Depression

[Guest guest17301]

I lost my Dad when I was 12. He was a 6'2'' man and was big built. After his 2 year battle with Lung Cancer, he weighed 6 stone, when he went into hospital for a break. He never came out. My Mum was 38 and had 4 teenagers ranging from 12 to 17. In those days she was given valium to get her through it. Looking back I now know that I became manically depressed, I was a sulky teenager so it wasnt really noticed. My Mum was spaced out on Valium and my older brothers and sisters were just getting on with their lives. My Mum re married a few years later to a not very pleasant man, and we were not allowed to mention my Dad anymore and there were no pictures. By now I thought is was normal to think of ways to end it. To dream of going to sleep and not waking up. At the age of 17 I met a tos*er who I thought would take me away from it all. We married when I was just 21 and we had 2 children and for a period of about 3 years I battled on with his infidelities and insane jeolousy because I think I didnt think I was worth much else anyway. All this time I had no idea I was depressed. I wasnt thinking suicide anymore because I had the children, but I self medicated on wine and basically stopped eating. I lost all my baby weight plus about 3 stone and all I got was complimented on how fantastic I looked, which made my OH even more jeolous which was funny as he was seeing at least 1 or even 2 other women at that time. Eventually we split, I through him out after he told me I dressed like a whore so I might as well go out and sh*g the first bloke I met. Something pinged inside me with that comment and I thought for the first time since I was 12...Im worth more that this.I went to the Doctors who initially recommended councelling which ( this was nearly 20 years ago ) a waste of time, so he begrudingly put me on Prozac. I didnt notice any difference, and then one day about a months later Id put the kids to bed, I was still only 27 and I thought do you know what today I havent cried! then as time went on no more tears, a positive outlook and a strong proud person..........too strong to settle down with anymore idiots. I stayed on my own for 5 years, then met a lovely bloke a lot younger than me who I fell head over heels for. I stopped my medication and I began to have a real buz for life again. We got married had our son, life was perfect. Then came the news that I had feared would one day happen. My Mum was diagnosed with the same thing that had killed my Father and sure enought about 2 years after being diagnosed she was dead. All the hurt and the pain came back, I was off work sick, I was in so much pain, each evening it was dulled with wine. Suddenly I light bulb moment happened and I new exactly what I needed. So off down the Docs who put me straight back on the Meds and within 2 weeks my sanity was restored.That was 10 years ago and about 6 months ago, since living here, I have come off again and fingers crossed all seems good in the world. But if I need them again I will have no problem asking for Prozac or the generic brand that is cheaper at the chemists :biglaugh: Anyway for those still battling, good luck I hope you see that light at the end of the tunnel soon. Me if I feel stressed or down, off I go for a power walk down the beach in the glorious sunshine and within minutes my inner peace is restored :cool:

 

 

 

What a fantastically honest and inspiring post Cath. You should be very proud of all you have battled through.