A bit of light humour for Friday

[DebsX]

John - The Thoughtful Husband ......

 

It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this try not to yell at them.

Some are over sensitive and there's nothing worse than an over sensitive woman.

 

My name is John.

Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife Shirley.

 

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Shirley to get a full time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the ealth benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.

I don't yell at her.

Instead I tell her to take her time and just to wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Mens Grill at the club, so eating out isn't reasonable.

I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

 

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves.

I know she really appreciates this as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

 

Another syptom of aging is complaining, I think.

For example she will say that it is difficult for her to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour, but boys we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement.

I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her (if you know what I mean.)

I like to think that tact is one of my strong points.

 

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.

She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn.

I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while.

As long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

 

I know I probably look like a siant in the way I support Shirley. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!

Nobody knows better than I do, how frustrating women get as they get older.

 

However guys, even if you use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we were put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,

John

 

EDITOR'S NOTE:

 

John died suddenly on April 27th of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50 inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end with bearely 5 inches of grip showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife Shirley was arrested and chargd with murder.

The all woman jury took 15 minutes to find her not guilty. accepting her defense that John somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club. :biglaugh:

[Guest jonseywife]

:biglaugh:Thats funny ! I should'nt laugh really coz come to think of it, that John reminds me of someone ?????????? .............. :yes:

Good job my OH does'nt play golf or he could end up like poor John too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :biglaugh:

[Guest OldiesRUs]

Many a true word said in jest...........Tee Hee.

[Guest Curlysoo]

On the subject of marriage ........ :wub:

 

 

A couple had only been married for two weeks when the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

 

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."

 

Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

 

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."

 

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries, Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

 

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... you know... they have frozen glasses. "

 

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

 

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious. I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

 

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres, chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.

 

"But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know, there's swearing, dirty words and all that."

 

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?

 

"LISTEN UP SH** HEAD! SIT YOUR SORRY A** DOWN, SHUT THE F**K UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR

F****N HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A** ISN'T GOING TO ANY DAMNED BAR! THAT SH**'S OVER WITH! GOT IT, JACKASS?"

 

and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

 

I had to heavily censor it .... but hope you get the idea? ...LOL!

 

 

[Guest THE JONEZYS]

LUV IT, V, V GOOD!!

 

LESLEY

[buckbuchanan]

I laughed, until it struck me how true it is!

[Guest Curlysoo]

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

 

-Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

 

-The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

 

-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

 

-There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

 

-Life is sexually transmitted.

 

-Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 

-The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

 

-Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

 

-Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

 

-Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

 

-All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 

-In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

-How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

 

-Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

 

-Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

 

-Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 

-If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

 

-If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 

-Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

 

-Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

-Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

 

Life is full of such puzzles .... :twitcy:

 

Sue ...XXX