The curse of Facebook.

[landv]

Well I've done the unforgivable thing and been on Facebook to 'spy' on my old workmates back in the UK. I wish I didn't. It has left me feeling very unsettled and upset and I'm not sure why.

 

It's been over 4 years since I left the UK and the pain is still very much there... the grieving for my old life... the realization that things will never be the same again when we eventually move back. And TBH I don't want it to be the same, because my life has changed so much, I've changed so much, I've moved to the other side of the world after all.

Right now I feel like I've been living a parallel life in the past four years... that someone who I once was, is no more.

 

It has also scared me. I'll have to change my life again and have to start again in the near future and although many people like friends and old work friends have drifted away, I really hope that my family, our family will expect us back as we were.... if that makes sense. And somehow, I can now understand why some expats who are not entirely happy here still choose to stay here... perhaps because they feel they cannot face those changes again, it's too painful.

 

 

Sorry for my ramblings, but I needed to put my thoughts into words as hopefully some of you can identify with those feelings.

Edited January 17, 2013 by landv

[Guest]

I completely understand Landv. Once you leave you can never really go back can you?. I think that even if we went back to the lives we were leading in the UK prior to Australia it could never be the same. Too much has changed in our absence and our family and friends have moved on with their lives and experienced life experiences without us.

[Sapphire]

Hopefully we will all be fine, once we get back.

I am a very different person, tho the one that left. Both myself and Hubby have changed a lot.

Im not as tolerant of idiots now, and I can be a bit hot-headed and find myself "biting", far quicker than I used to.

I wont take rubbish from anyone, and I dont know if thats a good or a bad thing.

We have had to fight for everything over the last few years, and it wears you down.

I dont know how my friends will find me now, they may not like the person I am now, I dont know.

We too grieve for our old lives, but will it ever be the same again?.I really dont know.

Having said that, its got to be better than the miserable exsistence we lead living here.

[SKW]

Landv I feel the same. We are hoping to go back this year and it's what I desperately want but I am scared how it will be once we are back too. So much has changed for us personally in the last 3 years. I think what gives me the strength to overcome those fears is that we survived what we faced moving here. Going home is going to be different but deep down I know it's where I need to be. I think it's oral to be apprehensive, it's a huge move but I'm sure you'll be fine and look forward to your updates of how great life is over there.

[fizzybangs]

I know exactly what you mean. when I went back last time my family organised a family reunion and there were so many of us we had to book a function room in a hotel. I felt terrified as I didn't know so many of them. My 3 brothers and I had kids but my brothers kids had married and had kids and their kids had now had kids. Having been away 30 years you can imagine how much I had missed! Also some had got divorced and had new partners I had never met on prior visits. the 2 year old was 6ft 4" so I didn't recognise him nor know him. I felt like a ghost looking on and latched onto my nieces partner who I didn't know and who looked as lost as I felt and spent most of the time on the veranda talking to him about his heritage as he had found out he had Indian grandparents an had never been told. I was so disorientated I was very shocked and stunned and the whole weekend I felt out of place and nervous that I should recognise people in the hotel that might be one of my relatives! When everyone had left, we stayed on for a night alone - I needed it. I tried to work out all my conflicting emotions. I was there for just over a further 3 months and during that time I went from family to family trying to connect properly. I got more and more overwhelmed by their love for me too. I wasn't used to being loved so much! So many emotions and so much sadness at all that my kids had missed as well as me. When I got back to Oz I realised that I would never settle here again - what matters to me is in the UK for me and this has been one long holiday here in Oz but it's time to go back and give back to my family. They have continued to be overwhelmingly supportive of all my emotions and cannot wait for us to get 'home'.

[Guest]

Landv I feel the same. We are hoping to go back this year and it's what I desperately want but I am scared how it will be once we are back too. So much has changed for us personally in the last 3 years. I think what gives me the strength to overcome those fears is that we survived what we faced moving here. Going home is going to be different but deep down I know it's where I need to be. I think it's oral to be apprehensive, it's a huge move but I'm sure you'll be fine and look forward to your updates of how great life is over there.

 

Best of luck SKW. Apologies for repeating myself if you've read my posts, but we tried to move back in 2010 and it all fell down due to the job market and my (Australian) partner not really wanting to be there. The one thing that struck me is that for it to work you need to approach it in the same way you approached the move out here and give it the same level of energy and planning. That really caught us out. We thought that as a Brit and a British citizen respectively, we'd be welcomed with open arms, and that the hard part - getting packed up and on the plane - was over. Sadly that proved not to be the case. You make a great point in that you survived the move out here. A lot of people would baulk at that. So if being home is what you and your family all want in the long term, then transplanting that energy and commitment into getting home will stand you in good stead I'm sure.

[SKW]

Thank you EW. I agree it does take a level of planning which is the stage we are at now. In fact I have a telephone interview on Thursday as securing work before we go back would be ideal. Although this is by no means my ideal job so if I got it we would have to weigh up whether the longer hours and less pay would be manageable in the short term at least until I get something else.

 

Also just seen my typo (blooming auto correct!). I don't think it's oral to be apprehensive but I do think it's normal!

[Guest]

Thank you EW. I agree it does take a level of planning which is the stage we are at now. In fact I have a telephone interview on Thursday as securing work before we go back would be ideal. Although this is by no means my ideal job so if I got it we would have to weigh up whether the longer hours and less pay would be manageable in the short term at least until I get something else.

 

Also just seen my typo (blooming auto correct!). I don't think it's oral to be apprehensive but I do think it's normal!

 

 

 

:biglaugh: I knew what you meant!

[landv]

I know exactly what you mean. when I went back last time my family organised a family reunion and there were so many of us we had to book a function room in a hotel. I felt terrified as I didn't know so many of them. My 3 brothers and I had kids but my brothers kids had married and had kids and their kids had now had kids. Having been away 30 years you can imagine how much I had missed! Also some had got divorced and had new partners I had never met on prior visits. the 2 year old was 6ft 4" so I didn't recognise him nor know him. I felt like a ghost looking on and latched onto my nieces partner who I didn't know and who looked as lost as I felt and spent most of the time on the veranda talking to him about his heritage as he had found out he had Indian grandparents an had never been told. I was so disorientated I was very shocked and stunned and the whole weekend I felt out of place and nervous that I should recognise people in the hotel that might be one of my relatives! When everyone had left, we stayed on for a night alone - I needed it. I tried to work out all my conflicting emotions. I was there for just over a further 3 months and during that time I went from family to family trying to connect properly. I got more and more overwhelmed by their love for me too. I wasn't used to being loved so much! So many emotions and so much sadness at all that my kids had missed as well as me. When I got back to Oz I realised that I would never settle here again - what matters to me is in the UK for me and this has been one long holiday here in Oz but it's time to go back and give back to my family. They have continued to be overwhelmingly supportive of all my emotions and cannot wait for us to get 'home'.

 

 

 

 

 

An honest and lovely post Fizzybangs, I think you're taking on a huge emotional challenge moving back after 30 years in Oz, and I admire your courage.

 

I guess (and I'm just thinking out loud here) it would be so much easier choosing to stay here, to remain within the comfort zone, subconsciously shying away from another massive challenge of moving back to uncertainty and to the 'what ifs' .... but ultimately that could make someone becoming unhappy and resentful in the long run IMO.

And the possibility of it happening scares me more than the challenges I'll have to face of trying to rebuild my life back in the UK.

[higgys]

We have been here 5 yrs and have decided to move back hopefully July this year. Reading your posts we feel the same, and its nice to see were not alone. It would be easier to stay here, but we would be very unhappy. We have tryed to make the best of everything Australia had to offer us, but that constant yearning for the UK just wont go away, and its making us unhappy. Its been an emotional roler coaster these past 5yrs, and we have had to work so hard for everything we have acheived, which in the long run has made us stronger people, and closer as a family. By knowing this we feel that we are ready to take on the next journey in our lives, and i'm sure we will come across some hurdles. But we just have to go back. Uk is were we belong. Going back to Face book it sure is a curse, I stopped using it, as every time i popped on for a nosy, it made me very depressed.

[landv]

We have been here 5 yrs and have decided to move back hopefully July this year. Reading your posts we feel the same, and its nice to see were not alone. It would be easier to stay here, but we would be very unhappy. We have tryed to make the best of everything Australia had to offer us, but that constant yearning for the UK just wont go away, and its making us unhappy. Its been an emotional roler coaster these past 5yrs, and we have had to work so hard for everything we have acheived, which in the long run has made us stronger people, and closer as a family. By knowing this we feel that we are ready to take on the next journey in our lives, and i'm sure we will come across some hurdles. But we just have to go back. Uk is were we belong. Going back to Face book it sure is a curse, I stopped using it, as every time i popped on for a nosy, it made me very depressed.

 

 

 

Absolutely. In the end, I just couldn't fight against that yearning anymore and I had to accept the fact that I can't settle and immerse myself into "forever life" here.

The realization was hard and it felt like some kind of defeat at the time, but it has also been a life lesson to remain true to myself.

Edited January 29, 2013 by landv

[Guest Julz]

Absolutely. In the end, I just couldn't fight against that yearning anymore and I had to accept the fact that I can't settle and immerse myself into "forever life" here.

The realization was hard and it felt like some kind of defeat at the time, but it has also been a life lesson to remain true to myself.

 

You are right, there is no way you can fight against a yearning as it just won't to away. I yearned for 3 years, dreaming of moving home every day and when i finally landed back home it all disappeared. Its funny how dreams change, i never lived the dream in Australia but am certainly living the dream now.

[Chortlepuss]

People are probably looking at your Facebook with envy. They don't know what it's really like......Someone from UK asked me if I was going on holiday this year or is life 'One big holiday?' I blame Phil Downunder