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Married an Aussie? Living in Oz? Need your experience stories...


Andy86

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This year is a big year... I am marrying the love of my life, naturally, who is a British born Australian Citizen. We will be moving to Melbourne later this year after getting married and it seems the natural place for most Brits is Point Cook and/SL's, where we have been looking and have our hearts set on an amazing 4x2... Fingers crossed. Anyhow...

 

The whole point to this is that I have read quite a lot of negative experiences of Families picking up sticks and moving 10k miles to Oz, some mixed and not so many positive... However I was hoping to find people who have married an Australian and moved out there... Hoping to hear of their experiences, good or bad, and how they find the support system from the partners family etc etc

 

My partner and I will be on 95k a year with zero children and two turtles, hopefully with a car possibly two but I have heard this is almost extortion in Oz, living in PC & working in the CBD.

 

Look ok forward to hearing about your wonderful experiences

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I have moved out here with an Aussie partner and I think it is a lot easier than those who move as a family. I had a ready made social circle and a property to move into, which seem to cause many of the concerns. Many never really finding a social circle.

 

I must add that i've never needed to be around my family much of the time and find that skype is perfectly fine (not a touchy feely family)

 

Absolutely love living here, but would be just as happy back in the UK I feel. Happiness is a state of mind, those who base it off the weather or the country (unless you are living in a war torn/bad economic country) seem a bit misguided to me.

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Hi, Im also a British born Australian and 6 months ago now I moved back to Melbourne after 10 years in the UK taking with me my British girlfriend (soon to be wife). It has all gone brilliantly so far, she has settled well made loads of new friends (had 20+ to our house warming a few weeks back). Support of my family helps. I had arranged a job to go to which sounds like you have as well which makes things loads easier, no stress, australian family to back up (we stayed with them for 5months), dont belive the negative you are perfectly placed to settle right in.

 

We been surving just fine off 80,000 bought a car cheap at auction. couldnt be happier really. Been on a few weekend breaks to Tasmania x 2, Sydney and Adelaide..

 

Everything is easier if one partner is Australian, I know how everything works, so will your girlfriend i presume?

Edited by wolvesaussie
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Another mixed marriage here. 32 years living in his country, now back in mine (thank heavens). In the beginning it was fine, nice adventure, thrill of the unknown and all that - the archetypal "successful migrant". I was very selfish and took my parents' only grandson away from them without a backward glance and they managed their retirement with 6 months a year in Aus to see their, then two, grandsons.

 

What made it easier for us is that we didn't go back to his place, we went somewhere new so that we were both finding our niche in the environment, neither of us had the ready made social circle. I know a lot of people quite like having the in laws on hand but, even for the most pragmatic of us, when the gloss wears off and you see their mob getting everything of you and yours and your mob getting nothing, the resentment can easily bubble to the surface especially when you have kids. So I'd suggest if your mate is from Vic you move to NSW!

 

At the end of the day it is the people in your life who are most important - you can't cuddle a country - so even if, like some of us, you loathe Australia, your relationship will be the most important thing to cherish. You will probably love it but if you don't, you will learn to live with it. Good luck! Being in a mixed marriage can be a challenge!

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I did it the other way around (Australian born, married a Brit settled in the UK) and I think the most important thing is to give it time. I had lived in the UK for about six years plus before I 'settled in'. I've never had the group of friends I have in Australia, but I do have some fantastic friends in the UK, and I'll be sad to leave them when we move to Australia. That said, I've lived in London the whole time, and it is notoriously transient, and and very cliquey - natives tend to stick with the people they know rather than welcoming newcomers. Many of my friends that have lived here over the years have said that. I think it would have been different if we'd lived elsewhere. Where I live, I only know my next door neighbour (on one side) and a few people to say hello to at the gym. I've lived here over 10 years.

 

I've tended to make friends through work and study. I can't stress enough the need to work with people you like - that's the only way to make friends in that setting. I've contracted and had permanent jobs, and I've always met more people and got more friendships out of contracting. Join sports clubs, do night courses like art, music, whatever you're in to.

 

In terms of the inequality of UK family vs Australia family, you have to think of it as an even thing e.g. I've lived in the UK for 15 years. In that time my family have seen me eight times. If you move, it will be the same, but the other way. I think it depends on the individual families involved.

 

You'll be fine, just give it a fair go. Moving to another country is a little scary, you lose your comfort zone, its a bit disorienting but it is worth it.

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Another mixed marriage here :) 10 years together, married for 7, child of 5. Living in the UK for 8 years, here in Aus since last year.

 

Personally I'd never move somewhere based on the amount of British people. I'm more for going native in that respect. If anything I find it off putting being surrounded by my home country when living the other side of the world (or any of the other countries I've lived in). I find I integrate better, get on more this way.

 

As for support network, you are (probably) leaving one behind in the UK and may gain one in Aus. Or might not. You can never know if it will pan out as you hope or want. We don't rely on family either side of the world and I think that has made us better able to cope, more resilient and self sufficient as a couple. Hubby lived 8 happy years in the UK with me without any real problems. He wasn't homesick or missing his family and friends. And since being here, I am coping fine too. Not homesick, not missing people, just enjoying life and getting on as usual.

 

We moved back to my husbands home city as tbh for us with a child it was a no brainer. Seemed pointless to move back to Aus and live in another state or city, at least to begin with. We want our son to know his Aus family and to have time to build up better bonds and so on and for us to (re)connect with things here. If we move at a later date, so be it.

 

You don't have kids and this generally makes it a whole heap easier in my book as there isn't anyone torn or missing Mum when a baby comes along (usually the woman in the relationship there ;) ). How you cope with possible homesickness or settling in to your new life in Aus is going to be different to any of us who have posted here. That is down to you to figure out and make it work. It might happen with ease, it might not and you may never settle or really like it for whatever reason. I have long thought for couples who marry someone from another country and choose to live in it, you not only have to love the person but you have to at least like the place you settle in as otherwise its a hard struggle and only gets harder as time goes on. If one person does not like where they live it can be soul destroying and ruin a good relationship. So be sure you are both happy. If you can't love or like the country (or the area of the country) you choose to settle in, its a long time to spend not liking it or being unhappy.

 

I'd wait to live there before you set your heart on a house or area. It looks and feels very different once you are actually in a country 24/7 and have to drive places, get stuck in traffic, get a feel for the people and the areas. Don't set a high bar or have big dreams on *the* house or location as often, those dreams turn out to be rather a let down or sometimes a nightmare. I think in your excitement you are probably being swept along a bit right now and nothing wrong in that, but try to be practical and realistic and be prepared to be in a one bed unit for 6 months or some such till you find your feet or find a place you like enough to want to live longer term.

 

Wherever you choose to live now, UK or Aus, one of you is going to be displaced and the migrant. If it doesn't work for you as a couple, look to a neutral country to settle in I always reckon. One you both love and can be happy living in.

 

PS - If you have the turtles in the UK I am not sure you can bring them to Aus but hopefully someone can tell you for sure.

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Guys thank you all so much for your replies... Your experiences sound fantastic. A lot to consider and think about. We are lucky in that we know each others families very well, and for me I have lived elsewhere from home for years without as much as emails or the odd phone call... I think that's why I'm so accepting to the move. But Snifter you are correct I do need to be more practical as I am very blown away with the stories of the amazing lifestyle and weather we can possibly have. Oh and funny thing about PC, we looked at a ton of houses and found this lovely one and very drawn to it before I found Pomsinoz and realised years the mini Briton. Though also I agree, I would much rather integrate than isolate...

 

Keep them coming

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