Homesick

[hondalee12]

After living in the UK for many many years and having great memories I decided to come to Australia because my partner is pregnant and I came to support her. I had never been abroad before prior to going to France with my partner for 2 days on my motorbike. She came to the UK on a working visa and returned home for one week and had a flight back to the UK and once she found out she was pregnant she decided to remain in Aus which I joined her 4 days later.

 

I dropped everything in the UK, my family which I miss the most, my motorbike, my independence, after living in the same area all my life. I knew the area like the back of my hand and being friendly with people. I miss the UK and home like mad, I miss my Mum and Dad and my Nan and Granddad as well as my little sister and brother who is 7 who says he misses me.

 

Every time I think of the UK - leaving and everyone over there I could cry and never stop. I am a man and have try to hide my emotions, not only for my sake but for my partners sake and for our baby once he/she arrives. I feel sad every day, I always think back to how it was.

 

I cry more or less every couple of days alone, and I can honestly say I never thought it would be as hard it is. Waving to my family at Heathrow airport when they was upset but I managed not to cry and to remain calm. I think back to the few hours we spent in Heathrow and the most upsetting part is when I think to how they was upset.

 

I can thoroughly understand the reason people go back straight away feeling home sick. The weather, lifestyle in Australia doesn't bother or attract me at all. At the end of the day it is only another country many many miles away from the UK. I spoke to somebody I know who said to me that it will get easier and it will go away eventually.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

Firstly have a huge hug :hug:

How long have you been here? The first 6 months are the hardest. I really think you need to sit and talk to your OH but now may be the wrong time as with the baby she will probably feel insecure and her emotions will be all over

[Guest guest36187]

Firstly, it will NEVER go away. You learn to live with missing people, you never get over that.

 

Secondly,for most..it does get better

[Aussie bound]

Very sorry to hear your trouble is there an option to go back home once the baby is a bit older, have you discussed this with your partner?It seems very difficult for you there, are you working? getting out and about at all meeting new people,I know most people feel severe home sickness for a considerable time it is only natural.Our close friends over there say they are still trying to settle in after 18months!Dont think it will ever go away for you but im sure it will get a bit easier after time.And you may finds things a lot easier once the baby is born.Trust me there is no greater joy in life than the birth of your own child, you may be so wrapped up with the baby you may not miss home so much afterall! best wishes for the future and take good care of yourself.

[Guest Burchos]

It has been a big move for you, new country, baby on the way - you are probably a little daunted by it all. I really hope you manage to find a way settle. Good luck x

[supa]

How do you feel about becoming a dad? Could the inevitable lack of independence that new fatherhood initially brings be a contributing factor. It's tricky and daunting to start with, but it does get better. At the end of it, once you are a dad, things become a bit more complicated and it's very understandable to yearn for the familiarity of your roots. This forum is littered with folk who dreamed of moving to Oz and it unfortunately didn't work out; to have moved when you weren't really 100% and be unhappy is so very, very sad and I feel for you. I would say that you should talk to your partner as much as possible, and being the strong silent type isn't always the way to be. It may be you think you are hiding it, when in fact you aren't and this could end up making you both very unhappy in the long run. I'm always torn between whether it's a good idea to have a visit home to see how you feel; for some it works very well as people realise that they have been looking at the UK through rose tinted glasses and that things have changed too much to want to return to the UK permanent or some people realise what they would be missing if they didn't return to Oz. I so hope things work out for you, I really do.

[hondalee12]

Thanks for the replies, hopefully everything will be better. Once we get married next month and I send of the visa application and not constantly worrying about it then it may get better.

[Guest]

I think that you dropped everything in a very short space of time, have had no time to really make a proper decision about where to live your life, or why and you've gone out on a limb moving to Aus for your partner because she is pregnant. Sounds like a rush job and its hitting you hard Never easy when things change overnight and you've not planned for any of it.

 

That you appear to be a homebody and not really lived outside of where you grew up, I think this move is a tough one as your hand was forced so to speak, it wasn't a plan you made together with your partner over time, you didn't visit Aus to see what you thought of it, this was all a quick decision and it sounds like its not working for you.

 

Firstly I would ask if you and your partner have plans past the short term or longer term plans afoot. As in pregnancy and baby in Aus, first year or so there then a move back to the UK for a while. Or if your partner is more set on remaining in Aus.

 

Relationships between people from different countries can be tricky at the best of times, downright hard and miserable at others as one of you is usually living oveseas away from your home country. These relationships need to be made of strong stuff and one of you is going to have to compromise (if you don't wish to be living in a country but do so for your partner). But they can also be rewarding, wonderful and have lots of positives.

 

A pregnancy is going to test this, have you both going through some pretty big changes to your life and you are both bound to struggle.

 

But, I think if you want to make it work, you are going to have sit down and talk about longer term plans at some point before the baby arrives. If you are truly unhappy in Aus and so very homesick, chances are it will get worse and maybe get better. Some people cope better with it than others, but you sound like you come from a close knit family and are not as comfortable with being away from that as your partner was to go travelling.

 

I wish you well, I hope you can work out a plan for the future with your partner. You may need to prepare to stay in Aus a year or two, make a trip back to the UK for a few weeks to help ease things but also to help reassure you. But if you truly want to be with your partner and child, you are going to have to really try to make the best of it and learn to cope with being there. And hopefully it won't feel like a prison sentence or anything to depressing. You have a baby on the way and they are hard work but wonderful and so worth the sleepless nights and being puked on as when they smile that first smile, run towards you for a hug for the first time or simply want to have a cuddle, it melts your heart and is overwhelming and the best thing.

 

Can you find work? Are you working? Have you managed to make a few friends and get out and about a bit so you are not sat stuck at home too much dwelling on things. Try not to look at it as what you left behind, but what you have to look forward to, a baby on the way, the challenges and joy that will bring. You left in a hurry, never really got to prepare like many migrants do and smack bang landed in Aus inside of a few days. That would test even me and I am well used to big changes and moving around a lot.

 

I'd perhaps seek some counselling, have a place where you can just go talk your feelings over, get them out there, so you are not bottling them all up inside. Not talking about things is a real drain and won't help you in the long term. That man thing of not showing your emotions and all that, sure you don't want to be blubbering wreck in front of your partner, I can get that, but don't be afraid to admit you are finding the move hard going and are very homesick. Its not fair to keep such big important feelings hidden or buried, your partner needs to know otherwise they might think something else is wrong or misread the signs.