Moving with sensitive little ones

[TheGrahams]

We have two children aged 4 and 5. The eldest is very self centred (I don't mean that in a horrible way, but he is happy as long as he is around his stuff and us), the younger one is very caring and loves his friends and family.

 

We know it will be hard for both of them, but my youngest is starting to show signs that he may find it tougher than we thought. It was his birthday on the weekend and he had a lovely party with his two best friends from pre school. The following day someone pointed out to him that his next birthday would be in Aus and he broke down completley, he shouted that he never wants to go back to school because he doesn't want to see his friends again :sad:. After a little chat we discovered that he is a bit anxious about the move and he is worried that he will miss his friends a lot.

 

I know that he knows no other life than his life here in this house with these friends and his family nearby, so he has no idea what moving actually means, but does anyone have any tips on helping him deal with it? Not so much the actual move, but the build up. Things are all turned upside down here at the mo, as we have just started going though every room with a fine tooth comb.

 

Thanks

[pintpot]

Try not to make too big a deal of it - like saying "this is your last birthday in England", "this will be your last month in England", "next time you see this person it will be on Skype", stuff like that. With adults it helps some to understand exactly what's involved and potential implications - not with a 4 year old

 

Most little kids dislike the prospect of change so his reactions are quite normal. But they tend to deal with it quite well when it happens

[Val Tibenham]

It might be an idea nearer to the time of actually moving to look out for some books at the library. Ones on going on a plane flight and how exciting it is, ones about moving house (not country - too big a concept for a litlle one), ones on Aussie wildlife if he likes animals. Then you can use these to have small chats about things - see if there are any particular things really worrying him.

 

At the end of the day, most children are very adaptable, even those who are quite shy etc. Just try to keep him involved in the process of moving, but do it gently.

 

Hope it all goes well for all of you :smile:

[roger2shirts]

Where are you moving to?

Its something they will struggle to comprehend but really focus on all the positives like the beach, weather, sports animals and lots of outdoor fun at a new school.

[LKC]

I agree 100% with Pintpot. I wouldn't really mention it, other than in a positive way, and even then only in passing. Children don't really understand next year, nor do they have any real concept of anything outside their own little world, so I should imagine that it could be quite unsettling to him to hear that things are going to be different. At the end of the day it is going to happen, unless you are going to change your plans due to his reaction to the move, so I think that all you can do is roll with it and remember that children are far, far more adaptable than adults.

[cartertucker]

My 8 year old was totally 'cool' with moving & seemed to understand all that it meant, then as the day that we were flying got closer & he had a great time bowling/pizza with all his best class mates, then school gave him gifts & a lovely memory book he started having ~ He started getting really worried, even said 'why are we moving, I dont want to!' :shocked: I felt awful

 

Then (of all the times) on the plane, he came over to me (he was sitting a few rows back with his older brother) & said ''I think im going to like living in Australia, im glad we are going'' :cute: And so far, he has made lovely Friends & is enjoying it

 

Good luck to your LO's ~ Im sure they will be fine too

[Surf N Turf]

I'd also err on the side of not talking about it too much. Hard though when your house is being turned upside down and people keep bringing it up! I don't think kids generally handle anticipating change well no matter what it is. My little one made the move before she was very verbal and so all her confusion came out as a two month violent rampage. Ouch. Unfortunately it was aimed at her grandparents who she seemed to blame for the move. Not a great start to their relationship but it all worked out in the end.

 

I'd give your son openings to talk about anything that's worrying him but I wouldn't be introducing the subject of the move very often. Good luck. And try not to feel too guilty!

[Naomi from Manchester]

I once did the following activity with a very anxious 7yr old who was moving house within the UK. I don't know whether it would be appropriate for your little boy or not as maybe it would focus him on the move too much? You'd probably have to simplify it a bit too, as he's only 4.

 

We took photos of all the people and things that were important to him in his life at that time. We printed small copies of the photos and laminated them. Then we drew a house outline on flip chart paper - this was his current house. We blue tacked all the photos that belonged in his house inside the house outline, and in the relevant rooms (e.g. family members he lived with, favourite toys etc). We blue tacked the other photos that didn't belong within the house outline around the edges of the paper (e.g. park, school etc). Then we took another piece of flip chart and drew a new house outline - his new house. We talked about which people and things would move with him to the new house and transfered the relevant photos. A lot of the photos around the edges of the paper were also transferred as he wasn't moving very far away and could still visit the same park etc (but maybe you could talk about there being a different park near the new house or something). The activity did work quite well in that he and his Mum referred to the 2 pieces of flip chart quite a lot during the build up to the move, and it did decrease his anxiety levels.

 

Just an idea.