Guest Bronte Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Not sure if this is the correct category for this rather long post, as it is to do with wellbeing - emotional wellbeing and some points that people migrating here may not think would ever affect them (and I hope it does not!)... I have also posted this on the Brits in Brisbane Forum which I just joined (English~Rose)...people need to be aware it's not all roses & sunshine and you may consider going back "home" if you have one... Chasing the great Aussie dream is a brave thing to do, no harm in seeking a brand new start here in the sunshine...heaps of us finally get the go-ahead, sell up, say our goodbyes and jump on the plane ready for our new beginnings. Most of us come out here with our spouses and try to settle into it before having our babies & raising them as little Ozzies. Some couples come out with toddlers or school-age kids ready to start afresh. If like me, you are in just a young couple when you emigrate, only the two of you to worry about and you have no family or close caring friends out here already - please do try and have a plan B in the background somewhere - I implore you keep a door open in the UK at all times. Here's my tale: It took my husband Mike and myself about 10 years to finally get here from the Bognor area in West Sussex. He finally decided, suddenly one miserable Xmas, sick of sitting in front of the gas fire in misery, with the cold rain beating down. I hurredly got the paperwork happening and that was it... We couldn't afford to visit first, so just sold up all we had at car boot sales - which wasn't much, and did it within the 5 months we were given to get here by. We sadly had no living kids, all had died pre-term, and we had been married since 1986 but all was well with us. We we so looking forward to the great adventures ahead! We arrived in Brisbane on 22nd Sept 1995 and stayed with an old friend of Mike's on the Southside. I'll never forget it. No provision was made for our arrival at all. Not even a bed to lie down on after the marathon flight. Nothing to eat either...we just collapsed in a heap and slept on the dirty carpet with the cockroaches. Not quite what we were expecting...but you have to be eternally grateful for any assistance when you take the plunge to come here. It's not like home. We had just $12,000 to our name. The first thing after a mattress, was to buy an "affordable" car (an experience in itself - there is no annual MOT test in Qld - so watch it, an old bomb is exactly that - but with a very high price tag by comparison, not cheap, late models like back home, which you know have been maintained each year for their MOT's). The next 10 years were spent working tails off to pay the mortgage & juggle bills, run the home, move house & upgrade each time, trying to have a life, and me getting taken for a ride by a well dodgy business partner (I was a funeral director). All my family have passed away in the UK and my only sibling has never stayed in proper touch despite me trying. The only people I had left was my beloved hubby and his parents (UK). In 2005 I had the shock of my life. Mick had been having an affair with a dancer he met while he was in a band... (stupid me just thought he had rather a lot of practise nights!) but I never suspected a thing. It'd been going on a year, while I was out working, as I was on-call 24/7 including weekends. Then she had told him to get rid of me. So he did, as if I was a stranger. I was sick with leukemia at the time and the pair of them made life hell. He moved her and her kids into our dream home - a 5 acre farmlet near Tamborine, complete with guest house and resort pool, and I was left with our little holiday shack up a mountain in NSW. The shack had no power, no running water, no fridge, no toilet, no generator and was very isolated. I was totally devastated. We'd been married 20 years... Soon, his lover was pregnant again and he divorced me - actually on our wedding date, so I have interesting certificates! I could not afford a lawyer (he left me with $60) and was so sick they pretty much got away with the lot. Everything we had worked for and created together. It's as if I never existed...his parents stunned me when they said they must support his happiness and were very sorry, but goodbye, they had a new grandbaby on the way and were so excited! I was left bewildered by all this and very very hurt. I spiralled into a deep depression and still suffer from it... I did get a small settlement 2 years later. They still live in the dream home, worth close to $1m now. I lived alone in the mountains, cut off from the world. I stayed in bed there for the next 2 years until I was in full remission, even though I prayed for death to take me, to end the misery. Centrelink looked after me and the local soup kitchen in the nearest town 20klms away. I am eternally grateful for that help. Glad we paid our taxes! I then sold the humble shack to some hippies for peanuts and rented a house on the Bay Islands as it's still really cheap there and only an hour to Brisbane & the cancer hospital. Now I'm back on the mainland, renting, still alone (despite a recent failed engagement) and all I want to do is go back to the UK, but there is no home there, no family, nothing. What's to go back to? Memories? History? Beautiful countryside? I have two freinds here in Brisbane and rarely leave the house due to depression and frailty and I can no longer work. The internet is my lifeline. That's what happened to my great Ozzie dream, with my husband and all the wonderful things we would do and places we would go in the sunshine. I want people to really think hard about the possible consequences if you have no family outside your spouse and no kids or friends to busy yourself with. If you depend on your spouse and he or she is your whole world, just take care and be aware...no matter how long you've been with them or how deep the trust. Look after you! Please don't end up like me, alone in a foreign country with no ties to anyone or anyplace. It's just not how it was supposed to be... I know this is depressing. It's the personal side of what can happen when you emigrate anywhere and you are a hell of a long way from the UK and any familiarity. It's what happened to me. The question is, where to from here? I feel drawn back to the UK, but have pets and a houseful of stuff. I just don't know what to do anymore... Thanks for reading. Blessed be. 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Guest Andy Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 That is a tragic story and well done for having the guts to open your heart to complete strangers. I for one hope you can recover and make a life for yourself wether it is in oz or back in the UK. Good luck with whatever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 :hug::hug:I guess when you have hit the bottom, the only way is up. All the very best to you in whatever you decide is the next step forward in your life. There are a load of helpful folk on this and other forums who will certainly be a shoulder and maybe even a helping hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SO,DIZZY Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Please dont despair.. These two people (and i use the term lightly) are dispicable, and what is even more dispicable are the inlaws who abandoned you.. There are many pitfalls in every relationship so i get the part were you talk of taking care of yourself.. And making sure there is some security to fall back on.. And not to be relying on someone elses compassion and ability to do the decent thing.. I can totally understand that apart from the fact this ex (pig) of yours did the dirty on you he treated you so disgracfully afterwards.... And you must be devistated.. Please dont let this experience define the rest of your life.. Depresion is very difficult to overcome.. But have you ever considered writing a book.. Write about your journey it sounds like it could be a very interesting story... I would defo buy a copy.. Writing is very cathartic and a good outlet for your pain and anger you will also get a chance to name and shame them and the outlaws.. And mabey even make some money in the process... Dont let this beat you.. Pm me if you need a chat.. Take care regards dizzy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Noodle Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 I fully agree with 'so-dizzy' in every aspect (and writing a book), words can't express how you have felt and are feeling now. All I can offer are my sincere thoughts and prayers to you, please do not let anyone or anything control you for the rest of your life. Best wishes, take care and build that new life for yourself lol xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Thanks for your honest post and i wish you lots of luck for the future,, where ever it may be - you sure deserve it. I am not sure where you are now ,but lots of PIO members are spread across Australia and im sure im not the only one of us to say 'the kettles always on'' and im always here to listen ! If your anywere near me drop me a pm and maybe we can meet for coffee or you can pop around for a chat, i can't offer to solve your problems but having a friendly face to 'vent' on might make life a little easier for you Take Care Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bronte Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Thanks for your kind replies and good advice. I wish I had been online a long time ago and known of this great forum! I'd write a booklet or a blog if I thought it'd really help couples who are emigrating, there are a lot of unforseen stresses involved which can cause fractures in the foundations of long term committed relationships - it's certainly not all milk & honey in this land, but I fear it'd end up depressing any poor reader! Food for thought though and quite a departure from my usual waffling genre - the paranormal! lol. You're right. I have to kick on, get over this. I never expected the grief to run as deeply and it's probably a culmination of many experiences related to being alone in this country and interactions with some untrustworthy people (which are not exclusive to Oz of course), not just hubby's abandonment. Thanks again for your encouragement - it has really helped. Blessed be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bronte Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Thanks. I know J'ba pretty well. It's not that far from my former home. I'm now renting in 8 Mile Plains with my pets and I have a tiny cabin on Macleay Island, which is on the market (ticket out of here)!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 Yeah not far from Tamborine am i ? The offer stands, if you fancy a ride down one day just let me know, we are just through Jimboomba at Flagstone. Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 But have you ever considered writing a book.. Write about your journey it sounds like it could be a very interesting story... I would defo buy a copy.. Writing is very cathartic and a good outlet for your pain and anger you will also get a chance to name and shame them and the outlaws.. And mabey even make some money in the process... Dont let this beat you.. Pm me if you need a chat.. Take care regards dizzy... Bronte, I read your post last night before hitting the sack and actually thought this to myself. Lo and behold, logged on to find I`m not the only one...There`s a hook to your prose and description just in your post alone and you sure have a tale to tell. I write fiction myself, and find the focus needed acts as therapy. I`d even suggest fictionalising and adding aspects of your own genre against the backbone of your experience. 'Contemporary ghost story of the year!!!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bronte Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 Thanks for encouraging me John & everyone else. I've written a lot in the past, before I got online - mainly pesonalised funeral services for the families I cared for when I worked in the funeral industry (mortician & director), adverts & business brochures with a couple of fiction radio plays thrown in along the way, which did pretty well with the listeners. Because of what is really a total "breakdown" over all this happening, and then suffering a couple of TIA's (small temporary strokes) in the past year or so, I can barely remember how to write these days, let alone spell! It takes ages and just writing forum posts can sometimes time out, I'm sooo slow. lol. (I figured to copy, re-log in & paste again if need be)... I agree writing is great therapy for anyone and you can always hit delete on the real rot... I remember when I was applying for us to come out here, I read everything Australian I could get my hands on, including fiction, so I guess there may be a market for the "Ausaddiction". It would give me something to do and keep me out of trouble! lol. Your suggestion of faction has really got me thinking... (Steady on ol' girl!) I certainly have the material and a brain full of horror. :shocked: Cheers everyone! If I spew forth anything ever remotely printable again, I'll dedicate it to us lot - POMS in OZ! Thanks very much guys. Good luck with your writing too John! Bron. The wilted English rose.:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 Bronte I am so sorry to hear that your life hasn't always been roses. I suppose it could have happened anywhere even if you had been in the UK, but like you say, when you come out here your life usually revolves around your own family and friends come later. I am so proud of you, you have gone through so much and come out the other side, your story should be shared and people should know that despite everything you have got through!!!! Please take up Cals offer as it is nice to have some friends around to chat with now and again Big big hugs Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emma270 Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 So sorry to read what happened to you. Hopefully through this site you will make some lovely friends and this can help you to make a new life. Its a shame im in PErth other wise i would be arranging a meet up. Ever want to talk about anything PM me. I suffered badly with depression for the first 3 years living here and was very lonely, this site has helped me get out and meet people and give me more confidence. We are looking at moving to QLD though as Perth just has unhappy times for me, also my mum lived here when she had me and she had unhappy times. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SO,DIZZY Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 well chic, it sounds as though you have put some colour back in to the cheeks of that wilted English rose, I am so glad you are seeing some light at the end of that very dark tunel you are in.. as to your ability to write,, why not put your thoughts on tape and have someone scribe for you?? just a thought!! but in whatever you do,, stay positive and keep up the good work.. there are happier times waiting up ahead for you... regards god bless dizz... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bronte Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 Emma - I also used to live in Perth, Kalamunda, Gooseberry Hill. Moved there in 1981 from Alton in Hants, when I was 16 with my parents & brother. We had to live for 3 months in a place called Noalimbah Migrant Centre, which was like a prison camp. We met a few other migrants there, mainly Scottish and stayed in touch with them for many years - strangely enough all of them returned to the UK within 2 years. My folks lasted just 18 months and returned to the UK, near broke and dejected. It was the isolation, Mum's depression, lack of work for Dad, (who suddenly found he had to requalify for the work he'd always done which was bonkers as it's why we qualified as independents in the first place!) and picking somewhere too far out of the hub (at the time). Mum was a raging, violent alcoholic and I was not allowed out at all. My job was to look after her and the family, so I never really started a life there myself. I had to go back with them to the UK (to yet another new town - Bognor Regis) and a year later, I met my ex husband who had never travelled futher than the nearest pub and the rest is now history... I think people moving to Perth (without a point of familiar contact) need to be really self reliant, have enough money to outlast the tough times and be sure it's the right place for them. I personally like Perth more than Brisbane - it is cleaner, less complex and bluer than Brizzie, without the stinking humidity, more Spanish in it's weather. I have been to all the Cities, except the Alice & Darwin, but I returned to Perth a few years ago, took flying lessons and flew over Rottie, so beautiful - no mud! Again I was struck by the cleaner feel. But it is dearer and very isolated. On the East coast we have access to all the major Cities (within reason) so I feel the choice for the hopeful migrant is better generally for those without support networks... Good luck with your move to Qld - you will find it quite different in more ways than I could list. It depends which area you plan to go to as well. It's another huge State and has very varied vibes! If I can help anyone, please PM me, and I'll do what I can. Thanks to all for the support. I am listening and it's about time! :twitcy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LondonGal Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 Emma - I also used to live in Perth, Kalamunda, Gooseberry Hill. Moved there in 1981 from Alton in Hants, when I was 16 with my parents & brother. We had to live for 3 months in a place called Noalimbah Migrant Centre, which was like a prison camp. We met a few other migrants there, mainly Scottish and stayed in touch with them for many years - strangely enough all of them returned to the UK within 2 years. My folks lasted just 18 months and returned to the UK, near broke and dejected. It was the isolation, Mum's depression, lack of work for Dad, (who suddenly found he had to requalify for the work he'd always done which was bonkers as it's why we qualified as independents in the first place!) and picking somewhere too far out of the hub (at the time). Mum was a raging, violent alcoholic and I was not allowed out at all. My job was to look after her and the family, so I never really started a life there myself. I had to go back with them to the UK (to yet another new town - Bognor Regis) and a year later, I met my ex husband who had never travelled futher than the nearest pub and the rest is now history... I think people moving to Perth (without a point of familiar contact) need to be really self reliant, have enough money to outlast the tough times and be sure it's the right place for them. I personally like Perth more than Brisbane - it is cleaner, less complex and bluer than Brizzie, without the stinking humidity, more Spanish in it's weather. I have been to all the Cities, except the Alice & Darwin, but I returned to Perth a few years ago, took flying lessons and flew over Rottie, so beautiful - no mud! Again I was struck by the cleaner feel. But it is dearer and very isolated. On the East coast we have access to all the major Cities (within reason) so I feel the choice for the hopeful migrant is better generally for those without support networks... Good luck with your move to Qld - you will find it quite different in more ways than I could list. It depends which area you plan to go to as well. It's another huge State and has very varied vibes! If I can help anyone, please PM me, and I'll do what I can. Thanks to all for the support. I am listening and it's about time! :twitcy: Hi Bronte, Well done for taking the first step and opening up and sharing. That is often the hardest part. Keep posting, there are lots of great people on here to support you. I should really take my own advice and post more too. I wish you all the best with your decision and hope things get better soon for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest myboysinoz Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Hi Bronte It's good people like you who help many of us put things into perspective. We complain about the simpliest things, what to wear, what to watch on the telly, wheather.....etc. Your story reminds me that there are lots of things to be thankful of, support of my loved ones, good health... Like what the other good people here have said, when you hit rock bottom, there's only one way but up! I'll say a prayer for you. Whatever you decide, hope you find happiness and contentment. Thank you for sharing your story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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