Sad pom in perth

[Guest Sandra&Andrewinperth]

Hello Everyone,

 

Myself, Husband and two sons aged 3 and 1 moved to Perth in Feb and although I am really enjoying it and can't wait for the summer days at the beach, BBQs etc. I am also finding it so hard I am really missing my family (MUM) and friends (I new I would miss them but did not realise just how much) also I feel really guilty that I have taken the children from their grandparents... Although I think I have made the right decison :? when will I stop feeling sooo bad. I have real good days and some real stinkers where I just burst into tears, how long before this feeling goes away.

 

 

Any advice?????????????????

[Guest Gollywobbler]

Hi Sarah

 

Sweetie, I do feel so sorry for you. Homesickness can be a terrible thing, but trust me, pet. People on this site WILL come to your aid. I'll put the word out to mates of mine from this site and we'll see what we can, between us, do to help you.

 

How about Mum & Dad going to Perth to visit you for all or part of the English winter? They could go for a minimum of 6 months if they wish, longer if they can spare the time. They would NOT be confined to a 90-day ETA only by DIMA. DIMA actually do realise that life is tough for new migrants and are very sympathetic to the idea that you could do with a dose of Mum & Dad and Mum's cooking right now. Parents can do a vast amount to help their offspring to setlle, and the family only has to do it the first time to realise how small the world has become, too.

 

I think that if something along these lines is possible, it might lift your gloom.

 

If you & parents think they could spare the time for an extended visit to Perth, then please see here for more info:

 

http://www.immi.gov.au/visitors/tourist/676/index.htm

 

Come back to me and let me know how you are, and if you need any more info on visas for Mums, believe me I am a veteran! My sister lives in Jandakot (SOR) and we have been getting tourist-visas for Mum for the last 15 years!

 

Chin up, chicken. We will not let you pine on your own, I promise.

 

Love and hugs

 

Gill

xx

[ali]

Hi Sarah,

 

Gill, has offerred you good advise (as always Gill!), it imust be really hard being so far away, with such mixed emotions, knowing you've made the right decision but missing the little things. I only moved 50 miles away when I met my husband but hated living here at first, missing my friends, family and the historical things like work, schools etc.,

 

It must be difficult to speak to your friends and family at home as you'll be trying to put on a brave face, which is where we can step in - you can use the forum or even PM people, there'll be lots of people willing to be an email pen pal, who you can off load to and we'll do our best to cheer you up - and we'll benefit from having a ready made friend on the other side.

 

Don't hesitate to write

 

Luv Ali x x

[Guest nico]

Hi, Sarah

 

I'm still in England waiting for my visa, but can sympathise all the same, having lived in various places overseas at various times with small kids (and a husband who was never there). Lots of people these days seem to find that webcams, Skype etc make it so much easier to keep in touch, so even if you've never had a set-up like that back home, it might be worth thinking about it now. And Gill is dead right about getting your parents over for a holiday. Sometimes you only start to really appreciate a place when you're showing it to other people and hoping they'll like it too.

 

Hope you soon start feeling better, and find some new good friends in Oz.

[Guest THE JONEZYS]

Hi there.

I have been looking at your post all day and trying to think of what to say. Everything that Gill, Ali and Nico have said is much better advice than I have to offer but even so, I wish you well and hope that if things get too much you would post how feel on here or PM someone as we are all in the same boat at the moment when it comes to this rollercoaster ride of emotions we are going through. I really wouldn't have got thro these last couple of months without this site, even tho I haven't had too much input, just reading other peoples posts has made me relise that what I am feeling is normal and it just helps putting down into words how your feeling and if you get a reply back from someone who is feeling the same or has been thro it at some stage then thats even better :wink: So chin up it could be worse, at least you have your summer to look forward to, it looks like ours is over already :!:

Luv n best wishes Lesley

[Guest Sandra&Andrewinperth]

Hi Thankyou all , for your coments and support, it is great to have some one to whinge to as Andrew is getting a little bored of me i think (although he does not say it) and it does get a little lonely with only the kids to talk to.

I have mentioned to mum re visiting but she does not like flying, the furthest she has gone on a plane is Jersey or gurnsey (one of them). she has said maybe next year, I hope so but will have to wait and see . I have thought about going home for a month to see everyone but I think this would be a big mistake as I would most likely not come back so that Idea is out .

I know the first year even two is the hardest but will get easier. Also I know once I start meeting people when my son starts Kindy (Feb07) I will feel so much better. I think what also makes it hard is I have no history here, and nothings familiar.

 

Then the other side we have had some great winter weather and I have been out in the garden with my kids or at Kings park with them running around in t.shirts and I look around and think how great is this is.

If I could pick up my family and friends bring them here life would be perfect.

 

 

Thanks for all your support, and hope you have not fallen asleep

 

 

Sandra

[Guest Echo]

Hi, I'm in Melbourne right now but moving to Perth early December. I've been here since 2001 and was in NZ for 18 months before that.

 

I saw the 'sad in Perth' post and felt compelled to register and reply simply because I've been going through the same waves of homesickness for all these years - and I know another British expat who's going through the same.

 

With children it's even harder although I had both of my boys overseas (one in NZ the other here in Australia) so I've never known what it's like to have family on hand to help and meet up with. I can imagine that to be accustomed to that and then leave it would be even tougher going.

 

I have this awful feeling of not belonging - and really anywhere now - I've been out of the UK so long that when I visited 2 years ago, I felt well and truly out of place although what was odd was that within a few weeks I had got back into the swing of things (I was there for 3 months) yet when I returned to Melbourne I felt truly alien.

 

Anyway, without wanting to sound too gloomy (!) - I've got a couple of young sons (18 months and 5) and would welcome meeting fellow expats once I get to Perth as aside from a scattering of distant family members my network over there is nil. I'm a firm believer in its people that make the party. I'd welcome people to get in touch.

 

Cheers & good luck to everyone -

Nat :wink:

[Guest Echo]

Sorry..Ps> Moved from Surrey originally and will be moving to Como/South Perth or thereabouts.

[Guest Sandra&Andrewinperth]

Hi Nat

 

 

I am glad I am not the only one who feels like this, when I read all the messages on here, and everyone sounds so happy and excited I think should I not be feeling like that....?

 

I have met a couple of girls and we all have kids of similar age, PM me and we can arrange to meet up I currently live North Perth but looking to move soon but will be still same sort of area, and no where here is far.

 

 

Roll on summer, It is soo cold and Wet today.

 

Sandra

[Guest Echo]

PM sent - thanks!

 

Funny - I love it when it rains and is windy here - it reminds me of home! ...and yet I'm sure one of the reasons I moved away from England was because of the climate. There's just no hope is there :wink:

[The Broughtons]

Hi Sandra,

 

I too have been reading your posts and although our visa application is some way off (still going through skills assessment) something you wrote made me want to respond.

 

My uncle moved to oz about 30 years ago and had huge pangs of home sickness. He decided he'd come for a visit, see if he could settle back in the UK but found he couldn't. He got restless and decided to go back to oz. He settled eventually and the homesickness went. It took him another 17 years to make it this way again for a visit. I know your situation is different but if you visited it may not necessarily make you feel worse, in fact it may help you see how much you love oz. I am a little worried about feeling homesick but my husband and I are so looking forward to the possibility of a new life.

 

Keep smiling, I hope your family do decide to visit you

[ali]

Sandra

 

My brother had been living in Aus for a few years and made a visit back home before he applied for citizenship. He wanted to see if the grass was really greener - he'd only been back about 4 days when he said, "I couldn't live here again now". Ironically, he lives in Queensland and we're looking to settle in Perth.

 

So visiting home, may not make you feel worse, it may make you feel better about your decision. Although we're really excited, a big part of me is scared too - like I said before, i only moved 50 miles to Preston, but didn't know anyone other than my hubby (then boyfriend), I couldn't drive and felt very isolated. I'm taking comfort that at least I'm not alone in this adventure this time, even the cat is coming with us lol.

 

I know it's helped my 11 year old daughter, when I said that I had exactly the same feelings that she had. I think we'll make our friends as she makes hers as most of the people we socialise with are people we've met through our children. I do wish I was like my 6 year old son though and could take it all in my stride (i'm sure he thinks that it's a holiday)

 

Another 6 months and you'll be giving advise to us newbies.

 

Ali x

[Guest Gollywobbler]

Hi Sandra

 

I'm so sorry that I got your name wrong yesterday.

 

I'm delighted to see how much happier you sound now. You'll find very nice people on this forum.

 

Hmmm. Flying to Oz is no different from flying to the Channel Islands. It merely takes longer between landings. Alternatively, it is possible to go to Oz by sea - not on a cruise liner at fantastic expense, but some csrgo ships take 12 passengers and I'm told that the food on them is excellent, you get to know the crew etc. Sure, they don't have cabarets but....

 

Is it possible that a relation or family friend could fly to Oz with your parents, just to jolly your Mum through the flight? The escort could have a month in Oz in return?

 

My Mum broke her back when she was in the UK, between visits to Oz. The GP kept bleating, "She's not well enough for a long flight." Mentally, she was going downhill fast because she was depressed, imagining she would never be able to go to Oz again.

 

Something had to be done, so I booked 3 seats on a flight for Mum, my OH and I two weeks later. The GP went, "She's not..." "She'll be fine, mate, because she'll be with me. Bye bye, doctor dear." Sure, she was frail, but we flew non-stop to Perth and by the time OH and I left 3 weeks later, Mum's depression was cured.

 

There is a way to convince your Mum that it is not a scary journey. Between us, we'll think of something....

 

Cheers

 

Gill

[Guest Echo]

What lovely people are here on this forum. Good to know that those of us who feel these horrible bouts of homesickness aren't alone and that it's very normal.

 

For what it's worth, here's my take on my visit to England - sorry it's so long but here it is for anyone who has the time and can be bothered to read it!:

 

When I returned to the UK, initially I missed Australia. I recall flying from the US (I went the long way around as I was visiting a friend in Ohio) and we descended into Heathrow having flown across Ireland. I watched through the window as we descended not through one layer of cloud but about 10 of them - and landed under rain-laden skies - everything was so grey - and wet.

 

The journey to my parents' home I remember clearly - road works, so much traffic, new roundabouts had popped up everywhere. WH Smith, Boots - High Streets, people walking with umbrellas (obviously it was a wet day!), dogs tied up to posts while their owners shopped, Sainsburys, Tescos. Then we broke out into the countryside - and I had so missed the green after landlocked surbubia - it truly was like a breath of fresh air. The traffic was considerably worse than I had remembered - speed traps everywhere - but people drove better - they used indicators, they pretty much stayed in their lane and I was for the first time rather happy to see Blue and White Van Man up to their usual antics.

 

Once over the jetlag, I went straight to Waitrose and M&S to clean up on various foods I'd missed - Cadbury's chocolate tastes SO much better back home. I visited old friends, drove down roads I knew so well. The sense of novelty lasted for a good while - say 2 months or so. I missed my friends in Australia, having my own stuff around - driving my own car, my cat (who we took with us from England) etc. and the warmer climate (I can't seem to handle dampness any more) but little else at that point. Even the ads on TV were worth watching - so much more sophisticated that what we have - and far fewer of them.

 

One day I was sitting on Brighton Beach with a friend being semi-warmed by the hazy sun, looking out across a dark stormy looking sea as I tried to get comfortable on the pebbles beneath me.

 

I looked around and saw people huddled together in the cold - and so many of them too and I thought...I miss Australia. The colours are so much more vibrant here (more red light comes through rather than the predominantly blue light up in the UK, which makes everything look washed out). As I went into the third month, I really found the traffic was terrible, the queues everywhere so long and everything looked worn out. ...but I had so missed the countryside, the cobbled streets, the sound of horses clip clopping along the lanes and tractors going by the window. Those things - really childhood things. I've heard a few people say this and it may ring true with a few of you - never have I spent so much time in my childhood as I have living here in Australia so far from home. In the absence of the familiar, I think one clings to 'utopian' memories.

 

Of course the England I remember as a child is quite different to the one I visited and this was when I started to be out of sorts because I felt I no longer belonged in England yet hadn't really made a true home in Australia as such. Going back to England certainly helped though and I've heard many members of my family say (we're spread around the globe), you just have to visit your home country once and after you return back to your other 'new' home, you'll never feel homesick again.

 

Not quite... I regularly feel homesick but it really did help. Give it a good 3-4 years was one recommendation I was given - and I hold to that. It takes a while to click with a new place. I'm moving across to Perth in December as life in Melbourne just hasn't worked out for me. With my connections in Perth perhaps I may finally settle. However I am also preparing for the fact that perhaps I'm just too attached to England - the Seasons being as I remember them - and Christmas in Summer has simply never worked for me no matter how hard I try to get into it.

 

I maintain that a better life can be had out here - and my two boys will enjoy better facilities, a better climate and hopefully an all around healthier lifestyle, including private education, the likes of which I'd never be able to afford back in the UK. For their sake I'm sticking it out - but it is hard and sometimes I'd go as far as saying, a struggle.

 

I've heard that women find it harder to settle than men - especially those with children - and those couples who have returned - of which there are many actually, in almost all cases, it was the woman behind the decision.

 

Anyway, that's my story, ongoing as it is.

 

Cheers,

Nat

[Guest IanL]

Nat,

 

being a Somerset lad, I have to say I've never read anything that conveys the way I feel as much as what you have written here. I've been back to UK 5 times in 17yrs and I still feeldisconnected with Australia, deep down I know its better here, but that still doesn't make me miss England any less.

 

I guess for some people its one of those things you live with.

[Guest Echo]

Thanks for wading through my monster post Ian! I wholeheartedly agree with you. The 'in limbo' bit's hard though isn't it?! I seem to flip from loving Australia and not regretting leaving England to wanting to get on the next plane back to Sussex. I read Thomas the Tank Engine books for my sons with the old red phone boxes, the country lanes etc., and robins perched on wooden posts and feel utterly displaced in Australia. It's August and the trees are in full blossom with daffodils at their feet and yet it's technically still very much Winter. Odd. And how about Easter - the time of renewal, of new life in...Autumn. Or Hallowe'en without pumpkins. All the things that I want to cling to in order to make sense of it all just aren't here.

 

...but yes, the standard of living I would say is better and hopefully worth sticking out for. I know of a couple who emigrated to Australia, then returned to England, then came back out to Australia, then went back to England again and then are finally back in Australia again...for how long we're not sure. It's costing them a fortune and they're finding themselves belonging less and less to anywhere. Living permanently 'in transit' must be hard. It would be like living in hotel rooms all the time. Abstract meaningless art on walls, no pictures in frames and all in all a rather sterile environment - nothing to connect with.

 

BTW, looks like you had quite a hail storm there in Sydney!

 

I'm going to shut up now as I'm sure you've all had quite enough of me :wink:

[Guest Clifftop]

Hello Everyone,

 

Myself, Husband and two sons aged 3 and 1 moved to Perth in Feb and although I am really enjoying it and can't wait for the summer days at the beach, BBQs etc. I am also finding it so hard I am really missing my family (MUM) and friends (I new I would miss them but did not realise just how much) also I feel really guilty that I have taken the children from their grandparents... Although I think I have made the right decison :? when will I stop feeling sooo bad. I have real good days and some real stinkers where I just burst into tears, how long before this feeling goes away.

 

 

Any advice?????????????????

 

Hi, Hang in there Sandra it does get better, you can buy really cheap phone cards like Boost or supersavers (in SA) and talk for as little as 1cent a minute or you can do as i did save your tax return and buy mum a ticket to come out here, its better than going back and your mum will feel better after seeing where you live and what a good lifestyle you have now, especially for the kids.

[Guest Gollywobbler]

Hello Everyone,

 

Hi, Hang in there Sandra it does get better, you can buy really cheap phone cards like Boost or supersavers (in SA) and talk for as little as 1cent a minute or you can do as i did save your tax return and buy mum a ticket to come out here, its better than going back and your mum will feel better after seeing where you live and what a good lifestyle you have now, especially for the kids.

 

Hi Clifftop

 

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

Cheers

 

Gill

[Guest Sandra&Andrewinperth]

Thankyou all for your support, and kind words much appreciated, I know I just need to give my self a kick up the bum and give it a go.

 

Cheers

 

Sandra

[Guest DanD]

Hi Sandra & Nat,

 

Having read your posts I felt very connected with what you have written and felt I had to write so apologies in advance and get a nice cuppa. Your posts made me feel 'why on earth are we trying to leave England'! Quite nostalgic! Here we are 10 yrs later having lived in OZ for 2 years when both children were under 5. Everything you yearned for in England, the up and down days i had them all too and only wish I could have expressed all this on a forum like Poms. I thought I was going crazy but everything I felt was completely normal, if only I could have shared it with someone. If I had then maybe we wouldn't have come home and I would have worked through it and be the Aussie Citizen I would like to be one day, proud of the country I live in.

 

The children are older, the grandparents I guiltily took them from have had little involvement and the childhood England I craved no longer exists, bar the robins and tractors of course! The seasons don't exist really and where I live snow rarely falls. We spend three quarters of the year indoors which is probably why the tv is better here and I remember the ads, they go on forever!

 

Sometimes I think we are completely mad wanting to go back but I know a few years and I will be over the homesickness and we will all have a healthier better quality of life! Having said that I empathise and really do understand how awful homesickness can be. We've moved around alot and i don't feel like I belong here really. Even when I go 'home' it feels familiar and a bit nostalgic but I don't belong there either. I have moved on.

 

I'm sure this hasn't helped much but try and stick with it. I wish we had!

 

 

 

 

:?

[Guest Echo]

Hi - thanks for posting. It was interesting to read what you have gone through and I'm encouraged by your words to stick it out. I intend to give it a fair crack of the whip and try to banish all thoughts of 'giving up'. I know that it does take time. I think I have more times of enjoying Australia then wanting to leave now - it's just that when I miss England, it hits hard.

 

The sense of not really belonging anywhere really bothers me - that's how I felt when I visited England and when I came back here I felt totally displaced. Of course the more I keep moving the more I'm going to continue that feeling of not belonging so hopefully once in Perth I can finally put down roots.

 

Just need to find a good network of mates there - good friends are everything :-) Fingers crossed.