Guilty about having children away from my own family

[Katie22]

I am so sorry that you have been through that. My first thought upon reading your post was that I am lucky to have the choice to see my parents in the first place

It's a long time ago now but your post just took me back to how emotional and reflective I was when I had my children so I understand exactly how you feel, you miss your family and you're homesick. Feel sad but don't feel guilty. I'm preparing myself for when my kids flee the nest within the next few years and boy is that going to be painful but I dearly want them to go out into the big wide world and do what they want to do, not to feel guilty about leaving me behind! My mum always encouraged us to travel and she did the same when she was young - met my dad on a ship headed for Gibraltar where she was living and he was living in Morocco and they fell in love, very romantic!

 

Maybe have a good heart to heart with your partner, if there's no way he will move then come to some sort of compromise where you can keep having regular trips back or help pay for your mums fare over here - you might be put off the long flights with a baby now! Take care x

[Quoll]

I often wonder if Skype almost makes it worse than it would have been for emigrants in the last century.

Yes it does! There is a certain peace that comes with out of sight and out of mind. You are not forever scratching at the scab of the life you left behind. I was there in the pre-Skype days with young kids and now in the Skype days with grandkids and it was much easier then. I do go on Skype with the grandkids occasionally but yesterday I met my nearly 4 yr old granddaughter for the first time since she was 11 months old - sure she knew me but as the lady who lives with Pops in England (or on the computer!) and who does lots of knitting. She really wasn't sure about me in person when she met me at the airport and I could see that in her little face. Nothing was better than that first hug! Skype is crap for hugs!

[Quoll]

Hi everyone. I am new to pomsinoz and this is my first post. :cute:

I think I need to get somethings off my chest as I have been feeling very homesick lately.

I moved to Melbourne 7 years ago as a 26 year old with no particular intentions, just wanted to try it out for a year or so. Well of course I had to meet someone and we now have a 5 month old baby. I have been homesick on and off since I moved here. I am very close to my family, especially my mum and my twin sister but have managed to just get on with life and have regular visits home. Now that I have had a baby, I am feeling so guilty about bringing up my daughter away from my own parents. They do not say anything discouraging and want what is best for me and the baby but it just breaks my heart having to show them the baby on skype all the time. Also, not letting my mum have the opportunity to babysit when I go back to work is breaking my heart and probably hers too. I think part of the problem is that now I feel I am 'stuck here'. I no longer have the freedom to just move home when I want to. I didn't consider that I would feel like this when we fell pregnant. Now I am starting to resent my in -laws and argue with my other half. My in-laws are great...they are just not my parents. I have a huge social network, a great other half, but can't help feeling lonely. My parents would not move here and my other half won't leave his parents. I also get the feeling that everyone thinks that as I made the choice to live in Australia, I should just 'put up with it'. I think I am also homesick for the UK in general - all the nostalgia attached to my own childhood and I want that for my daughter. It also doesn't help that we have moved out of the inner suburb area which I loved and one of the reasons I love Melbourne and have stayed so long.

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced all this? Any advice?

 

thanks everyone

Yup, I've got the t shirt for that one!

Keep talking to your DH - under the auspices of Relationships Australia perhaps before the emotions get the better of you. He needs to know exactly how you feel and why you feel that way - he's in clover, has everything he needs and the power to trap you in Aus forever because of your child. Like all good Aussie blokes he probably can't be bothered to give a thought to why he should even consider uprooting himself from his comfort zone!

 

Once those iron bars come down it is jolly hard work to view the future with any sort of equanimity but of course you can do it - if the feelings become overwhelming, then take yourself off to your GP and get a mental health plan going - CBT or ACT can help you get through every day.

 

You may also be stuck, not because he doesn't want to move, but possibly can't move to UK anyway unless he has a convenient ancestor with EU residency rights hanging around. If he does have ancestry rights or citizenship in his own right then you're in clover, it gives you back a bit of freedom and perhaps sets the scene for a short term compromise where you can live in UK.

 

The key here is going to be compromise! For us it was I live in Aus and he ensures we have the finances that I could head off to UK whenever I needed to. That sort of worked - I grew accustomed to the least worst option - life in Aus with him was better than life in UK without him and that knowledge sustained me for many a long year. Now I have it all - life in UK with him has been amazing (for both of us!). This week I am back in Aus without him - and after only a day I know in my soul that if anything were to happen to him I wouldn't want to be here alone. I do not belong!

 

Good luck! It's going to be hard work but you're a strong woman and you can get through it (we all have to put on our big girl panties and get on with it) and maybe you will get the chance to live as you want to - life throws us curve balls when we are least expecting it!