SallyKay Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Hi guys, I'm really hoping for some realistic info on leaving family to emigrate to Australia as I have my mother who is on her own here in the UK and I know I'm going to really break her heart by leaving but I do feel it's the best for my family as the UK is in such a mess and im worried for my childrens future here! My husband is Australian and so we have always talked about it and luckily had the option to go but now I feel it really is now or never as my husband is 42 so no spring chicken!!! My mother is 57yrs and has no health problems so far apart from bad anxiety which is why I'm pretty sure she won't visit due to the flight and I doubt we'll all be able to afford to travel home very often so it really will be a hard move. My brother and his partner live nearby so she won't be completely on her own. Has anyone had a similar situation with a lone parent and have you all adjusted and accepted things and do family cope with just Skype when visits are often possible? I am fully aware that the home sickness will never leave me but the thought of my mum never getting over it and always being heart broken is almost enough to make me back out!! When she passes away the guilt of going wont be there but my kids will be in their 20,s and have their own life then i may feel resent!! It's just so hard to make the right decision!! With my husband being Australian and not leaving his own family I don't feel I have anyone to talk to who has experienced similar and can give me any advice. I'd be SOOOO grateful for any helpful advice with this???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sol2Oz Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 It's really hard and heartbreaking to say the least and quite honestly, there are no ways to mitigate the feelings. But, you can always set up a skype account not only for her but for yourselves so that you can talk to each other more often. Maybe even facebook. Sometimes, when people move far away they communicate even moreso than when they are nearby. Will you be able to try to visit at least yearly? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver Lady Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Hi SallyKay I can give you my feelings as a mum who said goodbye to her daughter and three grandchildren 8 years ago. Initially it felt as though I was experiencing something akin to a bereavement. I was inconsolable for a while but within a year I plucked up courage and went out to Australia on my own to visit them. From that day onwards my whole outlook and feelings changed when I saw the wonderful life that my daughter and grandchildren had. I was so relieved to see them happy and enjoying their new life and I knew she had made the right decision. After you're settled I would try and get mum out there for a visit somehow. It will make such a difference when she can see where and how you are living. Could your brother visit and bring mum with him if she's worried about flying? I agree with So12OZ Skype can make a huge difference; mum can see you and chat and it's all free. There is also a number that you can ring to get calls to Oz for 1p per minute. I am with BT but ring 08448610610 which puts you through to Telediscount. I can be on the phone for 3 hours to the family and it only costs me £1. 80 + a few pence connection charge from BT. Just ring the number and follow the instructions. Since my eldest daughter emigrated, my younger daughter and my son have also moved out to Oz, so I now have three children and seven grandchildren out there. I go out to see them each year on my own so tell mum it's not so scary! I'm hoping to join them permanently next year. Please don't feel guilty, as I know my daughter did for quite a while. If my experience is anything to go by, I believe mum will accept your decision in time but it will be hard at first. I'm sure that things will work out for you all though; best wishes and good luck with your move....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CowlingAFC Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 Hi Sally, how are you?? I'm glad I just logged on and seen your post. I'm in 2 minds, although more on moving to Oz, on a skilled visa/state sponsoship, and same as you worried about no-one else really but my Mum. awwwww, i hear you all say!! I'm a 32 year old male. Been away to o before on a 2year WHV, and keen to go back. My sister has lived in oz, married a aussie, and has 3 beutiful daughters, so for me to head over my mum's 2 children will be far away. She's been over to visit a few times, and them to scotland, but because my sister has lived in oz for near 15 years now, I still cant get the feeling of If I go back over and leave my mum here she will feel so sad. She Is my best friend aswell as my mum and I feel if something was ever to happen to her/or me while I was away I would always regret it, and never forgive myself. She isnt alone here. She has my step dad, but I know she is lonely enough already, and for me to leave also would send her worse. Any advice vice versa for both of us would be appreciated, because I too am stuck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murta Posted September 5, 2012 Share Posted September 5, 2012 I too am totally with you both on the "leaving mum saga". For me it is the only deal breaker at the moment. I am not committed to going as I cannot put my mum through this pain, and of course the benefit of staying would be that my 2 kids get a nanny that they adore and vs versa. But truely hand on heart I am not making the committment to oz because of my mum. She has just turn 74 widow of some 30 yrs. in the past 3 yrs she has had a now stable health scare. But i know I am the youngest and the most likely the most closet to her. my bro wife and 3 kids now live down the road and my sis hub and 3 kids 20miles away. Everyone says she has them and she will visit and skype but this means nothing really. She will learn it i know she will, but she is heart broke and to the point thinks that matter has been put to rest....ie "my dear what a silly idea that was..." we dont speak of it. Not until I myself have signed the dotted line will I start that cinversation with her. I will miss, is it co-dependency is guilt ,,,i dont know but hey it is a storng feeling. Like most people I am realistic. if i get one to 2 visits in my bro and/or sis lifetime that will be th eheight of it. it is too experience, poeple need alot of annual leave and more dosh when they get there etc. My mum no way on her own! what would she do when she got there, we would be working etc...its just all no no no for me. Breaks my heart!!! I could write a book about the well meaning comments of skype, its your life your kids etc. BUt i honestly stop and say, this woman is my life and she has little time left and my kids enjoy her and so do i. it is too much of void . do our parents not have the need to be missed too? Boy has this thread brought it all back. i laugh as I have just spent the last 2 hours scanning doc for the last 28day thingy for the 175 visa......whose the nut ..leading the double life me thinks!!! so basically yea i too will be glad of some tlc advice tips and general...boo hoo I feel your pain kinda posts!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SallyKay Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 Hi everyone, goodness it's so nice to not feel so alone with this awful decision! Silver Lady your story has really given me some hope, Thankyou so much! I'm sure if she visited she would love it especially as like me she suffer from SAD so the sunshine would be wonderful for her. I'm sure if she could travel with my brother that would be great although he has a family now and the expense of bringing them all would be tricky. I'd like to hope that my partner and I could save enough to help them travel as it makes sense for them to come to us as houses are bigger and it would feel like more of a holiday. Murta, my mother is also widowed, my dad died very suddenly 12 years ago, she's never been the same and is emotionally quite unstable so it makes it all so much harder!! The other issue for me is that the general parent visa that is affordable to her can take up to ten years to be granted ( this is assuming she may one day like to come as Silver Lady has) and the contributory visa is WAY out of her price range and I simply couldn't expect her to pay so much just to be with us!! Silver Lady, which visa have you applied for and how long did it take to be granted?? Skype and Facebook are a great idea so she feels more part of it all!! CowlingAFC I really feel for you as you will be leaving her on her own, I at least will still have my brother here to take care of any issues and look after her but in a funny sort of way perhaps that may make her consider making the move herself as Silver Lady has chosen too. I'm pretty sure that after we've settled my brother will want to join us the lifestyle would suit him down to the ground and he then will be in your dilemma. I do feel strongly that if that happens both my brother and I will really try and persuade her to come even if it means an annex and her with one of us so it's financially viable. Just such a stressful situation and sometimes part of me wishes I didn't have such an easy option to go, it's torture at the moment!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SallyKay Posted September 6, 2012 Author Share Posted September 6, 2012 A huge thank you to you all for your time and replies its so good to be able to talk with others in similar situations!! Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver Lady Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Hi SallyKay In reply to your question, I lodged my 173 parent visa application in March which is a two year temporary visa. I intend to apply for the 143 permanent visa when I get out there. This allows me to spread the cost as I agree it is a lot of money to find. I hope to have my visa grant in the spring of next year. This recent announcement by the Australian government and seen in the poms in oz newsletter may be of some help: "It has been announced today that the Government will extend tourist visas for parents of Australian citizens and permanent residents to enable them to visit their family in Australia for longer. The Government will grant five-year tourist visas with a 12 month stay on each entry to suitable applicants who have applied for a parent visa outside Australia. The Government will also consider tourist visas of up to three years with a 12 month stay on each entry for people not currently in the parent visa queue. The changes are expected to be in place toward the end of 2012" The tourist visa of up to three years may be the answer for mum until decisions have been reached within the family. I agree it's so stressful. You say your brother may want to join you; that's exactly what happened in our family. My daughter went out first and hadn't even visited Australia before she went but they love it there and won't come back and thats how my other two children came to be in Australia; they followed their sister on the understanding that I followed them! so here I am about to make a new start at a 'not so young gid luck but I'm up for the challenge....... Good luck SallyKay......... remember never say never!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver Lady Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Sorry SallyKay....... that last sentence should read 'So here I am about to make a new start at a 'not so young age' but I'm up for the challenge' ...not sure what went wrong there... rubbish typist!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bell123321 Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Hi, I haven't moved away yet but I am in a simular situation as you with only my father. He has no other children or family and I am his only family and he hates flying. However he has been supportive of the move and has said he will try and visit (However it will be by boat or train) lol. My opinion is you need to think about yourself and your family and what is best for you and if prospects are better in Australia then back home then you are doing right by your husband and children. Unfortuntly my dad doesn't own or even use a computer so skype is out of the question but I have brought him an international sim card so he can call me cheaply and I will do the same. I have even suggested meeting him somewhere int he middle like Thailand as his scared of long flights, he is happy with this idea and will do it over a couple of stop overs. Maybe if your mum had stop overs it might help with the flight issue? Good luck and do what feels right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murta Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 So sallykay and all how are you plans going. Have you come any closer to the decision. Still a toughie for me heading for reccie to activate and putting it to back of mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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