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