I feel like the only one !

[Petals]

Families living apart work fine. My parents never lived near me after me turning around 18. That was fine, they had their lives and I wanted to lead mine. Same for me with my children. As has been said parents have their lives, children have their own. Do they miss you your children, or are they fine and having a down moment. We can live anywhere, its the keeping in touch we need to water. If you want to speak to family don't wait for them to ring, just ring. I ring my children whenever I feel like it and they do likewise. Yep they are here but they could be in the UK as I do not see them very often. They work daughter lives up the city and weekends are busy for her. Son lives in the country so see him sometimes. That is fine. I am a widow now I do not miss my children but I do miss my husband. Husband was with me before children, after children left my sole mate, completely different. Children will have their own partners and they will be the centre of their lives. Making friends is not a shopping expedition, people drop into our lives, often people we do not warm to at first become the firmest friends. Relax and enjoy every day of you life and think of the good stuff.

[colettemg123]

Hi,

I'm just putting it out there, as I really do believe I am the only Mum in this position.

Briefly, my husband and I moved here in 2013, I was very apprehensive as we left behind our 2 adult children aged 19 and 22 at the time, both had boyfriends and jobs and wanted to stay in the uk. My husband and I hoped and believed the kids would eventually see sense and move to be with us. Our youngest was on our visa and eldest due to her occupation could easily get work.

In the first 6 months our eldest did move here but could not settle and moved back to London in January.

I have enjoyed my time here in Oz but have found it extreamly hard to settle and make friends, all the friends I have made have their children here with them, I feel so guilty and miss my kids beyond words. The kids miss us but don't want to be responsible for being honest and seeing their Mum and Dad split up.

My husband has a brilliant job here and earns better money, he loves it here and I know he dosnt want to go back.

We are still on a 457 and rent our house in the uk. I'm so torn between 2 worlds ....it is such a difficult dilemma - I bet I don't get a reply from any other Mums in this position!!!

I can relate to some of your feelings/guilt around "leaving" them, we have 3 adult children in the UK. 1 is coming to Australia this year. I think if they had left us, gone to Uni, travelling etc, i wouldn't have felt like this. However, I have started to change the way that I think about it, since 2 recently came to visit for 3 fantastic weeks. They do not feel that we have "left them", and find this quite amusing. They are happy that we are where we want to be. The time that we spent together was, far more than we could have done in the UK. They can contact us for the things that they need us for, which is very little to be honest. I think that this is the inevitable part of life when your children become independent adults, and you gradually let go.

Edited May 10, 2016 by calNgary

[colettemg123]

I can relate to some of your feelings/guilt around "leaving" them, we have 3 adult children in the UK. 1 is coming to Australia this year. I think if they had left us, gone to Uni, travelling etc, i wouldn't have felt like this. However, I have started to change the way that I think about it, since 2 recently came to visit for 3 fantastic weeks. They do not feel that we have "left them", and find this quite amusing. They are happy that we are where we want to be. The time that we spent together was, far more than we could have done in the UK. They can contact us for the things that they need us for, which is very little to be honest. I think that this is the inevitable part of life when your children become independent adults, and you gradually let go.

[Imapla]

That could be an option, but we wouldn't be able to afford to buy an apartment - as a Mum who has always been close to the girls it is so very hard to settle here, but they would hate me if I left their Dad to go home to be closer to them. So I'm forever stuck in the middle !

 

Yes be assured there are others in similar situation - you are not alone - I am one of them

 

If you can visit the UK twice a year I think you would find you would spend good quality time with the kids and the months in between would go by fast enough - you might even find yourself starting to enjoy them if you are not constantly thinking about how you shouldn't have gone and left your kids -if my husband was the driving force to me staying I would make that a condition even though it is quite expensive - what value do you put on your mental health?

Then you could maybe go on a few years more and see where your husband's career takes him and review things again after that.

 

Also your kids could change their minds - especially if they see you are having fun ! They are only young - we all made our decisions to move to Aus much later on in life.

 

You definitely don't want this to be the cause of a marriage breakdown - as you say the kids won't understand that and if your husband is your soulmate then you would miss him more if you moved back to the UK than you miss your kids when living in Aus.

 

I feel for you - hope things come right

[Chortlepuss]

My kids are in Australia (and to be fair doing very well without us - ) although I miss them terribly - we have moved back to UK for a year to downsize our house and spend time with family & friends. My hubby loves Australia (he is on a break from a job he loves). I would choose to live permanently in UK if I could but I will try to return with a 'bolt hole' here. It sucks but that's the way it will be for a while...you are not by a long way alone in your situation!