Debrief

[Nikkidylan]

Hello everyone. A bit of a getting things off my chest, the post may be a bit negative, but unfortunately that's the frame of mind that I'm in and hoping to get a bit of perspective.

 

We've been in Melbourne for over 2 years now, and keep waiting for things to fall into place. We realized that it would be an adjustment moving and told ourselves to give it time. But things still seem to be dragging on and we feel like we are in a rut. Going through the paces of work, but not really getting enjoyment or meaning out of being here.

 

We've tried to make changes - looking at moving to a new suburb and I've been doing things like volunteering. We've made a few connections and work is a fairly social place, but it still feels really superficial and I miss the feeling of someone really knowing and connecting with you rather than on a "What did you do over the weekend" basis.

 

I try not to believe in the "coulda, shoulda, woulda" game, but I feel trapped and that coming out here was not the best thing. We have discussed going back, and that is the longer term plan, but we want to save up money so we are not starting from scratch all over again. I just feel that I've lost a bit of spark and a sense of who I am.

[Gareth 666]

Sorry to hear things aren't working out as you imagined or planned. We've not made the final big jump yet, visas granted but waiting for DD to finish GCSE's first. DS will be just leaving primary school at the same time so it seems the natural time for us to go.

 

We have friends who have already emigrated and absolutely love it in Oz and more friends going this October. Our feeling before we go is that we're going to give it our best shot but there's no certainties in life and if it doesn't work then we can't say we haven't tried. I think you can also at least say that and not look back later in life and think 'what if'.

 

One thing we have as good as decided is that we'll try to get to 4 years and apply for citizenship as the bare minimum. If things aren't right for us or the kids then DD should've finished Uni and DS could come home to do A levels and Uni here, but with the option of returning one day. Getting our visas wasn't easy so we want to give it our best shot and have the chance to grow old in the sun!!

 

I hope things work out for you wherever your future ends up being. You don't mention if you have kids to consider, have you thought that as you've made it to 2 years then it's worth another staying 2 while you save up to come back and getting citizenship to keep your future open?

[Rupert]

I think the simple fact is, this journey is not for everyone and nothing wrong with that. To be honest if you are still waiting do ratings to fall into place after two years, then there has to be a strong chance they never quite will for you. I would start planning for a return to be honest, even if it is in two years or whatever to allow yourselves the to save up. You might even find that it will help you to make th east of your time here in the interim. I once lived overseas (not Australia) and did not enjoy it, but once I made my plans to leave, it became much more positive.

[starlight7]

So much depends on luck- where you find a house, your job, what the people you meet are like etc. It sounds like you haven't had the best luck in those areas. A lot alsodepends on which suburb with Melbourne- and no-one really can tell you that because we all seek different things. Hope things pick up soon!

[Tom28]

Agree with Rupert comment above. I've been here 2.5 years and have very similar feelings to the OP re superficial friendships, no sense of meaning, feeling like life isn't going anywhere, feeling like I've lost myself somewhere along the way and need to get my mojo back! Been weighing up a return on off since I got here, decided enough is enough and ever since I booked my flight I've been having a great time as I know it's gonna be over soon! You're definitely not alone and nothing to fear for heading back. All the best

[Nikkidylan]

Hello everyone, thank you for the input - definitely puts things in perspective and makes me feel a bit better that it's not us putting in enough of an effort, but circumstances. We will definitely look into making changes i.e. moving to a new suburb if that changes how it feels, but the thought of having a long term plan to go back makes me feel a lot better. Thank you again and good luck with your own journeys.

[Jkjk]

I can identify with your feelings, even though I'd say we enjoyed life in Oz very much there was just some niggle that didn't feel quite right. When our friends who we made out there were ploughing ahead with PR and building a house I felt like we were just not quite there. I worried about having kids so far away from grandparents and were we being selfish. The cost of living (in Perth) was high and I worried that we couldn't afford the longterm future we'd hoped for. So we left after a year and a half. We didn't move back to the UK so maye that's a big difference but we've been gone 3 years now and I have to say we're now debating about whether to go back.... The cost is incredibly painful but I have to say the niggles we had don't seem half as big now with some perspective and I feel we're very much a victim of the curse of the expat, i.e. when you have a choice of where to be it is a huge blessing but also a curse, missing things from both places and wondering if this is it, right of forever. As scary as it may seem maybe letting go of the longterm plan might help you settle, I know if we go back we'll try for PR before we leave so in my mind it's a permanent move not just the 'see how it goes' Otherwise trying the suburb move sounds like a very good idea and maybe a teip back to get the UK out of your system for awhile. Hope it all goes well.