Emotions taking over!

[Jit7]

Hi Jit, I have been on here for 9 months and have read this story many times. It is normal. People stressing getting the visa and then once they have the visa they start stressing again for totally different reasons. Men deal with their feelings in a totally different way. I am a worryer and find the waiting the worst. My OH has the patience of a saint (he needs it to put up with me LOL). He often goes quiet and thinks things through. I need to vent and let off steam, but quite often he is the voice of reason and is the calming influence. We have never been so stressed and I have never cried so much. It is certainly a rollercoaster ride of massive proportions and I can see now why people give up.

 

It is a huge step. As you know, this will be our third move overseas, but I can honestly say it has not prepared for this. This is something else.

 

You have your visa, take your time and do things at your speed.

 

Good Luck Lorraine xxxxx

 

Hi Lorraine

 

That all sounds very familiar. I am the worrier and the stress head and hubby is the calm one which can be fustrating at times. I guess the stress would put people off but the determination has to pull you through it.

 

Good luck to you too - it will be worth it!

 

Jit x

[SHandGH]

I'd say we all go through periods of FUD (Fear Uncertainty and Doubt) Jit. It's only natural. I know I've had my fair share of sleepless nights. It's a huge life change for sure but I hope you iron out the difficulties.

 

Maybe I'll see you in Brissie in a few months and we'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

[Jit7]

FUD ....at times it's more like WTF!! :cute:

 

I've actually had a good few days with lots of positive conversations with my parents. They are so supportive so I am very grateful.

 

I didn't realise you were going to Brisbane too. Yeah hopefully we'll bump into each other!!

 

P.S. whats happended with the cat4 thread since you left - its so quiet on there now!

[SHandGH]

See how you go in Brissie and send me a PM when you're settled.

 

It's gone quiet over on Cat4 because there are very few folks left awaiting a CO / Visa. No doubt there'll be a New New Cat 4 thread after July 1st.

[Guest sadiesmum]

I feel exactly like you do, and we havent even got out visas yet! It is my OH's dream to go, Ive never even been to Oz!

 

Im scared senseless, and I keep convincing myself I dont want to go, trying to reason that our life in the UK is good and could be even better with a bit of work. Im still not sure if I want to go, part of me is hoping that our CO makes our mind up with the visa! Im also thinking about our 3 year old and taking her away from her family, its really tough

 

I said to my OH today that if we could move and try it for a month without having to rent our house out etc in the UK I would. Im just so scared that it is going to be a massive mistake.

 

Sorry probably not what you want to hear but you arent alone :hug:

[Guest sadiesmum]

Wow lots of people on here (mainly women) experiencing a similar thing to what my missus sat down and told me on Monday.

 

I've got a job offer (accepted), left my job here in the UK 3 weeks ago, VISA's approved 2 weeks ago and then we've had shipping companies out to give us quotes.

 

She told me on Monday that ever since the first shipping company came it made her realise that she doesn't want to move anymore.

 

We've talked briefly about it, but I'm too angry to face a long discussion with her at the mo, and she seemed so dead against it when we did speak (and she is very head strong and very rarely changes her mind about anything).

 

We have 2 children (10 and 12) who are massively excited for this as I am. I'm so excited about the opportunities this new job is gonna give not only me, but our family also, not to mention the opportunities for the kids once we've got PR after 4 years hopefully.

 

I'm quite prepared to come out there on my own, or even with the 2 kids if she doesn't wanna do it anymore, although I couldn't see her letting me take the kids in all honesty. Not something I'd rather choose to do after being together for 16 years, but I gave up the opportunity to come to Oz 12 years ago (when 1st child was born) but I'm not sure I can pass this 2nd opportunity up !

 

Tough times ahead. Can't really force her to go for fear of her resenting me for making her go, yet if I don't go I know I'm gonna resent her for that. Rock and a hard place spring to mind !

 

I have had a similar conversation with my OH, as he is 110% for the move and I'm having a wobble every 5 minutes. It is a fear of change for me, Ive never been to Oz, and have no idea of whether I will like it, if I dont and want to come home Im worried that it will break our relationship as he will want to stay, (and I would want to come home with our 3yr old).

 

Im trying to get over these feelings by taking one step at a time, and I may even suggest "booking" family in for their first visits so I know that they will be out to see me within months of arriving (just in case I need it more than anything else!)

[Guest Burchos]

I feel exactly like you do, and we havent even got out visas yet! It is my OH's dream to go, Ive never even been to Oz!

 

Im scared senseless, and I keep convincing myself I dont want to go, trying to reason that our life in the UK is good and could be even better with a bit of work. Im still not sure if I want to go, part of me is hoping that our CO makes our mind up with the visa! Im also thinking about our 3 year old and taking her away from her family, its really tough

 

I said to my OH today that if we could move and try it for a month without having to rent our house out etc in the UK I would. Im just so scared that it is going to be a massive mistake.

 

Sorry probably not what you want to hear but you arent alone :hug:

 

It does weird things to you this visa lark. I was the driving force behind our visa application when we started the process back in 2008. OH was not too worried either way really. We have both been to Australia a few times and each time I am there I love it more. We went in February for a month to validate the visas and had a wonderful time. I really didn't want to leave and would have been ready to set up home there and then. However I really don't know what has happened to my state of mind, once the house was sold, after the initial few days of excitement had passed, my whole outlook on the move has changed. I wake up and think, like you, what if we are making a massive mistake. What if we can't find work, what if we can't make friends, where will we live. I am finding the whole thing overwhelming. Luckily my OH is as cool as a cucumber and gets me back on the straight and narrow. He has a fantastic outlook on the whole thing, and just says "if we spend X amount and live there for a year and it doesn't work out, then so what we come home!

[fairystar32]

For us it was. Roller coaster with so little time to think really. I was bubbly with excitement and busy. Then when we got into the taxi to go to the airport and then saying goodbye to family at the airport and seeing my mum distraught, then it hit me and panic set it. When we got on the plane was excited again though ..

[Candygirl]

Sadiesmum, I definitely think it helps to have the rellies booked in for their first visit. My Mum has already said she will be out a month after if and when we get there! When we came to Spain they were out 3 weeks after. We found it kept us focused as we wanted everything to be perfect for when they arrived so did all the running around beforehand so that we could spend quality time with them. Having said that, the first time they leave is the absolute hardest. After a while you will get used to it.

[Guest sadiesmum]

Sadiesmum, I definitely think it helps to have the rellies booked in for their first visit. My Mum has already said she will be out a month after if and when we get there! When we came to Spain they were out 3 weeks after. We found it kept us focused as we wanted everything to be perfect for when they arrived so did all the running around beforehand so that we could spend quality time with them. Having said that, the first time they leave is the absolute hardest. After a while you will get used to it.

 

I know its weird to say but I would happily sneak away without any of the goodbyes etc, I think that probably makes it even harder!

 

Weirdly I said to my OH if we were moving to Spain I could get my head around it a bit more as its so much closer, but I suppose the culture and language barriers would be huge. We are going to Minorca next week for a holiday and every time I go to the Med I would live there at the drop of a hat.

[Candygirl]

I know its weird to say but I would happily sneak away without any of the goodbyes etc, I think that probably makes it even harder!

 

Weirdly I said to my OH if we were moving to Spain I could get my head around it a bit more as its so much closer, but I suppose the culture and language barriers would be huge. We are going to Minorca next week for a holiday and every time I go to the Med I would live there at the drop of a hat.

 

Don't get me wrong Spain is a beautiful country, but the country is on its knees and we cannot see it getting any better for a long while to come. The pace of life is a lot slower. The language barrier can be a problem. The culture is something else. The Spanish can throw a party at the drop of a hat and really know how to enjoy life and family means everything to them. They dote on children and they respect and care for their old.

 

When we went to Oz years ago I never said a proper goodbye to my folks. I made them book a cruise for the time we were leaving. I found it was easier to cope with. My SIL dropped us off at Heathrow which was a bit surreal as we said goodbye as if we were only going to be away for 2 weeks. The first time I called my parents was when we arrived in Hong Kong. My Mum was fine, but my dad could not talk to me as he kept crying. This prob happened every time I called them for the first 6 weeks. After a while everyone gets used to the situation and you cope. My parents were gutted when we told them when we first decided to move to Oz. Funnly enough, when I first got homesick I remember calling my mum and said I'm coming back. She said oh no you don't, we haven't gone through all this for you to jump ship at the first sign of things not going to plan. Today, I was chatting to her on the phone and I said I was fed up with the "process" and she said "Dad and I just want you gone. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pull your finger out":biglaugh:

[Guest sadiesmum]

"Funnly enough, when I first got homesick I remember calling my mum and said I'm coming back. She said oh no you don't, we haven't gone through all this for you to jump ship at the first sign of things not going to plan"

 

I can completely relate to this, and I think its how my parents will be with me, my mum keeps saying it will only be for 2 years and my dad is convinced we are going to become millionaires and bring them out to Oz! I like the idea of shipping them off though! lol!

 

Ive already asked my sister if she will take us to the airport, I will miss her more than anyone else and I want her to be the last of my family I see, probably be soooo difficult but I cant imagine it any other way.

 

(Not sure why Ive given it so much thought as we havent even had our bloody visas approved yet!!)

 

I can appreciate what you said about the Spanish being so family orientated, my favorite sportsman is Rafa Nadal, he is such a lovely down to earth humble person and I think that is a result of putting his family first, very rarely you will find that in anyone in the UK!

 

[Candygirl]

The Spanish adore Nadal. Shame he went out of Wimbledon so early.

[Guest tandcmum]

all perfectly normal. I was the one who instegated our move, it was my dream, i got the job, the visa etc. two weeks before we moved I had a total meltdown, i couldn't stop crying wondered what the hell we were doing and even at one point saud to myself I don't want to go.If you search my posts on here you will see exactly how i was. I would put it akin to greiving, i felt that distraught at leaving my job, my friends, my family and everything that is familiar and safe to go to somewhere i had never visited before. However i just let it happen, and as soon as we checked our bags into the airport and went through security, the whole cloud lifted, i suddenly stopped feeling sick and it all became the massive adventure we had planned. We have been here just over two months now and honestly I feel a bit silly about being so emotional as it is fantastic here, best thing we ever did, and I have only had one wobbly day since we arrived when i didn't want to go home i just got very tired from starting my new job, organising everhything and moving into our new house.

 

Good luck with everything, don't fight the feelings, it's perfectly normal and a good sign i think that you are determined to make a go of it and really are starting a new life

[Jit7]

So many positive supportive comments on here. We're all going through the same so we just have to support each other when we have a bit of a wobble!!

 

My husband is definitely getting more and more organised so trying to keep up with it all.

 

Just set up an ebay selling account to clear things and the rest will go to charity

 

Here's to a new life in Oz!

:hug:

[Guest fasttony55]

I joined this forum for advice but never posted now our Visa 176 has came through, we leave feb 2013 at latest :arghh:

all we seem to do now is get prices???? currently doing up the house for sale and trying to save.

 

nerves havent sent in yet, but you have to remeber how lucky you are to get this chance for a better future for yourself and family!

it would feel alot worse being told NO to getting your Visa wouldnt it? Your lucky and if you dont like it come back to the UK it wont have changed much apart from Taxes and less jobs for your kids.

 

good luck all and anyone going to Perth in feb the beers on me.

[cronemeister]

Well the panic is over folks. Thought I'd update you.

 

Previously I had posted saying that my missus sat me down to tell me that she could no longer make the move. I told her I still wanted to go with or without her and the kids which would have absolutely crushed me as we have been together for 17 years and love each other very very much. Part of me was thinking that once I was out there she might change her mind, so the initial hurt would have been worth it. Big gamble I know but hey ho.

 

Anyhow, having talked and talked and mulled over things till we were blue in the face, she has now decided that she will come with me. She still doesn't really want to which she has openly told me, but she is prepared to give it a go and go into this together with open eyes and no expectations. We are renting our home out here in the UK so we aren't completely snookered if things go Pete Tong and we have to come back, but I'm convinced that once we are there and settled that she will love it, and realise that it was the best thing we've ever done.

 

We've never ever regretted anything we've done since we've been together...either together or apart and everything has worked out, so there is no reason this decision won't either.

 

So hopefully we'll be getting flights sorted for late aug/early sept and be out there in time for the summer coming round...WOO HOO.

 

Loads to sort out between now and then, and we are about a month behind schedule now due to the little wobble the missus had so have even less time to sort things than before.

 

Dead excited now !!!

[Guest Shell15]

I feel the same, nothing more to add, you have all summed it up perfectly. I now feel normal! Thank you

[Guest sadiesmum]

I think it takes a weight off your shoulders once you have decided what you want to do 100%, you can put all your thoughts and energy into making things happen. Life is short, good luck!