parents

[woodpud]

Hi all

Feeling rubbish !!

Told my parents today that we are moving to Australia within 12 months both not very happy, Feel rubbish here, they say i am taking thier grand kids away for ever .....

They are getting on a bit so i understand where they are comming from But why make me feel bad .I am /we are doing what we think best for my family

 

Jase

Nic

Emma and owen

 

Looking forward to a better life !!!! ( :arghh: )

[Lancashire Lass]

I suppose it might be quite natural for them to be a little selfish at first and just think about what you are taking away from them but they probably realise deep down that their grandchildren are going to have some wonderful opportunities over there. I would just let them lick their wounds for a bit as they are bound to be sad. Whenever you do raise the subject again you need to stress what a great opportunity it will be for the children.

 

Although I was dreading telling my parents, they were quite supportive although my Dad made a very firm point that he would never fly over there and I would probably never see him again!!

 

You have to put your kids before your parents as difficult as it is.

 

Good luck!

Mandy

[Guest cantwait]

Hi

 

I really feel for you. We thought about going years ago, but then my mom was ill with cancer for a few years and then she died. I have a younger sister, and brothers who were teenagers at the time so plans got put aside. Then my father in law was ill for 2 years and died of cancer too. A few years passed and then we decided to go for it. Because the years have passed we lost points due to our age and the whole process has been made more difficult for us. So the moral of this depressing story (SORRY!!) is go for it. It's never the right time but put your own kids first.

 

X

[TheBrammies]

Put yourself in their shoes you would be pissed off too the thing is you are doing for your family and tough decisions have to be made this process would be alot easier if we could take all our family and friends (well some anyway lol) with the internet and web cams you can probably make the process alot easier to actually see each other when your talking but the end of the day you have to do what you think is best for your children you wouldnt be a descent parent other wise youre not the first to emigrate and wont be the last hope they grow to support you in what is a difficult process and time.

[Guest Bonnie and Clyde]

Hi there,

 

Its really tough and I feel for you.

 

I think you have to do what feels right for you and your family, but I know how easy it is to sit here and type this - reality bites though doesn't it. I do understand how difficult this, my family are just the same.

 

Good luck to you all anyway,

[woodpud]

Its great that you all say what i'm thinking, i have to do it for my family. You all dont know me and i cant believe the support you have given me.

 

Thanks to all

You have made me smile again!:notworthy:

[Guest gothicqueen]

Hiya

Thats the exact same words that my mum said to me when I told her our plans, my three are the only grandkids on my side of the family, mother in law has refused to even acknowledge it until we know for definate we are goin, think she is hoping we will fail somewhere along the line,

 

BUT, my Mum has come round to the idea now, My Dad wants to come over and spend a few months at a time with us too, they have spoken with loads of their friends and they have told thenm that we are doing the right thing for our kids, so now they can see why we want to do it, my Mum did say orignally that i was being selfish for wanting to go, but I said I thought it was selfish of her to expect us to stay when our kids could have such a better life out there.

 

I think its one of those time will tell things, weve promised that we will email, webcam, send DVD's over of the kids so they will probably 'see' a lot more of the kids. The mother in law may be a different matter though!!!!

 

Good luck, and remember you are doing this for the right reasons and not to piss anyone off!! (which I think the MIL thinks!!!)

[Guest Count Zero]

Hi all

Feeling rubbish !!

Told my parents today that we are moving to Australia within 12 months both not very happy, Feel rubbish here, they say i am taking thier grand kids away for ever .....

They are getting on a bit so i understand where they are comming from But why make me feel bad .I am /we are doing what we think best for my family

 

Jase

Nic

Emma and owen

 

Looking forward to a better life !!!! ( :arghh: )

Its tough but your parents made their choices in life probably based on what they thought was right for themselves and their kids like the choice you are making now.

[Guest anju]

It was a good experience to read the articles and contents on this site.http://www.gujaratonnet.com, http://www.gurgaonflowerplaza.com

 

[Guest mandy1]

Hi all

Know just how you feel! My mum wouldn't even talk about us moving to Oz apart from making it plain that she thought we were being selfish. We have been here 2 months now and she still asks on the phone if we may come back! Just ignore any animosity and do your own thing ,cause at the end of the day its your own family that count & sometimes you do have to make decisions that are not to everyines liking!

Best of luck

Mandy x

[Guest willdavis]

I can only echo what others have said, you are doing this for the right reasons! Your parents will come around in the end I'm sure. We are in a similar position - planning to tell our parents this weekend and it's not something we are looking forward to. When I have doubts, I just have to look back at our reasons for going in the first place and a better life for our son is at the heart of it. You are doing this for your family. Best of luck, I hope your family become more supportive in the near future. Good luck.

[woodpud]

Cheers all

 

And there will at least be 2 Villa fans in Australia soon

 

Jase

[Guest Tracey from Braintree]

Hi All,

I don't know how many times I have heard this story from different people on here! It is the most difficult thing to go through. I really feel for those who aren't supported. My mum is 78 and is being ok with it all. I know she is devastated but she understands. We still haven't told my mother in law! We know she is going to lose the plot with us! We were all geared up to tell her last weekend but she fell out with another family member and wasn't well and we just couldn't do it! We are going to try again this weekend and then we head off a few days later on a 2 week holiday - we just hope by the time we get back she will at least talk to us! So watch this space for yet another 'parents' story.

 

It won't stop us though!!!!!!!

 

I'm sure 'most' come around to the idea as best they can eventually.

[Guest Ms_Fi]

My mum knows we'll eventually end up in Australia but she doesn't know we're planning on 2010 - although she had my older 2 kids for the night last night and she's got the younger one tonight so she'll probably know more about our plans that I do by tomorrow morning!! There's a well known saying in our family "if you don't want mum to know DON'T tell the kids!!"

 

Seriously though, my OH is Australian so it's inevitable we'll emigrate over there - I know for a fact my dad won't ever get on a plane to see us but mum might and that's something I'm going to have to deal with. When we went out at Christmas mum asked if we were coming back and I said "this time we are" and she looked really upset but this is my one chance at actually making something of myself. One chance of having a great future in a country that I feel totally at home in.

 

I know it's hard for them, especially as my sister and her girls live the other end of the country, but it's my life - I've done so many things in my life to make my parents happy and I really hope that this time round they can support me and not send me on total guilt trips all the time. Unlikely, but a girl can hope!

[Guest willdavis]

Cheers all

 

And there will at least be 2 Villa fans in Australia soon

 

Jase

 

Up the Villa! I'm sure the second we leave the Uk, the glory days will arrive back at Villa Park! Keep us posted on the parent reaction as it develops. It will be us who are doing the difficult deed this weekend. Not looking forward to it.

 

All the best.

[woodpud]

Up the Villa! I'm sure the second we leave the Uk, the glory days will arrive back at Villa Park! Keep us posted on the parent reaction as it develops. It will be us who are doing the difficult deed this weekend. Not looking forward to it.

 

All the best.

 

 

Yes i am sure / hope they do. D-day tonight big family chat about us being selfish going round parents in half hour will let you no.

 

Hope all goes well for you guys

 

Villa till we die !

 

Jase

[Guest Ms_Fi]

I'm seriously not popular tonight - in fact mum has declared she's never talking to me again. Somehow I don't think that'll last long as she's got the youngest one staying for the night and she's bringing her back tomorrow after school!!

 

If I was leaving the UK to join a cult I could understand it - all I'm doing is moving (admittedly with my children) to a country I've made no secret of wanting to move to, so I can give the children a better quality of life. I've worked damn hard to get myself to where I am following my divorce and she should be proud of me and proud that I'm prepared to move 11,000 miles on what's basically an unproven theory that things will be better there. But no, all she sees is how it will affect her and how she won't see the kids again. Not bothered about not seeing me, it's all my children.

 

Feel really unloved tonight

[Brisbane or bust]

We too know how you all feel. This is going to be the worst time of it all when we have to announce it to our families. We are unsure when to 'do the deed'. Do we go so far down the line or do we tell them now just as we are starting out?

 

Good luck to you all.

[Guest Jo & Clem]

Good luck to everyone who has yet to tell parents about their move. I was dreading telling my mum because I knew how she would react and true to form she didn't let me down you would have thought someone had died. She accused me of being selfish and that I was only moving so that I wouldn't have to look after her and my dad in their hour of need. It's now 3 months on and still get a few tears and lots of guilt trips, but I just keep telling her that she is doing really well and better than I expected and to wait and see for herself when she come over to visit for the first time. Dad not saying much but say's he does understand. I wouldn't mind so much but she will still have my two sister's here, and the only thing I'm taking is the dogs ( not any grandchildren). Hopefully one day she will give me her blessing:arghh:

 

Jo

 

[woodpud]

Well ....

Went round Mom and Dads last night for a chat and try to clear the air went ok ...ish till i gave my mom a kiss and told her that what ever we do or were ever we go i still love her and then the tears started. We left at that point and said told them we will see them at the weekend. Just hope they have calmed down by then ( fingers crossed )

 

Jase

[Guest willdavis]

Glad it went ok. In the early days of them getting used to the idea there is bound to be lots of emotion and tears - I'm expecting the same on Sunday. Keep your chin up and remember why you're doing this!

 

Did you have a list of things to say when you first told your parents? I think how we tell them on Sunday is key to how they take it. If I make it sound like forever and that we're never coming back then they'll be even more devastated.

 

Good luck at the weekend - I hope they will start to understand soon.

 

Up the Villa!

[Guest Tracey from Braintree]

 

Did you have a list of things to say when you first told your parents? I think how we tell them on Sunday is key to how they take it. If I make it sound like forever and that we're never coming back then they'll be even more devastated.

 

 

We are in same boat - about to tell in-laws this weekend. We have decided to say that we applied to see if we can get visa before OH is 40 (end of this month) as it will be last chance (wouldn't get enough points after). Then we say we are going on reccie early next year to see if we like it (true - thats the plan). We are not going to 'big it up', just say it's a long term plan, if we get visa AND reccie goes well then we have another couple of years to decide. ALL true, just put in a way to hopefully not panic my mother in law who will be a little p****d off to say the least!

 

Best of luck to you, and everyone else in this boat!

 

Tracey.

[Guest Ian Laverick]

This is a tough topic to approach, but I am sure that our parents would have done what they thought was the best for their children, which is what you and I are doing for ours !

 

Times have changed - do what you you have to do ... or you will rue the day !

 

Good luck to you all

[Guest KALINDA]

Hi all

Feeling rubbish !!

Told my parents today that we are moving to Australia within 12 months both not very happy, Feel rubbish here, they say i am taking thier grand kids away for ever .....

They are getting on a bit so i understand where they are comming from But why make me feel bad .I am /we are doing what we think best for my family

 

Jase

Nic

Emma and owen

 

Looking forward to a better life !!!! ( :arghh: )

 

OK... speaking from the 'other side' i.e. as a parent..... our son and his then girlfriend emigrated to Oz in 2002. We were involved in their plans from virtually day one and although I had a little ray of hope that the plans wouldn't materialise, I knew in my heart that they had dreams they had to follow! So we gave them our blessing and were consequently kept informed of the progress of their visa application and shared their excitement as they set off on their great adventure. Have to admit that it hurt like hell to say 'goodbye' to them but ......... in 2004 they were married on Sydney Harbour with all parents with them to share their special day! On that day our son said in his speech that Australia was now their home! .... but they hoped that maybe, just maybe we would think of joining them. In 2007 both sets of parents arrived in Oz on Contributory Parent Visas and have all made a new life here. Some difficult decisions were made along the way but it has been worth it . Having said that, our daughter-in-laws parents said they would NEVER EVER come to Australia and that once she had left that would be the end of it. They really gave her a hard time during their wait for their visa but..... NEVER, SAY NEVER...... Lots of harsh things are said when one is hurting but as a mother I would say that they will most certainly come round. Just be kind and thoughtful when talking about your plans and invite them to share your dreams and don't ever cut the line of communications. Good Luck! You only have one life and you must feel free to do what is best for you and your family.

 

Linda :smile:

 

p.s Just make sure they know how to text and email - it has been a salvation to us and makes the distance seem so much less!!

[Guest gothicqueen]

ms Fi

 

Thats exactly how I feel, when we told my parets it was all about the grandkids not us!!!!

 

I also got the guilt trip that as they were the only grandchildren I was stealing them away, and because my two brothers wont ever have kids its all my fault that they wont see them.

 

So on top of taking the kids away I also have to carry the can that my two brothers dont ever want children!!!!!!!!!

 

My mum and dad run a masonic hall and I work there one night a week with my mum, so all the masons know Im going and are like yeah thats great I dont blame you, Mums eyes fill up and she says but its the grandchildren....................... Ive told her Amelia might come back to england to go to uni, so that has kind of helped abit.

 

as for the mother in law......... Graham spoke to her last night about usputing the house up for sale and she just changed the subject, I think she thinks it will just go away if we dont tak about it!!