Please re-asure me

[jewatt]

Hi everyone

Not having a very good weekend so need reasured doing the right thing, we are more or less in the final stage of our CPV Bond paid and just waiting for word to pay second visa, house on the market and told Parents , Sister, Brother, that we were definitly going as soon as house sold

 

Parents were fine I suppose to us , not sure how they would be after we left as they are both elderly Mother has bad knees and Angina so no chance of them ever coming to Aus but happy for us if its what we want etc. they are both independent and get around OK Brother OK he lives in Wales anyway so don't see much of him we are not really that close a family

 

The problem is my Sister it has been full out WAR and without going into it in great depth I think she feels I am not thinking about my parents etc which has left me feeling really rotten and a bit guilty but they have had 2yrs to get used to the idea though probably thought it would never come off and wasn't pleased that we hadn't told her that our Daughter had placed the Bond but we didn't want to tell them it was definite too soon incase something went wrong but more so I knew how she would react I think she feels looking after our parents is going to be left to her.

 

I now feel it has taken all the exitement out of us getting to this stage and even worse is I work beside her aswell so also have to put up with the silent treatment and moods there aswell.

 

I told her its not as if we are going right this minute as we have to sell the house first but it hasn't helped John my OH said we are not dying just going a bit further away and if we put it on hold for my family we will regret it as we only get one chance and our Daughter wants us out there for when we get older et etc.

 

Anyway thought it would help to get it off my chest so to speak and hopefully some of you can let me know if I am being selfish thinking of us because once we pay the 2nd instalment there is no turning back and we REALLY want to go

 

Thanks for listening would appreciate some advice on how to handle the situation if anyone else has been in the same boat

Evelyn x:nah:

[bukieran]

Hi Evelyn,

It is a dilemma leaving parents. I will be saying goodbye to mine in 3-4 weeks time. They are 84 and 81. That will be extremely difficult but I console myself by the fact that I am 100% certain that our kids and ourselves are making the right decision for us. A positive decision for a better, fitter and helathier lifestyle. My parents know that too but that doesn't make it easy t accept.

 

We also have siblngs who are "upset" and "hurt"... but are also selective in their memory...At the end of the day our family now is our unit and decisions are made with us as the primary concern. We know that some of the "hurt" is down to the knowledge that in siblings case it is "not for them" or simply that it is not something that they could ever do for one reason or another. That is their decision and circumstances.

 

Enjoy your achievement, it takes guts to move your family and each step along the way is a small milestone. Trust in your instincts that it is not something you have done lightly and that is because you know deep down it is the right thing to do for you. Good luck with your move, the hardest part of breaking the news is hopefully behind you. Enjoy a glass to celebrate.Kieran

[Guest missy44*123]

hi jewatt

i dont think you are being selfish its not like you told all your family 2 weeks ago and are just leaving them in the sh*t. i think you will regret it if you dont go as there will always be a reason not to go but just the fact you are feeling bad about it all shows you are a nice caring person. i know its easy for me to say as i am not in your situation but recently have split up with my fiance had to move back in with the folks am in loads of debt due to my ex because i was always thinking about my ex and never myself. so coz my bro and sister in law and friends are in melborne i want to start a fresh, but wont beable to yet as i have to sort the debt out and get enough money together for me and my dogs to go( which will be a fortune) i dont even qualify as a hairdresser till augest and then will have to work for a year at least. so as you can see you are in a better situation than me. you have this once in a life time oppitunity you have to do it or if you stay you will never end up going coz something else will get in the way. i dont know what your relationship is like with your sister but maybe she is a bit jelous that you got this oppitunity or maybe she is just really going to miss you try just being extra nice to her and she should come round to the idea or feel really bad herself about the way she has treated you.

hope i helped a little good luck let me know how things go xxxx

[Guest JoanneHattersley]

I had family that were saying things when we left (No not you Mum!) and someone once said to me "they are big enough and ugly enough - they`ll get over it!"

[Quoll]

It's your life and you only have one of them so if it is really what you want to do then go for it. However, there is no accounting for people who are grieving and though you may think they are being unfair, it is the way they think they can deal with their loss. My guess is their fear that they will be left with the burden of aging parents and you will be swanning it off on the other side of the world - not easy for any of you is it?

[jewatt]

Hi Evelyn,

It is a dilemma leaving parents. I will be saying goodbye to mine in 3-4 weeks time. They are 84 and 81. That will be extremely difficult but I console myself by the fact that I am 100% certain that our kids and ourselves are making the right decision for us. A positive decision for a better, fitter and helathier lifestyle. My parents know that too but that doesn't make it easy t accept.

 

We also have siblngs who are "upset" and "hurt"... but are also selective in their memory...At the end of the day our family now is our unit and decisions are made with us as the primary concern. We know that some of the "hurt" is down to the knowledge that in siblings case it is "not for them" or simply that it is not something that they could ever do for one reason or another. That is their decision and circumstances.

 

Enjoy your achievement, it takes guts to move your family and each step along the way is a small milestone. Trust in your instincts that it is not something you have done lightly and that is because you know deep down it is the right thing to do for you. Good luck with your move, the hardest part of breaking the news is hopefully behind you. Enjoy a glass to celebrate.Kieran

 

Thanks Keiran

It was great to get some advice on this and must admit I feel much better, spoke to my Mum about it all and she says my Sister will come round think its because she has become used to us being back in Scotland and will probably miss us John is always there to fix something but now that i have had the weekend i will speak to her and try and sugest both Sis & B in Law come over for a holiday once we are settled. This is something we are doing on our own as both girls are grown up Rachael lives in Aus with her partner and baby Callum nearly one who I am so looking forward to watching grow up my other Daughter Becky lives in Plymouth Devon and is about to start Uni as a mature student she is over the moon for us as it opens a lot of doors for her to join us when she graduates and its somewhere for her to come for holidays ( no doubt at our expence Ha Ha poor student and all that ) I will miss her so much but we will talk loads on the phone and Skype etc so it wont be so bad

I think we all feel this is the worst bit aswell as the " Goodbye's "

Thanks a bunch for your advice

Evelyn

[jewatt]

I had family that were saying things when we left (No not you Mum!) and someone once said to me "they are big enough and ugly enough - they`ll get over it!"

 

Hi Joanne & Mark,

Great to get your advice on this and you are right this is something she will have to come to terms with all my work collegues are excited and happy for me to be going out to join our daughter and see our lovely Grandson who I only met a month ago and are full of planning a night out as much as they will miss me they more feel you lucky S -D but I feel with my sister sitting next to me I can't do right for doing wrong because if i talk about it when people ask me how its going I don't want to rub her nose in it then if i don't tell her she say's i am keeping it from her so I can't win anyway you know what they say kill her with kindness and she IS old enough ,big enough and ugly enough to know better.

Hope you are both well house just on the market so hopefully it wont take another year to sell and we will be out enjoying the sunshine etc with you

Regards Evelyn x

[jewatt]

hi jewatt

i dont think you are being selfish its not like you told all your family 2 weeks ago and are just leaving them in the sh*t. i think you will regret it if you dont go as there will always be a reason not to go but just the fact you are feeling bad about it all shows you are a nice caring person. i know its easy for me to say as i am not in your situation but recently have split up with my fiance had to move back in with the folks am in loads of debt due to my ex because i was always thinking about my ex and never myself. so coz my bro and sister in law and friends are in melborne i want to start a fresh, but wont beable to yet as i have to sort the debt out and get enough money together for me and my dogs to go( which will be a fortune) i dont even qualify as a hairdresser till augest and then will have to work for a year at least. so as you can see you are in a better situation than me. you have this once in a life time oppitunity you have to do it or if you stay you will never end up going coz something else will get in the way. i dont know what your relationship is like with your sister but maybe she is a bit jelous that you got this oppitunity or maybe she is just really going to miss you try just being extra nice to her and she should come round to the idea or feel really bad herself about the way she has treated you.

hope i helped a little good luck let me know how things go xxxx

 

Hi Missy

My problem seems nothing compared to yours but appreciate you taking the time to give me your advice I think you are right there is a lot of it jealousy but wont bore you with the details we just both have different life's etc but John is my 2nd husband and my Mum and her where not happy about that and didn't speak to me or the girls for 10 yrs which was very hard but i survived and it made me stronger i think i feel its history repeating itself and both of them liked to controll my life which they can't do now.

Anyway enough about me I can sympathise with what you are going through its a very hard time but good on you for getting a career in Hairdressing and that is something thats needed in Aus, you will also notice a lot on this site it takes a long time to get through the process the waiting is the worse part but if you have something to work towards it will keep you going and time is a great healer you will meet someone else I,m sure and you will look back on this.

If you feel you want someone to chat to feel free to PM me

Will let you know how it all goes take care and chin up

Evelyn x

[jewatt]

It's your life and you only have one of them so if it is really what you want to do then go for it. However, there is no accounting for people who are grieving and though you may think they are being unfair, it is the way they think they can deal with their loss. My guess is their fear that they will be left with the burden of aging parents and you will be swanning it off on the other side of the world - not easy for any of you is it?

 

Hi I think you could be right about swanning it off in the sunshine I don't think she realising all that is involved as i did say it doesn't just happen i am not going tomorrow and her words where " how hard can it be you just pack up and go " I think we all know its not just that easy ( wish it was) but after having the weekend to think it all over I am going to talk to her and reasure her if my parents ever take ill etc and i am needed then it wont be a problem to come over to help nurse them etc, my Dad is a very fit 81 and never seems to be ill but its different with my Mum anyway I am now so pleased I submitted this Thread as you have all been a great help I,m sure it will all be fine but i will let everyone know how it goes and when we get word of our Visa.

Thanks for your advice

Evelyn