wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Hi all, As the thunder rumbles and the rain falls here on the Gold Coast I am thinking more and more of home (UK) We (myself, wife and 2 small boys) have been here for 3 months now. IMO 3 months is a long time to be away from home and not see family BUT then in the grand scale of time needed to settle here it is a drop in the ocean. I'm sure i'm not the first person feel like this and I wont be the last, just thought i'd share it on here with non bias people and get others current/past feelings and experiences. My wife has almost secured a job as a midwife so that will be good when she starts but right now Im thinking we have left behind way more than we have gained....still, early days I know. My wife and 2 boys love it and I do too, but its not grabbed me how I thought it would from the off. Yes I love the weather, BBQs, beaches etc but it has taken coming here for me to realise that these are material things and family and good (and I mean good long term) friends are priceless. I thought all this through before we came but I guess thinking about being away when you are at home is much different from actually doing it. I don't want to be a 'whinging pom' and I know I am lucky to have PR from the off as I have read others posts on here who are struggling and some being refused visas. I have touched on this with my wife but she just thinks i'm saying i want to go home and that i've already made my mind up....and when when I speak to people at home they say "yeah come back, we all miss you"...hence my post here. I don't expect a resolution from it but it feels good to just write what i'm feeling. Anyway, I wont ramble on anymore, if anyone has anything to add then go for it! Thanks Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 .......20 odd years on...........and I too sometimes feel as you do........ .......not for just the UK.........but other places that made me who I am...... .......on life's journey we touch and cross so many others paths......... ........and when we do we leave a little bit of who we are behind........ ........it's part of life ime............to yearn for all the good we have experienced..... .........but to truly live...............we have to look for all that's good in today......... ..........be happy of past experiences......... ..........and look forward to new ones....... ...........but take comfort on what you have just now..... ...........I find it helps to write down where fullfills ........your 'need' ............then wherever that is..........you can then start collecting some....'wants' ............it's not the place that makes us happy........ .............it's how we choose to live in it.......... ..............your true friends and family will always be there..........where ever you live.....ime.... ...............good luck and best wishes.......tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Thanks Tink, I feel like im living in witness protection. I know people are still alive, happy and going about their day to day life but i cant be a part of it. We are in no way looking to go home inside 2 years (unless something drastic happens) but its in my mind that we will and Australia isnt for me long term. Who knows, new jobs here might be the deal clincher...although they are prooving to be hard to come by...and nothing so far is matching what we left in the UK. Onwards and upwards I guess Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 :hug: It's strange as it is usually the 2-4month mark that homesickness does start to kick in, I've known many families ready to throw the towel in during this time. However 98% of them stuck it out and once over the 6 month mark it started to feel like home and they are all still here. Everyone is different I realise that but during the first couple of months we all tend to be in a holiday frame of mind and the shock that this is forever hasn't really hit us. I think my hubby would go back tomorrow if myself and the kids chose that's what we want, it's not that he doesn't love Aus but because I have been ill he has realised he has no one here, so I think it's more family support he needs. If a day comes and I am no longer here I think he would return, although I know none of the boys would go with him, the youngest probably wouldn't have a choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Nothing has to be forever. If your boys are young, treat it as an adventure and if you need to, put a time limit on it. I brought my family over in 2007 (for work) and it was fun for 4 years. After 5 I was ready to go home, now after 7 years I'm well and truly over it and would pack my bags tomorrow if I was free to go. But it is early days for you, and the UK isn't going anywhere - why not treat it as a temporary move and enjoy the adventure? Plenty to explore here if you have the time and $$. When I was working, we travelled to a fair few places and really enjoyed what Oz has to offer. As for homesickness, it's natural to experience this, and moving towards Xmas can be a difficult time - but at least experience an Australian summer - for those that love the heat, it's great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 It's not easy, but I honestly do not think 3 months is any way long enough to make a good call, with the first of everything still to come, which is usually when it strikes hardest. I would always advise that you stick it out until you can get citizenship and then that gives you a return option. Must admit it was only 2 years we had to wait but now it is 4 yrs so makes it a lot harder to do. I know my wife would and always wanted to go back tomorrow as we now have grandchildren in the UK, but I also know that once there she would want to come back here to see our two children, and possible future grandchildren here, but the thing is we can freely do this with having duel citizenship. I always remember what one poster said on here ( or Poms in Adelaide) and that is 'remember why you came here in the first place' Whishing you all the best. Keith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Thanks Tink, I feel like im living in witness protection. I know people are still alive, happy and going about their day to day life but i cant be a part of it. We are in no way looking to go home inside 2 years (unless something drastic happens) but its in my mind that we will and Australia isnt for me long term. Who knows, new jobs here might be the deal clincher...although they are prooving to be hard to come by...and nothing so far is matching what we left in the UK. Onwards and upwards I guess Dan .......as others have said........ ........enjoy now.......so much to fill your time...... ........and if Australia doesn't full fill your wants..... ........to return and experience what you had........ ........will at least clarify.......... .........where you will find what makes you happy...... .........work ,a home......schools........all something we need...... ..........but so is contentment of our soul........ .........but just something I found and would like to share..... ..........that on returning many years ago......... ..........life for those I had left........had gone on too....... ..........and those I newly found.......eventually filled the space............. ..........you'll find your home........tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Far from looking to throw the towel in nor have i said that. My boys are only 4 and 1 so plenty of time and it can be like a working holiday..albeit a long one! I miss family more for my boys sake than mine, no grandparents, aunties, uncles or cousins about in your childhood is tough. Most of my happy childhood memories have my grandparents in them. My wifes sister gets married in the UK in June 2016 so that will be coming up for our 3 year anniversary here....thats our first marker to decide on our future. Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ptp113 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Takes many years to get over the homesickness. Surely poms understand that before they move here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith and Linda Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Far from looking to throw the towel in nor have i said that. My boys are only 4 and 1 so plenty of time and it can be like a working holiday..albeit a long one! I miss family more for my boys sake than mine, no grandparents, aunties, uncles or cousins about in your childhood is tough. Most of my happy childhood memories have my grandparents in them. My wifes sister gets married in the UK in June 2016 so that will be coming up for our 3 year anniversary here....thats our first marker to decide on our future. Dan Your confusing people, your original post infers that you are thinking of going back because you cannot settle, hence the type of responses you are getting. Now you are telling us you are giving it a go for three years!!:confused:. I think that maybe you have homesickness pretty bad at present, just hang in there mate it will come good given time and the right attitude and acceptance. Cheers Keith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I think that many people have a "honeymoon/ holiday" period when the inks are new and exciting. Then after that there comes a reflection period, where the enormity of what you have done hits and then from there, well it can go one of two way. You sound like you are post honeymoon at the moment and are reflecting on the decision. I think this is normal and it is key to note that you don't actually feel unhappy. I think for the time being you should take every day as it comes and try not to analyse your feelings at this stage. I have heard it said and it was true for me, that it might actually take the first trip back to the UK before you realise you are actually at home here. My first trip back was at the two year mark and whilst I had always been content in Australia, it took that flight back for me to realise that I was going home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Your confusing people, your original post infers that you are thinking of going back because you cannot settle, hence the type of responses you are getting. Now you are telling us you are giving it a go for three years!!:confused:. I think that maybe you have homesickness pretty bad at present, just hang in there mate it will come good given time and the right attitude and acceptance.Cheers Keith. Planning to give it 2-3 years for sure, not come all this way to give up now. Just thought id share how im feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 I think that many people have a "honeymoon/ holiday" period when the inks are new and exciting. Then after that there comes a reflection period, where the enormity of what you have done hits and then from there, well it can go one of two way. You sound like you are post honeymoon at the moment and are reflecting on the decision. I think this is normal and it is key to note that you don't actually feel unhappy. I think for the time being you should take every day as it comes and try not to analyse your feelings at this stage. I have heard it said and it was true for me, that it might actually take the first trip back to the UK before you realise you are actually at home here. My first trip back was at the two year mark and whilst I had always been content in Australia, it took that flight back for me to realise that I was going home. Flight back to the UK to realise that you were going home to the UK or OZ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Flight back to the UK to realise that you were going home to the UK or OZ? It took a trip to the UK, to truly realise that I was settled here in Australia. Whilst I have never been unhappy or homesick here, I found it difficult to call it home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest16631 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Far from looking to throw the towel in nor have i said that. My boys are only 4 and 1 so plenty of time and it can be like a working holiday..albeit a long one! I miss family more for my boys sake than mine, no grandparents, aunties, uncles or cousins about in your childhood is tough. Most of my happy childhood memories have my grandparents in them. My wifes sister gets married in the UK in June 2016 so that will be coming up for our 3 year anniversary here....thats our first marker to decide on our future. Dan ........it's a quandary that many expats experience......ime... ........wanting to replicate our childhood experiences of family networks for our children...... ........births ,marriages and even deaths reminding us that we are removed from that circle of family life...... .........only getting to .....join in......from a distant........ ..........on the out side looking in......... ...........but so to are they...... ...........on all you do............ ...........often things will trigger that pull........to home and familiarity..... ...........as you said a rainy day...........a song or even a taste of something enjoyed way back in our memories...... ...........it's as I said before..........just enjoying today........ ............here or there......... .............will always be made up of memories...... ..............just try to ensure they are always good ones....... ...............when you have the choice...... ................good luck........tink x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 It took a trip to the UK, to truly realise that I was settled here in Australia. Whilst I have never been unhappy or homesick here, I found it difficult to call it home. Same here, im not unhappy here, just missing what ive called home for the past 30 years, only natural. I have realised though that family means more than the sunshine! Time goes so fast that I dont want to regret not giving it a go here and making the most of it while we are here. Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Hi Dan, have you got a job or are you at home looking for one? I was out of work for 5 months when we came and with a lot of spare time on my hands you start thinking about things that normally wouldn't pop into your head. I got sick of sitting by the phone, waiting for a call for an interview I bought an answer machine, a bike and a bike seat for the youngster and went out every day exploring with the 2 year old. Took my mind off things and I saw an awful lot of Perth and formed a bond with my youngster that I think endures to this day (he's 24 now). If you're in work and I'm wrong about time on your hands then, like you say, it's early days and the feelings go off. In all honesty I never really had the missing family and friends thing. I had moved away from home (Chesterfield) to where my wife lived (Gee Cross) and although we had loads of friends they aren't like the ones you grew up with. I think my wife was the same too. She had been nursing from being 16 so had been living in nurses residences for years. Gets you used to not being close to family and making new friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Far from looking to throw the towel in nor have i said that. My boys are only 4 and 1 so plenty of time and it can be like a working holiday..albeit a long one! I miss family more for my boys sake than mine, no grandparents, aunties, uncles or cousins about in your childhood is tough. Most of my happy childhood memories have my grandparents in them. My wifes sister gets married in the UK in June 2016 so that will be coming up for our 3 year anniversary here....thats our first marker to decide on our future. Dan If your boys aren't missing family then don't worry for them. I only remember having to go to my grandparents every Sunday, sitting in front of the TV watching Black and White minstrels and early days of Dr Who. Wasn't really close to any of my grandparents and they died pretty early. Uncles Aunts and Coousins were around but although they lived in the same town we didn't see them an awful lot and my cousins moved in different circles. As soon as I started school I made friends with people that remain friends to this day. Not seen some of them for 30 years but they would be a lot closer than any of my Cousins or Aunties and Uncles. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Hi Dan, have you got a job or are you at home looking for one? I was out of work for 5 months when we came and with a lot of spare time on my hands you start thinking about things that normally wouldn't pop into your head. I got sick of sitting by the phone, waiting for a call for an interview I bought an answer machine, a bike and a bike seat for the youngster and went out every day exploring with the 2 year old. Took my mind off things and I saw an awful lot of Perth and formed a bond with my youngster that I think endures to this day (he's 24 now). If you're in work and I'm wrong about time on your hands then, like you say, it's early days and the feelings go off. In all honesty I never really had the missing family and friends thing. I had moved away from home (Chesterfield) to where my wife lived (Gee Cross) and although we had loads of friends they aren't like the ones you grew up with. I think my wife was the same too. She had been nursing from being 16 so had been living in nurses residences for years. Gets you used to not being close to family and making new friends. Paul, I am still working remotely for my old UK company but Im trying to work it so my hours are early and late so I get time in the day off to go out and about. Like i say, I miss family more for my kids sake....yes I know they wont know any different (as my wife tells me) but does that make it ok to grow up without any family...and I know what they are missing out on.....hmm tough one. My job now is going to be tough to replace as I worked from home in the UK (for a London based company) so got a london wage (but lived in the country) got to see my boys all day, taking them to nursery, having lunch etc. Plus I worked my way up in the company, only having experience, not any specific qualifications which most jobs seem to ask for here. My wage in the UK used to pay for everything and my wifes was our spending money, unfortunately not the case here I feel due to the high cost of living. This said, it was never going to be a financial move for us. Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petkula73 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Does sound a bit like whinging to be honest. It costs $0.02 for a 10 minute call back to the UK, or nothing to Skype. You can jump on a plane for $1700 and be back in the UK in 24 hours. We've all had a guilt trip along the way about leaving people behind, but you get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 Does sound a bit like whinging to be honest. It costs $0.02 for a 10 minute call back to the UK, or nothing to Skype. You can jump on a plane for $1700 and be back in the UK in 24 hours. We've all had a guilt trip along the way about leaving people behind, but you get over it. Big difference between whinging and sharing how im feeling etc on a non bias forum...after all, is that not what a forum is for, to share things and get peoples opinions and experiences??? Correct me if I am wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petkula73 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 If it helps you to "share" then it's a good thing for you. Stiff upper lip though, old boy. You're hardly that isolated in 2013. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 If it helps you to "share" then it's a good thing for you. Stiff upper lip though, old boy. You're hardly that isolated in 2013. id say 99% of people who say 'oh there's always skype" are people who have emigrated and are trying to reassure themselves that it is anyway a substition for the real thing of being there. Anyway, its finally stopped raining so Im going to get away from this computer. Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Big difference between whinging and sharing how im feeling etc on a non bias forum...after all, is that not what a forum is for, to share things and get peoples opinions and experiences??? Correct me if I am wrong. Unfortunately this is correct a forum is to share opinions and experiences and sometimes they may not be what we want to hear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Takes many years to get over the homesickness. Surely poms understand that before they move here? I've never felt homesick. Ok I lie, the first Christmas here was terrible. Oh when I was in hospital I missed my mum being there, but that wasn't missing the UK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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