Sids Dad Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 Episode Five The Rigs Glasgow bound, me and my mate Geoff, arriving at a central Hotel mid afternoon. After dropping our bags off we decided the only sensible thing to do would be to go for a pint. I haven’t a clue what it’s like now (maybe one of our members can tell me) but back then it seemed that every bar was full from about 4.30pm until 7pm and then whoosh, the city centre was virtually empty! It turns out that the city centre all go on the drink for a mad couple of hours and then go home. I had never seen a businessman dressed in a sharp suit and clutching a briefcase literally hanging on to a lamppost before! After getting bored we headed back to the Hotel for our evening meal and found a whole bunch of guys giving it yaldie and blotto by”” 9pm. We chanced a bottle of wine on the bill and hit the sack. Next morning 5.30 was like a scene from “one flew over the Cuckoos nest” as there were all these guys steaming drunk, one even asking all and sundry if they had any 50 pence pieces so he could get some miniatures from a machine! We took off early morning in a Dakota, landing in Stavanger Norway and transferring by bus to the heliport. To see the scene was a sight to behold, at that time all you had was a Mae West pouch to tie round your waist (No survival suits yet.) Geoff pointed to two Jocks obviously worse for wear, holding up their mate who was gibbering, onto the scales which worked out how much fuel was required. The sight of this poor bugger as he held his kit bag and trying to convince the Norwegians that he is perfectly alright will remain with me always. They actually let him fly which wouldn’t happen these days. After a couple of hours in the air we arrived on the West Venture Rig, we got assigned the same room and took our bags into a quite large bedroom which had wooden wardrobes and a sink. Geoff disappears on a scouting mission to see what the score is and returned ten minutes later to declare, “ mate, this going to be a doddle, I cannot see a soul working and if they want to give me £3.50 an hour for this then I’m yer man” We sat for five minutes until we heard a Tannoy……””passengers for the TP1 to the helideck, passengers for the TP1…. We looked at each other and Geoff said, did that bloke on the phone not say something about the TP1? I dunno I said you spoke to him! Geoff disappeared again, appearing two minutes later shouting “ Hurry up get your gear they’re waiting for us!! It turned out that the West Venture was only the accommodation and we were to shuttle the nine miles back and forth for the next three weeks to the Platform. We reported to the platform office and Geoff was put on nightshift, me on days. We used to pass each other on the bridge and just groan, uttering one trip and that’s the F-ing lot! All of a sudden life was desperate again, 16 hour shifts and if the fog came in which was a regular occurrence, then you just kept on working. If anyone tells you that the food offshore was great in these days then they are lying. The cook (I couldn’t call him a Chef) used to cook scampi in breadcrumbs at a temperature barely past the hot, a right greasy mess, and the dessert was either a huge tin of vanilla sponge or chocolate cake with custard. My recollections of the accommodation was lying in my bunk hearing all this commotion in the passageway, leaning over from the top bunk I opened the door a little to see a disgruntled Yank pushing Turds ( Bondi Cigars!) along a floor swimming with the remains of the backed up toilets. I also remember lying in the four man room after a gruelling shift playing dark Side of the Moon and a welder who was on the top bunk declaring, “I was a happy man until I found oil on my driveway”. He repeated this for three nights in a row and eventually Geoff said, “For F**** sake what are you jabbering on about? Well he said, …..I haven’t got a car!! OOPS. When we were home we literally went berserk as we wanted to cram in every waking hour with something, anything that prolonged the going back. We had intended to only do one trip and we were relieved when we got off the platform and safely back home. This lasted until Geoff called and said, “did you get a telegram for you to ring and confirm your return date”? Yes I said…..what are you going to do? Well money is a curse sometimes and when you get five or six times a normal salary and it could be tax free then the pain you went though to get it, diminishes when you are able to pay cash for a new washing machine! There was also some bad memories of a rigger who happened to be an ex BA champion army boxer. We were all a bit scared of Ernie, and he was a bully. I remember a young welder who, when we were queuing for the greasy spoon to open, jumped the line as he only wanted to get a sandwich. Ernie hauled him back with a snarl, get to the f****** back ****head!. The welder broke away and slipped into the galley to make his sarnie. Ernie ate his lunch and then went to the tea shack where the luckless welder was sitting eating his lunch. Ernie nearly killed that lad, he battered him until his face was unrecognisable and ultimately they were both sacked for fighting. That’s a laugh the poor kid never stood a chance. Such was the damage that Ernie was told not only are you sacked but was told he would never work in the North Sea again. One week later Ernie was working for William Press in another field. The Black Pig (The Thistle) Well, altogether I must have been on the Hook-up and commissioning of 16 platforms this being the first of the UK one’s. We had a lot of fun on these early Hook-ups as they were long jobs where modules were sent out and were installed by giant cranes and each one took an age to “Join” together. Nowadays they are virtually complete before they go Offshore and the Hook-Up stage is far shorter. My recollections here though are not of the fun we had but rather the tragedy that occurred when 5 Divers were lost when their “Bell” became detached at a depth of 300 feet. The bell is what they use to work at great depths for long periods of time as its pressurised inside and the divers swim out and back in without having to de-compress. Once it was known that it had been detached from the cranes cable all hell broke loose with the remaining topside divers wanting to assist the rescue operation. This was being attempted by a dive support vessel and the heart breaking thing was that they did manage to hook if back on, only for it to become detached again when being retrieved. When they were eventually brought back to the surface they were all dead and frozen into the foetal position with the extreme cold. The direct result of this accident brought sweeping changes to the regulations as the divers were from all over the world and identification was a nightmare as they were all working cash in hand from the dive company. Two years later I was assigned one of the rooms used by one of divers who was lost and on opening his locker I found his divers knife and some brand new thermals which I put to good use. The fun side of this job was one I will always remember, we used to be able to dial 333 and it gave you the Tannoy system. So at the start of shift we would hear a wag crowing like a cockerel. One of the clients men was such a sneak and he used to hide behind girders to try and catch some of the contractors nipping across the bridge to the accommodation early and various other misdemeanours. The is one thing that everyone should know about a workforce such as Oil workers, bearing in mind they are from all over the UK and sometimes beyond, they will never be beaten in either discipline or humour. Each day you would hear the Tannoy go “PING PONG”…. Bill L you wife’s a ***** sha*!!.........PING PONG Bill L your sons a flaming poof etc etc. It was so bad that the radio op was instructed to listen to every Tannoy and if he heard Bill L he was to hover his hand over the switch and if he started to get abused he was to flick it… PING PONG to cut it off. Well this seemed to do the trick as they could not finish the abuse so it was pointless, that is until one morning we heard the usual cockerel and then a stroke of genius, PING PONG…….will Bill L (visions of radio op with finger poised) please ring (radio op relaxes)…….ya F****n neck!! ………..PING PONG!!!!!! I also remember on another platform where you had to ring the radio room to get a Tannoy put out if you wanted someone etc. It didn’t take long for the wags to find out that the radio op was brand new and had not been offshore before, we used to be in fits of laughter listening to him putting out messages such as; will Mr Ian Dury please go to the helideck to pick up his blockheads!! Or would Mr C lions please go to the water tank!! Another tragic/comic scenario took place not long after the Alexander Keiland which was a rig accommodation broke one of its legs and turned over in a force 9 storm. A lot of good lads lost. A few months later I was sitting with five others in the rig cinema after finishing nightshift. We were sitting with our legs dangling over the seats in front when we heard all this CRASH, BANG, CRASH BANG, noise which we thought was containers being bumped around the deck outside. It was actually the standby vessel which according to later statements had lost control of its steering and was coming under the semi sub!! The noise we could hear was the sound of it’s funnel and masts being smashed off! All of a sudden it hit bow first square on to the cross spar and the rig tipped to an angle of 45 degrees and we all were thrown over our seats! Immediately your instincts take over, you remember the Keiland and survival is everything, the training that you had doesn’t even register, you want out and fast! Well the sight of five grown men tearing at each other to get through a doorway was something else. We fell about laughing later on when we found out what had happened. There is a huge amount that I could recount but it’s time to leave the offshore story now and head back to Aberdeen where we were preparing the scope of work for another hook-up and events that nobody prepares us for, The death of our parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 Another great read ,,ive copied and pasted your message onto the last thread so others can follow easier ,,once again thankyou for taking time out to share your experiences ,something always make me chuckle ,lol !! Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Broughtons Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 For goodness sake man, get this written in book form. This really would sell - I have said it before and I'll say it again, you have a natural talent. You are able to word things so that we laugh with you and take a few moments to think when you're more serious. Thank you so much for sharing your very personal experiences with us - I will definitely keep coming back to read the next installment. Felicity:cute: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mandy&Jem Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 Fascinating read.....as ever.........more please! -x- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gollywobbler Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 For goodness sake man, get this written in book form. This really would sell - I have said it before and I'll say it again, you have a natural talent. You are able to word things so that we laugh with you and take a few moments to think when you're more serious. Thank you so much for sharing your very personal experiences with us - I will definitely keep coming back to read the next installment. Felicity:cute: Hi Fizz I absolutely couldn't agree with you more. Alan has a natural talent for writing and it should be left exactly as is. His natural style does not need to be ponced up by an interfering third party. He knows how to vary the pace. One can "hear" every sentence through the minds of the people who were on the rigs at the time. I remember the Alexander Keiland disaster being on the news but alas, I only remember the name of the rig, not the details. And Alan knows when to leave the audience thirsting for more..... The Adventures of Sids Dad would be an excellent title and all, I reckon. Cheers Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sids Dad Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 Hi Gill I was up and about this morning at 6am so I finished off Episode 6, the last (for now) and posted it on the other posting, not sure if I should have posted here? anyway thanks for all your support, I'm trying desperately to avoid answering any of my mails from work, keeping my head down!! Have a great Xmas and New Year, Alan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 And Merry christmas to you and your family too Alan,,thankyou so much for writing thesse ,we shall look forward to more in the new year.Baggsy want your autograph first though when your famous!!lol Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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