Fisher1

Its useful to have a price comparison - it's always going to be flawed in some way but it gives potential migrants a rough idea of the cost of living. Particularly useful for retired migrants joining children - many will continue to receive their pensions in pounds sterling. So don't knock it, it helps with decision making at the outset. Useful tip about books - Amazon have run several special offers where they sent books from UK to Aus. free of postal charges. I sent a package of £40 worth of books to my daughter at Christmas completely free of charge. (deep irony, the Christmas card cost £1+ to post) Worth keeping an eye on, given the horrendous cost of books in Aus.

Dear Katie Don't waste your life waiting for things to get better and feeling you can't do anything to put it right. With bullies of all kinds, one of the hardest things to do is to tell someone what is going on. You have done that here, now you need to tell someone in real time, who can help you. Just because your husband hasn't hit you doesnt mean he is doing nothing wrong. This is psychological abuse and is just as bad, particularly when it involves the children. Is there any possibility of leaving the marriage but remaining in Australia for a while until you sort yourself out? You say you have a job - could you possibly manage on your own income with the three children? If so, it might be an easier first step to leave the marriage and set up home away from this man rather than trying to leave him and organise your return to the UK all in one go. Being bullied is totally debilitating - your emotiong are all over the place and you havent the energy (let alone the privacy) to organise 'the great escape'. If you were on your own for a while, both you and your kids could relax and have a welcome slice of normality. I'm not saying stay in Australia, but stay there for now. Then when you are feeling stronger, you can take on the problems of leaving the country with a clear head. If you cant find the courage to do all that you want, use the courage you can find to do some of what you want, and build on that. Good luck

Thank you Pam and Phoebe for your input. Phoebe I didnt know that time on the 103 list was taken into consideration if you swapped over. That is a really interesting thought - as you say, it offers a bit more control. Pam, I am beginning to think that you are right. I have a sister who lives two hours drive from me and she keeps an eye on mum when we go to Australia now. She has two adult children, both resident in this country (at the moment). I am thinking that if we start the ball rolling next year, we will have a while to think more before the visa (and the big bill) comes in. At that time, if we go, we should be able to afford for me to come back once a year and stay for a couple of months. I know my mum wouldnt want me to stay here just for her .... I certainly wouldnt want my daughter to come back just for me. Pam, I don't know if this is feasible for you but we met someone last time we were in oz, who spent six months in each country. Their UK son minded their UK home while they were in Oz and their Oz son minded their Oz holiday home while they were in the UK. Neednt mean expensive holiday home if your daughter can accomodate you. I am on a home swap jag at the moment - watch this space! Still doesnt resolve the eventual decision - the problem is always back to what happens when you can't do the long flights any more but would take care of a few years. I have been thinking a lot about this recently because my daughter is buying a place in NSW - which makes her life there seem so much more permenant. I have had such a sad/frustrated day today - I think its fantastic that there is a site like this to let off a bit of angst. Thank you thank you! Kath.

PS I agree about the support on here - I only know as much as I do because of the kind people on this site sharing their knowledge. Let me know if you have any major insights! Kath

Thanks Phoebe. It's nice to think I'm not the only one.

Hi all this is a new discussion really so not sure if I am posting in the right place. I just wanted to know if anyone else had a similar problem to ours and what they decided to do. I have a very elderly mother here in the UK who is still sprightly at 91 but would be very lonely if we left. Our daughter, our only chld, is a permenant resident in NSW and very unlikely to move away now. We have been toing and froing for seven years, but I long to be able to live, not in her pocket, but at least on the same continent - to do all those things we all wish to do when our kids are so far away. I am trying to work out whether applying for a contributory parent visa during the next twelve months would be a good move. If it came through fairly quickly, I have been told you then have five years to make the final move. At the risk of appearing to be waiting for my mother to die, I am wondering whether that would be long enough. If we just wait and one or other of us develops a major health problem, then that's our dream finished. If, on the other hand we are obliged to go in order to fulfil our visa requirements, leaving my mother ....... Can anyone tell me what the situation is re: returning to the UK on holiday? I am really just desperate to get our names on a list SOMEWHERE before costs rise even more, before my husband changes his mind, before we get too old, before before before. I feel so torn.

Hi all I had a confusing situation with this site last week, when, having forgotten my password, I got a new one from the administrators and somehow acquired a new user name. Only realised when I posted. I complained to the admin and they gave me back my original user name - Fisher1. They also removed my posting (at my request) to avoid confusion. However I had a really helpful reply to this deleted post from Alan Collett. I havent replied because of all the confusion. I just wanted to say thanks for the info. We are just beginning to think about following our daughter to Australia but our situation is complicated by my 91 year old mother who is in failing health and who we would not, could not leave. So caught between only child and elderly parent I am investigating possibilities of somehow getting our names 'on a list' without committing to a time scale. Seems like the Aged parent route would certainly give us plenty of time! Anyway, thanks to all for the helpful info on these pages. I am starting to think it might just be a possibility one day. Kath