heids Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 Hi We are struggling on how to tell my boyfriends Dad that we want to move to Aus next Feb. We went to Aus on hol in Jan and that was hard for his Dad to deal with, as he instantly worried that we wouldn't come back (I already have visa), he wouldn't talk to us about the holiday and could hardly bring himself to wish us a good time. The topic of Australia is practically taboo in their house and we just don't know how he will take the news of us wanting to move out there, we just don't know where to even start. I would really appreciate any advise anybody has on this subject pleeeease - many thanks Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Beki Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 It's really hard isn't it, my hubby works with his Dad and we're getting closer to the actual move by the day. Both sets of our parents are gutted, my Mum when we told her burst into tears and said "please don't go" We don't talk about it too much but if it does come up in conversation, I say think about the great holidays you'll have, you'll only have to find the flight fare and we'll probably see more of you because you'll stay for greater lengths of time. I've got a lump in my throat just thinking about them and how they feel. In my head I've got mad ways of justifying our move. I think they should have moved there when we were young then they'd be there too so it's their fault for not doing it first (and it would have been so much easier for them!) Anyway we're not going to the otherside of the world and falling off are we? There's web cams, e-mail, phones, snail mail and if needs be planes to fly back on! And the really selfish side of me says, who's life is it? Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stephanielouise981 Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 It's such a hard thing to deal with... I don't even like my Mother in Law and I still feel very guilty about taking her Grandson away from her. We are close to the rest of the family. My Grandpa has just started Chemo as he has cancer which makes it almost impossible to think about leaving him. God, I wish I hadn't read this thread... it's just too much to think about. We are doing this for a better life though if that's any consolation. Everyone (except my Dad) reckons that we're doing the right thing - getting out of this country. Steph x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heids Posted May 22, 2006 Author Share Posted May 22, 2006 Hi Thanks for your replies, I know it is a hard thing to think about and I'm really sorry to bring it up. I guess I just wanted to write it down thinking it would make me feel less guilty knowing that we are not the only ones. I wish there was an easier way (as I expect eveyone does), but we have just got to keep thinking that we are doing this for our future as we are the ones that have to live our life and it is far too short, and not talk ourselves out of it before we have even started! And as you say the world is a much smaller place now, with communications and we're not just disappearing! (all though, sometimes I think that might just be easier!!) I just know he won't understand, he didn't even want us to buy a house! (something to do with not being able to have anymore hols!?!) Really sorry to put a downer on things, but think I've gone past the excitment of it and now thinking of the reality and worrying (out of my comfort zone and all that). But I keep reading this site and it keeps me positive and a little excitment returns!! And somebody told me to regret the things I did do, rather than the things I didn't! Thanks again Heidi - god I sound so depressed - just a bad thinking day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bethandneil Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 hi We too are in the same position, we told my mother very early on and have had a lot of tears along the way, she tries to be supportive, but i know this is tearing her apart, we keep telling her the same things you do, the worlds a smaller place than it used to be, but all she says is that she cant cuddle her granchildren over the web cam! All i can say is that we know people out in brisbane and they had the same problems when they went 27 years ago, his parents said that they would never visit oz EVER, two years later, after one trip they moved out there aswell and are still there, and her parents visist for 4 months every year and say its the best thing their daughter ever did, so as hard as things are right now (very hard, add to this the fact that my husbands brother hardly wants to talk to us and aour best friends almost hate us right now) the life we all want is out there, its just a plane journey away. Britain is doomed regardless of how all our families feel, and i tuelly believe that if we dont do this now, my children will leave this country and i will be in the same position as my parents twenty years from now! Beth. :roll: :roll: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest scoop Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 I'm with you on that one Beth. Trying to broach the subject of staying with my folks when I sell up, me my boy and three dogs!! Don't think it's going to happen though. Like you say don't want me boy to go without me when he grows up! All the best SCoop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heids Posted May 22, 2006 Author Share Posted May 22, 2006 I think you have hit the nail on the head there Beth, after all, we keep saying that we are doing this for our children (when we have them!). It is definitly a better place for them to grow up in and then on into their futures, I know every country has its problems but can't see a happy future here for us let alone our kids. I know we are making the right decision All the best scoop with your folks Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Beki Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 Beth you are so right, I twist it the other way and am annoyed at my parents for not doing it first. Our kids will probably do it to us if we don't do it to our parents! It's all about the future, having hope for a better future. Skippy had a good old feel good factor tale to tell on the subject and that is what to keep hold of, faith in your dreams of a better life for you and your kids. Don't worry be happy! Beki Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Beki Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 Never forget your children are only on loan to you, one day they'll be all grown up and want to do their own thing... just like us! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 G'day to all you would be Aussies, this is by far the biggest decision you will ever have to make, do you really want to spend your years without the family close by, Christmas is the worst time, followed by deaths in the family, that last goodbye at the station or airport may be the last ever for some, but you won't know until it happens, and choosing to stay in England will not make any difference to what is written in the book of life either. When I told my Mother & family that we were coming to Oz, they all said we were brave & wished us all the best, adding that we could always return after the 2 years if things didn't work out, we were both in our mid 20's & had 2 children under 4, today after 36 years I can say that we made it, bigger and better than anything we had hoped for, more than a dream come true, but it came at a cost, family & friends. Today the phone calls are cheap from Oz [AAPT] & you have emails, in 1970 it took weeks to get mail etc & overseas phone calls were hard & expensive to make, My family told me that I was not expected to travel back to England to attend funerals as it was a waste of time & money, but just to keep the memories in my heart. Over the years I've lost a Mother, Sister & Nephew, thankfully I saw them again when I went for a visit and kept in constant touch by phone and email up until there departure from this world, I still have 2 brothers there who have visited me, and we email almost daily, they wish they had come out with us now but are too old etc. My youngest Son [born here] has moved to the otherside of Oz twice & up to Queensland once, it made us appreciate what my family had gone through when we moved away, my wifes family were all deceased, I didn't like it one bit when he went, but I would not stand in the way of someone elses dream, would I do it all again? I honestly don't know, houses and possesions can be replaced, families can't. Today we are enjoying what we have worked for over the years and our little bungalow with inground pool is a far cry from the old terraced house we had in Sheffield, I have never had a trade but worked over the years as a coalminer,steelworker, and on construction, this country has given us everything, in England we battled to stay afloat. You can either dream the dream or live the dream, Migration is like doing the pools, not all participants are winners. All the best from Down Under. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ange and Mark Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 We are in early stages but have had a 'communal home' with my parents for some years - various reasons (awkward ex-hubby, illness, kids, etc) and now it's really hard but my Mum says 'Go for it' and -sadly - my Dad is too ill to voice an opinion but all the rest of my family (older than me) have done what they wanted to do so I think why not - and as some of you say it's a great place to holiday. It just feels right to do it and so we are going to go for it. Ange and Mark Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sue Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Doing what you have to now was on e of the hardest things I have ever did and its not easy.But the later you leave it the harder it will be.Do it get him told and then it has plenty of time to sink in.We told my parents but still the subject was taboo just said what do you want us to say.You will still go even if we ask you not to.They said when we left it was like a death and I have heard that from a lot of people.And yes its an awful thing to do then but again its our life. Now 8 later do I see things the same.We came out for a better life and yes we have a nicer house great summers,some fab friends and terrfic social life. BUT are the kids really interested in a nicer house I don't think so.I do thing its a shame now they didn't have their younger years with their grandparents and they can't get that back now. Also now getting slightly older god forbid anything should happen out here who would actually step forward and help 100%. Sorry to put a downer on your trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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