8 months in and feeling depressed... Help???

[jasepom]

I find Aussies pretty friendly if you give them a polite Hell, must just be them. That said, there are usually a few Brits in the neighbourhood, you just need to find them.

[Chortlepuss]

Hi Rachel,

 

Reading your post made me feel like a normal person, so thanks for writing it.

 

I have been in Perth for 3 months now and I am having a crap time managing my feelings too. It totally struck a cord with me when you wrote about looking about your surroundings and thinking "Wow I live here" I feel the same all the time, but I am just so sad to leave my mates back home. I just can't seem to gel with Aussies in the same way I do people in Manchester where we're from.

 

I've had depression in the past, and I don't think I'm depressed; nor do I think you are depressed for what its worth, I just think its really hard trying to re-establish all your social networks and supports. I'm 35 and i do think age has something to do with it. I feel really pissed off with myself for leaving my mates back home, I had invested 20+ years with some of them and I feel like I have been really stupid and thrown it all away.

Kate

 

I go to meetups with random strangers so I can practice social skills - I need to keep in practice so when I get back to the UK it's not too hard. On a day to day basis I rarely chat to people, apart from when I'm working. Had a wide circle of mates in UK and here I have no one close to socialise with - and that's after 8 years! Don't be fed up and think you've thrown your friendships away though - I am in my 50's - went back to UK last year and met up with everyone (including mates from primary school) and it was like I have never been away. It is lovely to think that I have friends somewhere who miss me - and am looking forward so much to being with them again. I cannot live happily without friends. I would love to have friends here I could ring up for a quick cuppa and a chat. But I can safely say that I have given it a go in Oz, inviting people out, entertaining at our house, being interested in and supportive to others - I can't do much more - people here have busy lives and no time to accommodate newcomers. I find the comments of 'put yourself out there' on here by people who haven't experienced being so isolated here are really unhelpful. My hubbie says we have each other, why would you need friends? As for the depression - I try not to get our isolated state get to me, but the moment I touched down back home last year the depression lifted - Can't wait to be me again!

[Lbaines]

Reading this has just made me feel a little bit better! I have been in Sydney for just over 3 months now and I have been struggling. My husband is desperately trying to be supportive but doesn't relaly know how to react when I get upset because I miss things or get angry at silly little things that are different to "home"! He is Australian and was in the UK for 8 years but alot of his friends are either still here or are people that have moved back that he met in the UK. These people are my friends too don't get me wrong but it not quite the same so I am feeling alone. We also living in Kellyville at the moment which is very different to coming from Epsom where we lived with pretty much everything on our doorstep!

 

I started a job that was a lot of travel (Kellyville to Cronulla each day about 4hrs in the car a day!) and that was really getting me down, however I have found another job and start that on Monday which is much closer and is a larger company (in hope that I will met some more people!) so I am feeling more positive following that!

 

It is reassuring to know other people are feeling similar and I am not going crazy! I feel like I am getting there but then it is like flicking a switch sometimes and all of a sudden I am upset again!

 

All ina ll at the moment I think we made the right decision and the plans we have for the short term and exciting.

 

Sorry that was pretty much just a waffle about me and not really any advice or anything!!

[Vikki86]

I have been here nearly 5 years and I still wouldn't call it home. My husband is Australian and I came back with him after a year in the UK. He just came back to his life, friends, and family and sport. He has quite a large family I don't get on with them at all. I feel like his parents don't like me they wanted their boy to meet a nice Australian girl that would mean he would stay here forever and there would be no risk of him every moving to the UK permanently they tread on eggshells around me they feel if I crack it ill be on the next plane home with their son. They have never really tried to have a relationship with me beyond asking how work is and if I ever talk about home with a smile of my face they start to panic. They never ask me questions about the UK or my life back there they just believe I have moved from the UK for a better life in Oz. Which isn't the case I had a lovely life in the UK friends family and a good job I left the UK because I fell in love. His sisters haven't really bonded with me either the one that is closer to my age has a real complex against me and has since day 1 at the Airport just completely blanked me. Im not an overly confident person but I tried to come here and be as upbeat as possible but your confidence can easily be knocked when somebody doesn't even give you a chance. My husband tells me his parents don't have a problem with him, and that his sisters just behave like that and its normal. I think he is embarrassed by their behaviour and tries to ignore it by separating our life together from his family. I do feel bad for him you cant chose your family and he is the TOTAL opposite from any of them lots of people point this out. I just really got stuck into work as soon as I arrived here to be honest and haven't stopped since. I find it hard to make friends through my work though. The people that I work with are either the married with kids, or very young. I know im at the married with kids stage of my life but im really not ready for children yet and the circle of friends I had in the UK were similar to me and more career driven my close friends back in the UK still aren't ready for family even now. When I do ever think about having children here I just panic having no family here and my husbands family didn't even help me with the wedding or my dress so god knows what support id have with children. I find when I have joined classes its never gone past the general chit chat and why did I move to oz stage. To be honest since ive been here for nearly 5 years im sick of explaining my situation and why im here all the time. I have gone from being a confident outgoing person that worked hard during the week and had fun on the weekends to just working hard and staying home all weekend. My Husband has his sport and tries to involve me but I just feel awkward its all blokes and I don't want to appear like a sad case who cant make my own friends. I used to have so many friends and now I see them getting on with their life back home and I feel like I am missing out on all their milestones. I get angry and blame my husband all the time for the move here, but to be honest when I did return to the UK in 2010 for a holiday I didn't feel like I fitted in their either I don't know where home really is. I just feel the lower my confidence gets the harder it is to get out there and do things. I am glad I found this thread its nice to see I am not alone.