Should we stay or should we go?

We have been here for six months and have had nothing but red tape to deal with. The work situation is not great and it has become as expensive as it is in the UK.

Our eldest son is enjoying it here, although I do think he misses home more than he lets on and our other two are keen to go back to see the family. Of course to the baby this is home.

However, although I was adamant that I wanted to move over here (we have been coming here on holidays for over ten years and have lived here for a year previously when we had just two children), I am finding it really tough.

The finances have depleted at a rapid rate; it cost us a small fortune to set up here ad we haven't really made ANY friends that are on our wave length.

I am ready to return to the UK - I really miss my support network and our home (which we are currently renting out) and yet my OH is really torn. Having said this he has regressed in his field of work and he really isn't enjoying it at all, not to mention he has to travel up to two hours for the privilege.

This truly is a beautiful country, but it's hard to see the beauty when everything else is so hard... what shall we do?

we have been here for six months and have had nothing but red tape to deal with. The work situation is not great and it has become as expensive as it is in the uk.

Our eldest son is enjoying it here, although i do think he misses home more than he lets on and our other two are keen to go back to see the family. Of course to the baby this is home.

However, although i was adamant that i wanted to move over here (we have been coming here on holidays for over ten years and have lived here for a year previously when we had just two children), i am finding it really tough.

The finances have depleted at a rapid rate; it cost us a small fortune to set up here ad we haven't really made any friends that are on our wave length.

I am ready to return to the uk - i really miss my support network and our home (which we are currently renting out) and yet my oh is really torn. Having said this he has regressed in his field of work and he really isn't enjoying it at all, not to mention he has to travel up to two hours for the privilege.

This truly is a beautiful country, but it's hard to see the beauty when everything else is so hard... What shall we do?

as the saying goes same **** different shovel

My instincts tell me that you have already decided and are really seeking confirmation of your desire to return home.Remember,you have not failed in any way,you have had a whole new set of experiences that will make more reflective and considered in your views of the world.My very best wishes in whatever you decide to do--good luck:hug:

We have been here for six months and have had nothing but red tape to deal with. The work situation is not great and it has become as expensive as it is in the UK.

Our eldest son is enjoying it here, although I do think he misses home more than he lets on and our other two are keen to go back to see the family. Of course to the baby this is home.

However, although I was adamant that I wanted to move over here (we have been coming here on holidays for over ten years and have lived here for a year previously when we had just two children), I am finding it really tough.

The finances have depleted at a rapid rate; it cost us a small fortune to set up here ad we haven't really made ANY friends that are on our wave length.

I am ready to return to the UK - I really miss my support network and our home (which we are currently renting out) and yet my OH is really torn. Having said this he has regressed in his field of work and he really isn't enjoying it at all, not to mention he has to travel up to two hours for the privilege.

This truly is a beautiful country, but it's hard to see the beauty when everything else is so hard... what shall we do?

Im hearing you, I have been in Australia for almost 4 yrs, only recently located to QLD, prior to this we lived in Adelaide and for 2.5 yrs before that NZ was our home. My children were teens when we left UK and altho were reasonably receptive to the idea of living on the other side of the world, it was hard for them to adjust at the age they were, it was a process but eventually of course they found they're way. The problem I have now is my children are split between NZ and Aus 2 out of the 3 being in the defence forces one here and one across the Tasman. they have useful productive lives and I'm sure are happy we did this. Now for the complication, I have finally realised its me that has never settled and never been truly happy, I long for the changing seasons inc the sometimes bitterly cold but heartwarming winters. I long for the comfort of family, friends and likeminded people.... I dont need to go on do I, the problem is now my children have made they're lives and to leave them to return to England would be in essence leaving my family behind.... I chose this 'for the good of my children', you are right it is indeed a beautiful country, but not for the faint hearted, of which I wouldnt consider myself, but I now know the mistake I made is thinking that what would be good for one would be good for all! My husband loves it here and i dare not even mention my thoughts so it is good 'to sound off on here' something we didnt do was to discuss this as a family before we made the move, perhaps if we had instead of rushing into making a 'great new life' things may have turned out differently. You must do what your heart tells you to!! You didnt say where you are living, Im about 40 mins north of Brisbane and unfortunately am also struggling making friends etc., so there are many more of us out there than probably we care to admit :twitcy:

I'm a seasoned expat and I always find we have to give a new place at least 12-18 months before we know we've settled or not. With that said it's all about the grass being greener. If you think the grass is greener on the other side you won't be happy where you are. Once you KNOW the grass isn't greener on the other side then you'll be happy to get on with your life, whichever country that you finally decide on. All the best.

If your DH can walk into a job in UK then go home.

I think you get to a point of no return and that may be financial, educational or emotional and once you reach that point you have to stick with it. If you can make a decision before you have reached that point then you need to grab any opportunity with both hands. If that means you make your decision within 6 months or 6 years it doesnt really matter as long as you can get yourself back on track.

Your situation is all too familiar, many many families find themselves in just this predicament. Financially Australia is not the land of milk and honey, the 'Lucky Country' tag is well out of date but many people overseas see it as some kind of magical place where all your troubles disappear. It's a great country with lots to offer but by no means is it for everyone. My feeling is the longer you stay if it isn't where you want to be the harder it gets as you keep feeling you should give it a bit longer. Go with your heart, I keep saying it but life isn't a rehearsal.

hello and welcome,

You seem to have decided but your OH is unsure.It may be a good idea to both sit down and make a list of pros and cons of life in both countries for your family.We did this and it was the turning point for us.Our list was looking very balanced until we came to the question of retirement.We both immediately said we would never like to stay here until then.

We have kids and it was a no brainer for us,we would go home next year before we reached the point of no return.

I wish you the best in your decision making and who knows a list may help clarify things for you both.

Yes I agree, we did the same and the result was as you say a no brainer. Our kids are obviously the most important things in our lives and we just felt that there are more things for them short and long term in the UK. As I said if you make the decision do it quickly as it seems to be much easier.

We have been here for six months and have had nothing but red tape to deal with. The work situation is not great and it has become as expensive as it is in the UK.

Our eldest son is enjoying it here, although I do think he misses home more than he lets on and our other two are keen to go back to see the family. Of course to the baby this is home.

However, although I was adamant that I wanted to move over here (we have been coming here on holidays for over ten years and have lived here for a year previously when we had just two children), I am finding it really tough.

The finances have depleted at a rapid rate; it cost us a small fortune to set up here ad we haven't really made ANY friends that are on our wave length.

I am ready to return to the UK - I really miss my support network and our home (which we are currently renting out) and yet my OH is really torn. Having said this he has regressed in his field of work and he really isn't enjoying it at all, not to mention he has to travel up to two hours for the privilege.

This truly is a beautiful country, but it's hard to see the beauty when everything else is so hard... what shall we do?

If your quality of life hasn't improved and that includes friends/finances/work life balance/support network-then you maybe need to put a stake in the ground and give yourself a timescale. It's no good though keeping being miserable just because you've always wanted to be here- but the danger is of course that if you don't give it long enough to be satisfied you are making the right decision by going home you may end up ping ponging.

The things we really don't like about Australia will not change regardless of how long we stay here-we made the decision to return home and will have only been here 8 months-but we have never felt right here. There is nothing at all we prefer about this country to our own.

Really wish you well-being unhappy where you are really is dreadful

Like others have said, I think in your heart you know what you want to do.....you just need to find the courage to say...thats enough for me.

Do bear in mind tho, in regard to friends, you wont make friends of the same calibre that you had in teh UK in 6 months! Those friendships (I imagine) took years to come to fruition.

Good Luck with whatever you decide to do x

Thank you for your well wishes and you are absolutely right; am expecting too much as real friends don't just happen.

Ahh well, we are still pondering the dilemma and will keep you posted!

x

It's good to hear that we are not the only family going through this, although I'm sorry for you that you feel this way, as I know how hard it is. You have done so well to have stuck it out for so long. Other friends have a tried to remind me that we originally did this for the good of the children, however if we are not happy it's hardly likely that they will be. Home really is what you make it.

Our eldest son is due to start High School in 2011 although in the UK he would be starting in September and if we decide to return I would really like him to begin then. He's been through enough changes throughout Primary what with the previous ping ponging between the UK and Aus.

Well the discussions continue; the thought of packing up again is overwhelming but if we do decide to move back at least I know this time it will be for real, as I shan't be going through this again.

We are currently living on the Gold Coast!

hello and welcome,

You seem to have decided but your OH is unsure.It may be a good idea to both sit down and make a list of pros and cons of life in both countries for your family.We did this and it was the turning point for us.Our list was looking very balanced until we came to the question of retirement.We both immediately said we would never like to stay here until then.

We have kids and it was a no brainer for us,we would go home next year before we reached the point of no return.

I wish you the best in your decision making and who knows a list may help clarify things for you both.

Thank you - a list does seem like the sensible way to move forward!

Unfortunately we are on a time frame as our eldest son is set to begin High School in Jan 2011 (or Secondary in Sept 2010), and I really don't want him to have any more disrupted schooling as a result of us ping ponging between the UK and Aus.

We shall give the list a go and let you know how we get on.

It's good to hear that we are not the only family going through this, although I'm sorry for you that you feel this way, as I know how hard it is. You have done so well to have stuck it out for so long. Other friends have a tried to remind me that we originally did this for the good of the children, however if we are not happy it's hardly likely that they will be. Home really is what you make it.

Our eldest son is due to start High School in 2011 although in the UK he would be starting in September and if we decide to return I would really like him to begin then. He's been through enough changes throughout Primary what with the previous ping ponging between the UK and Aus.

Well the discussions continue; the thought of packing up again is overwhelming but if we do decide to move back at least I know this time it will be for real, as I shan't be going through this again.

We are currently living on the Gold Coast!

Thanks for airing this, as I have found the courage to tell my hubby how I've been feeling, stuck right in the middle with it seems 'no way out'.... we took a drive out to Maroochydore this morning and talked about possible options, he was surprisingly receptive as I explained the constant feeling of 'not belonging' and how living out at Northlakes I felt had isolated me further. We have only taken a relatively short lease on the house here so we plan to look around closer to the city, I am going to take a trip to see the 2 of my children that live in NZ and sound them out about how they see things, then hopefully I will be taking a trip perhaps at christmas to England, my elderly father hasnt been too well this year so have been dwelling on that heavily anyway, once I have returned then we will talk again about what possible future we have here in Australia and even perhaps returning to NZ would be a good compromise, I always did feel more at home there and strangely enough after speaking with my hubby about this, I began planning in my head who would I visit whilst there and there it was, I suddenly realised I had so many lovely friends that I could reconnect with, so again thanks for bringing this to the forum, I dont know how much longer I would have perhaps just sat on it:arghh: Oh and perhaps we should meet up and have coffee, seems we have something in common !!!!!

Kim

Thank you for your well wishes and you are absolutely right; am expecting too much as real friends don't just happen.

 

Ahh well, we are still pondering the dilemma and will keep you posted!

 

x

Not sure I agree with "friends don't justt happen" lots of my friends in the UK did just that- we clicked instantly and have now had them for years. I've made friends here and they are all really lovely but there is none that I would call just to tell them a funny story or vent a frustration. In England after the school run, my phone would ring off the hook with girlfriends for from all over ringing for nothing really - my phone never rings here, despite me ringing everyone. The norm here is to go for organised coffee and cake-not just drop in with a problem etc.

We've been here since January and I have spoken to at least 2 different friends at home every week usually on the phone but email too.

The thing is once you get the bug about comparing- you just don't stop.

I really wish everybody well that has made a good life here-everyone deserves to be happy-luckily most of us in the western world have that choice.

Not sure I agree with "friends don't justt happen" lots of my friends in the UK did just that- we clicked instantly and have now had them for years. I've made friends here and they are all really lovely but there is none that I would call just to tell them a funny story or vent a frustration. In England after the school run, my phone would ring off the hook with girlfriends for from all over ringing for nothing really - my phone never rings here, despite me ringing everyone. The norm here is to go for organised coffee and cake-not just drop in with a problem etc.

 

We've been here since January and I have spoken to at least 2 different friends at home every week usually on the phone but email too.

 

The thing is once you get the bug about comparing- you just don't stop.

I really wish everybody well that has made a good life here-everyone deserves to be happy-luckily most of us in the western world have that choice.

I suppose I was thinking of friends you make at school and Uni that last a lifetime. But yes you are right you either click with people or not. And like you, my phone was always ringing at home, if it rings here we all look at each other in disbelief and even then it is usually someone phoning from the UK.

We were also very close to neighbours and we would organise spontaneous dinner parties and drinks out we had such a great social life (even with three children).

I agree in that once the comparisons begin there is just no stopping - and let's face it things are never going to be absolutely the same, that's the whole point of being here.

I guess I should be happy with my lot for now at least and hopefully we'll make the right decision in the end.

I suppose I was thinking of friends you make at school and Uni that last a lifetime. But yes you are right you either click with people or not. And like you, my phone was always ringing at home, if it rings here we all look at each other in disbelief and even then it is usually someone phoning from the UK.

We were also very close to neighbours and we would organise spontaneous dinner parties and drinks out we had such a great social life (even with three children).

I agree in that once the comparisons begin there is just no stopping - and let's face it things are never going to be absolutely the same, that's the whole point of being here.

I guess I should be happy with my lot for now at least and hopefully we'll make the right decision in the end.

Yes we have 3 children too and I know what you mean about people just turning up and enjoying socialising. I too have friends that I went to school with that are still really good friends and friends that are from different times in my life, however the friends I miss the most are the friends that were in my local community. There is no community spirit here-even my aussie friends find it difficult to make new friends!

All my friends have just happened, work, school, neighbours etc, they had to as having moved so much as a child never had time to make any long standing relationships.

Primary school is a good time to make friends with other families they seem to be more involved. High school both parents are usually at work or just doing other things and much harder to break into.

Moving to new housing is a good idea for friendships if people all build together tend to get to know one another. Another thing I have found is that the bigger the land you live on the more friendly people are, if in a flat for instance often people are not friendly.

Joining sporting clubs even if one does not play and being a social member is a good place to start.

Follow a footie team and friends flow.

Never judge a book by the cover someone we thing we may not like often turns out to be a very good friend.

Sounds exactly like my time here. Have a flight booked for xmas. After seeing family over that period and having a big long weekend with FRIENDS in Europe somewhere over new year...... I won't be coming back.

Sounds exactly like my time here. Have a flight booked for xmas. After seeing family over that period and having a big long weekend with FRIENDS in Europe somewhere over new year...... I won't be coming back.

thought you must have gone back you've been so quiet....

Yes we have 3 children too and I know what you mean about people just turning up and enjoying socialising. I too have friends that I went to school with that are still really good friends and friends that are from different times in my life, however the friends I miss the most are the friends that were in my local community. There is no community spirit here-even my aussie friends find it difficult to make new friends!

You took the words right out of my mouth; it's the community spirit that is so lacking here, at least where we are anyway!

Thanks for airing this, as I have found the courage to tell my hubby how I've been feeling, stuck right in the middle with it seems 'no way out'.... we took a drive out to Maroochydore this morning and talked about possible options, he was surprisingly receptive as I explained the constant feeling of 'not belonging' and how living out at Northlakes I felt had isolated me further. We have only taken a relatively short lease on the house here so we plan to look around closer to the city, I am going to take a trip to see the 2 of my children that live in NZ and sound them out about how they see things, then hopefully I will be taking a trip perhaps at christmas to England, my elderly father hasnt been too well this year so have been dwelling on that heavily anyway, once I have returned then we will talk again about what possible future we have here in Australia and even perhaps returning to NZ would be a good compromise, I always did feel more at home there and strangely enough after speaking with my hubby about this, I began planning in my head who would I visit whilst there and there it was, I suddenly realised I had so many lovely friends that I could reconnect with, so again thanks for bringing this to the forum, I dont know how much longer I would have perhaps just sat on it:arghh: Oh and perhaps we should meet up and have coffee, seems we have something in common !!!!!

 

Kim

So glad that you have been in "discussions" with your husband. My husband and I are constantly in discussions about the whole situation - but we never really get anywhere, as although at times he wants to return at other times he becomes very defensive. It does look likely that we shall go home though, it's just trying to decide when the best time will be what with leases (here) and the tenants in our home in the UK, shipping, and of course schools!

The other thing is trying to justify the money we have spent to come over here - it really has been a small fortune and I think about what we could have done with that money had we not made the move. Yet I should try to stick by my belief that you should never regret what you HAVE done only what you have NOT accomplished in your life.

It would be nice to meet up sometime, although I seem to have little time for myself with four children (ranging in age from 11 to 23 weeks)- but it would be good to have a chat as we do have lots in common! It's so reassuring to know that we are not the only ones out there that have done this!

Part of my isolation is I am without a car presently,however I do make the most of weekends when my husband is home, this weekend we visited the city doing the city cat thing which was very pleasant and also had a drive out to the Sunshine coast. Maybe we could do the Gold coast this one coming.... meet up somewhere child friendly,park etc...would be nice let me know? Kim