rahrah Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Had a huge Eureka moment yesterday........the realisation, after speaking to quite a few friends/family in UK, that we seem to have started to not have things in common any longer!!! It felt like we had moved to another planet - Conversations we had seemed to lack any real substance and felt like we had lost insight into their lives. No longer were people asking us about life here, and we, seemed to lack understanding of general stuff in theirs! Friends need chasing by us to 'keep in touch'- Not sure I liked it :eek: . Not saying this in a mean way - I expected that lives would move on but didn't expect to feel so detached and not an integral part of their fabric - Guess I'll just have to suck it up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fredwanteddownunder Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Hey, This happens when youre away for a long time thats why I am going back, Got no family ties out here and life just seems to unjustified to be going to work every day and not spending time with the people I love, Friends come and go but family is for your life time. The one question is you have got to ask yourself is are you happy? or are you just making someone else happy, to just have a easy life, dont have regrets live your life how you want too!!! Best of Luck ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I have felt similar emotions and had similar thought since being here for a while. I suppose it all comes down to time served and the fact that peoples memories of one another do fade with time, no matter how close they used to be. I just found my old mate via faceache after a long time apart, we chatted for hours last night, but i bet it will die off as have other friends convo's since we have been here. The weather/ the heat/ the costs and the beach life soon wear thin as topics of conversation and vice versa back in blighty i bet, just look at it as natural progression and look forward to what you have, not being cold about old mates etc - just being a realist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rahrah Posted May 13, 2012 Author Share Posted May 13, 2012 The one question is you have got to ask yourself is are you happy? or are you just making someone else happy, to just have a easy life, dont have regrets live your life how you want too!!! Best of Luck ;-) Thanks Guys! - Yeah Freddy I am happy here and not considering going back - that is defo not for me - but think this is just another step to letting go, and leaving those roots! Miss the easy chat I use to have with mates, and thought distance wouldn't be an obstacle, but obviously it can be. Had been planning a visit home - but now beginning to realise that we won't necessarily just slot back in, where we left off and may rethink the time periods for visits I had in mind :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Unfortunately this is part and parcel of choosing to move away to another country. People that you would have expected to talk to constantly dont call, email or anything. I remember my aunt getting cranky at my emails and just telling me `ok for you living in paradise` so I went generic with my emails and tried to keep `happiness` out of it and just tell her the basics. Then I got another one asking me why I had not told her anything!!!! You can never win!! lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrimsonPetal Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 This is what I love about PIO. I have found two threads today that deal with issues I am facing myself and it's brilliant to know you're not alone tbh. Yeah, rahrah, this is all part of the big move. It can be so disheartening and sad tbf. We made the decision to move back to the UK earlier this year because I have been so lonely and saddened by the decline in relationships with those I love. Recently my parents told me they won't be calling me anymore in order to save six quid a month :goofy: The upshot of that is though that they have done me a favour. It has freed me to an extent to see the priorities in their life, which then has forced me to focus on the priorities in mine. I now realize how much I was trying to live my life for others, make them happy, assuage the guilt I feel for moving to the other side of the world etc So yes, it's part of the move and a tough pill to swallow but it can be done. :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I agree. My aunt wont phone me as it `costs too much`. She made an exception at Christmas and called me on my 40th birthday!! I think some of it is still misconceptions that it is going to cost heaps to call here. Like Crimson says, it makes you realise that you are not the high priority in someones life anymore. It allows you to focus on the priorities in yours. x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Its the life of an expat, we are the ones who have to do the phoning, well that is how it was/is in our family. Also funny they come to see us and we are expected to entertain 24/7 and when we go there, no, we are home so we should not need taking around :biggrin: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamjar Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Had a huge Eureka moment yesterday........the realisation, after speaking to quite a few friends/family in UK, that we seem to have started to not have things in common any longer!!! It felt like we had moved to another planet - Conversations we had seemed to lack any real substance and felt like we had lost insight into their lives. No longer were people asking us about life here, and we, seemed to lack understanding of general stuff in theirs! Friends need chasing by us to 'keep in touch'- Not sure I liked it :eek: . Not saying this in a mean way - I expected that lives would move on but didn't expect to feel so detached and not an integral part of their fabric - Guess I'll just have to suck it up! Sadly this does not surprise me, I had a friend from the age of 10 and when I left the country at 28 it took only six month for him to stop making contact, I chased for another six months and then gave up. Has to go both ways in my book - I am expecting the same to happen when we move to Oz. Shows who your true friends are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I think one of the keys to building a successful and happy life, for anyone who moves away from 'home', is acceptance that the relationships we had with the people we left behind are going to change. It doesn't mean we stop loving family and friends but it does mean adjusting to a different relationship with them. Ex-pats are not 'special' in going through this. It happens to everyone who moves a significant distance from the place they called 'home'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest66881 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I have said it before: It's there loss at the end of the day:cry: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest littlesarah Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I think one of the keys to building a successful and happy life, for anyone who moves away from 'home', is acceptance that the relationships we had with the people we left behind are going to change. It doesn't mean we stop loving family and friends but it does mean adjusting to a different relationship with them. Ex-pats are not 'special' in going through this. It happens to everyone who moves a significant distance from the place they called 'home'. I totally agree with this - I moved almost 200 miles from the place where I grew up 10 years before I came over here, and I'm convinced it made the move to Aus a lot easier. I'd already been through losing touch with some of my old 'friends', and I've got my head around the fact that a friendship changes with distance. The people we leave behind have to get used to that, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 One of my best friends moved to Queensland about 14 years ago and we still phone each other, see each other etc. So as has been said we know who our friends are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oz bound pom Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I think one of the keys to building a successful and happy life, for anyone who moves away from 'home', is acceptance that the relationships we had with the people we left behind are going to change. It doesn't mean we stop loving family and friends but it does mean adjusting to a different relationship with them. Ex-pats are not 'special' in going through this. It happens to everyone who moves a significant distance from the place they called 'home'. Absolutely, when I moved 60 miles down the road from my family it might aswell have been to the other side of the world and hopefully soon it will be. They have their lives, I have mine, they all choose to live within a mile of each other, I want to explore the world a bit before my time is up, each to their own. We have our disagreements but doesn't mean we don't love each other. It shouldn't come as a suprise to the people who move away that relationships break down or simply fizzle away, it doesn't always come down to jealousy or things like that, just the fact that people have nothing in common anymore. Yes there will always be friendships that last the test of time and distance but they are possibly the exception rather than the rule Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Ropey HOFF Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 I totally agree with this - I moved almost 200 miles from the place where I grew up 10 years before I came over here, and I'm convinced it made the move to Aus a lot easier. I'd already been through losing touch with some of my old 'friends', and I've got my head around the fact that a friendship changes with distance. The people we leave behind have to get used to that, too. We did the same 25 years ago, we moved far away from my family and we go visit them every two or three weeks, but they never make the long arduous journey back to see us, from Halifax to Dewsbury, it is 12 miles away so its understandable. Families, the old saying, you can pick yer friends, but yer can't pick yer fanily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Somgirl Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 We did the same 25 years ago, we moved far away from my family and we go visit them every two or three weeks, but they never make the long arduous journey back to see us, from Halifax to Dewsbury, it is 12 miles away so its understandable. Families, the old saying, you can pick yer friends, but yer can't pick yer fanily. We were in a similar situation when we got married, we moved away from the place where we had both grown up. This included crossing the Severn bridge, but it was always us going back, and others promising to visit us when they were down our way ......never happened! I think people had a mental block that crossing the bridge made it a really long journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Had a huge Eureka moment yesterday........the realisation, after speaking to quite a few friends/family in UK, that we seem to have started to not have things in common any longer!!! It felt like we had moved to another planet - Conversations we had seemed to lack any real substance and felt like we had lost insight into their lives. No longer were people asking us about life here, and we, seemed to lack understanding of general stuff in theirs! Friends need chasing by us to 'keep in touch'- Not sure I liked it :eek: . Not saying this in a mean way - I expected that lives would move on but didn't expect to feel so detached and not an integral part of their fabric - Guess I'll just have to suck it up! You're not alone in feeling this way. I really struggle to maintain even the oldest and strongest of friendships after three years plus in Australia. I guess I no longer share the same context with the folks back home. My life isn't directly affected by the Government's spending cuts, I'm not clued in to what's happening culturally in the UK or the everyday nitty-gritty of life there. Therefore conversation tends to be stilted or is a re-hash of past conversations with nothing current between us. It's very unsettling and like yourself I feel I'm always needing to 'chase' people to respond to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Life moves on for us who have emigrated and life doesnt stop for those in the UK just because we left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest49502 Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Out of sight out of mind - sorry but I am still in UK and family live relatively close by - within 100 miles - I never hear from them - in fact shop in the same small town and they said - I quote - oh I was hoping you didn't see me there - he was in the queue in the chemist behind me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daffod1lly Posted May 13, 2012 Share Posted May 13, 2012 Had a huge Eureka moment yesterday........the realisation, after speaking to quite a few friends/family in UK, that we seem to have started to not have things in common any longer!!! It felt like we had moved to another planet - Conversations we had seemed to lack any real substance and felt like we had lost insight into their lives. No longer were people asking us about life here, and we, seemed to lack understanding of general stuff in theirs! Friends need chasing by us to 'keep in touch'- Not sure I liked it :eek: . Not saying this in a mean way - I expected that lives would move on but didn't expect to feel so detached and not an integral part of their fabric - Guess I'll just have to suck it up! Hear you loud and clear! You know my thoughts on this only too well. Am here for you matey :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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