Gerrards

We landed in Brisbane/Gold Coast 5 weeks ago and i thought i would give you an update and my opinion! I am 'the only child dilemma parts I & II for those of you that read my previous thread. So, we are here, the situation in the uk went from bad to worse. My parents told me, how dare i leave now, basically dictated to me that I needed to stay. There exact words were, you should use the equity in your house to rent in the UK, you should pack in work and come and help me everyday with your Mum and he (my husband) can go and get a job! We dont want you to feel guilty but the stress of Australia has bought on Mums cancer, mum said its a good job she got cancer as she would of never ever contacted us! By the time my mum was diagnosed fully our furniture was 2 weeks into a 7 week journey to oz, we were not at talking about it stage. I know for sure that if there attitude was different and they were not consumed with anger and bitterness, I would of moved heaven and earth to stay and support. Instead, i booked a flight back to the uk within 8 weeks of arriving here. I begged them to see the children, but no, they didnt want to, it would upset them too much. The kids know nothing and have been devestated by their grandparents cutting them off last September. On our final weekend in the UK, my Dad attacked my husband with a walking stick, he then said he was phoning the police to report him for punching my mum and you will not be able to go to Australia......We just fled and here we are! There has been a few text exchanges but im considering postponing my flight back as Dad has now decided to target my MIL with his anger and lies and said they will not see me even if i do come back, it's hard enough to settle without a trip back to the UK so soon! Now i haven't had the most settled of starts but I believe that is due to my situation in the UK and most people will not go through this (well i hope not!). Now where to start......Do not under estimate the goodbyes, they were horrific, for me but even my husband was a quivering wreck, I understand everyone is different but for us, the numerous leaving parties and saying bye to the most wonderful supportive friends was very, very hard. I cried when the plane took off but also felt a sense of relief, i was in a daze and in some respects, still am! I wake up most mornings feeling like I have a brick on my chest but im sure in time that will ease. The journey was great, i do not find the flights that bad and the kids were great but they are 12 & 8. We flew with Singapore Airlines and had a good experience. Our luggage was over the extra allowance but they let it go with no charge. We were lucky as we had friends to stay with when we first got here and my husband had a job to come to which dictated our areas to live in. We did so much reasearch before coming out but that all just becomes so unreal when you are actually here. The kids are not in the original school we reasearched, we are not living in the area that we originally wanted and we are not driving the car we thought we would get! Events just take place and you go with the flow. But we are happy where we have ended up. Schooling was the most important part for us, we originally wanted a state school but trying to find a rental in the catchment area was like looking for hens teeth! We ended up getting a cheaper rental and putting the kids in private school, which 3 weeks in, we know we have made the right decision as they are loving it and have already had friends round to play. Be warned school drop off and pick ups are a drivers nightmare! Everyone fighting to get parked, this really stressed me out at first, i now leave extra early to collect them! The rental market is cut throat, you have a 15 minute window to view a property and everyone turns up at the same time, which im not used to as we always owned our property in the UK. You then need to fill in your application and send in all the relevant paperwork, which is apparently given to the owner and they make a decision on who gets the house. We ended up offering 6 months rent upfront which secured us the 2nd property we looked at. Re-setting up home again is hard work, there is so much you need to buy and everyday at first seems like you are hemorrhaging money! That said, I do not find it that expensive here, a few things but its swings and roundabouts. We did get 1.96 exchange rate though and at first you cant help but convert! Petrol is cheap but everything to us seems so far apart you end up doing double the milage....Getting used to driving everywhere is strange at first. We have had some lovely days out and the parking is free, you can do things cheaply here and the weather is good, if not a little too hot when we first arrived but i was surprised to find how easy it was to stay cool. The husband has started work and being a tradie its an early start, that gets some getting used to, bedtime is early for us now! We have a dog coming over in 6 weeks, i messed up with he rabies jab hence the delay but in hind-site its given us some breathing space to get things sorted and she is being looked after very well by the MIL, she is company for her with us all leaving to. I have my best friend coming out in 4 weeks and the MIL for a month in July. Everyone i have met has been friendly but you have no history here with friends (well we have 2 already here) but apart from that you are starting from scratch and feel like you are going on lots of first dates! That said we have mingled and its been nice. Im personally finding it a little lonely as the kids are at school and the hubby is at work and im not great with my own company. I worked for the NHS in the UK and will start looking for employment soon, i think that helps when you have a job, saying that, im sure when i have one i will want to be a stay at home mum again! I feel the Gold Coast gets bad press but even the areas that we have visited where we have been told are rough do not seem that bad to me. There is plently to do and see and every weekend we have been out since being here. We are only 5 weeks in so its all very new to us, the emotion is the hardest part i have found along with the sand flies and mozzies! My daughter looks like she has chicken pox and my husband got ross river fever already....Oh yes, along with a speeding ticket! Our container arrived today so it feels like Christmas in the sun....Something i need to get used to. This site has been great to me so if anyone of you need any advise (i'm just a novice) but I will help if i can, feel free to PM me. Cheers......Just off for the school pick up, wish me luck!

Hi Guys Thought i would start part II of this journey as you really couldn't make it up! Since my last post my parents posted money through the door for the kids for Christmas, my eldest sent a moonpig card thanking them. I received a text saying they expected handwritten words and was dissapointed by the Moonpig card and I do not realise what I'm doing to them, I have broken them but they wish me all the luck in the world. I ignored it! I dropped off some presents at their door from the children for Christmas, I heard nothing. We were granted our visas the day before Christmas Eve and had a lovely Christmas, we booked our removers for 2 weeks time, our flights for 6 weeks time and the dog to follow. My Aunty rang me on Monday evening to tell me that my Mum had been taken into hospital from coughing up blood and the x-ray shows a shadow on the lung. I asked if my parents wanted me to know and she said yes. I called my dad after giving myself 5 minutes, he started on me again, 'You wouldn't be where you are today if it wasn't for me", "you have taken those kids away from their Nanny" I said I wasn't prepared to go there at the minute and wanted to see how Mum was. I text my Mum to ask if I could visit the next day. My best friend came with me as it wasn't appropriate for my husband to come with everything that has gone off. It was pleasant but a massive elephant in the room that none of us mentioned, they never asked anything about us or the kids, she was in good spirits. My Dad rang me today to say they had received the worst possible news, my Mum has lung cancer thats spread to the lymph nodes. He wasn't that nice to me on the phone and saw my husband in the street earlier and started having a go, he just walked away. My head is wrecked, I'm working out my notice, my husband isn't working here, we have sold our house and some belongings and getting ready to go in 6 weeks time. I'm damned if I go, damned if I stay. I have to put my family unit first. I'd like to ask what would you do, but I know, only I can decide. x

We were granted our 189 visa on 23rd December, been a nice early Christmas present! Heading to Gold Coast in February. I survived my first Christmas in 41 years (hubby says that's weird in itself!) without any contact from my parents. It's been actually quite enjoyable,and the first one my husband has spent with his mum in 23 years!! It snowed today to and that was lovely. I'm obviously sad my parents stubbornness has let a Christmas go by but that is there choice. Here is to, I'm sure a challenging but enjoyable 2015.

We have just received a emailing granting us our 189 visa, in shock!!! applied on the 12th October and was referred for our Medicals and asked for proof of business accounts! We got in!!!!!!

Anyone been put out of there misery yet ?!?!? We applied on 12th October and the wait is soooooooooo hard, I'm desperate to know! We did hear from a CO last Tuesday to ask for a certified copy of one child's birth certificate and proof of hubby's business/self employed, they also asked for proof of employment for our son, he is 12! We emailed them to say this and husband uploaded the rest the same day..........Still waiting........................................

No, we haven't had the visa granted yet, we are expecting to get a decision any day now...

After reading your comments and because I wanted to..........I wrote my parents a heartfelt, hand written letter that took me around a week to compose. To personal to share but the jist of it was me apologising for letting them down and how sorry I am that it's come to this. We posted it through their door on a Friday morning. I received a 3 page hand written letter back the next day in 1st class post. It wasn't actually too bad but over the 3 pages of words not one of them was 'sorry', she did say she regrets saying she hates me,and what she actually meant to say was that she hates what I'm doing to them and until I accept the blame for wanting to move to Australia and the upset it has caused there is no way forward. I had a complete break for 4 weeks with no contact but with Christmas coming up and my sons birthday I felt I needed to try one more time. I rang my Dad last week and asked if they would like to see the children. I had told the children that they had been on holiday for a month as they have been asking when they could see them. He did initially start on me again, the same old, same old. I said I haven't rang to argue just to see if they wanted to see the kids, as its not fair on them and life is very short, he said he would have to check with my Mum and I was to ring him back. I did, to be told that yet again they have been thinking and they feel that because we are still going ahead with our Australia plans it's best that they cut any ties with us now so they have decided not to see the children. I said that was very sad that they felt they had to behave like this and wished him well. That night I received this text: Mum: Do not mention anything to the children, we will get back to you Me: Sorry they are already aware, I think it's best to stick with your gut instinct Mum: Your choice Me: No yours actually, I really don't want to argue Mum: Get lost, you are a stranger Telling my children that Nanny and Grandad are not happy with us for wanting to try a new life in Australia for a bit and do not want to see any of us at the moment as they are so upset was an awful thing to have to do. I don't agree in bringing kids into an emotional adult world, we made it a very simple and quick conversation. Actually they both seemed fine about it but one thing that did worry me as my daughter said (she is 8) I did get a bit sick on them keep asking me about Australia all the time Mummy, and they kept saying I didn't understand! I honestly feel I have tried everything I can now and apart from going round their house on bended knees saying I won't go to Australia! (which I won't!) The ball is in their court. It's a very emotional journey this one but I need to stay strong and stick to my guns for my family unit and because I actually want this move too. Now the time has come to put the lid on this box and not to keep going back offering olive branches to only be beaten with them again. It's time to start looking forward not back, as adults we all actually choose how we behave and they have chose there path. Thanks everyone for your support, you really have been a great help.

Seriously, I thank each and every one of you for your kind, honest comments, they really have helped keep me sane, it's a hard situation to deal with and I never saw it coming. Yes, there are two sides to every story, in the past my hubby could have been accused of sometimes being moody, I now know this is due to him feeling he has been married to 3 people for the last 16 years and having no control over his family. I refused to listen as he did try many times to tell me and just sometimes, it all got a bit much and got on his nerves! I spoke with my parents everyday and saw them most weekends (they live 5 minutes away and would always pop in). A friend said to me the other week, that the apron strings should of been cut 25 years ago and other friends have since said how controlling my parents have been over me but I never could see it, that all said, I do understand that this is a double blow for them, 1: me, not doing as they say for once in my life and 2: me, wanting to emigrate (I did originally say for 2 years and they could come). Even so, nothing was that bad in our relationships and all has been well for the last few years. I'm generally a nice person with lots of friends (I think!) And have always been very respectful of my Mum & Dad, we have not retaliated during any of their temper tantrums as I know they are hurting. As I have said, my parents have been very involved in my life and good to me, but in turn, I feel I have been a very good daughter, supporting and helping them. In my eyes, relationships work both ways. When this journey first started my Mum stopped ringing me, I used to still ring them everyday and be nice for months, I then said that they could occasionally ring me, her reply was that I have rung her most of my life (we rang each other, in my opinion) And it was my job to keep ringing them, they are not changing now at 69 years old! When they summoned me down on Saturday morning to tell me all the paperwork is done and I was removed from their will, I never even asked if the children were still beneficiaries as I was in shock and the money isn't what it's about for me. My Mum screaming in my face that she hates me has stuck more than being cut out of the will. They are that consumed with bitterness and anger that they may well of left it all to the donkey sanctuary! I am going to do a written letter to post to them this week acknowledging how upset and devastated they may be BUT this is still no excuse to think that they can behave and say whatever they like with no consequences. Again, I will keep you posted.........

Hi Guys, I would like to say this a positive update, but I would be lying! I haven't had chance to email my parents yet, I have tried hard to keep the lines of communication open, pleasantries passed and they have seen the children. My Dad asked me to come to their house this morning on my own. This was tell me that they went to the solicitors yesterday and removed me from their will, I asked what I had done wrong and he said they to do something to get me back for wanting to move to Australia, I did again say it was initially for 2 years and we have asked you to join us, but they made it very clear they will not even visit. They said words do not matter and whatever they have said in the past about us should just roll off our backs, I said that words are hurtful, you haven't showed any respect to us and done and said whatever you wanted to and we haven't retaliated, the reply was I have no respect for them or I would not want to leave the uk. They also want to break complete ties with my husband & I now but still want to see the children. My mum told me she hates me more than she hates my husband, and I am a hard nosed daughter who she doesn't even know. My dad told me he has given me a very good life, too good in fact and this is how I pay him back, moving the other side of the world, he then pushed me out his house and told me they are finished with me. I am absolutely heart broken that my parents can say these awful things and think that I'm in shock. I fully understand that us moving would be terribly upsetting for them but is this amount of abuse normal from parents??? Lets just hope that this move is worth all the stress and heartache!

Thanks all for your honesty and unbiased opinions, it does help. We paid and applied for our visas today and our house is being put on the market this week, so looks like it's really happening! I feel the need to breath into a paper bag, it's all a bit frightening!! I have decided to write my parents a letter, I will keep you posted......

I was wondering if anyone is happy to share there experience of telling the parents? Or is there any other 'only' children out there that has made the move? We visited Brisbane in May on a recki and when we returned, we told our parents of our intension to apply to move. My hubby's Mum said she would miss us all but what a fantastic opportunity and good luck to us, she is due to retire next year and is in a position to visit yearly. My parents have been a totally different ball game! They to are fortunate to be able to visit yearly (if they wanted to) in fact a few times per year, but I have serious doubts that will be happening! I am 41, an only child with children aged 11 & 8, I have always been close to my parents, they have been supportive and generous throughout my life but actually, I now realise, I was quite controlled but didn't realise it at the time. My Dad is a builder and my husband is a joiner, we have done a few self build houses here and Dad has kindly helped. They have played a big part in our lives, and at times, been quite overpowering which has caused upset between my husband and me. Now I obviously knew they wouldn't be over the moon with the news but I never actually prepared myself for the barrage of abuse we have received. My parents have said some of the most awful things including: How can I do this to them How can I sleep at night at the thought of leaving your mum & dad I have turned on them and been brainwashed by my husband You have stressed your Dad that much that he is going to die over this, you don't want that on your conscious How can I take the grandchildren away We are cutting you out the will and off you go to Australia, it will all go wrong for you all but don't come back to us as we wouldn't give you a 'bad penny' I don't ever want to see your husband again as I'm going to stab him! My Dad told me my husband is basically crap at his job, doesn't provide enough and will not find a job in Australia (even though he has been offered one) and some other very personal things, he then actually tried to punch him in our home, it was awful. Our relationship now is very wooden shall we say, we speak to them about seeing the children and what the weathers doing etc, etc..... Last week we told them that hubby had been offer a job and the house was going on the market, we told them as they asked us not to talk about it (we haven't) but keep them updated with our progress (we have), I tried to talk rationally to them but it still ended up in an argument and more personal attacks on us. That night my Mum rang me to say I had said some very sensible things earlier and I'm to go with their blessing, they will visit and you never know they might actually like it, I felt that a huge weight had been lifted......only to come crashing back down the following morning when she rang to say that she has changed her mind, she still doesn't understand how I could leave them and she has no inkling to see my husband ever again, he has caused her too much hurt! Sorry to ramble on, it actually feels good to write it down......Thanks for reading